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You Can Hide Your Face Behind a Beaver, But You Can't Hide Your Hate

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (50)

the_beaver_mebdadfadsfson_full poster.jpg

Would you see a movie starring Mel Gibson and directed by Jodie Foster about a delusional man who walks around with a puppet of a beaver on his hand and treats it like a living creature? What if I told you it was a really good movie? Would you see it then? Does the movie poster for The Beaver affect your decision?

And as Steven Lloyd Wilson asks, “Why does the beaver look like he’s made of oatmeal?”

the_beaver_mebson_full poster.jpg

(via Coming Soon)









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Comments

Errr.... it's pretty rare for me to not have something to say but WTF??!!!

Posted by: Porkchop Express at November 4, 2010 11:47 AM

Considering the violence of his threats against his former paramour, we should be grateful that it's a puppet beaver and not a human one.

Too much?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 4, 2010 11:50 AM

...what?

Posted by: Jim Doggie at November 4, 2010 11:53 AM

Come on everyone, give the racist a break. This could be great - remember how good he is at comedy? Eh? Maverick! What Women Want! Conspiracy Theory!

Ahem. Yeah, let's all not watch this.

Posted by: Caspar at November 4, 2010 11:56 AM

This man has a serious beaver problem. I will not watch this under any circumstances. I'll file it under movies I'm proud to have never seen:

1. Dances With Wolves
2. Titanic
3. Avatar
4. The Beaver

Is the Beaver's name Sugartits?

Posted by: BWeaves at November 4, 2010 12:01 PM

actually I read about this inbetween his tirades about jews, sugartits(which still sounds like a tastey new cookie from keebler coming this fall yummy in milk) and the like and it sounded pretty awesome then and it still does so I'm torn.

do I see a movie that will prolly be good but stars an ass, or do I skip and see some ass of a movie that stars someone that makes me feel all good inside

I geuss I'll wait till cable that way nobody knows I saw it

crap maybe I should'nt have posted that

Posted by: BigTodd at November 4, 2010 12:10 PM

I want nothing more than to go back in time and convince Jodie Foster that anyone but Mel Gibson should star in this movie. Anyone. I'll take Dawson or Eddie Murphy or even Kevin James. Then I'd be allowed to say "but Jodie Foster directed it and she's awesome" as a defense for seeing it.

Posted by: Robert at November 4, 2010 12:19 PM

I'd watch it. If I had to decide what movies to watch, based on the behavior of the actors in them, it would be a VERY short list.

Fookin' actors!

Posted by: Einstien at November 4, 2010 12:21 PM

exactly Einstien just imagine the great movies that we'd missed if passed by douchebag actors

Posted by: BigTodd at November 4, 2010 12:27 PM

I'm less concerned about the asshole starring in it than I am of how stupid the premise is.

Posted by: logan at November 4, 2010 12:31 PM

well this was going to be his big comeback, several sites did reviews of the script and set visits and it was generally well recieved. Plus the jodie foster beaver jokes don't get old... do they? not sure.. anyone know where they're at with that pootie tang sequel?

Posted by: BigTodd at November 4, 2010 12:41 PM

BWeaves, why would you be proud not to have seen those movies? I mean, I guess if they were movies that promoted a theme that you abhor or imagery that you detest, I could understand. But it's not as if anyone gets sewn ass to mouth or gets raped in the woods, y'know?

I'll send you copies for free and you can watch them. They're not bad.

Posted by: superasente at November 4, 2010 12:42 PM

and you can shorten you list BWeaves, Dances with wolves and avatar are the same damn movie. Just one stars an overated blowhard other is directed by one

Posted by: BigTodd at November 4, 2010 12:53 PM

I'm torn between my love for Jodi Foster and my antipathy for Mr. Gibson. I guess I'll wait for the reviews. Sometimes bad people make good movies. With the dirth of quality films these days it would be a shame to miss one just because the lead actor is an abusive racist asshole.

Posted by: Yossarian at November 4, 2010 1:07 PM

????????????

Posted by: nolalola504 at November 4, 2010 1:14 PM

No, seriously. This makes me feel sleepy, constipated, irritable, confused, itchy, nauseous, and back to confused. I don't..what..wh?

Posted by: nolalola504 at November 4, 2010 1:15 PM

For me, Mel has crossed that line where I can no longer separate his real life asshole persona from the characters he plays.

Posted by: DeadBessie at November 4, 2010 1:26 PM

"...Please treat him as you normally would, but address yourself to the puppet."

-Ooooookie Dokie....

Omigawd! Hey you there...beaver! Look out behind you! There's a mega-bigoted, ass-rag, fuck-wad of an actor sneaking up on your six! He's a batshit crazy racist I tell you! He'll hate the fuck out of you! And if he doesn't do that first. he'll probably fist you like a drunken longshoreman...and... oh dammit all...too late.

Posted by: bleujayone at November 4, 2010 1:33 PM

This could be awful. This could be good. I doubt it will be great. I loved a lot of Mel Gibson movies (I love Maverick. I'm not ashamed.) before we found out he was a shit-heel of a person. I'm sure he's always been a prick so I'll just wait and see.

Posted by: Paultera at November 4, 2010 1:35 PM

I think I'm just gonna go get Gun'd.
(See what I did there?)

Posted by: Odnon. at November 4, 2010 2:04 PM

bleujayone--God, that made me laugh.

Posted by: DeadBessie at November 4, 2010 2:11 PM

I just find the puppet terrifying... and I like puppets, but this one seems like it's going to eat my soul. It's making you come closer to it so that you can read all the tiny writing on the cue card, and then it's going to attack.

Posted by: crabtree at November 4, 2010 2:17 PM

I'll pass, thanks. No amount of "movie quality" could entice me to watch another movie he is in. Ever.

Posted by: Darlene at November 4, 2010 2:21 PM

Yeah, I admit it. I kind of want to see it.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 4, 2010 2:25 PM

So basically, the Beaver is a feature length version of Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat? So does the Beaver shout "white power!" too?

Posted by: Irving Washington at November 4, 2010 2:54 PM

Yeah, the premise of the movie could turn out either awful or amazing. But that actual beaver puppet... looks like oatmeal (thanks SLW), and creeps me out, and I don't like it. If it was actually a cute, cuddly beaver puppet, maybe...

Posted by: MM at November 4, 2010 3:02 PM

superasente, I guess the big thing I have against the first 3 movies is that everyone told me I HAD to see these movies ON THE BIG SCREEN, because of ALL THE BEAUTIFUL SCENERY. I don't see very well. I have no intention of being bored to death in a movie theater attempting to watch scenery. Give me an old movie with snappy dialog and actors who had voices. Voices you could recognize with your eyes closed.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 4, 2010 3:43 PM

I have an idea. If you really want to see this movie, buy a ticket to a different movie that's playing about the same time at the same theater, and just go into this one. It's not like your a horny teenager trying to sneak into an R rated movie. Nobody'll check.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 4, 2010 3:46 PM

You're, not your.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 4, 2010 3:47 PM

I love how everyone crucifies Mel Gibson then turns around and talks about how much they loved Mike Tyson in the Hangover.

All Tyson did was rape a woman. But hey we all make mistakes right?

Posted by: the EPA at November 4, 2010 3:56 PM

I think I get it. You see, based on Gibson's love for abusive and threatening phone calls, he's a big fan of Crank Yankers. And this is the character he wanted to do on the show.

Then he found out that show creator Jimmy Kimmel once had sex with a jew.

Also, there are a "pack of ******s" who do characters on that show and Mel was scared his beaver might get raped.

Posted by: What An A**hole! at November 4, 2010 4:23 PM

Oh, HELL no.

Posted by: Jerry at November 4, 2010 5:17 PM

Shit. On the one hand, I'd love to support Jodie Foster, because we need more female filmmakers out there. On the other hand, Mel Gibson is just pure fucking evil and I couldn't get through this.

Damn you, Mel Gibson, you ruin EVERYTHING.

Maverick is still awesome, though.

Posted by: figgy at November 4, 2010 6:33 PM

I believe even John Hinkley will be steering clear of this one.

Posted by: ShagEaredVillain at November 4, 2010 6:44 PM

Uh, no. I will not watch this in a house. I will not watch it with a mouse. I will not watch it here or there. I will not watch it anywhere. I do not like that racist man; I do not like him, Sam I Am.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at November 4, 2010 7:55 PM

I've wanted to see this film ever since Jim Carrey was attached to The Beaver-considered one of the hottest scripts in Hollywood! Now, because of Gibson, I'm supposed to say I'm not interested? What?...I'm going to "boycott" it? No way! I suspect it is awesome, and there are greater injustices to boycott than an innovative independent film by one of the few women directors in town. Go monitor your oil consumption, or do something useful, Ms. Pinky.

Posted by: Kwid,Pro,& Guo at November 4, 2010 11:11 PM

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Posted by: Mari Nassimi at November 5, 2010 7:08 AM

That's the closest to any beaver Mel's getting for a while. Hey...O. Also, do beavers' toes really look like that? If so, new source of dread.

Posted by: sheshakes at November 5, 2010 10:25 AM

@ShagEaredVillain

I thought my joke was dark.

Yours was much funnier though.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at November 5, 2010 11:52 AM

Mel is so rich that boycotting this movie won't hurt him at all. It will hurt Jodie Foster and anyone else whose career will be negatively impacted if the movie flops.

Posted by: The Mutt at November 5, 2010 4:52 PM

Go monitor your oil consumption, or do something useful, Ms. Pinky. Kwid,Pro,& Guo at November 4, 2010 11:11 PM

Don't be condescending when addressing me. I don't enjoy Mel Gibson's movies. This movie doesn't appeal to me. I never used the word boycott. I don't like him and won't be seeing this.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at November 5, 2010 5:21 PM

Kwid,Pro,& Guo,
Dude, what the hell man? Pinky made a comment using Dr Seuss (that was amusing)and you totally dick-out on her? What the fuck?
AH HAHPE YAH GAHT RAHPED BAHY AH RAHVING PAHCK AHF RAHBAHD LLAHMAHS.

Posted by: Spaghatta Nadle (formerly popejenn) at November 5, 2010 5:27 PM

I don't like that beaver. He's got shifty eyes.

>.>

>.>

Kind of like Kwid,Pro,& Guo.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at November 5, 2010 6:07 PM

Hm. I feel like I've already seen this movie, and it didn't star Mel Gibson. No, it was that guy from The Believer and The Notebook. What was the name of that movie? All The Real G-- no. Real Woman Have Cur-- nope, not that one, either. The Real Cancun? Ah, hell naw. Oh! Oh! Mr. Kotter, I remember! It was called Lars and the Real Girl! Yeah, I've totally seen this. It was pretty good, a little too precious and not nearly funny enough. Plus, the lead was a little too convincing as a deeply disturbed individual.

Oh, and what the hell does "monitor your oil consumption" even mean? Is Pinky supposed to be a vehicle of some sort in this scenario? Maybe an auto mechanic? Wait, no, you're trying to make a "STFU libtard" comment, aren't you? Implying that she's, I dunno, so stupid, or such a bitch, that she drives a hybrid or some other fuel efficient vehicle? Yeah, Vishnu forbid somebody take the time and effort to be careful how much they consume such an important and limited resource like a fossil fuel. That oil spill in the Gulf wasn't that big a deal. Drill, baby, drill. Some people, right?

No, wait. I think the movie I saw was called Dummy. Hell, now I'm just confused. Either way, yeah, I've already seen this.

Posted by: RobP at November 5, 2010 7:31 PM

im racist. im sure that almost all of you have made racist remarks from time to time. give the guy a break already.

Posted by: Taylor Kozakar at November 5, 2010 8:57 PM

After mulling over it for a little while, I believe I have come up how the movie could be altered to make it watchable

Rename it "The Beiber" and have Mel Gibson walk around for 90 minutes with his angry fist up Justin Beiber's ass.

At least in that capacity I can think of at least a few people who might want to watch.

These are the errant thoughts that crash through my melon at 3AM.

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