By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (34)
Remember a few days ago, when I was kind of excited about the remake/reimagining of The Crow?
Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance
← Pajiba After Dark 4/12/11 | American Pastoral by Philip Roth →
Posted by: CiCi at April 12, 2011 7:21 PM
DO. NOT. WANT!!!!
Posted by: Case at April 12, 2011 7:22 PM
Ugh! Disaster.
Posted by: Cindy at April 12, 2011 7:37 PM
Look at it this way...who would have ever thought Brandon Lee was a good idea?
Posted by: DeistBrawler at April 12, 2011 7:49 PM
Hell to the no. Always and forever. This is not Jim Henson's The Crow! Muppet Draven? Sheesh.
Posted by: Goddess at April 12, 2011 7:49 PM
Wwwwwhhhhat!!
Listen. I don't mean to be that person, but has Bradley Cooper become our go-to white guy or something? If you are going to go in this direction can't you find someone darker? And I don't mean skin color. I mean someone who has a little bit of an edge to him? And maybe someone deeper than a spoonful of sugar?
White guys who would be better in The Crow than Bradley Cooper:
Nic Cage.
Your turn.
Posted by: greer at April 12, 2011 7:54 PM
Gilles Duceppe.
Posted by: Falstaff at April 12, 2011 7:58 PM
It's a reboot of The Crow.
It's called The Emu!
Posted by: The Wanderer at April 12, 2011 8:00 PM
It just... it just... it doesn't make any sense! NOTHING IN THE WORLD MAKES SENSE ANY MORE!
Seriously, and keeping in mind I'm unfamiliar with the source comic, I only know the Brandon Lee movie, but isn't the character of the Crow essentially emo Goth kid writ large? He's not "shiny, white-teeth-smile American superhero", that's for sure.
How in the mickey-fickey, mutha-truckin' universe is Bradley Cooper appropriate for this? It's nonsense, that's what it is.
Posted by: MM at April 12, 2011 8:15 PM
EXPLODING HEAD INDEED!!!
{Seriously, sorry, I just can't stop! It's too insane!}
Posted by: MM at April 12, 2011 8:16 PM
Ever since that article a few weeks ago I'm seeing Bradley's resemblance to your average emu more and more. Or is it vice versa?
The power or suggestion or is he really morphing into a Brad-bird hybrid? If that's the case, he just might to pretty well as The Crow.
Or he just might be like Gyllenhall as the Prince of Persia.
You know what? Never mind.
Posted by: Four Eyes at April 12, 2011 8:17 PM
A Goth Emu? Could be creepy....Isn't the Crow kinda creepy?
Everytime I see that bewildered bird I get the giggles.
Posted by: kirbyjay at April 12, 2011 8:21 PM
Can we dump Emu and ask for JGL to take that role?
Posted by: Fredo at April 12, 2011 8:55 PM
I'm not a big crow person, so I can't really share in the rage.
But that header pic is the bee's knees.
Posted by: ZombieMedic at April 12, 2011 9:41 PM
I'm imagining the prologue of the original Crow with emu substituted for crow and it is giving me an insane giggle fit.
"People once believed that when someone dies, an emu carries their soul to the land of the dead. But sometimes, something so bad happens that a terrible sadness is carried with it and the soul can't rest. Then sometimes, just sometimes, the emu can bring that soul back to put the wrong things right."
And then, the shot of the emu at Eric Draven's gravestone... and I lose my mind.
Sometimes it's the simple things.
Posted by: Nat Kittyface at April 12, 2011 9:47 PM
Nat Kittyface, thank you for that. I have been giggling so hard that tears are coming down my face. Your mise-en-scene is a scream!
Posted by: mc_rox at April 12, 2011 10:27 PM
I like Bradley Cooper but he's just not right for The Crow. I mean, Brandon Lee was an accomplished martial artist with a golden heritage which gave his character some credit. Bradley Cooper... eh, not so much.
Posted by: Kris at April 12, 2011 10:32 PM
What?!? What are you talking about? Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. You mean that movie back in '94? Yeah, I remember it. We needed to put that flick on the cult movie list. She wasn't going along with the typical production program. Then her idiot lead actor shows up and turns a simple comic book actioner into a total clusterfuck! Turned out pretty good despite all that. Who gives a shit? It's ancient history. Why? What do you want? What is it? What? Speak to me! Speak!
I knew I knew you, I knew I knew you. But you ain't you. You can't be you. That movie had a kickass bird known for the dead not a bug-eyed goonie whose giant green eggs make shitty omelets. Recast? Remake? We put our heads through a window in frustration. There ain't no coming back. This is the really real world, there ain't no coming back. You killed this franchise dead already, there ain't no coming back! There ain't no coming back! There ain't no coming back!
Posted by: bleujayone at April 12, 2011 10:36 PM
bleujayone, you have won this thread.
Posted by: Wintermute at April 12, 2011 10:59 PM
This is the really real world!!
Posted by: Protoguy at April 13, 2011 12:05 AM
Falstaff, that is simply. not. true.
Posted by: llp at April 13, 2011 12:22 AM
bleujayone, that was brilliant.
Posted by: Four Eyes at April 13, 2011 1:29 AM
The header pic and title alone made me hurt myself laughing.
AHAHAHA!!
Posted by: Jelinas at April 13, 2011 2:55 AM
Bradley Cooper....Coop....chicken coop...chickens live in coops...a chicken is a bird....an emu is a bird....Coincidence? I think not.
If Bradley Cooper spiked his hair, I'm sure I would die laughing.
Posted by: kirbyjay at April 13, 2011 6:13 AM
I took a pic of an emu this weekend that looked just like that! Then it tried to eat my camera and really wanted to get my rings. In the end, though, it just wanted attention. Just like Mr. Cooper.
Posted by: Chrysis at April 13, 2011 6:41 AM
Oh gosh, thanks TK! You've given me some particularly welcome visions of a film called 'The Emu', starring Bradley Cooper in the role of a lifetime. This has made my shitty morning better.
OK, I'm off to write the script for 'The Emu'. It's going to be dark.
Posted by: Caspar at April 13, 2011 7:19 AM
Actually, I think I heard somewhere that Bradley Cooper is an accomplished martial artist himself, so don't worry your pretty little heads about that angle.
As for Cooper playing such a dark character, emus are soulless demons that wish with every speck of their being that they had teeth with which to rend your flesh. As it is, they just peck you until you leave the immediate vicinity. EEEEEEE-VIIIIIIUUUUHHHHHLLLLLLL!!!!!
Posted by: Kballs at April 13, 2011 7:53 AM
Emo Emu. I like it. I'll be waiting for the shirts to show up in Hot Topic.
Posted by: Wednesday at April 13, 2011 7:55 AM
Bradley Cooper and a soundtrack that'll probably feature My Chemical Romance or one o' those other douchebag eyeliner bands, in a feature titled "The Crow"!
Yup, I'm pretty sure if anything can bring Brandon Lee back from the grave to reap bloody vengeance it'll be this unholy concoction.
Posted by: MurderBot at April 13, 2011 8:45 AM
Can I stab the pretty Aussie fucktard in the head now ?
Posted by: Mr. Stiitch at April 13, 2011 8:56 AM
jaden smith
hahaha
Posted by: jasper at April 13, 2011 10:22 AM
I'm not a fan of The Crow (movies or comics), but even I reacted vociferously when I saw this last night. Personally, I don't think we need to make any more Crow movies, or give James O'Barr any more money for having only one idea ever, but if you are going to make another, at least cast someone... I was gonna say who had proven dramatic chops, but then I remembered the hullaballoo over Michael Keaton cast as Batman.
Hell, no. That's different. Michael Keaton is a national treasure; Bradley Cooper is just a damn bird. I blame all of you for not watching Kitchen Confidential when it was on Fox. Not a great show, but a perfect role for Cooper that could have had him on TV for several seasons. But, no, you all had something better to do, and now he's taking over our cinemas. I stand corrected, Bradley Cooper isn't a bird, much less an emu, he is the human embodiment of a swarm of locusts.
Bradley Cooper is the 8th Plague. His Crow reboot is the 9th. And all the fans who die on opening night will be the 10th. Damn you, Hollywood, let my people go!
Posted by: RobP at April 13, 2011 10:39 AM
Hell no. I will personally call up the soul of Brandon Lee and politely request that he haunt the shit out of Cooper until he ends up in the loony bin. Or rehab. Whichever. Brandon was a world class prankster and annoying as hell when it amused him to be, and while I think he probably wouldn't give a rat's ass who is in the latest remake, the idea of haunting the cast would appeal to him. More so if he could go all poltergeist on them. Pick someone less objectionable, and I will put away my seance tools and go back to ignoring the potential existence of this film.
Posted by: Reba at April 13, 2011 12:42 PM
If he wants to play Todd Draven, or Billy Draven, or Elliot Draven, or some other Draven family member that’s fine. But not Eric. Huh uh, fuck that noise. We’ve retired those leather pants.
Posted by: TylerDFC at April 13, 2011 1:32 PM
um, no. bradley cooper ain't got nothing on brandon lee. except maybe a pulse.