By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (53)
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Posted by: Patty O'Green at August 18, 2011 12:04 PM
How can you NOT love "Machine Gun Preacher"?
Posted by: logan at August 18, 2011 12:06 PM
At least poster-wise, it's hard to go wrong with Gerard Butler looking like a bad ass.
That Kevin Spacey one looks too much like Thomas Edison for my taste. I mean I actually love Kevin Spacey, but Thomas Edison? Fuck that guy!
Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at August 18, 2011 12:13 PM
Easier to pick which I would MOST likely throw in to a wood chipper.
Kevin Spacey...what happened?
Posted by: OldSchool60 at August 18, 2011 12:15 PM
I rented a wood chipper once. Scary piece of equipment.
Posted by: logan at August 18, 2011 12:17 PM
I'll take anything with Chris Evans or Gerard Butler on it. The rest...don't interest me very much, if at all.
When looking at the poster for that Seyfried/Timberlake movie, does anyone else think of the movie-within-a-movie in America's Sweethearts, in which John Cusack comes back through time to rescue Catherine Zeta-Jones from the Nazis?
Just me then? Okay.
Posted by: Siege at August 18, 2011 12:18 PM
Safe is the only decent one of the bunch. What's sad is Drive looks fantastic, but you wouldn't know it from this horrible poster.
Posted by: Tidmore at August 18, 2011 12:18 PM
How can you NOT love "Machine Gun Preacher"?
Because it's got Gerard Butler in it and I HATE HIM with all the rage I can muster. Dude needs to get out of films, especially ones with titles like that. Far too similar to Law Abiding Citizen. Mostly because it makes me laugh.
Posted by: Carrie at August 18, 2011 12:19 PM
But Carrie... its a preacher with a machine gun! The only thing possibly better is a Deacon With a Double-barrel.
Tho I do hate Butler for "the Bountyhunter" Jesus that was bad.
Posted by: logan at August 18, 2011 12:23 PM
I don't hate on Twilight as much as I should, but for fuck's sake. What he fuck is Pattinson wearing on the poster? Is he an accountant of a vampire?
HIS BABY BLUE SHIRT IS TUCKED INTO HIS VERY SOCIAL TROUSERS. I BET HIS BELT MATCHES HIS SHOES.
Posted by: Holly at August 18, 2011 12:25 PM
Safe would be safe from the wood chipper. Contagion might survive as well. The rest of those posters can go to shredder hell.
Posted by: Reba at August 18, 2011 12:30 PM
Machine Gun Preacher?
*snicker*
*snort*
*laughter*
Um
maybe...
looks...great.
(not really, but if it's a comedy, I'm already in stitches)
Posted by: ChickaBoom! at August 18, 2011 12:30 PM
Dang, Chris Evans, you look good in a beard. Less pretty-pretty. Now, take off your shirt and we can talk.
That Orgy one looks AWFUL. Photoshopped beyond recognition, and you can tell that no onei n that photo was in the same room as anyone else when it was taken. Eeek.
And oh, Sean Astin. why is your shoulder in a horse's ass? That makes me so sad I can't even...
I'd save the Coriolanus poster from the wood chipper, out of all of them. Saved has a good poster.
Posted by: figgy at August 18, 2011 12:31 PM
What? Is that Cheri Oteri/Sean Astin movie real?
Posted by: TurnipTheRadio at August 18, 2011 12:35 PM
Hi. I just read an article, linked from Drudge, detailing how Ridley Scott now wants to revisit/remake Bladerunner.
Yes, that Bladerunner.
Get on it, Rowles.
Posted by: Some Guy at August 18, 2011 12:37 PM
I canNOT put The Stath in a wood chipper.
I like the poster for Coriolanus (and the cast) but yeah...the violence. But (hee hee) it has "anus" in the title. Which is funny. Cause I'm juvenile.
Posted by: klingonfree at August 18, 2011 12:42 PM
Drive and then Coriolanus.
Posted by: Joseph Finn at August 18, 2011 12:44 PM
I love that Machine Gun Preacher poster has a 2011 Official Toronto International Film Festival Official Selection aura on it. Does it legitimize the movie?
Posted by: pausner at August 18, 2011 12:45 PM
Outside of the obvious Twilight, American Pie Reunion has to rank first. Even if it's getting the gang back together, there's too many direct-to-DVD crap in between when the series was still good. Father of Invention would be a good 1B. Spacey can be amazing when he cares. This just looks like a subpar Robin Williams movie. I would watch it if only for the women in the movie though. "And They're Off" should get some votes just because who thinks of Cheri Oteri being a lead in a movie as a good thing?
Posted by: Matt at August 18, 2011 12:46 PM
And how far in the crapper is Lindsay Lohan's career that she is NOT in that Orgy movie?
Posted by: klingonfree at August 18, 2011 12:51 PM
Yes, that Bladerunner
Goddammit, spell it correctly!
Christ.
Posted by: Jay at August 18, 2011 12:54 PM
I like Coriolanus and In Time.
Second Holly's comment about the vampire accountant. I'm wearing the same clothes now and I basically work as one of the Bobs from Office Space.
Also: Bazooka Bishop. Father Famas. The Pulipit Pulverizer. Minister Boom by Michael Bay.
Posted by: eskiimomo at August 18, 2011 1:06 PM
I just read an article, linked from Drudge, detailing how Ridley Scott now wants to revisit/remake Bladerunner.
You see, most blokes, you know, would be very skeptical of that story. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your skepticism. Where can you go from there? Where?
That link source right there gave the extra push over the cliff. Eleven. One more skeptical.
Posted by: branded at August 18, 2011 1:13 PM
I pretty much hate all of these. They make me want to stop watching movies entirely. Except maybe Safe. That one's alright. The Twilight one looks like all the other Twilight posters except for the some reason the dudes' heads look too big for their bodies...and yeah, the business casual thing too.
Posted by: E the B at August 18, 2011 1:15 PM
Were all the people in that Orgy poster in the same photoshoot? Is that little boy really in that picture with Gerard Butler? Are Statham and that little girl really in that letter A?
I'll tell you which one I WOULD shove into a wood chipper. Starting with Stewart's face.
Posted by: MissRos at August 18, 2011 1:16 PM
Wow. Some seriously terrible Photoshopping going on in some of these.
I like the "In Time" one, but to be honest, I'm easily swayed by anything with Timberlake in/on it.
Siege - it's Seyfried's hair, isn't it? It's reminiscent of Catherine Zeta-Jones's hair from that Nazi movie-within-a-movie.
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 18, 2011 1:16 PM
Are some of those made up? Please say yes. Is there really a Cheri Otari/Samwise Gamgee movie? That poster just looks fake.
Posted by: fenchurch at August 18, 2011 1:18 PM
...and I basically work as one of the Bobs from Office Space.
What an excellent form of self deprecation. I hope you're John C. McGinley at least.
Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at August 18, 2011 1:21 PM
Things seem to go horribly wrong with Kevin Spacey is prominently featured wearing a nice suit and smug grin. That poster proves the rule. Woodchipper. And I LIKE Spacey.
The "Drive" poster sucks. Especially because of the "thrill ride" comment. Woodchipper.
Harold and Khumar's poster isn't as creative as the promo picture of the two of them in tin soldier uniforms. Woodchipper.
Puncture could be compelling. If I could remember who the very pominently featured actor is. Woodchipper.
In Time won't get my time. 'Chipper.
Orgy's poster is too 70s summer camp movie for me. I recognize none of the cast. 'chipper.
I don't know who Cheri Oteri is. I can't figure out what is actually supporting Sean Astin's epically casual leaning posture. That horse's tail sure isn't. 'Chipper.
Preacher with a Machine Gun? Was it written by the guy who wrote Hobo with a Shotgun? Dullsville poster. 'Chipper.
Another American Pie poster? Really? And they're going to try and convince me this is the best piece? I'll feed that one into the chipper three times just for good measure.
The Contagion and Corialanus posters are kinda dull too. I might go see the flicks, though, because they look a little interesting. But I'd feed the posters into the chipper for being weak.
Twilight, on principle alone, gets fed through the chipper EIGHT Times.
I like the Safe poster. Simple. Kinda clever. Not outrageous. I can't see any stupid blurbs from stupid newspapers or critics. I'll spare it the chipper. I just hope it's not one of The Statham's attempts to legitimize Uwe Boll.
Posted by: lubeg at August 18, 2011 1:24 PM
@branded -
It's like, how much more skeptical could he be? And the answer is none. None more skeptical.
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 18, 2011 1:34 PM
They are all bad.
Posted by: asdff at August 18, 2011 1:44 PM
I don't give a toss one way or the other about Gerrad Butler, but dude, please don't go see Machine Gun Preacher! The last thing we need is people thinking Sam Childers is cool and not the arms dealing purveyor of poverty porn douche that he is.
lookit this guy is white trash jerk capitalizing other peoples trauma. He's just one more bad guy on the already crowded field of Uganda/South Sudan.
Posted by: indarchandra at August 18, 2011 1:49 PM
Um, so I admit the title's a bit silly, but Machine Gun Preacher is a biopic (directed by Marc Forster) about Sam Childers, a former drug-dealing biker tough guy who found God and became a crusader for hundreds of Sudanese children who've been forced to become soldiers. So I'm going with not a comedy. Believe it or not (I don't blame you for not, after some of his choices), Butler CAN act.
Straight-up tie between Coriolanus and Machine Gun Preacher. All the rest can go the way of Steve Buscemi.
Posted by: Samantha at August 18, 2011 1:50 PM
I just woofed photoshop chunks on my keyboard. That much desaturation, or over saturation or hurf on a poster, any of them, would make Avatar blush. If blue could blush. Shirt boy in Twilight looks like he's finally just given up. It looks like "Revenge of the Nerd-pires". The only one I half way liked was Coriolanus. And speaking of anus, the one for "And They're Off" seems to me to have an innuendo in there. Espescially given Samwise's placement by that horse...
Posted by: Odnon. at August 18, 2011 1:51 PM
Coriolanus, simply because I haven't been this excited about a movie in years.
Posted by: Kala at August 18, 2011 1:54 PM
Do I get to have Peter Stormare (sp?) run the chipper for me?
Posted by: China Cat at August 18, 2011 1:54 PM
Team Coriolanus for being Coriolanus. The poster ain't half bad, either.
Posted by: Robert at August 18, 2011 2:35 PM
Okay so I like Cheri Oteri but wow...that one looks bad.
Posted by: Jeff at August 18, 2011 2:35 PM
Anything remotely having to do with Twilight makes me want to shove myself into a wood chipper. Especially Kristen Stewart. So, not that one.
I would go with Gerard Butler looking like a bad-ass just for being Gerard Butler looking like a bad-ass. In second place is Ryan Gosling for being smoking hot plus a really good actor. I'm not crazy about the YA-novel/Dirty Dancing font on the "Drive" poster, though. However, I will watch Gosling sit in a park surrounded by pigeons eating shit for two hours if that's how I have to get my fill. So I don't care.
Posted by: Nugs at August 18, 2011 2:54 PM
"You see, most blokes, you know, would be very skeptical of that story. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your skepticism. Where can you go from there? Where?
That link source right there gave the extra push over the cliff. Eleven. One more skeptical."
Oh geez, lets not hate too much on Drudge, shall we? Would it satisfy your liberal-street cred if I said that the NYT has an article about it, too?
Is it too hard to Google "Blade Runner remake" and see for yourself?
That's the problem with skeptics. They're lazy.
Posted by: Some Guy at August 18, 2011 3:22 PM
Safe is the best poster, I know nothing about the movie.
The real question is, why is the Drive poster so bad? *sob*
Posted by: CL at August 18, 2011 3:44 PM
Justin Timberlake has replaced Sean Penn as an auto non starter.
Posted by: steve at August 18, 2011 3:46 PM
Anything Statham is usually my go to.
Posted by: googergieger at August 18, 2011 3:59 PM
someone tell me that cheri oteri movie is a joke. WHAT.
Posted by: ashley at August 18, 2011 4:06 PM
Would it satisfy your liberal-street cred if I said that the NYT has an article about it, too?
Is it too hard to Google "Blade Runner remake" and see for yourself?
Who said anything about this being a liberal/conservative thing? I just don't trust his website, regardless of ideaology. I've heard the rumor around, yes. I also know to wait to see how concrete things actually play out because so much in-development movie news ends up being bullshit. But it's lazy to doubt a project that hasn't had anything screenwritten or even decided if it'll be a sequel or prequel?
Posted by: branded at August 18, 2011 4:27 PM
Coriolanus, though Machine Gun Preacher is a closeish second, if only for the title.
Posted by: csb at August 18, 2011 4:53 PM
thank u for ruining Drive for me.
Posted by: haplo at August 18, 2011 5:46 PM
Harold & Kumar win this round.
Kidding.
I think.
I would have wanted to see In Time if it was anyone other than Timberlake in it. Jesus, he even looks wooden in the trailer. Doesn't bode well.
Posted by: Amanda6 at August 18, 2011 6:02 PM
There's a Statham poster as a choice to save from the woodchopper? People! This is Pajiba! How is this even a choice? Save the Statham poster.
That should be on a bumper sticker: Save the Statham. One of y'all get on that.
Posted by: stardust at August 18, 2011 6:17 PM
Thank you.
Posted by: Jay at August 18, 2011 7:55 PM
If you told me I had to put one up in my house, I might just jump in the wood chipper myself. What has happened to movie poster art?
Posted by: James S at August 18, 2011 9:27 PM
Is Preacher with a Machine Gun double billed with Hobo with a shotgun?
Posted by: Uncle JR at August 18, 2011 10:21 PM
I'd see Safe and Machine Gun Preacher, simply because they tell you straight-up what the movie's going to be about. Contagion a little less so, because you don't really know what caused it (bad hamburger, monkeypox, etc.). Plus, I would lay either men down by the fire immediately.
Posted by: duckandcover at August 19, 2011 4:49 PM
Oh my stars and/or garters, based entirely on poster I wouldn't see any of these. Maybe Coriolanus, except I know how incredibly violent it is, which isn't really 'my bag'...