How many spin-offs of The X-Men can they do? Wolverine hasn’t even hit theaters yet — and by one anonymous account I received, production was a clusterfuck and half the cast left thinking the movie was going to be absolute shit — and they’re already looking to expand the franchise even further. Not only are they developing a Magneto spin-off (an origins story, nixing McKellan) and a Deadpool spin-off (and with Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, that’s a spin-off I can get behind), but now they’re looking to douche it up by doing a “90210” version of The X-Men. So far, only a screenwriter has been attached to X-Men: The First Class, but that scriptwriter is none other than Josh Schwartz, the writer and producer of “Chuck,” “The O.C.,” and “Gossip Girl.” Actually, how is it possible that the guy behind the semi-smart “Chuck,” is also behind “Gossip Girl”? OMG!
Anyway, Schwartz — who was also offered the directing gig, but turned it down — hasn’t divulged whether it will be a prequel focusing on the younger versions of the current big-screen characters or a contemporary movie, focusing on a new class of mutants. Still, I’m more against the idea than I am Schwarz. If they keep making X-Men movies, it’s gonna get “Heroes” syndrome — there’s gonna be so many characters that people are gonna stop giving a shit about any of them. And an “O.C.” Xavier Institute sounds terrible. But then again, I kind of dig Schwartz, “Gossip Girl,” notwithstanding, and he’s expressed animosity toward movies like Transformers in the past. So, he’s not completely contemptible. I guess the bigger issue, really, is that there doesn’t exist a collection of teenage talent that doesn’t include at least three or four insufferable actors, and you’re bound to get someone from High School Musical in it.
In an unrelated note, and because I have nowhere else to put this today, and it doesn’t deserve its own post, someone mixed the new Star Trek trailer with the theme song from “Smallville,” and it’s unbelievably brilliant and apropos. I know there are many who are optimistic (including Dan and our friend over at Galley Slaves). but this video honestly highlights everything I’m worried about in the new Star Trek. It is perfect.
Last night the trailer for Star Trek came on the teevee while we were watching Fringe, and my husband exclaimed, "Ooh, it's Trek Babies!" and I expelled half a chocolate-chip cookie through my sinuses, which was even less fun than you think.
Whether it turns out to be good, bad or indifferent, the name of this movie is Trek Babies now, tomorrow and for all time.
Posted by: Jerce at November 19, 2008 11:19 AM
Wolverine has to be good! But...but...GAMBIT!!! They're finally including Gambit! (Seriously, where the fuck was he in the second or third movies when Iceman was making Rogue feel all awkward about her absolutely amazing powers?)
Also...I realized what's wrong with the Star Trek trailer: Lack of Pegg!!! If they would have included more Pegg and less of the annoying lead characters, geeks everywhere would have jizzed themselves fantastic, including me and I'm not even sure that's physically possible.
Really though, wouldn't every movie be better if Pegg were added? Specifically if Pegg and Frost were added? Even moreso if Pegg and Frost and Hynes were added?
Fuck it, someone call Edgar Wright and tell him to get off his ass and write a fucking Spaced movie already. Jesus.
Posted by: Annie_Reckson at November 19, 2008 11:20 AM
In an unrelated note, and because I have nowhere else to put this today...
Resisting the urge to go with a "That's What She Said" joke. Instead, I'm going to sympathize and offer something I had no where else to put today...my resubmission of the synopsis for Monopoly: The Movie; so as to keep it fresh for the EE's tomorrow. (Remember, Prisco, if this hits #1, I'll write the damn thing!)
-------------------------------------------------
2035...a Dystopian future like you've never seen. One man has an iron grip on the city. Its Banks. Its Utilities. Its Railroads. Its Hotels and its Apartments. All is owned and surveyed by one man...Rich "Uncle" Pennybags, or as the town calls him "Mr. Monopoly". (played by Anthony Hopkins)
Mr. Monopoly has had a grip on Monopoly City for a while now...but his embezzling accountant, Danny "the Wheelbarrel" Morgan (played by Ashton Kutcher) has just sold him out on an attempted murder of hot new singing sensation "Shoe" (played by Miley Cyrus) to D.A. Thimble (played by John C. McGinley). However, Thimble's hands are tied, thanks to sleazy defense attorney Jonathan "Top Hat" Banks (played by Colin Hanks) and his ability to get Mr. Monopoly off on a technicality.
Justice has long forsaken the streets of Monopoly...until two cops decided to beat the system at its own game. Lt. Barry "Battleship" Parker (Gary Busey) and Det. Scottie "Dog" Parker (Michael Chiklis) are two brothers who have their own sense of justice...street justice. With the help of The Wheelbarrel, DA Thimble, and the new rookie on the Force, Patrolman "Moneysack" (Haley Joel Osment); the Parker Brothers are going to take justice to the steps of Park Place, and make Mr. Monopoly pay for what he's done...WITH INTEREST!
With thrilling chases, sex and danger at every turn, and Free Parking sometimes doubling as a Stock Market, no one is getting out of jail for free! Coming in 2012, Monopoly...because in this game...there's no such thing as Sorry!
This is a horrible idea. Beyond stupid. The original X-Men comics were not that successful for a reason. Those characters were all pretty dull.
X-Men 3 was bad enough.
Didn't they "introduce" Angel in that movie? How can he all of a sudden be a member of the First Class?
This is all kinds of stupid.
Dustin, you may unleash your Geek-hating hounds.
Posted by: ajax19 at November 19, 2008 11:24 AM
Dustin, truer words have never been spoken. This homo don't have enough on his plate with Prop 8 being passed that he got enough time to write the new X-Men movie? I'm constantly being disappointed by Hollywood, now you people see why I like porn, porn never disappoints.
Posted by: Pookie at November 19, 2008 11:25 AM
To keep up my semi-topical hijacking (we're now talking about space instead of time): Both Pegg and Hynes have been on Doctor Who. Frost is OVERDUE.
Have I mentioned my theory that every woman of a certain age watched the X-Men cartoon, got this crazy longstanding crush on Gambit, but thinks it's just her? Not to disparage, it's just something I've noticed (though I'm not a fan).
jizzed themselves fantastic
Now that's a turn of phrase. And how long must I wait for "The World's End"???
I don't get the hand wringing over the new Star Trek. The franchise has sucked for years, JJ really can't do any more damage to it than Berman and Braga did over the years. Nemesis was awful. Insurrection was atrocious. At least it looks like Paramount gave them a damn budget this time instead of the shoe string they usually grant ST movies.
As for X-Men: Teen Tribulations, no thanks. Between the twat stains on The Hills, Gossip Girl, Jonas Brothers, Twilight, and the rest of it I've had it with this explosion of crap aimed at tweens that gluts the world of media. I really hope Twilight tanks out at $30M and the producers discover that no one outside of the fanbase has any interest in what looks to be a rip off of The
Covenant at least as far as the previews go. Is the flick supposed to look like it was made for TV because for a super-duper-OMG big time holiday flick it has the look of a Sci-Fi movie-of-the-week.
This just makes me want to beat WB executives about the head and neck for delaying Half-Blood Prince 7 months. In protest I am tempted to wait ONE FULL DAY before buying The Dark Knight when it comes out. See how they like not having my $30 for a day. That will show 'em.
Posted by: TylerDFC at November 19, 2008 11:34 AM
Aw, TK, you know there's just no sport in that one at all. I'm gonna throw 'im back.
Plus....that's just what he wants you to do, and me and Mr. De La Rocha don't much like orders.
Oh yeah, if Grant Morrison isn't the showrunner then I'm not excited either. I avoid enough teen TV already. My brain is full.
Oh Jay! I actually read the comic books and while I don't necessarily have a crush on Remy, I am of the firm belief that OMIGOD GAMBIT AND ROGUE ARE SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE TOGETHER! THEY SHOULD OMIGOD TOTALLY GET LIKE MARRIED OR SOMETHING AND HAVE AWESOME CAJUN POWER BABIES!!!!!!!
*ahem*
To Mike: It's a wheelbarrow
Posted by: Annie_Reckson at November 19, 2008 11:45 AM
TK, that joke was so obvious that I figured it just wasn't worth it. I thought someone else would take it.
Dustin likes Ryan Reynolds for his sexy body, we know. We all like Ryan Reynolds for his beautiful, beautiful body.
Posted by: Snath at November 19, 2008 11:47 AM
So far I've been giving Mike the benefit of the doubt for knowingly incorporating the "barrel" misspelling that a previous poster had made.
I like Ryan Reynolds for his wit and baking skills. He makes a mean bundt.
Posted by: Julie at November 19, 2008 11:50 AM
Mike R. That is absolutely perfect. You are now on my list of favorite men (along with Mr. Darcy, JCVD and a few others). Feel special.
Posted by: Morgagod at November 19, 2008 11:50 AM
I never watch the Soup but I always catch little parts of it and they're always what everyone is talking about. First sighting of Spaghetti Cat, Pegg and Hynes. It's as if I have a Starmaker quality to my Soup-viewing. (Is Spaghetti Cat still around, I honestly love it.)
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 19, 2008 11:51 AM
Oh and "Jim Henson's Edgar Winter Babies!"
...Frankenstein?
Posted by: Annie_Reckson at November 19, 2008 11:53 AM
Am I the only one here who knows that this was actually a Saturday Morning Cartoon?
Like, legit.
Everyone, save for Storm, Wolverine, and Xavier were teenagers learning about their powers & themselves (and horrible disgusting tweeny-love)!
It was weird because they battled bad guys and acne.
Posted by: Kayanne at November 19, 2008 11:59 AM
Bastards! How dare they wait until I'm a creaky old 35 year old before making any 'new'-type mutant movies? I am a total wuss, but I was ready to run away to hollywood and do whatever holly would to get my part in a teen mutant movie when I actually was a teen and devoted to Marvel.
So help me god, if they have an 'Illyanna/Demonchilde' who is both Not Me and likes to shop or some bullshiza like that, I gaurantee I will finally manifest the mutant ability to explode my own head in rage.
Posted by: replica at November 19, 2008 12:01 PM
Yes, while "Gossip Girl" may be vapid and incredibly devoid of any moral goodness, it is everything I love about TV and miss about the long-lost TV soap: it's fun. It's a dirty little show with lots of sex and bitchery and backstabbing. It's a bunch of young Wilhelmina Slater's running around fucking, and I love it. It's like a serialized version of "Cruel Intentions." It's deliciously sinful. It's TV gold. And it's got Chuck Bass. Now there is a man I can get behind...literally.
And I think you meant "apropos," not "appros."
Posted by: The Pink Hulk at November 19, 2008 12:04 PM
...Frankenstein?
The sung riff of which is medleyed into the Muppet Show theme before Movie Sign.
You're not the only one, Kayanne. X-Men: Evolution. One of my favorite cartoons, sadly enough. It's been my goal to get it on DVD at some point, but I'm lazy.
Posted by: Snath at November 19, 2008 12:07 PM
Gimme a break, people. Nobody went for the obvious Dustin behind Reynolds joke because we all know Dustin would be the bitch.
While I agree this is possibly the stupidest idea for a spin-off ever created, i have to say: don't be knockin' the Gossip Girl. I'll give you two reasons: Kristen Bell's narration and Leighton Meester's deliciously campy performance as Blair. it's worth it for those things alone.
Posted by: Scott at November 19, 2008 12:09 PM
PHEW!
I thought I was crazy, Snath. I even got the wikipedia link ready to prove my case.
I'm surprised you liked it though, I chalked me being into it at the time to the fact that I was like 13... Which is still old enough to have taste, but please forgive me, I'd just given up Pokemon at 12.
But it was fun on Saturday mornings for sure.
Posted by: Kayanne at November 19, 2008 12:10 PM
(Is Spaghetti Cat still around, I honestly love it.)
It is, my roommate and I laugh our asses off whenever they push him into the frame. We're easily amused.
i liked X-Men: Evolutions too Snath. of course i also love Gossip Girl and i'm not ashamed to admit it. i'm old enough to be Chuck Bass' mom--actually, she would have been 2 years older than me--but i love that boy in a totally non-maternal way. i would watch Chuck and Blair do just about anything--they are fabulous.
i will also probably like the new Trek since i like pretty much everything Star Trek--except Enterprise--and everything Abrams. speaking of Abrams, i can't wait for Lost--i have the date blocked out on my calendar.
Posted by: pq at November 19, 2008 12:41 PM
"...there's gonna be so many characters that people are gonna stop giving a shit about any of them..."
I'm waaaaay ahead of you.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at November 19, 2008 1:06 PM
I definitely fit into your theory, Jay, but I can't say I've met any other women who lust after tbe cajun cartoon character.
Of course, I don't exactly discuss it over dinner.
Anyone know who's playing Gambit?
Posted by: serena at November 19, 2008 1:33 PM
Oh serena, you are so late to the party. To see the hot bodyman playing Gambit, Google Taylor Kitsch and salivate.
Posted by: Snath at November 19, 2008 1:39 PM
serena that underwear model. Taylor something. Taylor Kitsch. Him.
Mmmm. Gambit.
As shit as "Wolverine" will probably be, I know I'll get behind anything with him in it. Because...damn.
Posted by: figgy at November 19, 2008 1:41 PM
Kitsch isn't bad, but I always imagined Gambit looking something like Olivier Martinez.
Here's a picture: http://cbo-boxoffice.com/full/p3444.jpg
now tell me that wouldn't have been the wiser choice. Plus, he's already got the smokey french accent- add just a leetle bit of tweaking and you've got that loin-quivering Gambit voice.
Posted by: serena at November 19, 2008 1:49 PM
It's really the sweatband thing that turns me (even more) into Farmer Ted: Take that ridiculous thing off! It makes me think he's actually got some kind of track and field suit on under his duster. And whenever I see a drawing he's throwing a playing card at me, and feeling pre-tty saucy about it. "THIS is the guy every girl I know mentions to me (but not to her other female friends)? THIS jackass?"
It's all very confusing. But if it's a voice thing with the cartoon for most of you, well...what can you do? Accents are heavy artillery (why must you abandon me for that clown, Kelly MacDonald???).
So if I cook for you and go all Justin Wilson, suspenders included...would that be hot? It would, wouldn't it? I'll get some Tony Chachere's Creole Seasoning too (put some on pizza. For real).
Jay Tony Chachere's is amazing! It's so yum on practically everything. (The same could be said for that Taylor Kitsch fellow. PS: how cute is it that his last name is "Kitsch"? Answer: Ridiculously cute.)
RE: Gambit's perceived hotness
Yes the accent has to do with it, but it was also his character. He was so... bad ass. Even looking like an extra in Olivia Newton-John's "Let's Get Physical" video that just stepped outside for a smoke.
It's all about attitude. Although he is kind of a jackass... Meh. He's not real, so it's not like it'd hit it anyway.
Posted by: Kayanne at November 19, 2008 2:50 PM
That is specifically what I was referring to, serena. He's like a god or something. I wish I could look half that good.
Posted by: Snath at November 19, 2008 2:56 PM
No inconsistency there. Chuck is not semi-smart. (Or good, for that matter.)
Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 19, 2008 4:37 PM
Pffft, Chuck is jawsome. It is cheesy, ridiculous, and completely predictable (the very first time we saw Jill in the show, I turned to my wife and said "I bet she's an evil spy" and wouldn't you know it, she is), but it's fatastic all the same. I don't quite know why, but I love that show. I love Chuck, I love Morgan, and I really love Casey (how can you not love Adam Baldwin in everything, he's Jayne Fucking Cobb). All the pieces are so lame, but I guess for me the sum is greater than the parts.
Posted by: Snath at November 19, 2008 4:42 PM
I'm not gonna lie. I will see anything X-Men related, and that includes this. Even if they torture me by making Zac Efron a young, emo Wolverine, and throw in Miley Cyrus as a sweet young Marvel Girl, and they get all the comic storylines all fucked up like the first 3 movies did, and mix up all the relationships and change EVERYTHING, I will go. Because I am Marvel's bitch.
And Hollywood knows it.
Posted by: Melissa at November 19, 2008 5:47 PM
If they put Gambit in this he needs to be HOT! Like his cards. Anywho, they are totally going to Heroesify this...warning, might be TOTAL crap! Damn, and I so LOVE the X-men too!
Posted by: ph at November 19, 2008 5:52 PM
"Gossip Girl" is crazy-awesome. There's no point in taking it seriously because it makes no pretense of being realistic. If you're not convinced, read Jacob's recaps at Television Without Pity, and you'll see the show in a whole new light.
Posted by: Geetch at November 19, 2008 7:54 PM
I'm so late to the party I might as well be talking to myself at this point, but Marvel already mined the whole young X-Men thing back in the Eighties and Nineties with The New Mutants. It was my comic of choice for years until the series completely jumped the shark and booted most of the main characters in the early Nineties.
It was a great comic, at least in it's prime in the mid-Eighties. There were some pretty awesome storylines and great artwork and I could go on and on and on and be a total geek girl. But I'll spare everyone.
Needless to say, without someone decent on board to direct and write it, any film adaptation would be total shit and cause me to weep inconsolably and hide out in my room lovingly thumbing through the pages of my New Mutant collection.
Posted by: Alabamapink at November 19, 2008 9:55 PM
Meh. He's not real, so it's not like it'd hit it anyway.
Please. Trent Lane from Daria? I've never wanted to screw an animated figure before I saw that show. Mmm. I'd hit that. All night.
Posted by: Annie_Reckson at November 19, 2008 10:19 PM
Thanks for all the hits! I appreciate it.
Posted by: Kelvington at November 19, 2008 10:38 PM
Last night the trailer for Star Trek came on the teevee while we were watching Fringe, and my husband exclaimed, "Ooh, it's Trek Babies!" and I expelled half a chocolate-chip cookie through my sinuses, which was even less fun than you think.
Whether it turns out to be good, bad or indifferent, the name of this movie is Trek Babies now, tomorrow and for all time.