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February 20, 2008 |

By Seth Freilich | Industry | February 20, 2008 |

Last week I told you about the shows that ABC had renewed, and now we know about the future of some shows at NBC and CBS. At NBC, you can kiss “Bionic Woman” goodbye, as it’s being reported that the show is unsurprisingly dead as a doorknob, and star Michelle Ryan is already back home in England where she’s reportedly “defeated and depressed.” Awww, Michelle. Come back to LA. The TV Whore will make it all better! Of course, other NBC freshmen “Chuck” and “Life” did get themselves some renewals, but the silence surrounding “Journeyman” means that Kevin McKidd is probably returning to his own homeland, back in the highlands of Scotland.

CBS, meanwhile, has announced the renewal of 11 shows (in addition to the previously-announced renewals for “Survivor” and “The Amazing Race”). Lots of procedurals are coming back, naturally, including all three of the “CSI” shows, along with “Cold Case,” “Without a Trace,” “NCIS,” “Criminal Minds” and “Numb3rs.” CBS also gave the pickup to “Two and a Half (fucking) Men,” “Ghost Whisperer” and freshman “The Big Bang Theory.” Interestingly, CBS hasn’t mentioned the fate of quite a few other shows, including “How I Met Your Mother” and “The Unit.” I know many of you want “HIMYM” to return, and I suspect its post-strike numbers will decide its fate. As for “The Unit,” I don’t believe it’s getting any new post-strike episodes, so who knows what the hell will happen there. But if it gets canceled, the TV Whore may have to choke a bitch.

Now when I mentioned the shows ABC picked up last week, you might’ve noticed “Cavemen” missing from the list. Shocking, right? Well some folks aren’t taking this sitting down, no sir! They’re trying to organize fans of the show to — get this — shave their heads and mail the hair to ABC’s Entertainment President. I love this idea. Absolutely love it.

Oh, we now know why ABC left “Boston Legal” off its list of fall renewals — it’s now going to be airing on ION next fall. I’ve heard of ION before, but I couldn’t tell you the first thing about. I don’t even know if I have that station on my cable lineup. So, uhm, yeah — congrats David E. Kelley. Banner move for you. (Well that’ll learn me to only skim an article to stick a new bit in right before uploading a column — Dustin rightly slaps my wrists in a comment below as this only deals with “Boston Legal” reruns. My bad. As you were.)

But whatever with that, because you know what I love more than the “Cavemen” hair-paign? “Weeds” is coming back in just a couple of months! The new season starts on June 16, picking up with the lovely Nancy Botwin in the aftermath of the fire that torched Agrestic. And “Weeds” is being paired up with “Secret Diary of a Call Girl,” a British import starring Billie Piper as a gal who’s a legal secretary by day and a high-class hooker. Billie Piper as a high-class hooker? Yes please (although I must say, having now worked at two law firms that, even in LA, the number of legal secretaries who could be high-class hookers is, uhm, not many). Maybe one of our across-the-pond readers can give us a heads up about whether this show is any good, as I believe it’s already aired there.

And hey, speaking of our across-the-pond readers — in last week’s roundup, I called out a certain “anonymous” Pajiba writer for his Philly/Eagles diss. Well, let’s make it two call-outs in a row, as I’m going to do something I’ve avoided ever since I started writing for this site, by pulling a Dustin move and totally calling-out a commenter by name. Truthfully, if I had told Past TV Whore that Future TV Whore would be calling out Alex the Odd, Past TV Whore would’ve assumed that Future TV Whore was about to publicly admit dirty dirty thoughts. But alas, Past TV Whore would be doubly disappointed, both at that not being what I’m about to say, and at the reason I’m calling Alex out to begin with. Just look at this nonsense from last week:

“…Hence why I have seen every aired episode of Grey’s, Private Practice and Gossip Girl but have yet to catch up on Dexter, BSG or FNL.”

Seriously girl, what. the. Christ. is that all about? If I could, I’d be on the next plane across the pond just to come rip your bloody Pajiba card up for this kind of nonsense (and I suspect the only reason you didn’t admit on your own that you should rip up your card is because you knew that meant you’d have to take a shot). That not being possible at this point in time, I’m instead issuing the following penance. No Hail Maries or Mother May I’s or whatever it is the Priests make the goyim do. No ma’am. To make up for this shit, you are hereby ordered to immediately buy or rent the first season of “Friday Night Lights” and watch it as fast as possible, post haste. And until you complete it, no booze for you. If you have another drink before you finish watching Season One, your immortal soul will eventually wind up stuck in front of a TV in hell, watching reruns of “According to Jim” and “The George Lopez Show” for all of eternity.

And that goes for the rest of y’all. If you can admit to having seen two of the first three shows (“Grey’s,” “Private Practice” and “Gossip Girl”) but none of the latter three (“Dexter,” “BSG” and “Friday Night Lights”), well, get busy watching some good TV, or get busy dying!

Lastly, you may have heard this already, but the chairman of MENSA put together a list of what he thinks are the ten smartest TV shows of all time. And, well, let’s just say that Mr. Jim Werdell may not be the smartest TV viewer of all time. Here’s the list, and while I could bitch aplenty, I’ll leave that to y’all, save to say that the inclusion of “Mad About You” at the exclusion of shows like “Arrested Development” and “The Wire” is baffling:

1. “M*A*S*H”
2. “Cosmos”
3. “CSI”
4. “House”
5. “The West Wing”
6. “Boston Legal”
7. “All in the Family”
8. “Frasier”
9. “Mad About You”
10. “Jeopardy!”

Seth Freilich is Pajiba’s television editor. The former scientist in him was very happy, however, to see “Cosmos” on that MENSA list. Carl Sagan was tits.

Why Don't You Cut Off Your Pajiba and Mail That While You're At It

The Daily Trade Round-Up / The TV Whore
Feb. 20, 2008

Industry | February 20, 2008 |

Seth is a Senior Editor and sometime critic. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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