I’m not sure how the announcement and production of Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief escaped my attention, but there’s a teaser trailer out now, and it’s the first I’ve ever heard of the movie. Perhaps it’s because I don’t often travel in fantasy literature circles, although I’d like to think that I’d normally be aware of a movie featuring Catherine Keener, Rosario Dawson (Persephone), Sean Bean (Zeus), Pierce Brosnan (Chiron), Uma Thurman (Medusa), Kevin McKidd (Poseidon), and even Steve Coogan (Hades).
Fantasy buffs are no doubt familiar with Rick Riordan’s novel. The movie, like the novel, is about a young boy who discovers he’s the descendant of a Greek god Poseidon and sets out on an adventure to settle an on-going battle between the gods and rescue his mother. If you’re into that sort of thing, it sounds compelling, and they’re even marketing it as a movie from one of the directors of the Harry Potter movies. Unfortunately, that director is Chris Columbus, and his two entries into the Potter series were the weakest. The man has no bite, no edge, and no discernible talent (see I Love You, Beth Cooper, which is single-handedly destroyed).
And though this is only a trailer, and one that only featured the boy in it, you can already tell just how generic it looks. I’m a big enough fan of the cast, however, to at least go in with no expectation and hope for the best.
These days I don't see Uma as particularly sexy but have you seen Baron Munchausen? She could easily be the most beautiful woman in the world. Back then. In Soft focus. And Terry Gilliam-magic.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at July 15, 2009 9:10 AM
Uh, Optimus, how to put this delicately... I don't think Medusa is supposed to be hot.
I was really looking forward to this movie until Chris Columbus said he decided to make Medusa sexy, because OMG HOW ELSE WOULD SHE GET YOU TO LOOK AT HER.
My inner mythology geek cried and fell to her knees and swore vengeance on the Columbus family for 5 generations down. The rest of me just won't be shelling out the $10 to go see the movie, because I'm sure I'll get escorted out for shrieking obscenities at the screen in front of children.
Same reason I can't go see the atrocious-sounding "Let's just use the plot of Disney's Hercules, okay?" Clash of the Titans remake, really.
Posted by: Nat at July 15, 2009 9:16 AM
Nat, I understand. I was the annoying audience member of Troy who kept shouting, "Where is Cassandra?!" "What?! Helen doesn't leave with Paris!" "Paris isn't supposed to be there yet!" etc.
But at least Medusa used to be pretty, before the curse. Maybe in this version she's preserved some of her pretty somehow. (That's still so wrong.)
Posted by: kayla at July 15, 2009 9:29 AM
Nat: "I was really looking forward to this movie until Chris Columbus said he decided to make Medusa sexy, because OMG HOW ELSE WOULD SHE GET YOU TO LOOK AT HER."
BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES. Men will look at anything with teats. Remember my cow costume with the errect teats story a couple of weeks ago? Men will want to ooooooogle and touch anything they think are mammary glands. Ooooh! I said glands.
Posted by: BWeaves at July 15, 2009 9:31 AM
Man, I wish I was related to Kevin McKidd. Lucky bastard.
I'm with ya, kayla. I'm that jerk who has to ruin all bad mythological adaptations for everyone (yet I watched Hercules: the Legendary Journeys as a teenager, go figure). I sat through Troy (at home, because I banned myself from the theatre for the same reason) going "And this is where Aphrodite jumps in to save her honey and gets her hand wounded and goes OMG YOU GUYS NOT COOL and the tide of war turns again, and this is the part where Ares should be going HEY KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, YAY WAR..." because gods make every war funnier with their antics. Also, Paris should've totally been more of a whiny little bitch; nobody can ever convince me that he was anything but.
I guess I don't expect everything to be 100% accurate as long as the basic plot points and character traits are there, but as you already know, the whole POINT is that Medusa was a hot chick cursed to be not hot (and thus quite understandably pissed off because she definitely did not deserve it), so it's completely missing the point of her entire existence.
And damn straight, yes, boobies would've totally done it. Or a sexy veil or something. I would totally love and laugh at Medusa veil-flashing people to stone. It'd be like that scene in Beetlejuice. "But can you be scary?" "Well, let's see..."
Posted by: Nat at July 15, 2009 9:43 AM
So maybe she's good for the role? EIther way I'll admit I was going a little off topic there, ahamos.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at July 15, 2009 9:44 AM
Men will want to ooooooogle and touch anything they think are mammary glands.
This explains why male architects throughout history loved designing dome structures and the many scale models of said domes.
"I'd like for this building to remind the parishioners of heaven. Or a big boob."
Posted by: branded at July 15, 2009 9:57 AM
EEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEEeeeeeEEEEEeee!
That's the sound of me happy. Which rarely you see, I know. But the Percy Jackson series is FUCKING AWESOME. The gimmick is that the gods have still been out doing the dew with the mortals, and so there are tons of demi-god children running about. They are gathered at a summer camp in New York called Camp Half-Blood where they train to be heroes.
It does a wonderful job of blending modern humor with old school mythology. Ares rides a giant motorcycle and is a mouthy biker. Poseidon looks like a Parrothead. Medusa runs a roadside novelty statue stand. It's a kids' series, but it's a pretty damn good one. And for once they didn't totally crap on an ending. There are five books total in the series, and while it's not as strong as the Potter books, it's still a pretty great series. It's still the hero fated to fall to prophecy, but it's done with a lot of style. Kids who read this series are going to raid the library for the mythology.
This is actually more in Columbus's wheelhouse for filmmaking. The only problem is the action is pretty intense if not kid-cartoon fantasy, and I don't think he's capable of shooting action. Swordfights from the back of pegasi, arrows and javelins, except hurled by kids. I'm excited!
Posted by: Prisco at July 15, 2009 10:00 AM
The man has no bite, no edge, and no discernible talent
Yes, but if they are going for harmless kid-friendly entertainment then they found the perfect director. His most recent flick notwithstanding, he doesn't make unwatchable movies just disappointing ones. My kids love Home Alone and the HP flicks weren't bad, especially for the kids, but when compared to what a good director can do...
He's essentially the Appleby's of Hollywood.
Posted by: ed newman at July 15, 2009 10:09 AM
Wow, I'm just finishing reading "Gods Behaving Badly." THAT'S the next Greek god movie I want to see!
I got nothing for all the Greek mythology arguments and theories and whatnot inspired by this news.
But what I do got is brainlock: First, Monica Belluci plays a character named Persephone in that Matrix-movie-that-failed-me and takes up permanent residence in my fantasy-girl rotation (better known as my Five Freebies). Now this news that Rosario Dawson is playing (granted a different character) Persephone in this joint.
Can no-one else see the crazy, cosmos-spanning forces at work here? Rosario and Monica: two degrees of separation? Soon to be merged into one undeniable, sun's-gravitational-pull-like object of desire? Designed to commandeer every waking moment's thought? Huh? Am I alone in this?
I'LL BE IN MY BUNK!
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Posted by: satokofan at July 15, 2009 11:29 AM
Optimus you don't really want them to fuck with that awesome book do you?
Also, I don't buy for a second that the Greek gods would set up shop at the top of the Empire State building. IF they were going to hang around NY they would OBVIOUSLY live in The Bronx where my whole greek family lived.
Also also I still think you need Harryhausen claymation to make a greek gods movie effectively.
That is all.
Posted by: JenVegas at July 15, 2009 11:39 AM
I didn't think those two Harry Potter movies were that awful. I mean, how were they any better or worse than numbers 3-5?
Posted by: Jez at July 15, 2009 12:13 PM
Nat and kayla, I'm with you. This will probably just make my poor, Greek mythology educated brain hurt. That said, I like the cast well enough to show up drunk and belligerent while it's in theaters.
Posted by: Zuzu at July 15, 2009 12:14 PM
Okay, who all has read this series? I am looking for a new series to get into. Worth it?
Posted by: legib at July 15, 2009 12:25 PM
I've never been able to understand the Uma love. She doesn't look like anything special to me.
Sorry, I'll let myself out.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 15, 2009 12:57 PM
Legib
Read Skullduggery Pleasant and Skullduggery Pleasant: Playing with Fire.
I'd write a review about it for this site but I am not a part of the Cannonball Read.
One girl who is a bit of a cheerful bastard. One wizard who is now a skeleton and also a somewhat cheerful bastard. One warrior woman who is a liiitle over-excitable with the sword swinging.
A heaping cup of snark. And the baddies are really bad and the bodycount is insane for a Y10-13 book. The author is not afraid of mayhem and apparantly the next book (not out in the U.S. until #$$%*%&^&!!! August is a real kick in the ass.
Read it. For god's sake, read it.
Posted by: twig at July 15, 2009 12:58 PM
I'd let THAT Zeus strike me with his lightning bolt aaaany day.
I sometimes think she's pretty, and sometimes don't, but the most telling thing was how Janeane Garofalo blew her out of the water in "The Truth About Cats & Dogs", partly due to her having a personality.
So true, Jay. I don't know how anyone could watch that movie and not think it's ridiculous that Uma is considered beautiful when Janeane is not.
Uma has that really ugly-pretty thing going on that Tyra would love on America's Next Top Model while the rest of the world just thinks Tyra's out of her fucking mind.
I'd let THAT Zeus strike me with his lightning bolt aaaany day.
Amen.
It's weird, Uma looks kinda... odd sometimes in film, and yet in person, she's totally gorgeous. I saw her at Disney once, with minimal makeup if any, and she was beautiful.
I'm definitely going to look for this series at the library. If it makes Prisco squeal, I want in.
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 15, 2009 1:55 PM
I have got to keep an eye out for this series at the library too, but sadly it looks like something good that will probably get dumbed down for Hollywood (I'm getting a strong odor of The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising here for some reason).
And I have to chime in on all the love here - Sean Bean as Zeus, yes please, and Harryhausen may have spoiled me for all other movies about the Greek gods. That whole bit in Troy with Thetis just being Achilles' mom and not actually an Olympian - if you're just going to throw out massive amounts of good story and interesting plot points and make a war movie, why bother even calling it Troy?
"Unfortunately, that director is Chris Columbus, and his two entries into the Potter series were the weakest."
100% untrue. The first two films were the strongest of the franchise, by far. The later films have gotten streamlined with incomplete storytelling, with number 5, directed by David Yates, being the worst one yet. No quidditch was pretty unforgivable, but Ron Weasley could have been edited out of the film entirely, he had nothing to do. I shudder to think what Yates will do with the rest of the films.
I love this site and it's snarky tone, but when you say something silly, I have to respond.
Posted by: Chris in MN at July 15, 2009 5:08 PM
Chris Columbus was the only director of the Harry Potter series to bring the story from the book to the screen without compromising it's integrity. Most fans of the books series agree that the first two movies that Chris Columbus did are the only ones true to the storyline. As Chris mentioned in the above post, all the others were incomplete and badly structured. I look forward to any movie Columbus does, especially a fantasy epic.
Posted by: JarHead at July 16, 2009 12:51 PM
...weren't the first 2 the shortest books with the least amounts of plot?
I'm not sure the level of fidelity to which you're referring was due to Columbus.
Posted by: Daniel Hall at July 16, 2009 8:29 PM
This film was just recently being shot in Mission, British Columbia, Canada. It's a small town about an hour and a half away from Vancouver. It was being filmed downtown at "Rocko's Diner", a small diner in Mission. I won't say anything else - I'll leave the suspense for the showing!!!
Posted by: Dan at July 17, 2009 2:20 PM
I'd like to point out that Percy Jackson is not the *descendant* of a Greek god, but the actual son of a Greek god. There is a difference.
My main problem with making these books into movies, and frankly, 99% of the young adult fantasy books/movies that are/have been coming out, is that the books deal with the mundane. Grover's obsession with enchiladas. Camp Half Blood looks like a normal summer camp, with a few exceptions (the dining hall, the sleeping cabins, and the lava pit). Yet the movies are all about how many special effects we can cram into one setting. This is what's been fucking up the Harry Potter series (I'm looking at you, Goblet of Fire), it's what gave The Golden Compass a premature death, and sent those of us who loved The Dark is Rising screaming into the oblivion of madness with the Seeker.
Special Effects + big names + big named franchise =/= good.
Posted by: Rowen at July 19, 2009 1:13 AM
I really hate the cast. Annabeth and Athena are blond, Grover is not black and the cast is just really bad overall. im dissapointed.
Posted by: this cast sucks at September 5, 2009 4:08 PM
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What the hell kind of title is that? That's terrible.
BUT I love Greek Mythology and I love Uma Thurman so maybe.