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Will These White Girls Never Learn?

By TK | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (24)

soon-darkness-still.jpg

Seriously, ladies. Have movies taught you nothing? Pretty girls, particularly skinny white ones, should basically never leave the house, because whenever they do, hillbillies or mutants or killer rape-o’s or something is going to hunt you down and seriously mess up your shit.

All of which brings us to And Soon The Darkness, the new movie (it’s actually a remake of a 1970 British thriller of the same name) starring two very pretty girls, Odette Yustman and Amber Heard, who dress sexily and travel to far-off lands, which by Hollywood reasoning means they might as well just shoot themselves. Otherwise, Yustman will go missing (she is after all, the sluttier of the two), and Heard will have to run around screeching and trusting the wrong people and I’m fairly certain she’s going to stumble and fall down at a very inopportune moment.

I guess what I’m saying is, this looks like derivative crap. However, I recently very much enjoyed Yustman in Operation: Endgame, and Amber Heard has been decent in the small parts she had in Pineapple Express and Zombieland. And of course, I will watch pretty much anything with Karl Urban, because the man’s just that cool.

So I’ll watch it. And probably regret it. Here’s the trailer:









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Comments

*yawn*

Posted by: peachfish at October 12, 2010 11:14 AM

Bones did it.

Posted by: Paul Southworth at October 12, 2010 11:23 AM

The local restaurants and food markets will not benefit financially from these two ladies' travels.

Posted by: Kballs at October 12, 2010 11:24 AM

Dramatically intones: "We need to find her before it gets dark."

Was she kidnapped by a pack of evil Mogwai that have a cache of food ready to be eaten at the stroke of midnight? Or is this yet another vampire movie where they decided to go a different route in the marketing and hide that fact?

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 12, 2010 11:26 AM

Where the hell is Liam Neeson while all this is happening?

Posted by: sars at October 12, 2010 11:26 AM

Hooray! It's Pajikini Day!

Posted by: , at October 12, 2010 11:44 AM

I do enjoy Karl Urban, and as far as young interchangeable Hollywood blonds go, Heard is a serviceable actress.

Posted by: Katie at October 12, 2010 11:49 AM

Don't care if the movie is the second coming of Gigli, Odette Yustmans arse in a bikini sold me instantly. So hot, want to touch the heiny!

Posted by: ZAGA at October 12, 2010 11:52 AM

At this point they may as well just cast The Ass in everything Yustman is in. Every credit will simply be written as The Ass featuring Odette Yustman.

Posted by: admin at October 12, 2010 11:53 AM

Shot on location in Aruba?

Posted by: , at October 12, 2010 12:07 PM

Damn it, TK. I was all ready to ignore this entirely, and then you said two magical words... Karl Urban.

Posted by: Gabs at October 12, 2010 12:54 PM

That is a terrible and annoyingly cliche sounding 'party song' at the beginning of the trailer.

Also, why is it that everyone of Urban's lines is said with a smirk, making his role seem a cut character from a spoof film?

Posted by: headmonkeys at October 12, 2010 1:19 PM

Karl Urban is hot.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at October 12, 2010 2:01 PM

It is movies like this one that make my mother cringe every time I tell her I am traveling out of the US.

Posted by: androstarr at October 12, 2010 3:53 PM

First sign that god is out to get you: meeting a serial killer that looks like Karl Urban.

Posted by: Vi at October 12, 2010 3:54 PM

In spite of the allure of Karl Urban, I will skip this movie as I skip just about all horror movies.

Posted by: tamatha at October 12, 2010 4:47 PM

Oh, god, the eyebrow at about 1:15. As if we didn't already know he done it.

Posted by: sistercoyote at October 12, 2010 6:51 PM

Prediction: One of the male leads will be responsible for the kidnapping. That lead will at some point have a sene alone with the female lead. It will never be explained why he doesn't just kidnap her too when it is finally revealed.

Posted by: superasente at October 12, 2010 8:21 PM

Correction: scene

Posted by: superasente at October 12, 2010 8:21 PM

It will be revealed near the end that said male lead had arranged the whole thing as a roundabout way of asking female lead out on a date. Some boys are SO SHY.

Posted by: Salad Is Murder at October 13, 2010 6:42 AM

that shot with amber holding the rock while a car is approaching is shockingly similar to the one where she holds the knive at the end of all the boys love mandy lane. that movie was awesome .this one looks like shit .so i ll pass

Posted by: orianne at October 13, 2010 6:48 AM

I'll just watch "Breakdown" again with Kurt Russell and JT Walsh.
I mean, I love good looking girls, but when they scream and try to solve stuff....sheesh.
On a final note, my mind was playing tricks on me and made me think this was the (fake) trailer for "Don't". Really, "Don't".

Posted by: John at October 13, 2010 8:32 AM

"I love good looking girls, but when they scream and try to solve stuff....sheesh" -John

Oh boy...

Posted by: mae at October 13, 2010 3:20 PM

This will suck. I enjoyed the original very much, I advise you to seek it out and watch it.It's a fantastic film, foreboding and creepy as hell. Kinda like The Vanishing. Pamela Franklin is great in it.

So remakes can SUCK IT!

Posted by: Tina at October 29, 2010 12:49 AM