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You Using The Whole Fist, Doc? Trade News To Make You Kneel Like The Dogs That You Are

By TK | Trade News | May 23, 2011 | Comments ()


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Greetings, you sons of motherless goats. Here's a bunch of random trade news that I vomited up, just for you. Now eat it, you pigs.

Hey, did you know there's going to be a third Batman film? You may have heard about it. Well, Christopher Nolan has added a couple more pieces to The Dark Knight Rises -- Matthew Modine and Tom Conti. No word on who they'll be playing though, but knowing how these things work, there'll be speculation that'll turn to almost-facts, and then Nolan will yank the rug out and make everyone look like morons. Yeah, that's about right. (Variety)

One of the projects that's been being developed since what feels like the dawn of friggin' time is a new Fletch movie. It's been linked to Kevin Smith, Jason Lee, Ryan Reynolds, Bill Lawrence, Zack Braff, and probably your mom at some point or another. Anyway, Warner Brothers, who own the rights, have hired David Mandel to write an adaptation of the infamous Gregory MacDonald character. I'm sort of conflicted about the project, since I absolutely adore the Chevy Chase movie, even though it's almost nothing like the novels, which I also love. Mandel's been all over the place -- he's worked on "SNL," "Seinfeld," and even wrote the screenplay for Eurotrip, a movie that I enjoy way more than I should. THR is reporting that they're looking to make "a smart action comedy that plays out on a bigger canvas than the previous movies." We'll see how that pans out.

Does anyone watch "Smallville"? If so, why? I catch a couple of minutes of it periodically, just to confirm my suspicions that it's terrible. Anyway, the series finale aired recently (did you know that Tom Welling has now played the Man of Steel more than anyone ever? That should make you sad), and here's the final six minutes, as narrated/spooged over by a person who should be dragged through the streets with a shovel up his ass while people throw live badgers at him. If this is you, kill yourself. If it's not, enjoy the knowledge that yes, you could be a bigger jackass:

For those who have seen Thor, which I quite enjoyed, you hopefully stayed through the credits for the final scene. Anyone who knows the Marvel films knows that you gotta stick around at this point, as there's always a nifty little scene that gives a bit of foreshadowing into upcoming projects. In this case, it was a (SPOILERY) bit involving Stellan Skarsgard, Loki and The Cosmic Cube (END SPOILERY). Interestingly, Skarsgard recently let slip that the scene was apparently directed by none other than Joss Whedon, who is now in the midst of directing the mega-project, The Avengers. Neat, eh?
(Empire)

In one of the more interesting ideas to come around recently, the Australian horror/thriller The Tunnel is now complete. It's an unusual project because, much like the German film Iron Sky, a good bit of it was fan-funded, via a system that supposedly allowed you to purchase frames of the film for a dollar, or something like that. Anyway, the neat part is that the completed film is now available, 100% for free, via bittorrent. Check the official website for more details if you're interested. and I'll have a review up in a couple of days. (The Tunnel)

Finally, here's the trailer for Gut, which is strange and stilted and kind of... unsettling. It's getting some pretty uncomfortable comparisons, and I've heard it mentioned in the same breath as the horrific Serbian Film. The trailer doesn't give much away, but it makes me a little squicky:



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