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Why I Drink: Part 19

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (34)



the_gunslinger.jpg

Dustin sent me the link to this news specifically because he has next Tuesday in the pool for when my liver gives out. Remember the rumors from a few months ago that Ron Howard and an assortment of horrifically untalented individuals would be adapting Stephen King’s The Dark Tower series to film? With all of these rumors, there’s always the silver lining that 90 percent of them end up being wrong. Well the silver lining in this cloud is just the sunlight glinting off a ballistic missile’s shiny tip, because it’s all true.

Back in May, I lamented:

Ron Howard will direct, Brian Grazer will produce and … wait for it … oh wait for it … oh it’s prairie-dogging … arrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhh … Akiva Goldsman will be writing the script.
If you don’t recognize the name, it’s because you’ve had unlicensed psychic surgeons excise the memory with a mixture of hypnosis, drugs and synchronized swimming. Goldsman is the one who wrote Lost in Space and Batman and Robin, known in industry terms as “movies so bad they’re legally war crimes under the Geneva convention.”

And it’s all been confirmed as true! Every bit of it!

And here’s where they really kill me, because they’re trying to do something actually original. The idea is to make the adaptation a combination of film and television by making a feature film, followed immediately by a season of television episodes, then a second film, another television season, and a climactic final movie. So the final count would be 3 films and 40 or so episodes. The idea is to shoot all three films and the television series at the same time, like Jackson did with Lord of the Rings. It’d be a finished product from start to finish, with the same actors throughout since it would be one big project.

Ron Howard explains:

The approach we’re taking also stands on its own, but it’s driven by the material. I love both, and like what’s going on in TV. With this story, if you dedicated to one medium or another, there’s the horrible risk of cheating material. The scope and scale call for a big screen budget. But if you committed only to films, you’d deny the audience the intimacy and nuance of some of these characters and a lot of cool twists and turns that make for jaw-dropping, compelling television. We’ve put some real time and deep thought into this, and a lot of conversations and analysis from a business standpoint, to get people to believe in this and take this leap with us. I hope audiences respond to it in a way that compels us to keep going after the first year or two of work. It’s fresh territory for me, as a filmmaker.

That’s … actually very well put.

But don’t worry, Goldsman will knock you back to reality: “We will certainly be looking to maximize both creative and fiscal opportunities by creating one enterprise that encompasses TV and movies.”

With a gift for words like that, how can the script he’s writing go wrong?

I’m alternately horrified by this project, and intrigued by its vision. I have been assured though that the bottom of this bottle might contain some insight.

(source: Deadline)









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Comments

But...but...::head explodes::

Posted by: Robert at September 9, 2010 10:23 AM

Really? Opie Cunningham is the man for The Dark Tower epic? Because, yeah, he's really shown a gift for dark, complex genre flicks.

::sets internet on fire::

Posted by: Cabal at September 9, 2010 10:30 AM

The writer of Batman & Robin, paired up with one of the least visionary directors out there, all on a network that hasn’t been able to successfully launch a new drama that didn’t have the words “Law” or “Order” in the title for the last decade. Yes, this has WIN written all over it.

And thank the Godtopus that Akiva is looking to "maximize fiscal opportunities". That always warms my heart to read. Hollywood types just focus too much on the ART, MAN. It's refreshing to see one of them try to make a little return on investment for those poor philanthropic stockholders, too. I do so hope that kind of thinking catches on.

Posted by: TylerDFC at September 9, 2010 10:32 AM

The question has to be: witch network? There really are only four options. None of them is Fox, ABC, NBC, TBS or CBS.

Posted by: admin at September 9, 2010 10:35 AM

Oh what's the point anymore...

Posted by: Sarah aka Barkai at September 9, 2010 10:40 AM

I really dislike Stephen King. Seriously!!

Other than that, I got nothing!! Carry on.

Posted by: mslewis at September 9, 2010 10:40 AM

admin: It's NBC Universal. I'm assuming NBC as opposed to Bravo given the reach this will require to be at all successful. And it won't be. At all.

Posted by: TylerDFC at September 9, 2010 10:48 AM

Dear Opie,

If you fuck this up not even Sheriff Taylor will be able to save you from the wrath of angry DT fans.

Posted by: JenVegas at September 9, 2010 10:50 AM

Even when compelling, Howard still manages to inject mediocrity into his projects. Expect "The Vanilla Tower and the Day Compromise Ran Rampant".

Posted by: Recondite at September 9, 2010 11:02 AM

Ah Ron Howard is not too bad and it does sound like a fascinating direction in which they are heading with the project. Akiva Goldsman does sound like a dangerous AIDS-like virus tho.

Posted by: supafly at September 9, 2010 11:05 AM

***heart palpitations***sweaty palms***slight hyperventilation***

My license plate is "TWR JUNKE" and I've been lucky enough to meet the man from whose imagination that world sprang, and this news just makes me want to cry cry cry.

I let it slide when he allowed the graphic novels because they were quite well-down and an interesting companion to the series. But this? THIS?

Goddammit.

How will we ever convince people that DT (at least the first four books anyway) are the best examples of why King kicks total ass? They are gonna fuck this up righteously and I will have to burn things to feel better.

Where's my Woobie? I need a hug.

Posted by: latvianluck at September 9, 2010 11:10 AM

Fuck. This. Noise. Jack.

Posted by: Smokin at September 9, 2010 11:16 AM

I foresee PG-13 in this project's future.

Again, douchewood does (in)justice to the source material.

Fuck these people. Stop giving them money.

Posted by: Recondite at September 9, 2010 11:16 AM

Took a long time to piece my head back together.

I love the marketing concept. I sincerely hope it becomes a viable release technique.

I foresee some horrible end with this project where the network isn't getting enough ratings for the show, so they cancel it, leaving the future films and episodes in limbo. This would, in turn, kill the audience that actually was attracted to the material before the rest of the project is released. Finally, no other series would be able to give it a go because no one with half a brain would risk failing this spectacularly again.

The material? Not a fan. Don't get me wrong, it's better than a lot of King's...output, but I wouldn't call it consistently good. Isn't this the series where he inserted himself as a character in the books writing the books as they happen in the books while some other creator, also King, is controlling the narrative? That's almost as dumb as that novel based off The Simpsons Movie or the killer cellphone book exclusive to Kindle.

Posted by: Robert at September 9, 2010 11:48 AM

Robert, if you want to spend some more time picking up pieces of your head, go read on wikipedia how the villain is defeated in the last book. I love the series, but I actually threw the book against the wall at the climax.

Posted by: Ian at September 9, 2010 11:56 AM

Yes, I'm so relieved that Goldsman is on the case in maximizing "fiscal opportunities."

The TV/feature structure sound innovative and great, but I predict this thing is going to be watered down beyond recognition. I reserve the right to be proven wrong and hope that is the case.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at September 9, 2010 12:04 PM

Loved the first book. Hated the second book. Bought the two first issues of the comic and hated those as well. Have not given it another thought.

That being said, I think the idea of doing movies in concert with an ongoing TV show is only a good idea if there is NO CHANCE of the show getting cancelled and if it is on a more adult network. Your HBOs, Showtimes and AMCs. Fox just ain't going to cut it. If it works, it would be AWESOME, but if some dipshit gets in the way of that vision, it dooms the whole project.

Posted by: superasente at September 9, 2010 12:31 PM

I'm perversely interested in this because:

A) I have never read the Dark Tower so i have no emotional attachment to it.
B) Movies and a tv series all pre-planned and connected together have never been done before so it will be interesting to see if it can be done.
C) Opie is a decent director but this is definitely not his source material so it will be interesting to see what he does.
D) I had a good friend that loved the Dark Tower books but he died so I will see this for him.
E) It's hard to believe that it wont suck but it might suck on a grand scale!

Posted by: logan at September 9, 2010 1:16 PM

The only person who should be allowed to touch the works of Stephen King is Frank Darabont. Period.

Roland was not very old, at least in the first book, and he only aged ten years. If they go young I say they cast Timothy Olyphant. We already know he has no problem doing both film and television. Plus, he's the only one that looks remotely like a young Clint Eastwood.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at September 9, 2010 1:20 PM

I can seen Ron Howard maaaaaaybe pulling this off. Maybe. He has surprised me a few times. Then I read about Brian Grazer and Akiva Goldsman, I got a little nauseated. Why not learn from history and use a GOOD writer? To set my mind at ease, though, this needs a visionary, someone who isn't afraid to take risks and use his imagination. Someone like Peter Jackson, Darren Aronofsky or Guillermo del Toro. I want to be immersed in Midworld, not hoping the movie will end soon because I'm so embarrassed for all involved!

Also, Hugh Laurie would be perfect as Roland. That is all.

Posted by: Stellamerteuil at September 9, 2010 2:50 PM

I don't know how to feel about this. On the one hand, this seems like the absolutely best way to go about adapting the books--you need a LOT of time and a lot of effort to tell the entire story properly. I start thinking that they could even get into some of the connecting stories within the series--for example, give us some idea of Patrick from the 7th book's story from Insomnia, or a little more about Randall Flagg, or what's his face from Hearts in Atlantis! AND FATHER CALLAHAN OBVIOUSLY OMG THIS COULD BE SO AWESOME.

On the other hand...well it could be terrible. If it's on just one of the damned networks it won't be as violent or sexual as the books. They'd make Jake into a Disney Channel tween, and Oy into a golden retriever, and Eddie into a douche. So damn torn.

Posted by: figgy at September 9, 2010 5:07 PM

Also, Deist, I can't remember the exact details, but later on we find out that Roland is very, very, very old. Centuries old, even. What with time being 'thin' and all that.

Posted by: figgy at September 9, 2010 5:07 PM

I agree, Frank Darabont is the only director who's done anything worth watching - and his are the only films I've seen that cleave to the original story. There's simply so MUCH in these novels; and as I've always thought Stephen King would benefit from a better editor, cutting it down might work in its favour. However, past experience says that instead they will butcher the whole thing.

Personally, I find the first three books to be amazing, the fourth too sad to reread, and 5 through 7 patchy. I actually didn't object to the ending but I really disliked him putting himself in the book.

And although the marketing concept is an interesting one, it seems like way too big a commitment and I foresee it tailing away into nothing. In the same way, I doubt they'll be able to get any big names to sign up for the whole thing - although that's not always a bad thing.

Posted by: lingli at September 9, 2010 5:57 PM

Wow I'm on the fence on this--DT series is very erratic to say the least, but I love the concept and Roland is a great, complex character. Loved the ending, too. That was the only way it could've gone down. Great stuff IMO.

Want to see an adpatation but these guys are going to cock it up...too much nuance, and frankly too much crazy bullshit to make a coherent film/TV series/whatever. If Howard and Co. can give DT the "Dexter" treatment and create their own vision while hitting major plot points from the books, i'd be willing to give it a chance. But i can also see this project never getting past the first film if it even gets to that. Gonna be an enormously expensive project and a little too niche for the mainstream public. Add the mediocrity of Howard and the general suckiness of your screenwriter and director and it's one big clusterfuck of doom.

Posted by: stryker1121 at September 9, 2010 7:16 PM

Clint Eastwood as The Gunslinger in one final hurrah!

Posted by: elzupasmonkey at September 9, 2010 8:23 PM

Fucking hell. Can I just erase Akiva Goldsman from existence? Without him, the whole project stands a chance of being tolerable. The format of film and TV could work out beautifully if it was actually shot all as one big project. Even if the network were to cancel the TV series at least the fans stand a chance to get everything on DVD if it is already filmed. Ron Howard has little enough vision that he won't rub his dick all over it and fuck it up with his own ideas. I mean, hell, the story is so complex that the author himself nearly completely fucked it up. A director with even a modicum of vision would probably get in his own way and ruin it like Peter Jackson tried to do with the LOTR trilogy. So, right now, I'm glad for Ron Howard. I might eat my words later if he does manage to royally fuck it up but right now I want to kiss him on top of his shiny, bald head.

But Goldsman and Grazer? They can go eat a bag of cocks and stay the fuck away from the DT series. Rest assured, if they mess up anything I will unleash my inner Kanye and send them angry emails and shame them until they look for the nearest can of gasoline with which to immolate themselves.

Posted by: stardust at September 9, 2010 8:26 PM

but who will they get to play the evil train? These are the questions that plague me.

Posted by: DeckOfficer!! at September 9, 2010 8:32 PM

I want to be the voice of Blaine. This is my new dream in life.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at September 9, 2010 9:54 PM

Did someone mention the death of the Crimson King? WORST. DEATH. EVER. Seriously. I was RIGHTTHERE with Stephen King all the way up 'til that point. Even when he wrote himself into the fucking series! But then he wrote that... that fucking JOKE of a death and he lost me.

Yeah, I'm still bitter that I wasted all that time on the series. BUT I will still check this out, tv and/or movie, because I am a dumb sucker.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 9, 2010 10:18 PM

I really hope that they get good actors.

good. actors.

Roland should be played by someone who can do wild west.

the rest I don't care about.

Posted by: LordNinja at September 9, 2010 11:22 PM

Whats up with the Ron Howard bashing? He has directed some great movies.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron_Howard


Posted by: Mark at September 9, 2010 11:27 PM

I really enjoyed the Dark Tower Series so I look forward to this. I think the way they are putting it together is very innovative. The only problem I will have is that I usually do not watch tv shows when they are aired as I don't want to commit to a time when the show is on each week. If I like a tv series I will usually watch it on dvd. So I suppose this new format will require you to watch the tv series before you can watch the movies that follow which will be a drag. Maybe I'll just have to wait for the movie to come out on DVD as well.

As far as actors are concerned for the part of Roland, I agree with one of the commenters about Clint Eastwood being the best person for the part. I always invisioned it to be him when I read the books as I always pictured Roland as older. Unfortunately though, I seriously doubt that Eastwood would be able to commit that much time. He's got plenty of other things going on, namely directing more great films. I really can't think of anyone else though, but if they want to pull in the crowd that isn't familiar with the Dark Tower series then they better find somebody good.

Posted by: Todd A at September 10, 2010 11:50 AM

"But if you committed only to films, you’d deny the audience the intimacy and nuance of some of these characters and a lot of cool twists and turns that make for jaw-dropping, compelling television"

Gosh, remember when they used to make movies with nuanced characters, and lots of cool twists and turns?

Posted by: JoJo at September 11, 2010 6:12 PM

"The only person who should be allowed to touch the works of Stephen King is Frank Darabont. Period. "

-Oh I don't know, Rob Reiner managed to do a fairly decent job adapting two of Stephen King's stories to film. Stand By Me (The Body) and Misery are both staples on many peoples' shelves and I don't hear anyone complain about his treatment of the source material. Maybe too much time has passed for Reiner to pull it off now or perhaps the story is subject too fantastic for him, but I think he's earned some accolades to share with Darabont.

Ron Howard tends to play things very conservative (not unlike a couple of other directors written about on here) I think the right kind of director for this movie needs to have an absolutely out there imagination to go with this universe's setting which arguable is the ultimate omniverse. I mean it quite literally is a collision of every genre and tries to touch elements with as many of his previous stories in an attempt to frappe them all into the same place. An interesting idea since they all were created in the same place.

When I think of this project being tackled, Ron Howard does not come to mind. I would feel much more confident if someone like Terry Gilliam, Tim Burton, or even Christopher Nolan headed up this project, because I think you need to have an off kilter approach to this project to pull it off. That way even if it fails, you can at least see the effort. Can anyone ever mention a movie Howard has done that was attempting to be a trailblazing effort?

Posted by: bleujayone at September 11, 2010 8:36 PM