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Wherein The Remake I Dread Begins To Show Its Face: The Thing Movie Poster And Leaked Trailer

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (31)



the_thing_05.jpg

Every cell in my body cries out at the thought of a remake of The Thing. Carpenter’s 1982 film (a sequel of sorts to the 1951 The Thing From Another World) is a near-perfect slice of science fiction film making, so much so that even now, it’s relatively clunky effects are still affecting and impressive. I love everything about the movie, it’s a go-to flick that I watch several times a year, and it’s probably Carpenter’s best film (though my favorite Carpenter film will forever be Big Trouble In Little China). And while Carpenter has been mouldering of late, and delivering unfortunate and disappointing fare like The Ward (a film that he should have simply just stayed away from altogether), one cannot deny his classics, and The Thing is at the top of that list.

When I heard that Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. was remaking the film, I went into a foaming, screaming rage. Don’t bother telling me not to get upset over remakes — it’s not going to change anything, it’s not going to make me any less frustrated, and it’s just going to make me think you’re more of an annoying asshole than I already do. It’s one of my few sacred cows, and even though a decent cast has been assembled — Joel Edgerton, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje are featured players — we’ve had so many shitty, derivative and downright unimpressive remakes in the last several years that it’s hard to feel anything but impotent fury at the idea. It doesn’t need to be remade. It’s an excellent, flawless film (despite what my esteemed colleage Mr. Morton thinks), that has little room for improvement. A remake of it seems an ultimately pointless and uninspired endeavor, but when has that ever stopped Hollywood?

So with all of that bitter preamble aside, the first official poster for the film has dropped, and it’s two things: a remarkable throwback to the 1982 film… and also, a damn good fucking movie poster. Sure, the tagline is a little too easy, but still. That’s solid work. It got me a teensy bit more interested in the film, and for a naysaying, irate malcontent like me to say that, well, that’s an achievement in and of itself. Do I think the film will do anything more than suck festering lizard balls? No, I do not. But at least they made a good poster. That’s something, I guess.

2011-07-12-thing_prequel.jpg

AS an added bonus, if you’re willing to brave the blurry-as-fuck camera and the audience noise, here’s a leaked copy of the trailer. I’m sure a real copy will show up soon enough, but if you just can’t wait, well, here it is. It doesn’t give us much, and since it’s so damn wiggly, it’s hard to really know what’s going on. But the tone and music feels like an homage to Carpenter’s film, which is a little odd and of course leads us to ask, “Why bother?” We’ll see.

Enjoy, I guess.









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Comments

That poster looks great and gives me hope, and then the trailer dashes it to pieces. The sexist in me hates that Russel is being seemingly replaced by a woman, but more to the point, the tense, tedious atmosphere of the 80's film's Arctic station's environment added so much more to the suspense than that Kumbaya shit they were throwin out there.

Posted by: Protoguy at July 13, 2011 11:00 PM

This movie is from the perspective of the Norwegians, right? That wouldn't be as terrible.

It will be impossible for me not to see this in the fucking theater. I will admit it openly and only feel a little bit ashamed about it.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at July 13, 2011 11:08 PM

it’s probably Carpenter’s best film

There's a knock on the door from Halloween and Escape from New York. They'd like a word.

Posted by: Fredo at July 13, 2011 11:20 PM

Aside: I hope they find a way to keep it so that the Norwegian crew doesn't know English. Otherwise, it screws up with the whole problem Kurt Russell's crew had when they show up on helicopters, shooting at the dog.

Posted by: Fredo at July 13, 2011 11:27 PM

Building off of Mouse's observation:

Wasn't the original team made up of non-English speakers (Norwegians)? I mean, that was the whole fucking point when they showed up in the 1982 version. Kurt Russell's team didn't know what was going on because they didn't speak the language. And no, I don't hate the movie, I just see flaws in a very entertaining and scary and hell flick! ;)

Posted by: Drew Morton at July 13, 2011 11:28 PM

This isn't a remake at all, it's a prequel to carpenters The Thing - following the Norwegian research team which we see the end of at the very beginning of Carpenters 'The Thing' - maybe a little research from the author would help, before posting misguided observations and assumptions - but i can understand reservations one would have were this a remake - but you can rest assured it is NOT a remake but a PREQUEL. The carpenter classic will remain unscathed.

Posted by: caode at July 13, 2011 11:55 PM

"Don’t bother telling me not to get upset over remakes — it’s not going to change anything, it’s not going to make me any less frustrated, and it’s just going to make me think you’re more of an annoying asshole than I already do."

Man, I know right! The thing is perfect, why won't they leave it alone?!

The poster's cool though.

Posted by: Melody Be at July 14, 2011 1:28 AM

Caode: God, I hope so.

Is that true? I could deal with a prequel. That kinda sounds awesome.

Please, please, paste a link, and I'll sleep better tonight. :)

Posted by: Melody at July 14, 2011 1:32 AM

If that's true, that it's from the Norwegian's point of view, then I retract my comments. It also makes it less of a remake. I would say that it looks more to me like the Norwegian segment is more prologue, since the trailer begins with an obviously American couple talking about the mission.

Seeing as the poster has the dude with the long fingers in the snow - that iconic image of him screaming in that horrifically non-human voice - also kinda shoots down the "Norwegian" theory.

And no, Halloween and Escape have nothing on The Thing.

Posted by: Protoguy at July 14, 2011 4:13 AM

So uhm, you rage over director Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.but not the fact that King Of Remakes: Ronald D Moore had his grubby hands all over the screenplay?

Why not?

Are we happy knowing that the man who wrote the Battlestar Galactica remake, and Mission Impossible 2 is at the helm?

Remember Mission Impossible 2, the one when Tom Cruise jumps forward off of a moving bike at the bad guy to fight in mid air, and wore masks as disguises several times in the film? Yes that MI....How happy now??

Posted by: billixbeeee at July 14, 2011 4:21 AM

So uhm, you rage over director Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.but not the fact that King Of Remakes: Ronald D Moore had his grubby hands all over the screenplay?

Posted by: billixbeeee at July 14, 2011 4:21 AM

Oh sweet Godtopus, that brings me right the fuck back down. The man is a hack.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at July 14, 2011 5:55 AM

From the producers of Dawn of the Dead

That's promising, that's one of my favorite zombie movies.

Posted by: snapnhiss at July 14, 2011 7:02 AM

Neat use of the original score in the last few minutes.

Also, this is a reminder of why I don't go to the movies any later than like 11am. That audience was annoying!

Posted by: the new transported man at July 14, 2011 7:45 AM

"Aside: I hope they find a way to keep it so that the Norwegian crew doesn't know English".

----------------------
Not very realistic, since most real-life Norwegians (& Swedes & Danes &c...) do speak English quite well.

The foreigners should be Russian if a communications barrier is to be believable. Same goes for potential political hostility/suspicions (even if they're no longer 'Commmies', they're still geopolitical rivals to Anglo/American bloc).

Anyway, love the '82 film, which is at least equal to 'Escape from N.Y.'
Always liked 'Prince of Darkness' ('87) too. Must be because I saw it at the cinema as a teenager... very easy to see R-rated films underage back then.
(cool scenes: the guy saying "pray for death", as he collapses in a pile of cockroaches... & Alice Cooper as an evil homeless guy)

Posted by: harold ballard's ghost at July 14, 2011 7:45 AM

Not very realistic, since most real-life Norwegians (& Swedes & Danes &c...) do speak English quite well.

Fair enough. The point is that "The Thing" opens with the American crew fighting the Norwegian crew because they think they're shooting at them -- when the Norwegians are really shooting at the alien in the guise of a dog.

I guess one way around it is to make the last 2 survivors non-English speakers.

Posted by: Fredo at July 14, 2011 9:40 AM

As the resident Museum Person, I do feel I have to make a point of order and note that it's a little weird to drag a Fossil Preparator (the apparent female lead, who "spends all day putting bones together") on your very expensive mission to Antarctica. The work of the Fossil Preparator is done in the lab back home, and any anthropologist or paleontologist worth their salts can prepare a field jacket or get specimens and artifacts ready for transport. You certainly wouldn't be doing reassembly or preparation on-site.

Other than that nit-picky detail, I don't know that there's anything more to say about that teaser, what with it being all teaser-y and telling us little about the actual quality of the film. Oh yeah, and we have a new emerging trope in movies, coming from the music industry: the presence of a ukulele automatically makes you awesome and likeable, apparently.

Posted by: StoatCat at July 14, 2011 9:40 AM

The point is that "The Thing" opens with the American crew fighting the Norwegian crew because they think they're shooting at them -- when the Norwegians are really shooting at the alien in the guise of a dog.

What version of 'The Thing' did you see? They never fight. No shots or punches are exchanged. The only American who shows any anger is the dog dude. No one fights anyone except their own team. "Sweden" blows itself up when it rag-arms a grenade like a 4 year old girl.

Posted by: PissBoy at July 14, 2011 9:57 AM

*still waiting for "Alien vs. Predator vs. Thing"*

Posted by: , at July 14, 2011 10:02 AM

So I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that flame throwers are standard issue for all Antarctic expeditions.

Parka- check
Gloves - check
Long underwear - check
Goggles - check
Boots - check
Flame thrower - check...

Posted by: John W at July 14, 2011 10:27 AM

A "prequel" might be cool. If they were trying to remake the awesome Carpenter version, I'd be a little annoyed, but this might actually turn out all right.

Posted by: Slash at July 14, 2011 10:30 AM

Yes, it is definitely a prequel, everyone just look it up - IMDb it, or Wikipedia, just Google it even. It's a prequel following the events that take place at the Norwegian base (which also has american scientists on it) before the events that take place at the American base - this film will ultimately lead in to the beginning of John Carpenters The Thing. A full on prequel - not just a small prologue scene with the Norwegians then a remake of carpenters story - FULL ON PREQUEL.

Posted by: Caode at July 14, 2011 11:28 AM

Then I don't hate it yet. Except for that ukelele

Posted by: Protoguy at July 14, 2011 11:55 AM

Wait...wait. If this is a prequel from the Norwegian perspective then we all know the ending already. What's the fun in that?

That being said...I'll still see this in theatres.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at July 14, 2011 1:32 PM

It's in the getting there, my friend. Nobody starts a bout of sex by saying, "I already pretty much know I'm gonna come at the end, what's the fun in that?"

Posted by: , at July 14, 2011 1:37 PM

That horrible set piece in the header photo makes me cringe every time. It looks like a 1960's Trek set.

Posted by: Protoguy at July 14, 2011 1:57 PM

sweet Godtopus, that brings me right the fuck back down. The man is a hack.
-Uriah Creep

I did a little more research. Apparently Ronald D Moore's screenplay was rejected, & scrapped. There might still be some hope with this pre-equal.

http://io9.com/5187326/the-thing-prequel-wont-have-that-moore-touch

Posted by: billixbeeee at July 14, 2011 4:27 PM

Can I just throw this out here? Anyone remember "Hunt For Red October?" The crew was actually speaking Russian the entire time. They started out in Russian, the camera focused in on one character's mouth, and when they pulled back out they were all speaking English from that point on so you wouldn't have to read subtitles the entire 2 hours. No reason they can't be doing the same sort of thing here.

Posted by: Chich at July 14, 2011 4:56 PM

I think I see Sam Worthington in the header pic. Ergo, I won't be seeing this until it comes to the Hangover Theater. Sam Worthington is terrible.

Posted by: Trey Shacksit at July 14, 2011 5:13 PM

Actually, Garry shoot the second Norwegian in the eye and kills him after he shoots Bennings in the leg. This is of course after the first Norwegian blows himself up. Clark (the dog guy) comes out after it's all over and pets the dog.

Next?

Posted by: grendel at July 14, 2011 8:18 PM

Like easing into a hot tub after a long damn week, the news you somewhat mistakenly convey about us all getting treated to a prequel to what is clearly and resoundingly a fave among Pajibites is actually quite soothing.

Gotta say I had my doubts, but from the poster and the ice block penned in in the Norwegian camp (a faithful rendition of the same room visited in 1982 by MacReady and Copper) it seems like the guys behind this flick were ever bit as much fans of the 1982 masterpiece as all of us ... BUT, unlike the rest of us penniless douchebags, were in a position to actually do something about it.

That's not a bad thing.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at July 14, 2011 8:52 PM

Posted by: Chich at July 14, 2011 4:56 PM
---
IIRC they used the same trick in "Judgment at Nuremberg."

Posted by: , at July 15, 2011 1:39 AM