Below is the trailer for the end-of-the-world apocalyptic dystopian blah blah blah thriller (I don’t even know her!) 2012, which is due out in July 2009. It comes from Roland Emmerich, who is kind of like Michael Bay’s depressed cousin. The movie itself deals with the supposed end of the world, according to the Mayan calendar, and the volcanoes, glaciers, typhoons, and aliens that accompany world destruction.
The funny thing about the trailer, however, is that it looks a lot like a mash-up of all of Roland Emmerich’s other films, specifically Stargate, Godzilla, Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow. In fact, given that none of the stars (John Cusack, Amanda Peete, Woody Harrelson, Thandie Newton) are actually in the trailer, I’m not sure that this isn’t exactly what that is: Some old, unused footage from previous films spliced together. It’s just a bunch of goddamn explosions, really. It’s kind of like comedies, where all the decent jokes are in the trailer. You can bet your ass all the good stuff in 2012 is right here in this short teaser trailer: The other 2 hours will basically involve the cast running away from or toward these all of these explosions. Also, a lot of yelling.
Seriously, there’s nothing here you haven’t already seen:
… damnit. And after only 25 minutes, an Eloquent noticed Tom Cruise running from War of the Worlds. The gig is up. Here’s the real trailer, though it’s nowhere near as fun:
To the person who saw the Decemberists last night and said Woo, fuck you. They are my favorite band, and the last time they were here I couldn't go, but Colin Meloy threw up on stage and then promised the band would make it up to us somehow, and they haven't been back since. They've gone on at least three tours, not counting Meloy's solo gigs, and skipped us over every time.
Now, to the point of the thread: Judging by all the spliced together footage from old movies (Armageddon, War of the Worlds, Day After Tomorrow) and the shittiness of all the footage I don't actually recognize, I can only conclude that this is completely fake, and you have pulled the wool over our eyes. All I can say is, shame.
Posted by: Audiosuede at November 13, 2008 11:24 AM
Am I just being obtuse? This is blatantly a fan trailer made up of stock footage from other shit. It's got Tom Cruise running from War of the Worlds in it, and the title card at the end is for Independence Day, with just the title replaced.
But having said that, I agree that the actual movie will be pretty much exactly as described in it, ie six minutes of explosions and just over two hours of me pretending to care.
Posted by: Zuffle at November 13, 2008 11:25 AM
Wait, didn't I already see War of the Worlds?
Hollywood still owes me 6.50 for that, dammit.
Posted by: Kayanne at November 13, 2008 11:26 AM
This movie looks awesome.
Posted by: Dane Cook at November 13, 2008 11:28 AM
Optimus, my love, that statement has brought the spark back to our relationship. I can just picture us singing Red Right Ankle to each other and rocking out to This Boy Is Exhausted.
Oh, how I love thee... especially when the right soundtrack is playing.
I saw the trailer for this movie recently it was pretty good up until the moment Woody Harrelson's puss appeared on screen, I think I'll pass on this one.
Posted by: Pookie at November 13, 2008 11:31 AM
Sacrilege!!!
Sorry, sorry, sorry: This Boy Is Exhausted is by The Wrens... who also kick ass.
Posted by: Audiosuede at November 13, 2008 11:38 AM
Meh. The first was better.
Posted by: Zuffle at November 13, 2008 11:40 AM
Looks like China finally found a solution for Tibet.
Posted by: Snath at November 13, 2008 11:40 AM
God, I love when you talk like that. Your musical taste is vastly greater than mine and every time you mention someone it immediately gets worked into one of my playlists. It what gets us through when our quasi-internet relationship gets bogged up in the monotony. Glad I can keep the fires stoked.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 13, 2008 11:42 AM
Snath, you're a horrible person for making that joke.
But I'm worse for laughing at it. :-\
Posted by: Kayanne at November 13, 2008 11:44 AM
Moral of the story: We canNOT EVER EVER trust Dustin. Ever. The man lies like it's goin' out of style. Dustin, you know it's true, dude.
Posted by: tt_marie at November 13, 2008 11:46 AM
I am so torn as to whether I prefer the movie proposed by the unholy mashup of Armageddon, War of the Worlds and Earth: Final Conflict, or a hilarious version of Old Man And The Sea?
Posted by: fatboyinawagon at November 13, 2008 11:46 AM
The saddest part? I will see and quite possibly love every single minute of that shit. Because I have an unabashed love of disaster flicks. And no shame regarding the matter.
None at all. Especially not on an awesome day like today!
Posted by: AxeMistress at November 13, 2008 11:48 AM
It doesn't even matter really. Ol' Ronnie's movies are so inconsequential, their almost like a one night stand with a hot chick that you were too drunk to remember. The effects were good, but it was riddled with forgetability, and it will never matter. That's exactly what his films are like.
Fuck, I didn't even remember War of the Worlds, I didn't even care that that film was a prank. That's how bad it's gotten. What the fuck Hollywood!?! Have you completely lost touch with reality?
six minutes of explosions and just over two hours of me pretending to care.
Posted by: Zuffle
That's what she said?
Had to do it.
Posted by: lynx at November 13, 2008 11:52 AM
Anyway, the same thing can be said of football (ball only moves for about 8 minutes in a typical 3 hour game). And yet, so damn thrilling. Guess that's why I'm a sucker for both the NFL and action movies.
Posted by: lynx at November 13, 2008 11:55 AM
Lynx,
Try twenty seconds of explosions and three minutes of her pretending I don't exist.
Really, try it... if everyone does, I might eventually find someone who likes it.
Posted by: Zuffle at November 13, 2008 11:56 AM
Wouldn't a "2112" movie be so much better?
Posted by: Jay at November 13, 2008 11:21 AM
And there I thought you were proposing a movie based on the Rush album, Jay! Certainly couldn't be any worse than this 2012 dreck.
Wait, is Tina Fey in this movie? Is it maybe a cautionary politico-biblical tale of the consequences of Sarah Palin running and winning in the next election?
Posted by: Che Grovera at November 13, 2008 11:57 AM
Dudes, I knew the trailer was a fake from the opening "shot" which was stolen from Apocalypto. And you call yourself movie geeks.
Posted by: Withnail at November 13, 2008 11:58 AM
*taps Withnail's shoulder and whispers*
Psst... The opening music was from Signs. Plus, the end credits didn't even have the proper actors names. I think everyone knew it was a fake.
Posted by: Kayanne at November 13, 2008 12:01 PM
And there I thought
"Thought"? But that's precisely what I meant, of course!
Well, this is priceless. The trailer asks you to Google Search 2012, and in doing so, the first thing I find is a news headline "Palin stokes 2012 run speculation." The end of civilization, indeed.
Posted by: geekchicohio at November 13, 2008 12:06 PM
Isn't there some sort of statute of limitations for remaking a movie? 2012: Doomsday just came out last year for Christ(topus?)'s sake. And it was practically the same premise. But in a more Evangelical way. It sucked harder than those guys who clean out port-a-potties, but it did have Ami Dolenz. I know she sucks, but she's fly. And not a Jeff Goldblum way. More like in a Kerri way, from In Living Color. You know, the big-headed blonde from the first couple of seasons. Pre J-Lo. I'll watch anything with Ami Dolenz. Might watch it on Fast-forward...but I'd still watch it. I'll also watch anything with Vincent D'Onofrio, or Lance Henricksen.
Posted by: Dapper at November 13, 2008 12:08 PM
Gawd, I hope 2012 has a limited release. My crazy neighbor already thinks the world is going to end on December 12 2012 because that's when the Mayan calender ends or some stupid shit like that. It also has something to do with Barack Obama, but I haven't been able to connect those dots yet. Because she is crazy.
Posted by: wsapnin at November 13, 2008 12:09 PM
I have a sad confession: Ever since I was a little kid, end-of-the-world disaster movies give me nightmares so bad I almost throw up upon waking. So there is no way in hell, regardless of the quality or non-quality (more likely) of this film that I will see it for exactly that reason.
...Then again, I would see anything with John Cusack. I would watch a remake of Maximum Overdrive (the Stephen King bullshit) as long as John Cusack was in it.
...Actually, that sounds fucking awesome. Okay, new idea: Instead of making 2012, this cast and crew should just remake Maximum Overdrive.
Posted by: AudioSuede at November 13, 2008 12:18 PM
Rush, AC/DC -- Jeebus, I'm not thinking 2012 or 2112, I'm thinking 1982.
"We are the priests of the temples of Syrinx ..."
Oh, and I saw Drive-By Truckers and The Hold Steady last night and DOUBLE WOOO!
Posted by: bucdaddy at November 13, 2008 12:46 PM
Any other time I would be crazy jealous, Buc. But as previously stated. I am rocked out.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 13, 2008 12:53 PM
I was thinking of going to that show bucdaddy, but I am poor and the show is sold out. They're playing here this weekend. I would have to pay way too much on Craiglist or something at this point, I am sure.
Posted by: Snath at November 13, 2008 12:59 PM
It comes from Roland Emmerich, who is kind of like Michael Bay's depressed cousin.
Hee. Fucking brilliant. It's funny because it's TRUE.
Anyway, as much as I'd love to make fun of this, I know chances are I'll end up watching it. I loveloveLOVE disaster flicks. They're terrible and full of cliches, but there's something about watching cities explode, and fantasizing about all the assholes killed, particularly in NYC and LA. Guilty pleasure of mine, you know?
Posted by: figgy at November 13, 2008 1:03 PM
Zuffle,
Tempting, so long as there is some AFC East or Die Hard: With a Vengeance action in the background...
Posted by: lynx at November 13, 2008 1:08 PM
so, it's called 2012 but is set in 2000, the year that the world's population was actually 6 billion? i'm confused.
Posted by: dg at November 13, 2008 1:39 PM
bczduqrebkxbnzhplzbengzxnlxare
Posted by: xleeyi at November 13, 2008 1:47 PM
It's Amanda PEET. No E on the end. I like to claim she's my distant cousin because she's so pretty. She's not, though.
That is the sole reason for my comment.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at November 13, 2008 2:05 PM
Lynx,
it's a date.
Now you just need to decide which half-minute of Die Hard With A Vengeance (and believe me, I will) is your favourite.
Posted by: Zuffle at November 13, 2008 2:44 PM
The fake trailer clips from Gene Roddenberry's Earth: Final Conflict just made my day. I haven't watched that crapfest for years, I may have to download an episode or two now.
Posted by: epimethea at November 13, 2008 2:49 PM
SHADOWRUN
Posted by: Chris K at November 13, 2008 3:16 PM
....And I feel fine!
Sing along everyone.
Sorry - this need to be done and I need to leave work now. 11 hour days made you weird
Posted by: Brian at November 13, 2008 7:33 PM
Danny Glover as the President? But surely he's too old for that shit.
Allow me to jack this thread by saying I just saw the Decemberists last night, and may I add Woooo!