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Robert Zemekis And The Face That He Keeps In A Jar By The Door

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (29)

beatlesysum2.gif

Ah, The Beatles catalog continues to be pillaged. This fall’s pending release of Rock Band: The Beatles was the first step. Now, Robert Zemekis, who has apparently given up on live action films altogether, instead preferring the dead-eyed, soulless motion capture technique (Polar Express, A Christmas Carol), is set to remake the classic 1968 film Yellow Submarine. Why? Who the hell knows.

In any event, Disney and Zemekis have been negotiating to get the rights to the songs for the movie, aiming at a 2012 release date, in time for the 2012 Summer Olympics in London. Why they think that’s somehow important is beyond me, but who knows why Disney does anything these days. In fact, I’ve heard tell that simply questioning their motives will get you killed.

It’s not a huge deal, bastardization-wise, since the original wasn’t actually voiced by The Beatles (except for the songs, of course), but one still can’t help but wonder why. I, of course, also have to wonder if it will spawn a mass of stoner fans who seek deeper meaning in the film — or who just like to watch it for the pretty swirling colors. That statement in no way reflects my high school years. Ahem.

Anyway, it’s yet another pointless remake. Zemekis is planning to do it in mo-cap, of course, which will likely scare more children than it will amuse (God knows what the Blue Meanies will look like). While Beowulf was somewhat enjoyable, I still think that Zemekis’s obsession with the technique is a little pointless. But whoever said that Hollywood did anything with a purpose in mind? Plus, just think of all the great tie-ins! Happy Meals, toys, Yellow Submarine milkshakes!

::dies inside::









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Comments

Is this another one of your let's-get-the-Pajibans-riled-up posts?

I don't think I can take it.

Posted by: mswas at August 20, 2009 10:08 AM

Wouldn't a 3-D Rerelease be sufficient enough, or do we NEED to a have a new Yellow Submarine.
And with Disney to boot, so LSD references and questionable content will be stripped away from the film.
And hell, why not replace the Beatles with the Jonas Brothers! They're practically The Beatles anyway! Wouldn't that be fun?!
*Head desk*

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at August 20, 2009 10:13 AM

"And hell, why not replace the Beatles with the Jonas Brothers!"

It takes a sick motherfucker to think of something like that.

Posted by: Skewicide Blonde at August 20, 2009 10:15 AM

I'm the biggest Beatle fan in the world; but folks, let's be honest: Yellow Submarine is just not that good a movie. Get the soundtrack just for "It's All Too Much" and "Only A Northern Song" (all the rest of the songs are retreads) and let the movie go. The only truly good Beatles film is A Hard Day's Night, and that is one of the finest films of the latter 20th Century (now, if anyone talks about remaking that movie I'll be on my way to Hollywood and hoping the Murdertank catches up with me).

Posted by: Jerce at August 20, 2009 10:26 AM

Yellow Submarine may not have been good, but remaking it is still totally fucking insensitive. The Beatles are sacred, everyone loves them, we don't need to sully the memory of Lennon and Harrison by having our eyes fucked to death by motion capture specters of them in 3D.

Posted by: George at August 20, 2009 10:42 AM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: courtney at August 20, 2009 10:48 AM

Jerce is right: the movie wasn't very good. But I still question why it needs a remake. Animation in general shouldn't be remade (nor turned into live-action shit-stains. Yes, I'm looking at you Ron Howard) since they don't age the same way that a live-action film does.

Posted by: ed newman at August 20, 2009 10:52 AM

You are joking, right? This has to be a joke.

Jerce - I don't even care if what you say is true. You just don't touch the Beatles, okay? Please? Just so we know that there's something out there that exists outside the grasp of Hollywood's grubby, grasping, soulless fingers. I mean just say this sentence out loud: "They're remaking Yellow Submarine." And tell me you don't want to make like Cartman and kill yourself because really, you simply cannot connect with this world anymore.

Posted by: dsbs at August 20, 2009 10:52 AM

Meh.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 20, 2009 10:54 AM

This will of course be followed by "Woodstock-the Animated Adventure", "The Song Remains the Same" with all of Led Zeppelin represented as marmots terrorized by a mud shark, and as the coup de grace-"This is Spinal Tap" reimagined with giant exploding transforming robots-with tits!


Hey at least the Boomer's childhoods will be getting raped for a change.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at August 20, 2009 11:07 AM

ROFLMAO! Oh, the stuff you guys come up with. Seriously, you're going to have nothing left by the time we get to April Fool's Day.

Posted by: Caspar at August 20, 2009 11:11 AM

Jerce-

I think you may have a point. Or not. I'm a huge Beatles fan (to the point that I've even taught college courses about their music) but I've never seen any of their films beyond "Help!," which is just slightly removed from an episode of The Monkees for me to get too involved in it. My point is, "Only a Northern Song" and "It's All Too Much" are what makes the soundtrack album to Yellow Submarine worthwhile? Really? You have no love for "Hey Bulldog?"

Seriously, I'd be indignant, but I'm not surprised. I'm sure Paul McCartney has a hand in this. He's not exactly above being a shill every now and then, and this seems right up his alley.

Or maybe Bob Zemeckis had a meeting with Julie Taymor and they decided to have a little contest to see who could make the worst Beatles-inspired film...

Posted by: Armando at August 20, 2009 11:16 AM

An open leter to Robert Zemekis from the readers of Pajiba:

Dear Fool on the Hill,

From Me to You, Honey--Don't. I Don't Want to Spoil the Party, but I Just Don't Understand. While the original Yellow Submarine is not a great movie, it IS the most beloved band in history, and I Want to Tell You that Pajibans are Crying, Waiting, Hoping that you won't rape our memories with this Junk.

Just remember, Pajibans are Here, There and Everywhere. You'd better Run for Your Life, you Nowhere Man, because With a Little Help from My Friends, You Won't See Me, Dig It? We may start a Revolution!!! As they say, Happiness IS a Warm Gun!!

The End

Posted by: dammitjanet at August 20, 2009 11:17 AM

TK, the Beatles catalog is nothing more than spoils of war in that whomever purchased it should be able to do whatever they want to the catalog. Fuck the Beatles and all their minded fans who seem to think that the Beatles are off limits. Not only should there be Yellow submarine milkshakes, there should also be Yellow submarine rubbers, that’s condoms for you white folks.

Posted by: Guess Who! at August 20, 2009 11:20 AM

You have no love for "Hey Bulldog?"

I admit, to my Beatlegeek shame, that I had forgotten about "Hey Bulldog," which, yes, I love. But my opinion about the movie (and its possible remake) is unchanged: soundrack=yes, movie=mnah.

Also, if you've never seen Let It Be, you really really should. It won an Oscar, you know.

And finally, dammitjanet FTW.

Posted by: Jerce at August 20, 2009 11:50 AM

I thought the whole point of Yellow Submarine was the mod 60's animation. If you ain't got that, you got nothing.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 20, 2009 12:05 PM

Ok, if Yellow Submarine was so mediocre and inauthentic because they were barely involved, tell me, why bother remaking it? It can only get less authentic because they are mostly too dead to be any more involved than last time.

And stop-motion gives me the heebie-jeebies. Have ANY of his creepy-ass stop motion movies been big hits? Who likes this stuff? And is there any way they can pull off that psychedelic Peter Max style now without just looking lame?

And is it so hard to spell Zemeckis right? This IS a movie website.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at August 20, 2009 12:18 PM

Dammit, Robert, stop trying to make Motion Capture a thing! It's not going to happen!

Posted by: figgy at August 20, 2009 12:23 PM

*hangs head in shame*

Sorry, Anne (in Reno)

Posted by: dammitjanet at August 20, 2009 12:46 PM

Ok, I have even read this yet, but FUCK NO!

Posted by: Lee at August 20, 2009 12:51 PM

:bows down at dammitjanet's feet:

Posted by: Patty O'Green at August 20, 2009 1:01 PM

dammitjanet, I meant TK in the actual article, not you. You, my dear, were perhaps my favorite comment of the day.

Posted by: Anne (in Reno) at August 20, 2009 2:37 PM

Am I the only one who likes the film?

I thought Hollywood had truly committed itself to the category of Used To Make Movies when they made Land of The Lost. This is like Zombie Hollywood Strikes Back!

And the original film was made in London, away from the obtrusive hands of Los Angeles, while investors twiddled their thumbs nervously.

Just shameless...

Posted by: Stephen Thomas at August 20, 2009 3:19 PM

Let's see, according to "TK," "Disney and Zemekis have BEEN NEGOTIATING TO GET THE RIGHTS FOR THE SONGS FOR THE MOVIE."

Not that Disney and Zemekis have actually ACQUIRED THE RIGHTS TO THE SONGS FOR THE MOVIE, but they have BEEN NEGOTIATING TO GET THE RIGHTS FOR THE SONGS FOR THE MOVIE."

In other words you are throwing an apeshit level temper tasntrum over something that hasn't happened and if you actually KNEW ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT THE BEATLES AND HOW CLOSELY THEY GUARD THE RIGHTS TO THEIR MUSIC, you'd know this is about as likely to happen as Dick Cheney getting fucked up his butthole and getting dirty ass to mouthed by Barack Obama on national tv.

I get what you are really trying to do, stir up shit that will draw attention and more "views" to Pajiba. And it's not like this site has ever had anything resembling integrity anyway, but come on.

This is just pathetic, like posters over at the Straight Dope message boards trying despertaely to create meme's that will break out of their pathetic little world into the larger internet, like 4chan did with Rickrolling and LoLCatz.

You should read the story in this weeks Sunday New York Times Magazine about the beatles Rock Band video game and how much control the "shareholders", ie Ringo Starr, Paul McCartney, Yoko Ono and George Harrison's heirs all have over all things Beatles. If you had read it you probably wouldn't have written and posted this bullshit.

On second thought, sadly, yes you would.

Posted by: Fappy Mcfapper at August 20, 2009 3:41 PM

Posted by: dammitjanet at August 20, 2009 11:17 AM
---
The love you take
is equal to
the love you make.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at August 20, 2009 9:57 PM

When I saw the picture and headline I honestly thought this article might be about how the sequel to Roger Rabbit was going to be set in the 60s and feature humans interacting with blue meanies and such. And given that they're seriously considering a sequel without Bob Hoskins, this might end up being a cooler idea than whatever they actually come up with.

Posted by: Jesse M. at August 21, 2009 12:02 AM

I'm as big of a Beatles fan as the next guy, in fact I might be the biggest Beatles fan I know, so this pretty much pisses me off.

However, the idea of a Yellow Submarine McDonald's milkshake? Delicious.

Posted by: mc at August 21, 2009 1:46 AM

Oh, it should also be noted and "TK" should have mentioned that the Beatles themselves were less then enthusiastic with the film, not just the finished product, but the whole idea. They adamantly refused to have it be another live action piece like Help or Hard Days Night, and only very, very begrudgingly appeared in the final few minutes of the film. They also refused to do any voiceover work for the film.

Posted by: Fappy McFapper at August 21, 2009 12:40 PM

AAGGHH! I know why they are making this remake!! IF they do get the rights to the music, they can make the movie. If they do that, they will probably make new songs with the remaining Beatles and the Jonas Brothers! Then they'll be on their crappy shows and movies and they will have new Beatles merchandise.Now that I think about it, they probably teamed up with Harmonix to assassinate Michael Jackson so they could make Beatles Rockband and get rights to their music.

Posted by: ben at August 26, 2009 4:24 PM