web counter
 

Abduction Trailer: Taylor Lautner Brings The Next Generation of the I. Don't. Want. Your. Life. Style of Acting

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trailers | Comments (29)

first-images-of-twilight-star-taylor-.jpg

Jacob rides. a. motorcycle! Jacob’s parents aren’t. who. they. say. they. are! Run. Jacob. Run. Hey, is that Lily Collins? Or Emily Browning? Wait? What? Why is Sigourney Weaver in this? Oh, there goes Jacob again. “Who. are. these. people? Whoever. they. are. I. have. to. stop. them!”

The kid knows how to jump, though. I’ll. give. him. that.










Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

← The 10 Most Egregious Instances of Actors Sh*tting on their Own Films | Fly Away Trailer: One Of My SXSW Faves →









Comments

Not one second of that trailer makes me interested in seeing this movie. Not even on cable or when I'm too sick to care.

Posted by: Reba at April 14, 2011 11:43 AM

The part where she showed him the missing persons site was moderately interesting. And then when his parents went all kung-fu on people before getting shot was actually kind of badass. And then the whole thing peed its pants and now I want my 2 minutes back.

In short, you suck, Taylor Lautner. As do you, MTV Films.

Posted by: Exploding Head Syndrome at April 14, 2011 11:47 AM

Me: "Hey, Monkey, what did you think of that movie trailer?"
Monkey: "It looked not good."

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at April 14, 2011 11:49 AM

Damn it, Bello. You disappoint me.

Posted by: sars at April 14, 2011 11:57 AM

Pinky, Monkey sounds like he'd do a better job than Lautner at reading lines. How'd he like to be in moving pictures?

Posted by: Paultera at April 14, 2011 11:58 AM

I'm amazed that Taylor Cro-Mag is capable of talking and walking at the same time.
An inspiration to advanced apes everywhere.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 14, 2011 11:58 AM

Taylor Lautner all slack-faced, trying to emote high school coolness. Taylor Lautner all slack-voiced, announcing lines of dialogue. Nothing new here.

Sad for Sigourney Weaver and Alfred Molina. Except the part about the paycheck.

What a steaming, stinking pile.

Posted by: Michelle at April 14, 2011 11:59 AM

So wait- The Bourne Identity got re-booted for The Disney Chanel?

Posted by: krza at April 14, 2011 12:00 PM

In a couple of those shots it almost looked like he had a facial expression going. Thumbs up!

Posted by: Todd at April 14, 2011 12:01 PM

Wow that looked bad.

Posted by: Drake at April 14, 2011 12:06 PM

Is John Singleton starving???? Why didn't he walk away when the studio insisted on using Lautner????

Posted by: junierizzle at April 14, 2011 12:11 PM

Sigourney doesn't even look like she's trying. I hope she's on the next list of actors shit-talking their own films after this.

"Fuckin' Abduction, man. It's Taylor fucking Lautner, so I knew what this was going in but you can't blame me for wanting to play something without CGI. They should have digitally replaced his whole part though. Would have felt more human."

Posted by: Paultera at April 14, 2011 12:16 PM

He has a very weak little voice. It's impossible for him to sound menacing.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at April 14, 2011 12:19 PM

It looked not good.

maybe lautner is one of those fetal alcohol syndrome babies and we shouldn't make fun of him

Posted by: idleprimate at April 14, 2011 12:20 PM

Monkey would LOVE to be in moving pictures! She practices daily by reciting/acting out favorite movies. LET'S DO THIS.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at April 14, 2011 12:25 PM

I'm sure idleprimate has a casting couch she could read her audition from.

Posted by: Paultera at April 14, 2011 12:32 PM

Ew. She's six. HA!

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at April 14, 2011 12:55 PM

The only good thing about that was, it looked like the location of the pool party was the same one they used in Veronica Mars, which made me forget I was watching this trailer.

Posted by: Lauren at April 14, 2011 1:04 PM

Enough with all the scowling Taylor. Last time I saw someone with that heavy a permanent brow it was a Neanderthal in the Early Man Exhibit at the Museum of Natural History. Are you running for your life or on a Quest For Fire?

Posted by: bleujayone at April 14, 2011 1:44 PM

My brain just shit itself in anger.

Posted by: Forward Observer at April 14, 2011 1:56 PM

so hes got to be genetically engineered right. theres no way he would be able to pull off those moves and take on highly trained operatives without some sort of i know kung fu implant or something.

Posted by: superking at April 14, 2011 2:05 PM

That went right off the rails at one minute in.

But now I'm preoccupied with Forward Observer's comment: what exactly happens when a brain shits itself? Do I want to know? Is it spinal fluid? That seems much more interesting than this movie.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at April 14, 2011 2:38 PM

How you know when you're adopted/been abducted: when your parents are a DIFFERENT RACE.

Seriously, Maria Bello and Jason Issacs couldn't conceivably be his parents. Takes me out of the whole thing.

Posted by: kilmo at April 14, 2011 3:24 PM

I don't give a good gaddamn. Plenty of pretty faced hot bodied babes have made movies and landed on covers of magazines and made tons of undeserved money. He is a kid. A sweet kid with a nice smile and killer abs. Completely harmless.

Posted by: daria at April 14, 2011 5:15 PM

You mean hairless.

Posted by: bleujayone at April 14, 2011 6:12 PM

Pinky, I, having come to this post fresh from the "Rise of the Battle of the Planet of the Apes of the World" assumed you were making fun of Lautner by saying a monkey said it was not so good. Looking back through this I'm now gathering that you were talking about your daughter who you affectionately call monkey and that I am an idiot.

Posted by: Paultera at April 14, 2011 7:19 PM

i thought she was referring to a stuffed animal.

oh and Paultera, my team of lawyers are drawing up a lawsuit against you for dragging my fine name into that sordid mess. and by team of lawyers, i mean my little green army men--so you can see, i mean business!

Posted by: idleprimate at April 15, 2011 12:48 AM

yes, hairless too.
at least jake finally gets some action!

Posted by: daria at April 15, 2011 1:42 PM

I hereby dub this movie: 'The Baby Bourne Identity'.
That is all.

Posted by: Betsy at April 18, 2011 8:58 PM