March 11, 2008 | Comments ()

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | March 11, 2008 |


I honestly don’t like being hard on Judd Apatow; so far, the man hasn’t disappointed me much, though neither myself (on the strength of Ranylt’s review) nor anyone else in America actually saw Walk Hard (and I’ll blame Fun with Dick and Jane on Jim Carrey). “Freaks and Geeks,” “Undeclared,” The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up and Superbad have given him an extended reprieve, but I can’t help but think that it’s only a matter of months before I’ve had my fill. He’s like Reese’s Peanut Butter cup cereal: I’ll go on a bender where I’ll eat it for breakfast every day for three weeks, and then suddenly, those delicious peanut-butter and chocolate puffs will turn my stomach and I’ll end up leaving a half-eaten box in the pantry for six months before I throw it out. We’re coming up on week three, and at the rate Apatow is going, it’s gonna be Reese’s cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next couple of months. Drillbit Taylor, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and Pineapple Express all look potentially amusing in a one splendid joke run into the ground sort of way, but Don’t Mess with the Zohan, which Apatow co-wrote with Adam Sandler, is like mixing Reese’s cereal with battery acid. Still, it seems like every week we report on at least one new Apatow project; last week it was The Five-Year Engagement), and this week, Apatow is re-teaming with Sandler for an untitled project in which Sandler will co-star with Seth Rogen, further mingling the Apatow crew with the Happy Madison group, thus ensuring one helluva comedic belly ache. The plot of the untitled film is being kept under wraps, which probably means there isn’t one yet. I dunno how there could be; Apatow surely hasn’t had time to write a complete script. I can only imagine the man sits in his office everyday furiously scribbling loglines, to which he attaches Rogen, Paul Rudd, or Adam Sandler and then collects his multimillionaire contracts. I know you gotta strike while the iron is hot, man, but you don’t have to strike the rest of us with the hot iron. Lay the fuck off, man. Let us breathe.

In “Hey! It worked once, surely it’ll work again” news, Leonardo DiCaprio is considering the lead in a remake of the Korean thriller, The Chaser, which William Monahan (The Departed) will adapt for the big screen. DiCaprio would play “an ex-cop who goes on the warpath trying to find a missing girl. The girl, who may or may not be alive, is being used by a serial killer to taunt the police.” No word yet on whether the Dropkick Murphys will contribute a few songs to the soundtrack.

Meanwhile, in what’s sure to either piss off or really excite Dario Argento fans (see Ranylt Richildis), arguably one of the best young dye-rectors working today, David Gordon Green, has confirmed that he’s written the screenplay and hopes to direct a remake of Suspiria, a seriously fucked up horror movie that was nevertheless kind of awesome, especially if you’re a fan of brutal, chill-you-to-the-motherfucking core violence mixed with an unsettling moodiness that will give you nightmares well into your nursing home. Take, for instance, this scene from Suspiria, probably the most famous Argento scene of all time (graphically NSFW and extremely unsuitable for those sensitive to violence):

Now, on the one hand, I don’t know how good an idea it is to remake one of the horror classics, especially one as iconic as Suspiria — there’s no way to duplicate the unsettling intensity of that film — but, on the other hand, if it had to be remade (and all decent movies apparently must be), I’m glad that David Gordon Green has been attached instead of, say, Eli Roth, who I’d imagine would be most studio executives’ choice. The film is about an American student abroad in Germany who discovers that the dancing school she attends is actually home to a coven of Satanic witches, and yes — it is one of the films that surely inspired the torture-porn directors of today, which is why, ultimately, I have conflicting feelings about the original. Maybe I can talk Ranylt into adding a review of the originalSuspiria into our Pajiba Blockbusters series, and she can brilliantly parse the film and satisfactorily separate it from its lesser successors.

There will be a Fast and the Furious 4 and now that the stars of Vin Diesel and Paul Walker have suitably faded, the producers can afford them again, so they will reunite, along with two others from the original, Jordana Brewster and Michelle Rodriguez. Plot details are sketchy, but understand that it will involve cars, excessive skin, and an abundance of dumbassery; the climactic scene is expected to include an actual cock fight between Walker and Diesel, settling once and for all the debate about the sliding scale between penis size and a car’s horsepower (*spoiler alert: Magnifying glasses play an intricate role in the scene). Look for it in theaters next year.

Now, onto the trailers: First, the teaser for Tropic Thunder, a Vietnam war comedy that seemingly has only one thing going for it: Robert Downey, Jr. Weirdly, he plays a black man; you may have heard, unless — of course — you just discovered the Internet (congratulations!). The teaser trailer, however, tells you absolutely nothing:

Next, I guess I’m supposed to get all erect because Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino are teaming up and sharing an entire film’s worth of scenes together (along with 50 Cent), but I lost complete interest once I figured out that the blond guy in the opening snippets of the trailer wasn’t Anthony Michael Hall:

Finally, in what will certainly be a future real-time review here on Pajiba, a straight-to-DVD release that’s sure to excite some of The Eloquents, who will have a new element to incorporate into their ongoing Zombie wars. It’s not quite “sweater-vests zombies,” but it’ll have to do until TK becomes one of the undead:

Finally, another illustration treat from the eye-poppingly talented Skittimus Maximus:

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Zombie Pajibas

The Daily Trade Round-Up / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | March 11, 2008 | Comments ()



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