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You're A C*cksucker, Snow White: Casting News For Snow White and the Huntsman

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (13)



Al-Swearengen-deadwood-10889562-700-486.jpg

You know, I’m beginning to get on board with this whole Snow White And The Huntsman movie. You know, the other adaptation of Snow White that’s coming out. This one is about Snow White escaping her wicked stepmother, aided by the huntsman who was supposed to kill her. Instead, he trains her to survive. And there are dwarfs. I mean little people. Hobbits? Fuck me, I have no clue.

And as is the post Lord Of The Rings world, the dwarfs will be played by normal sized people, because otherwise we’d just have to use CGI copies of Peter Dinklage and Jordan Prentice. And I guess they’ll instead CGI them down to little person size. Yeah, I know. Sometimes I feel like this is just another instance of Hollywood crazy-laziness — instead of just using talented little people, they’d rather just digitally shrink more well-known actors. It’s a little annoying.

Anyway, the first of the seven dwarfs has been cast, and it’s Al Swearengen himself, Ian McShane. Now I loves me some McShane, even though he can occasionally be a bitter disappointment in his post-“Deadwood” roles. I don’t care though. I’ll still watch everything he does. Additionally, there are some pretty badass actors in talks to play the some of the other dwarfs (see the handy list below).

Oh, wait. You should probably know that in this version there will actually be eight dwarfs. And they’re all named after famous ancient Romans. No, really. Via Slashfilm:

Caesar: the eldest, with the longest beard (McShane)
Nero: the angry one.
Tiberius: the biggest and burliest (Eddie Izzard is in talks)
Hadrian and Trajan: the twins.
Constantine: solemn and blind (Bob Hoskins is in talks)
Claudius: the timid one (Toby Jones is in talks)
Gus: young, unbearded, seemingly smitten with Snow White.

Not bad, right? Anyway, the film is directed by Rupert Saunders, in his debut. It will star Thor Chris Hemsworth as the Huntsman, with Charlize Theron as the Queen. That’s a solid cast, right there. Oh, and Snow White will be be played with lip-biting stoniness by Kristen Stewart.

Well, no one bats a thousand, I guess.

Cocksuckers.









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Comments

I'd probably go see it Kristen Stewart was not attached in any way...which is probably how everyone feels. I'm not sure if Eddie Izzard could get me to see it.

Posted by: Candee at June 22, 2011 11:25 AM

Anyway we can get Mr. Wu in there as the "color/ethnic" dwarf? Just for the sake of hearing McShane going "Wu, Cocksucker!"

Posted by: Fredo at June 22, 2011 11:33 AM

I was there until that last casting notation. Kindly use your Teekayian filthy rage powers to correct the oversight.

Posted by: admin at June 22, 2011 11:36 AM

I'm confused...isn't Snow White supposed to be more beautiful than the queen? Aside from the fact that few people are more beautiful than Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart most certainly isn't. Nor does she have any sort of charisma or magnetism to fall back on.

Posted by: Donut Plains at June 22, 2011 11:41 AM

In fairness, McShane is a really short guy so it might work....and he does have a history with high hos!!

Yes, I know. I'll be leaving now.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 22, 2011 11:48 AM

Ugh. That cast was so solid until...until...

Gah, fucking Dead Eye McGee has rendered me speechless. Not even the power of the "Swedgin" will be able to get me to put up my cash for this film.

Posted by: Kala at June 22, 2011 11:50 AM

Bob Hoskins isn't in talks for the angry one? Missed opportunity there. THAT man can play some angry.

Posted by: Todd at June 22, 2011 12:07 PM

Kristen is worse than Megan Fox and January Jones. They are at least good looking. She on the other hand is a bitter obnoxious stoner with dead eyes.

Posted by: guy at June 22, 2011 12:25 PM

Oh, hell. I was actually really excited about this but the fact remains that I can't stand watching Kristin in anything. Dammit. I agree with Guy ... I'd rather watch Megan Fox in this and that's saying something.

Posted by: beckster at June 22, 2011 12:38 PM

And they’re all named after famous ancient Romans. No, really.

::reads list::

What is all this insolence? Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this!

Posted by: branded at June 22, 2011 1:02 PM

Grrr Kristen Stewart. Forget the top five women we hate list from yesterday, she's my whole list (ok her and Winona, I still hate that bitch). Anytime I see Stewart's name, it immediately turns me off from a project. But then I find Chris Hemsworth to be mind-blowingly hot, so now I have a dilemma. Can we find out if he goes shirtless in this movie? I feel having all the facts greatly impacts my decision.

Posted by: Even Stevens at June 22, 2011 1:24 PM

I misread the title and thought Kim Kardashian had been cast as Snow White.

Posted by: James S at June 22, 2011 4:07 PM

I like how everyone gets excited until you hit them with Stewart.

Because I did the same thing.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at June 22, 2011 8:04 PM