Words I've Never Thought I'd Say, "Too HOT for Comic-Con!"
This year, San Diego Comic-Con has seemed to pretty much give up on even pretending that the convention is about comic books and video games and steampunk and what have you, and has converted the two largest venues into giant studio propaganda machines. Hall H is solidly packed with studios coming in and pimping footage for their latest releases and Ballroom 20 is where they shill their television product.
According to Paul Scheer and his Twitter feed, which is a thoroughly credible source, the SDCC has told The Weinbergs that they can’t screen their super secret splash reel because it’s not “Family Friendly.” I’m calling heaping mounds of semi-sweet chocolate smothered bullshit.
What could possibly be the cause? Is it perhaps salty language? Hall H is where they’ve consistently done the annual Kevin Smith rant — which is typically filled with Kev waxing poetic with his usual fucks and shits and cocks and anuses. The “please be aware there are families in the audience” has been made a fucking joke of for years. Nobody’s been told they can’t come back. They just get a bigger room the following year.
I’m thinking that perhaps they want us to believe it’s violence? They screened the footage of Hit Girl annihilating people in all its prepubescent gory glory. Years before that, when they were promoting Punisher: War Zone, after apologizing profusely for making the pussified Thomas Jane version, the producers showed a music video montage featuring heads exploding and brains getting kicked in and blood splashing everywhere. Yes, that wasn’t in the massive Hall H, but still, they showed it. They didn’t issue a “those with weak constitutions and children best up and get the fuck out”.
And some people have speculated that it’s because Piranha 3D must look so terrible they don’t have footage. Hold the fuck on. Piranha 3D is SUPPOSED to look terrible. Look at the fucking cast! Christopher Lloyd, Elizabeth Shue, Jerry O’Connell, Eli Roth, Richard Dreyfus, Ving Rhames, Adam Scott, Paul Scheer and so on. It’s supposed to be a cheesy, gory, B-movie romp! I thought they were gonna do fucked up 3D like they did the reel scratches and shit in Grindhouse. It’s an homage to drive-in flicks.
So my only guess is that the Weinsteins tossed in a few gratuitous tit shots. And that’s patently a no-no. You can show people getting their spines ripped out, you can have a ten year old girl call someone a cunt-fucker, but no sex.
More likely than not, this is all a clever ploy, and we’re being duped by the marketing machine. Dimension has pulled all their panels (which included a surprising lack of Machete) from Friday’s schedule. Big fucking deal. Jokes on you, cockfaces, I’m going to hear Frank Darabont tell me how he’s going to ruin “The Walking Dead” anyway.
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