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Have You Ever Wondered If There Was More to Life than Being Really, Really, Ridiculously Good Looking?

By Brian Prisco | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (38)

zoolander_face.jpg

Zoolander is a terrible movie that I love. I will watch that bastard every time it’s on. Ben Stiller’s writing is like fried chicken — I know it’s bad for me, but I just can’t help myself, and I’m all the sicker for it tomorrow. I’m not gonna quote every line verbatim, but I get a chuckle. It’s got the hallmarks of Stiller’s work — giving people a chance to be totally ridiculous and over the top stereotypes of themselves without taking itself seriously. And then totally falling into shit by the ending. The Cable Guy, Tropic Thunder, Zoolander, his fucking series, all this stuff should have been classics that somehow fall short. And yet he keeps making movies.

Well, he’s trying something new by redoing something old: Stiller’s gonna do a sequel to 2001’s Zoolander — one of the first films to come out in the wake of the 9/11 tragedy. It’s fair to call it an underappreciated gem. Justin Theroux, Stiller’s co-writer on Tropic Thunder, is set to co-write the sequel as well as direct. Now, I love Theroux’s work, and I think that the first half of Tropic Thunder is brilliant. So I’m excited for this.

Except for the fact that they’ve signed Jonah Hill on as the villain. I give Jonah Hill a lot of shit for being talentless, and having a lack of range, and for flat out ruining films with his presence. I’m praying to god that he’s found magic in Cyrus — which actually looks pretty goddamn stunning. But this kid is not going to work. Jonah Hill is the funny fat guy. Unless he’s playing some sort of Goldfinger-type Fat Bastard ripoff, then this is going to suck like Edward Cullen doing a Capri-Sun on obsessed-depressed teen.

Then again, the only thing that made the first Zoolander good was the shitballs randomness of the jokery. So who knows? Maybe Hill will turn in a career-defining performance. Maybe the cameos will be so outrageous and the co-stars rocking so hard that we’ll be dazzled like a full-on Magnum blast. I hope so.









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Comments

I thought that was a photo of Jonathan Rhys Meyers.

Posted by: BWeaves at February 25, 2010 10:40 AM

Wow! That is a spot on assessment of Stiller and I COMPLETELY agree
with your assessment of Jonah Hill too. I do not understand how
his career got going or, more to the point, keeps going. I'd go so far
as to say that he is the fat guy without the funny. And that if he were a
woman, he would never have gotten on screen in the first place.

Zoolander is a guilty pleasure at our house too. The first time we
heard elder Stiller say he had "a prostate the size of a honeydew
and a head full of bad memories" we cried for 5 minutes, rewound
and laughed for 5 more. Tushie squeeze!

Posted by: Mrs. Julian at February 25, 2010 10:42 AM

"I'm a Bad Eugooglizer"

That quote KILLS me, every time I hear it.

Posted by: Julie at February 25, 2010 10:50 AM

GASOLINE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!

Posted by: Tammers at February 25, 2010 10:54 AM

Zoolander is the reason that I cannot take anyone saying they have bulimia seriously. "You can read minds??" It's one of my most quoted movies, after Clueless.

Posted by: Pansy at February 25, 2010 11:00 AM

The last time I watched this movie, I realized Alexander Skarsgard is one of the dweebs in the gasoline fight, and I had to find some stranger's asthma inhaler to get my breathing right!

Posted by: Patty O'Green at February 25, 2010 11:01 AM

What is with this overwroughting saturation of Jonah fucking Hill. It's the Seth Rogan back door man scenario all over again. The most frustrating thing is that these fellows are quite decent comedy writers. Why not stick to that? Everytime I see Hill now, my brain switches to that video of the monkey mouth-raping that frog. Its like where a child goes when Uncle Pete is playing Tom Tom with it.

Posted by: Dmo at February 25, 2010 11:01 AM

There is a video of a "monkey mouth-raping that frog"? Wow. Just wow.

Posted by: Mrs Julian at February 25, 2010 11:03 AM

I love this movie, and I'm exactly like you about viewing it. If I'm flipping channels and it's on, then I'm watching it.

OBEY MY DOG!

Posted by: Snath at February 25, 2010 11:09 AM

MERMAN *cough cough* MERMAN.

Posted by: michaelceratops at February 25, 2010 11:20 AM

Not only is there a video of "a chimp mouth-raping a frog" but there is a video of "Kermit watching a chimp mouth-raping a frog."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nt-QVT1I2Gs

Posted by: BWeaves at February 25, 2010 11:20 AM

Chimp and frog...oh god. I can't un-see that.

Why am I so fucking curious?!

Posted by: Snath at February 25, 2010 11:24 AM

So a funny fat guy cannot be the villain in a comedy that is based on lunacy above all else? Your rambling makes little sense, as usual. Maybe you are just jealous because you would like to be the funny fat guy, instead of just the fat guy?

Posted by: horseshit at February 25, 2010 11:34 AM

Whooooooooooooooooo BURN.

Idiot.

Posted by: Snath at February 25, 2010 11:40 AM

And perhaps you'd rather be pigshit than horseshit. At least pigshit can be used as fertilizer. horseshit just kind of lays there and smells.

Posted by: admin at February 25, 2010 11:53 AM

Yeah, well, 'blue steel' still gets a laugh in our house every time, all these years on.

Not as much as "tits and teeth!", but still.

Posted by: Natural 20 at February 25, 2010 11:56 AM

Pig shit is also extremely toxic, and was used as a poison by the Viet Cong. It's multi-purpose!

Posted by: Snath at February 25, 2010 12:06 PM

You'll LEARN martial arts!

Posted by: the new transported man at February 25, 2010 12:18 PM

Wait, Zoolander's a bad movie we're supposed to feel guilty for enjoying now, too? Fuck, I need to update my list. I've just been going through life blindly liking it. Dammit, I'm so uncool.

Posted by: Courtney at February 25, 2010 12:32 PM

Waaait a minute, wasn't it just matthew broderick and jim carrey in the cable guy? Did I miss something?

Posted by: Ariana at February 25, 2010 12:33 PM

I think I've got the Black Lung, pop!

One of the most rewatchable movies ever.

Posted by: esme at February 25, 2010 12:33 PM

The little skosh of Will Ferrell sprinkled over Zoolander is awesome. That is how you use Will Ferrell. See also: Owen Wilson.

Also, "You can read minds?" still cracks me up.

Posted by: MM at February 25, 2010 12:46 PM

Put a cork in it, ZANE!

Posted by: Martin at February 25, 2010 12:55 PM

David Bowie had what I think is one of the most awesome cameos ever in that movie as himself being a walk-off judge.

Posted by: SassafrassGreen at February 25, 2010 1:59 PM

That frog sure has got a purty mouth.

Posted by: , at February 25, 2010 3:24 PM

Hahaha, I'm so enjoying reading all the quotes in this thread!! This movie had some hilarious cameos -- in the beginning, where they're interviewing all these celebrities about Derek, in the club, DAVID FREAKIN' BOWIE caling the walk-off.

"You're dead to me, son. Even more dead to me than your dead mother."

Matilda: I... I was the fat kid.
Derek: Eeeewwww!

And a fashion line called "Derelicte"?? That is pure genius right there.

That said, the sequel is probably going to "Derelicte my balls."

Posted by: Jelinas at February 25, 2010 3:32 PM

The little skosh of Will Ferrell sprinkled over Zoolander is awesome. That is how you use Will Ferrell.
Exactly. Before he was Will Ferrell the superstar, he was hilarious in the right doses.

But don't ever forget: Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

Wise words.

Posted by: Brie at February 25, 2010 3:39 PM

I know I'm in the minority, and probably by a wide margin, but I've never enjoyed Zoolander. Not ever. The first time I saw it, I thought it was dumb and that Stiller looked like a goddamn puckered-lip retard. Mild chuckles here and there, but nothing close to the raucous laughter of my friends I was watching it with.

I also wasn't impressed the 5th or 6th time I watched it. 5th time I was fall-down drunk, 6th time I was mind-bendingly stoned. I'm trying, I'm really trying to wrap my head around it. Juts haven't found the funny yet.

Carry on.

Posted by: Roaddog at February 25, 2010 3:41 PM

I remember I fa-lipped out when I realized Katinka was Milla Jovovich. I heart her so hard.
Awesome random cameos/cast in one of the most awesome random movies ever.

Posted by: gee. ay. at February 25, 2010 7:39 PM

My husband and I cry laughing when we watch this. Especially if we've been drinking.

Jelinas, yeah Derelicte is awesomely funny--because it is also completely believable as a fashion line. Those fashion people are crazypants.

Another good line: "There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, 'Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman.'"

Posted by: lainiefig at February 26, 2010 12:18 AM

I just wanna share my experience here. I found my boyfriend several months ago, who is 10 years older than me, at http://EUAgeless.com/, a free place for age-gap relationship. It's fabulous! Maybe you wanna check it!

Posted by: Jim at February 26, 2010 1:24 AM

lainiefig, that is probably one of the funniest quotes of all time when taken out of context and dropped into a random conversation.

This movie cracks my shit up, especially the Will Ferrell bits, like everyone else said.

Posted by: CurlieQt at February 26, 2010 1:14 PM

@Roaddog
And yet... you keep watching it. Five times. Six times. This is the power of Zoolander.

Posted by: Wonkey The Monkey at February 26, 2010 4:02 PM

I cannot watch Alexander Saarsgard on True Blood without hearing a tiny voice in my head say "Uh, Earth to MEEKUS!" Also, that gasoline fight is still one of the funniest movie scenes ever.

Posted by: Michelle at February 26, 2010 6:19 PM

I'm a little ashamed to admit this, but I know I will go see this one. The original cracked me up, and now I must find it to watch all over again.

Posted by: Nicolae at February 27, 2010 8:22 PM

Jonah Hill, fat disgusting no talent pig. He will eventually die of a drug overdose, good riddance. Pig.

Posted by: Mick Russom at July 11, 2010 11:12 AM

He's actually the SUPPOSED-to-be-funny fat guy. But he even fails at that. Chris Farley, you are not.

Posted by: Jonathan at October 12, 2010 10:41 AM

The wrighting is very poor as the actor may not be as the Chris farley type but is is very own & thats the big why from you folks as to other questions!!?!
the big problem is TV & movies are no longer concidered entertainment unless they are a random quick bits that really do not stack up with whats been done already! & what is the problem with others work? So whats on the main stream TV shows are a bunch of comedians that aren't funny!& thats why we have to put up with comedies that spend the entire episode about a hang nail on grama's toe or shit like that.Just look at the writings for old SCTV , now that was a comedy show as the presentations of a rivery between charactors actually worked due tothe sublty of performance directions & the timing was right on!
Ben needs to redirect the abilities to gather the best role & he is a sterio type so a polished new form would greatly enhance the ability to deliver lines with much antisipation from the audiances.
But got to find that sterio type!
Look at the 1st - best in his field> talking about Buster keaton.Old stone face.there isn't a fair comparison as Buster was the non audio film era but was off the tipical type comedians regular roles & delivered his new invetions to the screen. Most don't know this fact but he was the real talent behind Red Skelton as Buster was his head writer,& Red did a remake of the "General" ben did a great job in the "In-laws" as it really takes the suporting cast to spead the comedy welth all over & make it work & Mr.Stiller hasn't been aforded that share of the suporting cast so blame the studio, they are the real menace to film these days & I think a lot of movies are more aimed at being a tax right off tham entertainment.Look at the remake of bewitched as it should have been great but the darren charactor should have been Jim Carry not that other choice as pointed out about Stewie on Family Guy!

Posted by: paul H. at November 6, 2010 3:08 PM