Whedon Denies All Rumors About Avengers 2. Also Denies Deployment of the B-3 Bomber.
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Whedon Denies All Rumors About Avengers 2. Also Denies Deployment of the B-3 Bomber.

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trade News | May 13, 2013 | Comments ()

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The rumors are false he says. Which ones? Well, apparently the Internet's pipes have been clogged with all manner of hair balls this last week as every rumor monger in the business has been bearing down to fill a weight quota. We're not immune to these things, but I like to think that since we're relatively upfront about watching the for the spectacle and not the show, maybe we're somehow better than the rest. Of course 79% of people think that they are on the side of the angels, which happens to be the exact same proportion of statistics that are made up, so you might take my opinion with a boulder of salt.

Various sundry websites have reported that any or all of the major actors are holding out for additional mountains of money, and that lawsuits may be involved. Our resident expert, a goose who once laid a certain egg, was unavailable for comment on account of having fled the country.

The best rumor, and by best I mean the one that is most improbable, yet somehow would be the most acceptable to me if it turned out to be true, was the one that suggested that Joss Whedon was making a $100 million salary for Avengers 2. Here is Whedon's fantastic response:

"I was going to let it slide, but I've got this sour taste in my mouth. (Mmmm, lemonade!). Some facts are not facts. I'm not going to go into the whole thing, but jeepers, I'm not getting $100 mil on Avengers 2. If I were, I would come on this site and laugh and laugh and laugh. I'm not making Downey money. I'm making A LOT, which is exciting. I'm not pretending to be a poor farmer, an Everyman, an ANYman. But that number is nuts. A few other things about me that have been "reported" that people should take with a grain of salt:

That I throw wild Hollywood parties where everyone is naked and dancing and wild and I remember to serve enough snacks.

That I can get a movie greenlit by sighing and staring into the middle distance.

That I ate a unicorn and made it winter for three years.

That I "can write."

Well, that's a load off. Sorry to get so personal -- the whole thing's a bit tawdry. But honestly, it bugged me. I'm off for a nice juicy steak. There's a place downtown that does it with rosemary butter, it tastes just like unico -- like a steak."

I can add little that could top this statement, other than to start my own rumor fueled by a highly suspicious omission from that statement: Joss Whedon Fails to Deny that "Firefly" Season 2 Will Air in 2014.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • mslewis

    . . . but I’ve got this sour taste in my mouth. (Mmmm, lemonade!).
    Whedon is really funny. I might even watch Avengers now. (Never saw the movie only photos of the Hemsworth body. Beauiful.)

  • Whedon has also failed to deny accusations of testing top secret CIA hypnotic suggestion technology implanted into Chris Hemsworth's abs and Chris Evans' buttocks.

    A crack team of Pajiba's top body part researchers have spent weeks, nay months on this groundbreaking conspiracy.

  • zeke_the_pig

    'That I can get a movie greenlit by sighing and staring into the middle distance.'

    I still believe that.

  • Three_nineteen

    That's just something that SHOULD be true.

  • Mrcreosote

    Joss battles only Peyton Manning in the epic forehead wars, I'll tell you that.

  • JJ

    How can we turn that into further Avengers 2 rumors....

    "Sources say Whedon to appear as MODOK as well as direct Avengers sequel!"

  • VonnegutSlut

    This post itself is amusing and delightful...but I love, love, LOVE the headline.

    I cannot get me enough Wag the Dog references. However, since you were talking about Whedon and Firefly the series, I feel like you could have worked a Firefly girl reference in there somehow.

    P.S. Jim Belushi is Albanian.

  • Tom

    I'd like to start a rumor that Joss is stuck in 1997 and still uses message boards to communicate online, but he joined twitter last night so I guess that's finally over.

  • BobbFrapples


  • Eve

    "I'm not making Downey money"...

    I love this man.

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