Pajiba

These women are still getting work?

Ah, fuck it. I'm giving it to All About Steve. Oh, Romantic Comedy. You almost make me happy that I'm a desperate, lonely spinster in the making.

Ugh. UGH.

Making fun of people from that Crazy, Zany, Midwest where we don't know about things like... ZOMG TAILORED SUITS.

or

I'm So Mentally Defective I Don't Recognize My Own Utter Fail.

Now all I need is that Ren Faire movie and I'll have all the justification for my Doomsday Device.

All About Steve is all about suck.

So Xtreme, you enjoy porno starring broomsticks with cantaloupes stuck on top?

Christ if they made a porn with Zellweger and Flockhart we'd never hear from you again. Plus if they rubbed together fast enough we could start a fire Cub Scout style.

In your pants.

*e-mails Vivid*

Ok, little soapbox before I see the previews, just to be even handed.

And come on, ladies: Zellweger, you're nearly 39 and an Oscar winner, and Bullock, you're nearly 45: Don't you think it's about time to retire the silly, pratfall rom-coms? Have some respect for yourselves.

Ok: Age has nothing to do with one's ability to be funny, physically or not, and doing comedy past a "certain age" is in no way lacking respect for oneself. I would prefer you mock them based on their (lack of) comedic talent, rather than the old "She's too old" argument. I can't stand the age-ist attitude towards females in this industry, and I think you are better than that.

They stink enough on their own (de)merit without it coming to banal things like age, looks, etc.

/soapbox

(Although, once again I must mention Bullock's excellent current taste in men as a plus on her side.)

So Sandra Bullock is telling women that No means Yes. If it was switched, they'd call it a horror movie.

I wouldn't say that Renee is perfect Optimus, I've just had a secret crush on her for a very long time. Ever since Empire Records, actually. The scene where she's getting nailed on the photo copier. Sadly, the restraining order put a real damper on all my plans. Does anyone know that shelf life of chloroform? I think mines gone bad.

Well, there's always Megan Fox I guess. I'd consider that an upgrade nowadays.

HA! Funny accents, cows, snow, hunting, beards, cold weather...you suck so bad Minnesota!

Take off, hosers!

I voted for Zellweger. Mostly because I live in Minnesota (St. Paul), and yes it happens to be snowing right now. However, I do not encourage any move set in rural MN. No one needs to see that. It is painful enough that it exists, we don't need reminders that a 45 minute drive in any direction leads you in to a town exactly as depicted, sans the sexy lumberjack. Those are a myth.

I do hate Sandra's hair though, but have a soft spot for the crazy girl, and (averts eyes) Two Weeks Notice. The pointing and laughing may commence.

Let's spread the blame around a little. Isn't Harry Connick Jr. over his quota of pratfall rom-coms too?

bleh and bleh.

OH Christ! I forgot Empire Records. All is forgiven, Xtreme

"Barnes and Normal..." Oh, Sandra, you slay me.

Yeah, MN sucks. I'm just glad Hollywood never makes stereotype movies about Texas. Excuse me. I have to tend to my horse. He threw a shoe on the way into the office today.

Another bonus: I'll edit your posts. No more getting yelled at by deranged axe-wielding Pajibans.

Age has nothing to do with one's ability to be funny, physically or not, and doing comedy past a "certain age" is in no way lacking respect for oneself.

I think age is relevant to picking appropriate projects for either gender, and acting in immature Kate-Hudson-level romcoms is not age-appropriate for them. I don't want to see Vince Vaughn in these slobs-versus-snobs movies anymore either -- his sell-by date has arrived for that stuff, and Will Ferrell is getting there fast. Jack Nicholson chasing 30-year old women around, regardless of the quality of the script, is just pathetic; Harrison Ford really needs to hang up the action-star cleats. I'm not against any of them working (as if it matters), it's just laughable to see them doing ridiculous shit that they're too old for. So Renee and Sandra (and Diane Keaton and Diane Lane) need to start picking better, more mature projects.

someone said, "Best part of the Bullock trailer was the repetitive falling in the mine. Too bad she would not stay there."

i agree.

the guy at the end who is rewinding the clip to watch it over & over (while laughing), isn't that the dude from "requieum for a dream" who gave the best quote of the film???

ASS TO ASS!!!!

courtney 2, does angry = horny here? I thense some sthexual frusthrathion.

That made me laugh and love you, courtney.

I knew a guy who had those, too, but they stood for "herpes" and "warts," so in the end it was really a blessing.

Honey, where do you LIVE where men don't want to seal the deal???? My heart weeps for your lonely muff puff.

Alas, alack, I live in Atlanta and Good Godtopus, it is hard out here for a Pajiban.

I just prefer sexually aggressive men and I keep meeting nice boys. It's getting so bad that I'm almost ready to take my lonely muff puff to Craig's List. Please look for my severed head on the news.

Alas, alack, I live in Atlanta and Good Godtopus, it is hard out here for a Pajiban.

The Pajibans of the Peach State continue to grow in number....soon we shall begin preparations for our takeover...we will free Williams St. from the hand of Turner, and tear down the monuments to mediocrity that litter our fair town...

Oh yes, it will be a glorious day indeed...

Now THIS is a worthy suck-off! I may have spent 10 good minutes at work debating which is worse (and for that alone, Mr. Rowles, I thank thee). But the edge goes to the Bullock film. "New in Town" looks mainly boring -- old premise, stale (unfunny) Midwestern/winter jokes - I wanted to change the channel just watching the preview, and I gurantee I'd be asleep in 10 minutes if I had to watch the whole thing. But the Bullock film looks positively cringe-worthy. I don't even like her and I feel sorry for her, trying too hard in that hair and make-up to make us believe she's still "got it." Yeesh! Someone call in the HazMat team -- we have a turd in the pool!

I do find it ironic, however, that just a couple weeks ago, we got a sneak peek at another upcoming Bullock romcom -- which didn't look much better, frankly -- that elicited spontaneous orgasms among the eloquents, and all because it had *gasp* Ryan Reynolds with his crossed eyes and overly defined abs.

lonely muff puff.

I die.

Hee, lizzie, you know I adore you!

Wait a freaking minute, I've just had an epiphany! Dustin, could we add a review column for websites where people go to meet other like minded people? You could enlist Courtney, who would travel America, trying out different sites in different areas, then share all the sexcapades with us shut-in Pajibans. Hell, you might even be able to turn this into a HBO mini-series. Courtney could play herself, unless she isn't able/willing, then maybe we could pick up Megan Fox.

Well, I'm excited at least!

The guy at the end of the trailer is Keith David, aka Part Two in the Greatest Cinematic Fistfight Ever (Part One is Rowdy Roddy Piper), and the voice of Goliath from Gargoyles.

Hahaha, "You dirty motherfucker."

Dustin, could we add a review column for websites where people go to meet other like minded people?

No need to visit or review online hookup sites. Just stick around for Pajiba After Dark. Don't forget your assless chaps.

Why does the modern rom-com insist on making stalking seem like a sweet, adorable way to convince an unwilling partner to give in?

Aren't there enough psychos out there? Do we need to encourage a spike in the members of the population who refuse to accept reality?

Guess what? It's a complete lie that if you want something badly enough you will get it. Why is there an entire industry devoted to perpetuating this lie?

But Mallory, forget him! You just walked away from a sexually frustrated "Lonely muff puff" comment! Come back!

I did, didn't I? Probably hit a little too close to home.

Hee, lizzie, you know I adore you!

You'd better! I have an axe, woman! I demand adoration!

Fargo Meets Cool Runnings vs - Oh fuck it, I give up - Spam Meets Prem, or something.
I give the hate for the Zellwiger blap because of her pouty squish face. She reminds me of one of those creepy baby masks from Brazil. And for me, at least Bullock recognizes the "Bull" in her name..

But I don't think I'd be able to look at Pajiba: After Dark on my work computer. Call it a hunch. And to my girls Mallory and Courtney, fear not, I'm sure your dry spell will come to an end. Hopefully a very messy un-dry end.

I can't even vote.

After watching the first one with Renee Zellwegger, I was certain there was no way that the Sandra Bullock one could possibly be as bad.

I was wrong.

Don't forget your assless chaps.

Upon further thought, aren't all chaps assless. I mean, they're designed that way, are they not. Perhaps we should be reminded not to forget our assless hot pink leather pants with velcro action and frontside trap door.

Admin, you're totally right, chaps are assless to begin with. The trick is to skip the undergarments. And imagine, it took the girl at the Adult Megastore close to an hour to explain it to me. Probably because I asked her to model them.

All About Steve is the most horrible trailer. Because unlike the Minnesota movie, I feel this strong urge to smack Sandra Bullock's character across the mouth.

I mean, i feel the same way about Renee Zellwegger's character too, but I wouldn't actually be able to FIND her mouth.

Understood.

*smacks chapless ass*

The 2nd trailer is saying 'removed for TOS violations' or some such crap, so I couldn't watch it. But I saw the first on TV and it was wretched. Also, the All About Steve trailers freeze-frame-picturey-thing there features the back of Bradley Cooper's beautiful head (though I did IMDB to double check) so it automatically gets points. He's too pretty to vote worst anything on.

I cannot STAND Zellsucker. Her constipated mouth face, her non-funniness. And I'll never forgive her for butchering the character of Ruby nearly beyond recognition in Cold Mountain, so fuck her. Not even Harry Connick Jr could get me to watch this and I want to suck his dick a LOT.

I couldn't see the other one but maybe that's good because I hate Sandra Bullock MORE.

Man, much as I love Empire Records, I always kinda mentally block out that Renee Zelleweger is in it. I tend to have her mentally recast with either Joey Lauren Adams or Jenna Elfman, and to be honest, I'm kinda happier that way.

I can't be the only one watching these trailers and pitying the poor, poor supporting cast, can I? All the Gary Oldman love over in the "Unborn" review and nothing for Frances Conroy? THC? Hot Bradley Cooper? BETH GRANT?! Come on, people! Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!

That said, I'm kinda torn. On the one hand, the Bullock one made me cringe more. On the other, it also made me genuinely laugh out loud (the mine scene, what else). Plus, it has Hot Bradley Cooper. So I think I'd rather see it than the less-offensive-but-bland Chipmunk movie.

I voted for New in Town because thye had the decency to take the other one down

I'm voting for All About Steve because falling in a mine is not a good punchline to an already lame trailer. I'm already picture the mine-rescue climax wherein he declares his love as her tear-and-coal streaked face beams up at him.

That said, I would take a million Sandras over any Renee movie. Her pinched face and helium voice never convince me that her character is a serious, intelligent career woman. (By the way, how come these serious, intelligent career women are always loveless workaholics?) I'm pretty sure New in Town was already a movie starring Diane Keaton, except that one also had a cute baby in it.