Zac Efron's Orson Welles and Me

Zac Efron’s Existence Poisons Good Name of Orson Welles
Casting Atrocity / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | September 2, 2008 | Comments (46)

I am loathe to make a sitcom-level joke about how unlikely it is you’d ever read a sentence containing the names of both Zac Efron and Orson Welles in it, but in this case, it’s warranted, if only to demonstrate what an affront that combination is to decency, to intelligence, and to common sense.

Indeed, Richard Linklater — who dabbles occasionally in mainstream cinema (Bad News Bears, School of Rock) when he needs the cash to bankroll Ethan Hawke’s career — is directing a film from first-time writer, Holly Gent Palmo, called Me and Orson Welles. The film is about a teenager cast in a production of “Julius Ceasar” directed by a young Orson Welles in 1937. Zac Effron plays that young teenager, which is strange because Orson Welles would sooner eat Zac Effron with a bottle of Scotch than cast him in his play. Shame the hell on Richard Linklater, who should have more sense than to besmirch Welles’ good name with the likes of Efron.

Aside from Efron’s existence (both in the movie and in the world), Me and Orson Welles is somewhat intriguing, as it will also feature Joseph Cotton, John Houseman, and George Coulouris, played mostly by nobodies (Ben Chaplin gets the honor of depicting Coulouris). Elia Kazan’s grand-daughter, Zoe Kazan, also has a role, which makes Efron’s presence all the more unsettling. Claire Danes, FYI, plays the opportunistic love interest.

Christian McKay, who most of you know from absolutely nothing, will be playing Welles, which is a shame. Everyone knows that Greg Grunberg is the perfect Orson Welles.

(Photo Compliments of Entertainment Weekly)

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Comments

I remember when I first read Zac Efron would be in a movie about Orson Welles... It's like Bob Dylan asking Gavin DeGraw to open for him. Wrong. Just wrong.

I have to admit, though, Efron would make a killer Rosebud.

Posted by: Sofía at September 2, 2008 9:42 AM

Irrefutable evidence that there is no God.

Posted by: Anonymous at September 2, 2008 9:43 AM

Wait a minute Pajiba! Are we now posting shorter but more frequent articles all day long? Because that will pretty much guarantee my demise as a productive member of the working forces...

Posted by: Pants at September 2, 2008 9:44 AM

Those are two pretty ladies up there.

Posted by: jM at September 2, 2008 9:46 AM

I'll assume the site design is in progress, and will say nothing crabby about awkwardness and grey yet. I can totally be magnanimous like that.

I'll correct the spelling of "Cotten" though.

This movie is a bad, bad idea.

Posted by: Jay at September 2, 2008 9:46 AM

It's funny because he looks like a girl...

Posted by: Pants at September 2, 2008 9:47 AM

Unless, of course, there was a nefarious plot to kill the comments by producing a large volume of terse articles. Why that'd be devilish!

Posted by: Jay at September 2, 2008 9:57 AM

Wait. Claire Danes plays whose love interest? Because if I found out she has kissed Zac(h) Effron, I will kill him. I will kill the shit right out of him.

Posted by: Mella at September 2, 2008 10:06 AM

I would hope that Claire Danes plays the love interest of Orson Welles. I am sure that any suggestion that she is Efron's love interest would be akin to child porn since Efron is a fetus.

Posted by: greer at September 2, 2008 10:12 AM

The best Orson Welles? Duh -- Vincent D'Onofrio! I lurve me some Ed Wood.

Posted by: piedlourde at September 2, 2008 10:20 AM

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Posted by: Kayanne at September 2, 2008 10:23 AM

I'm more curious as to who will play Joseph Cotten. Sweet, delicious, often sinister man. Yum.

Posted by: Girlnone at September 2, 2008 10:28 AM

Jeez, just remake Citizen Kane already. It's all grainy and there's no color. Plus what's up with all the symbolism and quality editing? How am I supposed to understand a loss of innocence if a narrator doesn't spell it out for me?

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 2, 2008 10:35 AM

(Claire Danes rant imminent)

Whatever happened to that adorable redhead from My So-Called Life? I so identified with her and while all my friends were pining for motherfucking Jared Leto, I had a girlcrush on Danes.
Whenever I see a current picture of that skinny bitch or try to connect to one of her generic characters, I... Well, let's say if I had a penis, it would quietly sob and hide.

Posted by: piedlourde at September 2, 2008 10:36 AM

So Harlan Ellison finally made it into Madame Tussaud's. That's the wax rendition of A Boy and His Dog, right?

Unless, of course, there was a nefarious plot to kill the comments by producing a large volume of terse articles. Why that'd be devilish!

Posted by: Jay at September 2, 2008 9:57 AM

That would be my take on things, too, Jay.

Posted by: Che Grovera at September 2, 2008 10:43 AM

I've had Ken Dolls that appeared more life-like and animated than Zac Efron. The kid's ongoing popularity astounds me, he wasn't even the best looking guy in High School Musical.

... um, not that I've seen High School Musical. Nope. Not even while bored during spring break and dubbed in Italian.

......shit. I'm gonna get kicked off Pajiba.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at September 2, 2008 10:47 AM

Remember the site motto: Come for the reviews, stay for the comments. Pajiba loves the commenters more than anything except li'l godtopus. Patience, pet.

Posted by: socalledonlycousins at September 2, 2008 11:03 AM

... um, not that I've seen High School Musical. Nope. Not even while bored during spring break and dubbed in Italian.

......shit. I'm gonna get kicked off Pajiba.

Then we're going together, 'cause I saw "That's so Raven" in Portuguese in Brazil while I could've been drinking at the beach amidst gorgeous, toned men who smile at you because it's Monday. And I wasn't sick or anything. I just sat in my hotel room... watching "That's so Raven" in Portuguese... marvelled at how similar Spanish and Portuguese are... and so into the plot I can't even remember what the episode was about because I'd never seen "That's so Raven" before.

Any other show/movie you wouldn't normally watch but you have watched (and enjoyed) in a foreign language?

Posted by: Sofía at September 2, 2008 11:08 AM

Yes, I'm known to have remarkable patience, though I don't always agree with that observation. But keep the pictures on the homepage at least, you don't wanna go all grey like Slate.com

shudder

Some of us still remember when "Sassy" reappeared like a sinister stepmother. Some wounds don't heal!

Plus it was right in the middle of a gift subscription a friend had given me for Christmas because I was always reading hers, so that sucked.

I see the home link banner's back in place though. Awriiight.

Rusty, my team won a game of Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit this weekend because I knew it was Jeff who's the Wiggle who's always sleeping. I said I knew this because I have a niece and nephew.

Is it true?

I wouldn't know if you were lying either. So blame embarrassing knowledge on your family.

The German version of Jerry Springer (Hans something, I think) that I saw in a London hotel room was amazing, especially because you could believe it was just a dubbed American show. The tacky fools looked just the same.

Posted by: Jay at September 2, 2008 11:18 AM

Orson Welles would sooner eat Zac Effron with a bottle of Scotch than cast him in his play

Somewhere in hell, between banging Rita, eating every fucking thing in site, drinking Paul Masson wine till it comes out every orifice in his body, and waiting to talk to me about all the awesome shit he did and didn't get to do, Orson is now laughing his ass off. And, preparing to rip-off Zach's head and shit down his neck.....

Posted by: dammitjanet at September 2, 2008 11:21 AM

He does, however, have to do the frozen peas commercial for several hours, every day, as part of his punishment...just as Nostrodamus predicted he would.

Posted by: Jay at September 2, 2008 11:25 AM

"Any other show/movie you wouldn't normally watch but you have watched (and enjoyed) in a foreign language?"

Well, um, the porno channel in a hotel room in Instanbul. It was all ads for telephone sex hot lines, with photos of mostly nekkid women and the ads were in Arabic. Rather strange for a Moslem country, I thought.

Posted by: BWeaves at September 2, 2008 11:32 AM

Orson Welles would sooner eat Zac Effron with a bottle of Scotch than cast him in his play

Posted by: dammitjanet at September 2, 2008 11:21 AM

dammitjanet, congratulations...I'm crying at my keyboard because of what you've written and how funny it is. Though, I imagine when he shits down Mr. Efron's neck he'll let out a triumphant, "YES!"

Posted by: Mike R. at September 2, 2008 11:55 AM

I have to admit, though, Efron would make a killer Rosebud.

How would he play an excellent clitoris?*

*Look it up.

Posted by: Vermillion at September 2, 2008 12:07 PM

They should have gotten that guy from Mad Men to play Welles...forget his name, but he's one of Don Draper's underlings...

Posted by: Siddhartha at September 2, 2008 12:07 PM

My indignation at Efron being anywhere near this, as well as my not-always-rewarded-but-persisting-anyway faith in Linklater, has made me very anxious to hear how it turns out ... incidentally, the book it's based on is pretty good. Plus Christian McKay wrote and starred in a play about Welles a couple of years ago, so he might have enough background to make the role work

Posted by: deliberatepixel at September 2, 2008 12:17 PM

How would he play an excellent clitoris?

By wearing a hoodie?

Posted by: Julie at September 2, 2008 12:17 PM

BWeaves, that would be my same feeling upon driving through the Bible Belt southeast and seeing the billboards for the local Baptist Mega-church inevitably followed up with billboards for the LIVE NUDE GIRLS 24/7 that appeared next to every truck stop. Were the live nude girls baptist? Did the church pray for them? So many questions.

Sofia, I'm glad someone else shares my shame. It was strangely fascinating though, all the dialogue was in Italian and then for the songs they'd switch back to the original recorded song with Italian subtitles.

Jay, I am still intimately familiar with the dealings of the Teletubbies. Don't feel too bad.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at September 2, 2008 12:20 PM

Well, I honestly do have a niece and nephew for my Wiggle information.

But I personally like the second guy on Blue's Clues much better.

Posted by: Jay at September 2, 2008 12:34 PM

Q: Vermillion-How would he play an excellent clitoris?

A: Julie-By wearing a hoodie?

Oohhhhhhhhhh. (That's not an oohhhhhh of dawning understanding, that's a groaned oohhhhh at the sheer awfulness. You made me choke on my peanut butter.)

Crocodile Dundee is freaking hilarious on Telemundo (NJ's Spanish-language station).

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 2, 2008 1:01 PM

Wait a minute Pajiba! Are we now posting shorter but more frequent articles all day long?

Lord I hope not! This is like the dumbing down of Pajiba, where the formerly excellent articles needed length to fully convey their awesomeness, and are now castrated down to better fit the attention span of the people who vetted Sarah Palin. This PajibaLite is going to be worse than Chinese food for any kind of long-term satisfaction. I'm with Skittimus, change the format back!

[walks away grumbling about young whippersnappers and their inability to leave well enough alone, making changes only for the sake of change and not out of necessity, and how nobody appreciates quality anymore...]

Posted by: lordhelmet at September 2, 2008 1:08 PM

I'm thrilled to see that Joel McHale is not the only one who appreciates TV in foreign languages.

La Madrastra, anyone? Bruno would kick Zac Efron's ass!! His (marker-scribbled) moustache looks more real than Efron's eyebrows.

Posted by: Sofía at September 2, 2008 1:10 PM

"an excellent clitoris" = female version of "an extraordinary nut sack"?

Posted by: meaux at September 2, 2008 1:13 PM

Hee hee hee. I shook my head at myself with that one, Anna :p

I don't have a problem with the new layout, I actually really like the reorganization of the header.

Posted by: Julie at September 2, 2008 1:15 PM

Clitoris is something (a few good) men (act like they) want to find so they can properly satisfy a woman. A nut sack is something women try to ignore.

This new layout is actually okay. I don't think it will affect the quality of the articles. The more Pajiba the merrier.

Posted by: Sofía at September 2, 2008 1:18 PM

I never thought Showgirls could get any funnier, but then I saw part of it dubbed in Danish. The pool scene sounded like the Swedish Chef being attacked by a shark.

Posted by: firedmyass at September 2, 2008 4:12 PM

The pool scene sounded like the Swedish Chef being attacked by a shark.

Firedmyass, I am trying so hard not to scream with laughter at that. Oh god, it burns!

Posted by: Julie at September 2, 2008 4:29 PM

me thinks he doth protest too much

Posted by: James S at September 2, 2008 4:30 PM

This shows that Hollywood's methods of pulling from a talent pool are fairly...incestuous, for lack of a better term.

Think of how many actors/actresses are horribly miscast into roles they will NEVER qualify for, yet are still allowed to be in them.

That can be the only reason. They're not looking beyond this little (arguably, high-school cliquish) circle of well-connected fucktards.

Posted by: Recondite at September 2, 2008 5:12 PM

Clitoris is something (a few good) men (act like they) want to find so they can properly satisfy a woman.

Posted by: Sofía at September 2, 2008 1:18 PM

I know how I would play an excellent clitoris. Boyz in da hood. Word.

Posted by: Che Grovera at September 3, 2008 7:23 AM

men (act like they) want to find

Well it's not exactly hidden.

Posted by: Jay at September 3, 2008 7:30 AM

Jay, for some men, it could have neon lights pointing to it (think Beetlejuice) and they'd still miss it.

Posted by: Stella at September 3, 2008 7:48 AM

h and Claire Danes is in it too?!

EW!!!!

My god what a coalition of total raging god damn ass!!!

Damn right, SHAME THE HELL ON LINKLATER is he HIGH?!

The man needs to reunite his Dazed and Confused crue (inentional) and just make awesome pseudo stoner movies that just make us think!!!

fucking Danes and EFRON...ugh i just blew chunks all over the world

god damn both of them are black holes of raging suck

Im working at a cinema hosting the UK premier of High SchooL MusicSHit 3 or 7 or what ever number it is, Who would like me to punck Efron in the neck ??

Posted by: nadine at September 3, 2008 7:54 AM

see how angry that makes me!?

PUNCH Efron in the Neck.

Punch him.

I don't even know what a Punck is.

But I bet its dangerous and painful and Efron's gonna find out

Posted by: nadine at September 3, 2008 7:57 AM

I agree with Stella.

Posted by: Sofía at September 3, 2008 9:41 AM

I think by Greg Gunburg, you mean MICHAEL GLADIS

Posted by: jasper at September 3, 2008 10:18 PM

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