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What You Missed Last Night While You Were Staring into the Abyss of Michele Bachmann's Rage Eyes

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (22)



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Bradley Cooper, Mr. Emu himself, has done the responsible thing for perhaps the first time in his career and dropped out of The Crow, according to THR. The official reason was scheduling conflicts. The two other guys in contention, Whiny Hulk (Mark Wahlberg) and Charming Potato, really aren’t that much of a step up. I say screw it.

According to Variety, Walton Goggins, he of “Justified” fame, and he who was the best part about Cowboys and Aliens (which isn’t saying much), is set to join G.I. Joe: Retaliation, as Warden Nigel James in Jon Chu’s sequel. For a movie that didn’t really do all that well, G.I. Joe is certainly attracting some decent talent to its sequel, having also added Dwayne Johnson as Roadblock, Ray Stevenson as Firefly, RZA as Blind Master, Adrianne Palicki as Lady Jaye, and like Bruce Willis as General Joe Colton.

Here’s your first look at Charlize Theron in Young Adult, which reunites Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody (Juno) for the first time since Cody won an Oscar. The flick is about YA novel author (Charlize Theron) who returns to her hometown to win back her now-married high school sweetheart (Patrick Wilson).

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There is all sorts of wrong with this next item: First of all, the idea that there is a direct-to-DVD prequel to Marley & Me is, well, expected. That’s what milking the cash cow until it bleeds kidney juice is all about. The film will follow Marley’s puppy years, although I thought that those were fairly well covered in the original film. No? Anyway, not only that, but now Marley can talk. But here’s the best part, via Movieline: The script comes from Michael Damian. Did that name register as one that you know but can’t quite place? Maybe this will help:

So, that song is stuck in your head all day. You’re quite welcome. Now, here’s the trailer for Marley & Me: The Puppy Years.

Finally, back in November, Satan’s Vagina heard that Brad Pitt might be interested in making Gray Man, then in January noted that James Gray had come aboard to direct. Now, Variety is reporting that to be true: Brad Pitt is indeed in negotiations to star in the assassin thriller adapted by Adam Cozad from Mark Greaney’s 2009 novel. Pitt would star as Court Gentry, an ex-CIA operative known for his lethal skill who goes on the run after his last job goes wrong, with action taking place across the globe.

The point being? The trades spent a lot of time tracking down this information, and we owe it to them to run it, even though until there’s a set photo or a trailer, I can hardly muster the interest. But hey! Brad Pitt! Potential franchise! Good for him. That guy needs a break-out role.


Here is IT with Bachmann eyes.

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Here’s more Bachmann eyes, if you want the willies.









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Comments

Okay, I know I should know this, but who is Charming Potato again? He's not in the dictionary.

Posted by: JGirl at August 16, 2011 9:54 AM

Channing Tatum

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 16, 2011 9:56 AM

Thanks, Mrs. Julien!

Posted by: JGirl at August 16, 2011 10:00 AM

Bachmann and Paula Deen could have an epic staring contest.

I used to love Michael Damian, back when I was a kid and watched "The Young & the Restless" with my mom. We even went to see him when he did a mall tour & stopped at my podunk town's little mall. That must've been a low point for him... I'm not sure that Marley prequel won't be another.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 16, 2011 10:06 AM

Unsurprisingly, Bachmann's eyes did not look out of place on either Pennywise nor Voldemort.

Rebecca Black now looks like a character in an anime hentai- go figure.

Posted by: bleujayone at August 16, 2011 10:14 AM

IT FOR PRESIDENT!

Posted by: admin at August 16, 2011 10:16 AM

I did my best to concentrate on the words while the banner image was still in view trying to bore its way into my soul. Then I get past it and you have to throw that clown shit at the end? Are you trying to kill someone?

Posted by: Paultera at August 16, 2011 10:16 AM

Dude, Cowboys and Aliens wasn't that bad. I think we all had high expectations. But it was a fine, summer movie based off a comic book. What were we hoping for?

I think you're too mean to it. :(

Posted by: Sbrown at August 16, 2011 10:16 AM

I loooved Michael Damian. I kind of knew he had some kind of music thing, which may have consisted of one appearance on American Bandstand, but I mostly thought his whole career was starring on the cover of Tiger Beat (and in my very teenybopper fantasies). Until Young and the Restless. Then my head exploded. So. Much. Michael. Damian. {squeal}

Then Matt Dillon came along and that was the end of that.

Posted by: Lee at August 16, 2011 10:59 AM

Since nobody will pluck the low hanging fruit, allow me:

In Young Adult, what are the odds that dog tries to rip Patrick Wilsons nuts off?

Because Patrick Wilson emasculation jokes never get old.

Posted by: Groundloop at August 16, 2011 11:33 AM

What the hell kind of name is Court Gentry? Apparently I could make a lot of cash by giving authors a random-noun name generator.

Posted by: Bert at August 16, 2011 11:44 AM

Step away from The Crow and nobody gets hurt.

Posted by: CL at August 16, 2011 12:19 PM

Alright, that's it, now I'm going back to bad-mouthing Community all the time. I WARNED YOU.

Posted by: figgy at August 16, 2011 12:35 PM

I haven't been paying attention. Sorry...are we not liking Cowboys & Aliens? What...really? I loved it. Go ahead and judge me I don't care. I thought it was fun and great and REALLY...no love for C&A?

(shrugs) Hokay. Whatever. Just wait. The hate-on will deflate and in a few years this will be like The 13th Warrior: Everyone hatred it until they liked it...because it was fun. And it had Daniel Craig in chaps (C&A...not The 13th Warrior).

Posted by: klingonfree at August 16, 2011 1:35 PM

This post is like a pineapple upside-down cake, if cake was trade news and pineapple was unmitigated terror. Guess I'll be putting the heavy chair in front of the closet door and taking my mattress off the frame again tonight.

Thanks so much, Dustin.

Posted by: E the B at August 16, 2011 2:07 PM

I find this E the B person delightful.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at August 16, 2011 3:52 PM

AdBlock is my friend.

*blocks the header pic and the evil demon clown pic*

Posted by: Aislinn at August 16, 2011 4:01 PM

"As you stare into the abyss, just remember that the abyss is staring into you."

Posted by: The Wanderer at August 16, 2011 4:17 PM

Aw thanks Mrs. J!

Posted by: E the B at August 16, 2011 4:17 PM

"an ex-CIA operative known for his lethal skill who goes on the run "
Don't think I've heard of that premise being used before - I must see this movie.

Posted by: Pat C at August 16, 2011 4:50 PM

Interesting. Robert B. Parker's Spesner novel Small Vices featured an ex-CIA assassin called The Gray Man. It was published six months before Greaney's book.

Posted by: The Mutt at August 16, 2011 7:26 PM

This creative arrangement of trade news made me laugh out loud. Well done.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at August 16, 2011 7:42 PM