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Rules for Surviving a Zombie Invasion

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (38)

rulesixskillet.png

You know what the great thing about No Whining Wednesday is? I can pimp the hell out of Zombieland, and your hands are tied. No whining, motherfuckers. And it doesn’t matter how much of an unrepentant whore I am for this movie. Zip it, chumps. The trailers for this movie give me wood. Which I will put nails in, and which I will use to kill me a zombie or three.

I discovered a few fun little promo clips for Zombieland via the Sony YouTube page. Normally, I don’t really like to act as a de factor marketing person for a film, but most movies aren’t Zombieland, now are they?

If this movie sucks, I will be devastated. Crushed, like a zombie windpipe underneath Woody Harrelson’s boot.

Check these out:








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Comments

I am counting the days, DR... I want this movie, I want it HARD, I want it dirty, I want it slapping my ass and calling me a filthy whore while I scream for more, More, MORE!

Posted by: Spender at September 9, 2009 9:16 AM

MOIST . . . Buttmud.

Posted by: BWeaves at September 9, 2009 9:21 AM

I'm nervous. Don't-trust-my-expectations nervous.

How about this: I'm so sure this film will suck, I plan to be first in line on opening night just to establish how truly suckful it is. Because I have a scientific demeanor, I will probably have to see it several times over just to ensure I have all angles of it's suckiness objectively covered. I will encourage friends, family and fellow Pajibans to be similarly thorough.

Posted by: Squirrelgripper at September 9, 2009 9:29 AM

"Buttmud" has officially replaced "douchebag" and "asshole" in my Angry Commute vocabulary. I will shout it with glee through my open window: "Hey, Buttmud! Get in the right lane when you're not passing!" I will go looking for trouble just to have an excuse to yell this at someone. Hell, it might become my new internet handle, just so I can chuckle whenever I leave a comment.

Posted by: DeadBessie at September 9, 2009 9:32 AM

*reaches for peep*

Posted by: gp at September 9, 2009 9:37 AM

The trailers for this movie give me wood. Which I will put nails in, and which I will use to kill me a zombie or three. This produced a mental picture I could have done without.

But then Spender went and took it to another level and I realized I may have to avoid this thread for the remainder of the day, ‘cause y’all take your Zombies very seriously.

The movie does look fantastic though. I don’t have anything vulgar to describe how much I like it. I’ma work on that. I guess I'll be back after all.

Posted by: Eyvi at September 9, 2009 9:41 AM

I don't care what shitty romcom or tearjerker garbage I have to suffer through as reciprocation. I am absolutely dragging my wife to see this on opening night. I think I can pull the old "well, it does have the guy from Adventureland;" she liked that one.

Posted by: Sean at September 9, 2009 9:42 AM

Sean, just tell her Z-L is the sequel to A-L.

they both have "land" in the title.
and your wife is notoriously gullible.

Posted by: gp at September 9, 2009 9:51 AM

These promos make me dance around the living room, clapping my hands and giggling like a five year old girl. Hee!!

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits (aka Dangle McGee) at September 9, 2009 9:52 AM

Damnit I can't wait for this movie.

I don't really have anything more insightful to say, I just really can't wait to see Woody Harrelson gleefully kill zombies for 90 minutes or however long this movie is. I'll also likely buy it on DVD and watch it anytime I need a good laugh.

Parenthetically, I'm so glad I found a place where I can admit that movies featuring copious violence against zombies make me happy and not be singled out as "that weird zombie chick".

Posted by: Rusty (formerly Genny) at September 9, 2009 10:28 AM

A good thought, gp. She's gullible enough to have married me, anyway.

Also: Jenga!

Posted by: Sean at September 9, 2009 10:28 AM

that kid with woody reminds me of michael cera, but less irritating. i have a feeling this movie will help resurrect woody's career. very different from when he was on cheers, that's for sure. all in all, i'm quite excited to see it. actually looks fairly original. wouldn't that be refreshing?

Posted by: gem at September 9, 2009 10:29 AM

Dear George Romero,

Pay fucking attention.

Your homie,

,

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at September 9, 2009 10:33 AM

The funny part is, I normally don't like violent movies, unless they are FUNNY. Damn, I hope this is good.

Posted by: BWeaves at September 9, 2009 10:40 AM

So this movie comes out in October. Just in time for my brithday. I am entirely convinced that this movie was made as a present just for me.

Zombies? Check
Copious amounts of violence? Check
Woody Harrelson? Check
Did I mention Zombies??

See, it's like it was made just for me!

Posted by: ashes at September 9, 2009 11:06 AM

These promo clips = Best Birthday present ever!

Buttmud.

Awesome. I always like it when I learn a new word.

BUTTMUD!!!

Posted by: Groundloop at September 9, 2009 11:15 AM

Jesse Eisenberg is awesome. I won't see this, but well done for the trailers.

Posted by: Caspar at September 9, 2009 11:45 AM

Rule #85: If a zombie horde is encroaching on your territory, a sign that says "The Kardashians (and Bruce Jenner) live here" will not protect you.

Mostly because zombies can't read.

Mostly.

Posted by: Venture82 at September 9, 2009 11:45 AM

The trailers for this movie give me wood. Which I will put nails in, and which I will use to kill me a zombie or three.

Thanks, DR, but I'll pass on Zombieland Rule #51 - The Prince Albert.

Posted by: branded at September 9, 2009 12:12 PM

You guys are my favorite group of commenters this side of Zombieland. As coach Jim Harbaugh once said, you're displaying 'enthusiasm unknown to mankind.' I'm one of the writers of Zombieland, and although I'm desperately afraid of your expectations, I'm thrilled by your passion. Don't worry, the movie doesn't suck. And yes, force the wives and girlfriends, please...

Rhett Reese

@rhettreese

Posted by: Rhett Reese at September 9, 2009 12:40 PM

I'm worried that this is being sold as a gratuitous Z slaughterfest (awesome!) and that it may attempt to have a kernel of substance. Please, let there be no substance.

"The bowling alley is the one place I wash my hands -before- I use the bathroom"

Well, shucks, here's wishing I'd thought of that before the genital herpes.

Posted by: bradm at September 9, 2009 1:00 PM

Why would I possibly whine about this?

Posted by: alphawhiskey at September 9, 2009 1:10 PM

This made me so happy I could dance. I can't explain it. I don't know why it makes me so happy. But all I knows is that zombies = everything awesome in the world. And I love how much Woody Harrelson is into it. He's just loving the hell out of it. I think that's part of it. Genuine enthusiasm on the part of everyone involved with a movie is very catchy.

Rhett: looks like you created a gem. Glad to see you here!

Posted by: figgy at September 9, 2009 2:27 PM

One of the reasons I love Pajiba is the unusually high percentage of people who luuuuuuuvvvv zombies. Because I luuuuuvvv zombies. And I don't know why! But I do. For instance, I might... MIGHT... see that new George Romero movie, sad and pathetic though it undoubtedly is.

Zombies make everything better!

Genuine enthusiasm on the part of everyone involved with a movie is very catchy.

YES! When they're having fun, I'm having fun.

Gimme a "Z"!

Gimme an "O"!

Gimme an "M"! ... [etc.]

ZOMBIELAND!!!

Posted by: MM at September 9, 2009 2:38 PM

So it's ok that I have always loved Woody Harrelson? (I can't hear Free Your Mind without seeing Woody in my head.)

I'm not even into zombies (sorry) and I want to see this movie.

Posted by: neurotica at September 9, 2009 2:54 PM

I know I've mentioned this before, but I kind of want to dress up as a zombie when I go to see this, that's how much I love all things zombie. Anybody wanna volunteer to hold my leash?
also, dear Bounty, I'm still gonna buy the cheap generic version of your paper towels, but you just made yourself cooler to me with the zombie tie in.

Posted by: s. pisaster at September 9, 2009 3:54 PM

My pants are sticky. Very, very sticky. This tends to happen when on Mr. Admin becomes so excited that he has spontaneuos-multiple-explosive-orgasms. Could someone please pass the Bounty?

Posted by: admin at September 9, 2009 4:21 PM

@s. pisaster:

"I kind of want to dress up as a zombie when I go to see this"

While I applaud the enthusiasm, aren't you a little bit afraid someone might hit you in the head with a baseball bat? You know, because they were carried away with the spirit?

Posted by: MM at September 9, 2009 4:43 PM

I just want to roll this movie up and make sweet passionate love to it. Yep...mmmmmm....zombie sex.

s. pisaster, a leash? Are you going the Fido route?

Posted by: Deistbrawler at September 9, 2009 4:55 PM

MM, Deist the point of the leash is so no one attacks me - I'd be a tame zombie! or at least one under control. I'd suggest the leash holder also bring a baseball bat to brandish around, but I don't think they'd let someone with a baseball bat into a theater.

Posted by: s. pisaster at September 9, 2009 5:04 PM

My annual ZombieFest crew has already decided to cap off the night of ZombieFest 2k9 with a midnight viewing of Zombieland.

Posted by: coryo at September 9, 2009 5:07 PM

The only thing I don't like about this movie is that Woody is wearing Nicholas Cage's rattlesnake hide jacket from Wild at Heart. I think I can get past it though.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at September 9, 2009 5:42 PM

I think this may turn out to be the greatest performance of Woody Harrelson's entire career.

And no, that's not meant to be snarky.

Posted by: Jerce at September 9, 2009 7:07 PM

Wait, actual Hollywood writers are reading Pajiba??? Ohmygod, hide all of Goss's "Let's Remake" columns NOW!!

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 9, 2009 7:08 PM

seriously, i wish MORE hollywood types would read pajiba, then they'd know goss's work for the satire it is. maybe they'd sit up and realize we are smarter than they gave us credit for. and this, in turn, would lead to a little revolution in hollywood. and they would stop with the reboots, and the remakes, and the blurry cgi bullshit.

Posted by: gp at September 9, 2009 9:12 PM

Count me excited that Mr. Reese read this. We Jibans are VERY kickin' loyal to goodness and this has goodness written all over. And nae worries about insane expectations - if it's just somewhat as good as your well-made promos suggest, you'll be well ahead of the curve, Mr. Reese.

I think I'll dig out my zombie colors...it's been too long.

Posted by: replica at September 10, 2009 5:14 AM

Hmm. I'm cautiously optimistic.

Posted by: piedlourde at September 10, 2009 10:42 AM

In a town of reboots and remakes and and sequels and movies in development about Stretch Armstrong, it's a miracle we made it to the screen. I will be complaining about this a lot less come Zombieland 2. ;)

Posted by: Rhett Reese at September 10, 2009 12:24 PM


















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