When I Start Yelling at a Girl, I Call Her a Pajiba
The Daily Trade Round-Up / The TV Whore
Sept. 12, 2007
Trade News | September 12, 2007 | Comments (20)
This isn’t trade news, and doesn’t have any proper place in a Daily Trade Round-Up, but I simply have to share. Last week’s episode of “The Real World” featured what is unquestionably the best apology in the history of apologies. Here’s the background: There’s this dude Isaac who’s only about a half-step above a primate. And there’s this gal we’ll call Blonde 2 (there are two blondes on the show and it’s pretty impossible to tell them apart). So the roommates were all drinking (I know, shocking, right?) and after some stupid crap involving Blonde 2 falling off of Isaac’s knee, she dumped water on Isaac which led to him calling Blonde 2 a slut. Blonde 2 didn’t take this very well and eventually, at the behest of another roommate, Isaac crept in to apologize to Blonde 2. I present to you now, said apology:
Isaac: I apologize for calling you a slut, I shouldn’t have done that. [Obvious edit - I really want to know what was here.] But I was a little angry ‘cause it’s a very disrespectful thing, to pour water on somebody like that. And I was like pissed, and I didn’t mean, like, you’re a slut like that. When I just get up and start yelling at a girl, that’s one of the first words that comes out. “You’re a slut. You’re a whore. You’re a, uhm, like a cunt. A twat.” There’s a bunch of other words that also, that I say to girls just to make ‘em pissed off. I just wanted to apologize ‘cause I called you a slut. So you can apologize for pouring water on me whenever you want.
Blonde 2: [In tears, only speaking after a roommate whispers “apologize” in her ear.] Sob … I’m sorry.
Isaac: Apology accepted. This was a good talk. This was a good talk. [Walks out of room.]
I mean, that’s amazing, right? I fancy myself a writer but I could never, in a million years, come up with something that brilliant.
Seems Fox also realizes that it can’t come up with brilliance anymore, so now it’s ripping off its own shows. The network has ordered a new pilot called “Smile, You’re Under Arrest,” and this show is literally right out of “The Simpsons.” To wit, folks with outstanding warrants will be tricked into thinking they’ve won a prize, only to be arrested when they turn up to claim the prize. And to all you naysayers out there, Fox has made it clear that these won’t be violent offenders, only folks who are in trouble for petty crimes, thank you very much.
And a sincere “thank you very much” to the folks over at NBC — word has come down that Alyssa Milano will be joining “My Name is Earl” for somewhere between three and eight episodes, depending which report you believe. Earl will apparently be teaching her character about this whole karma business, and there may or may not be some sparks between the two. Truthfully, I don’t care what she does on the show — Milano could play a sofa as far as I’m concerned, because she’s just pleasant eye candy and the misogynist pig in me doesn’t care that she can barely act (shut up, “Charmed” fans, because if you dig down deep within yourselves, you know I’m right).
In other casting news, Jessalyn Gilsig (most recently seen as the sex-addicted bitch Gina on “Nip/Tuck,” and Claire’s bio-mother on “Heroes”) has joined the cast of “Friday Night Lights,” where she’ll play Connie Britton’s sister. I’ve been a fan of Gilsig for some time now, so I’m pretty happy about this signing (and frankly, any “FNL” signing that doesn’t include Rosie makes me happy). Meanwhile, there’s been a casting drop over at “Prison Break” (fans may want to bail on this paragraph if they want to avoid the casting-related spoiler). Seems that Sarah Wayne Callies, who played Doctor Sarah Tancredi, won’t be coming back next season. Too bad — Callies was my secret TV crush from last season. No word on how this will affect the already-leaked early storyline where her character was to be kidnapped and held hostage, although speculation is that they could still carry this out and simply have her character killed. Nice knowing you, Doc.
I’m sure you’re bouncing with joy at the fact that the Emmys air this Sunday night. You are bouncing, right? Well if you happen to be a little less bouncy because Joan Rivers won’t be working the red carpet this year, I have two things to say to you. First, fear not, for your Emmy night need not be Rivers free — she and her lovely daughter will be live blogging on some VH1 sister site called VH1EyeCandy.com. And second, if you honestly miss Joan Rivers, you need to stop reading Pajiba evermore. We don’t need your kind around these parts.
Speaking of the Emmys, last week was the “we don’t really care about you” awards (aka, the Creative Arts Emmys) and “Planet Earth” deservedly won five awards, including best nonfiction series. But the bigger story was Kathy Griffin’s show winning for best reality program. While accepting her award, the sometimes-funny comedienne asked: “Can you believe this shit? I guess hell froze over.” (It would seem so.) Griffin also said that Jesus had nothing to do with her award win, adding: “So all I can say is ‘Suck it, Jesus.’ This award is my god now.” Unsurprisingly, the Emmy producers didn’t find this comment so amusing, so when E! broadcasts this ceremony on Saturday, Griffin’s Jesus comment will fall prey to the Censorship Gods.
I’ll leave you with this — “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” comes back tomorrow night, and the folks over at Funny or Die have decided to let us in on how the show was able to keep Danny DeVito for a third season:
Seth Freilich is Pajiba’s television editor. He’s often wished he could have Fred Savage on call to watch while he performed sexual depravities.
Comments
Posted by: cockroach at September 12, 2007 8:49 AM
I mailed these bogus prize certificates to every scofflaw in Springfield. When they show up for their free motor boats we arrest them and beat them to the full extent of the law.