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I Must Be Tripping Balls

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (38)

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OK, so apparently I dropped a shitload of acid without realizing it, and then I went to sleep, and guys… I had the most fucked up dream ever.

Wait.

Oh, balls.

Look, I could give a fuck about Annie. Sure, the adorable little singing hobo captured people’s hearts and was sort of a Depression-era sweetheart. And the 1982 film had a remarkably cool cast (Edward Herrmann as FDR? Albert Finney? Carol Burnett? TIM FUCKING CURRY?). But I don’t really have any kind of nostalgic love for the property.

But this is just ri-goddamn-diculous.

So, yeah, Will Smith is going to produce a remake of Annie, starring his adorable daughter, Willow Smith. And Jay-Z is going to work on the music.

There’s so much weird in those previous two sentences that I feel like I fell off the planet. But it’s happening. Unbeknownst to me, 10 year-old Willow is apparently already on the move in the music world, including a video that was produced by Jay-Z and an album that was released on his label. Here’s the video, should you care for aggravating, auto-tuned-as-fuck bubble gum pop:

Wow.

Anyway, so it’s happening. I don’t even have a reaction. But I would ask that we try to ease up on the “hell naw” comments, because a) it’s getting a little played out, and b) people occasionally stray into the racially insensitive realm at times when it comes to their urban movie/Will Smith criticisms. Not that you’re gonna listen to me.

(source: Slashfilm)









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Comments

'Here’s the video, should you care for aggravating, auto-tuned-as-fuck bubble gum pop'

You meant:

'Here’s the video, should you care for aggravating, semi-paedophilic, auto-tuned-as-fuck bubble gum pop'

Posted by: zeke the pig at January 27, 2011 9:16 AM

My best friend has been doing an impression of the chorus of this song (repeating "I whip my hair back and forth" over and over while tossing his head around) and I thought he was being silly and over the top. Then I watched the video and realized it was an accurate impression.

Spoiled celebrity children are our future, everyone!

Posted by: janetfaust at January 27, 2011 9:18 AM

Does anyone else get the impression he views his kids as intellectual property to market, instead of, like his kids?

Posted by: Kris at January 27, 2011 9:19 AM

If he throws in Blanket Jackson, we're talkin'.

Posted by: nat at January 27, 2011 9:26 AM

So basically Will and Jada Smith have become the gold standard for "Toddlers & Tiaras" except they just happen to have near limitless money and influence to push along their talentless snowflakes' fabricated "careers".

God forbid their children should just be normal kids. Nope. they've been bullshit into believing they're the next generation's superstars and that we're going to accept that no matter how many classics remakes they have to be shoehorn into and force fed on us.

Do you ever get the feeling that had Charlie Jr. not died in "Citizen Kane", Charles would have done the same thing to him instead of how he manufactured a singing career in Susan? "Love ME through MY kid that I made that way!" Narcissism by Proxy.

Posted by: bleujayone at January 27, 2011 9:29 AM

Pfffft! Errbody knows that YOU DON"T FUCK WIT MY WEAVE!

Posted by: admin at January 27, 2011 9:34 AM

bleujayone summed it up beautifully: "Narcissism by Proxy." Brilliant.

Posted by: skz at January 27, 2011 9:35 AM

Say what you will, but I predict great things for the Jay-z version of "It's a Hard Knock Life".

Posted by: nosio at January 27, 2011 9:37 AM

There have already been a bunch of movie versions of Annie and none of them have been all that great... I mean the Punjab character alone ruins the 80s version for me. So I don't mind another remake, and it'd be great to see a reboot with some diversity. But yeah, I'm pretty sick of the Smith family by now.

Posted by: Cree83 at January 27, 2011 9:48 AM

Are they going to move through other genres as they get older? Redo all the John Hughes movies, then the Revenge of the Nerds series, then Will Smith as Q in "James Bond:Parents Just Don't Understand"?

Posted by: mrcreosote at January 27, 2011 9:52 AM

Everyone knows WILLow and JAD(A)en are surrogates for Will and Jada. I feel the parents think they didn't start their showbiz career early enough in life and, damn it, if they made that mistake, their kids sure as hell will make up for it.

I seriously believe that.

Posted by: sars at January 27, 2011 9:52 AM

Sorry,any comment I make here would be considered lewd, crude, crass and racist....so I'm going to let this one slip on past with no comment about renaming the movie, giving the dog a new name, or any of that crap.

Just let me say..Fuck you Will Smith. You're out of good will after "The Karate Kid" remake.

What's next? Another "Wizard of Oz"? (Yeah, it's been done in "The Wiz" but still...

Or will you be putting your progeny in remakes of all those Shirley Temple and Mickey Rooney movies?

Hey kids...let's put on a show!

Posted by: Uncle JR at January 27, 2011 10:00 AM

Perhaps instead of that video, you should watch this one instead. It is much better.

(Have no fear, friends, it is an amusing review of this awful song and not some kind of donkey-porn. Promise.)

Posted by: Sean at January 27, 2011 10:16 AM

Seriously, I have no problem with this.

I like the Smiths and I don't think they 'pushed' their kids into showbiz. From interviews I've read of their homelife it sounds like there's a lot of openness for creativity and expression. It doesn't surprise me at all that the kids would want in on the showbusiness world.
Whether the kids are any good is a different story (I haven't see the Karate Kid and I can't watch the video at work), but that wouldn't be the first time progeny can't measure up to what mommy and/or daddy did.
The real test will come in a few years to see if the kids end up in rehab.

Posted by: Stella at January 27, 2011 10:26 AM

@sars: holy narcolepsy, how did I never make that connection? I just thought Hollywood folk were weird about naming their offspring after fruit and vegetation. That IS creepy.

Posted by: cinekat at January 27, 2011 10:31 AM

@cinekat: I had the EXACT SAME reaction when someone else pointed that out to me. Creepy really is the best word for it.

Posted by: sars at January 27, 2011 10:45 AM

Next up for Jaden is the race-flipped remake of The Littlest Rebel, with Christopher Walken as Bojangles and Samuel L. Jackson as President Lincoln.

Posted by: The Mutt at January 27, 2011 10:51 AM

This song was entertaining as fuck when Jimmy Fallon (as Neil Young) and Bruce Springsteen (as 70's Bruce with the sunglasses, sideburns, and big hat) did an acoustic version of it on Late Night w/ Jimmy Fallon.

Posted by: PissBoy at January 27, 2011 10:54 AM

Next up for Willow is the race-flipped remake of The Littlest Rebel, with Christopher Walken as Bojangles and Samuel L. Jackson as President Lincoln.

Wait, which one is the girl?

Posted by: The Mutt at January 27, 2011 10:56 AM

...Outside of the Late Night send up, this song makes me feel stabby. Someone should be roaming the streets tonight to protect the innocent homeless, lest I assault them with a steak knife.

Posted by: PissBoy at January 27, 2011 10:57 AM

Wait, which one is the girl?

Posted by: The Mutt at January 27, 2011 10:56 AM

Aren't they both? Cuz Jaden has definitely looked like his Mama did in the matrix for a couple years now. I bet she wanted 2 girls, and as a result, curses Big Willie's lil swimmers every day.

Posted by: PissBoy at January 27, 2011 11:14 AM

I whip the air back and forth.

Posted by: FAN at January 27, 2011 12:18 PM

I got through 40 seconds of that video. Gah, it's so fucking weird watching a tiny little kid trying to be tough and rap while dressed like a clown. Argh.

Fucking nepotism.

Posted by: Figgy at January 27, 2011 1:18 PM

You know what I can't stand? Self-absorbed, selfish, entitled children. There is zero possibility that Will Smith's kids are anything other than horrible, and so I hate them by default. There are enough wretched adults in this world. Do we need attitude and nastiness from kids too?

Posted by: katyv at January 27, 2011 1:20 PM

"WHAT'S THAT? YOU CAN'T HEAR YOUR OWN CRITICISM AS YOU QUICK-TRIP BALLS, IN SERIES AND ALSO, IN PARALLEL."

Posted by: Blake Shrapnel at January 27, 2011 1:48 PM

Ahh, nepotism.

Start 'em young.

Posted by: Parker at January 27, 2011 2:51 PM

No. Not acceptable. -TK

Posted by: caucasian fury at January 27, 2011 3:15 PM

That little fucker was on the Sci-fi thread too. I'm glad I missed whatever he said in here.

Posted by: Paultera at January 27, 2011 5:25 PM

I would give the kids the benefit of the doubt and guess that perhaps since they see what fame has done for their parents (and hell, acting and singing looks fun), they asked Mommy and Daddy to help them fulfill their dreams.

But when I figured out the name thing....yeah, there's no way Will and Jada aren't evil fucking puppeteers.

Posted by: Ajoy at January 27, 2011 6:24 PM

Oh, here go hell come.

Posted by: Lucas at January 27, 2011 7:48 PM

Ok, I can actually see a period, all black Annie that actually works. However, it would require subtlety on the part of the director/producer. Annie works best when she's up against the real world, not a cartoon. The 80's version more or less got that right. The remake with Victor Garber didn't quite get it right. So, an movie/musical about a black orphan in the 30's, in a shitty ass all black orphanage who gets taken in by one of the rare black millionaires and she shows him that the world doesn't have to be the shitty place that he grew up in.

But, like I said, that takes subtlety. I don't see Hollywood having that type of willpower to pull off. And god forbid they update it, set it in modern day Detroit or Chicago, and make all the songs hip hop, r&b and rap remakes.

Posted by: Rowen at January 27, 2011 11:36 PM

Pissboy: You beat me to it! Here's the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpxZwbPcA38
I laughed my ass off at the awesomeness!

Posted by: trixie at January 28, 2011 12:54 AM

What?! A BLACK Annie??? NO! First the presidency and now our beloved All-American Classic little orphan white girl. Tell these blacks to back off! Am I Right PAjiBa?? Am I rIGhT?

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at January 28, 2011 1:20 AM

Also, you do realize "Whip My Hair" is a song for children. Made by a 10 year old little girl. Ever stop and think you weren't meant to like it anymore than you were meant to like Barney? Grow up Pajiba. Seriously.

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at January 28, 2011 1:30 AM

I whip my hair and and forth. I whip my hair and and forth. I whip my hair and and forth. I whip my hair and and forth. I whip my hair and and forth. I whip my hair and and forth. I whip my hair and and forth. I whip my hair and and forth. *pulls out gun, blows brains out, can't watch movie, but now in a happier place*

Posted by: Baby JP at January 28, 2011 4:41 AM

I’m kind of confused with all the kid hatred and the parents pushing them into the business talk. Because in real life no one’s parents have ever been the reason why their kids have jobs. No child has ever gone into the same job as their parents. For that matter no one has ever named their kids after themselves. Yes they have more money than we can ever dream of, doesn’t mean they are the anti-christ.

Posted by: karen at January 28, 2011 10:22 AM

Oo I'm kind of excited. The songs are so fun and Jay-Z did great stuff with Hard Knock life. High hopes for the soundtrack!

The movies were already pretty hokey and the singing belt-y and shrill, so they probably couldn't do much to mess it up.

In Jay-Z's interview on Fresh Air he talked about how his sister's name was Annie, so he was kinda drawn to the musical when it came out, and later on he finagled the rights to Hard Knock Life. He mentioned that he was actually supposed to give the songwriter a call so this film might have been the topic. BROADWAY REVIVAL!

Posted by: Giv at January 28, 2011 2:17 PM

This is dreck regardless of the age group targeted.Will and his wife are just two more examples of what's been wrong with Hollywood from the git go. Not to mention trying to get a job anywhere. It ain't what you know it's who you blow.

Posted by: why at January 28, 2011 10:06 PM