Who Knew Diet Coke Could Be So Viscous and ... Jizzy?
OK, Jizzy is officially the worst-sounding made-up word ever, and this is the most cringeworthy sentence ever written: "Diet Coke's jizzy new ad will moisten your panties." YOU'RE WELCOME.
The good news is, if you like shirtless dudes, Diet Coke has recreated their similarly themed by less jizzy 1994 ad featuring a bunch of women tittering while watching a Mr. Stud Puppet take a break from manual labor. In the present ad, the insatiable women coax him into popping open a Diet Coke, which then gets jizzy all over him, because nothing says sexy like having your bare chest covered in a liquid of sticky aspartame, caramel coloring, phosphoric acid, and phenylalanine.
There are also GIFs, in case you want to relive the Diet Coke ejaculate in 3-second flashes.
Pajiba Love Express
Here's some Daveed Diggs for you. On Daveed Diggs' digs, actually. That man does things with clothes that should not make sense, but are absolutely perfect. (Go Fug Yourself)
Woody Allen has "so moved on" from his daughter's accusations and says he never even thinks about it. He equates her words about him to a bad review he won't read and comments on how wacky it is that Mia Farrow is his mother-in-law. He is the worst. (Celebitchy)
Not The Worst but still very gross: Leonardo DiCaprio and his
Here are 5 under-the-radar shows. I had never even heard of the first two. (Uproxx)