What to Expect from What to Expect When You're Expecting Based On Its Posters
As the Chief Executive Pregnant Chick of this here website, I'm apparently part of the demographic for the movie version of the iPhone app that tells me what fruit my baby is the size of any given week. The rest of the key audience is as follows: moms who've been hit in the head with one too many Baby Einstein toys and lost the ability to have taste in movies, people who just loved that New Year's Eve and can't wait to see what happens next, and, most importantly, that incredibly powerful 14-year-olds-who-desperately-want-a-baby demo. Telling the tale of seemingly unrelated parenting stories (oh, bet I bet they aren't unrelated for long!), it's really about how, no matter how different we are, we're all really the same, unified by this magical time in a woman's life. Which is literally the opposite of pregnancy, because everyone's is different, only unified by bitches insisting that all pregnancies are the same ("oh, you're having that symptom? Well, I didn't, so it can't be pregnancy. You're probably riddled with cancer; I'd see a doctor.")
Here's the trailer again, or you could just slam your head against a Boppy for a while.
Yesterday, the posters for this display of cinematic excellence were released. Oh, and they look exactly as quality-assured as you could possibly hope.
Ugh. This bitch. Cameron Diaz has gone from cute upstart to the single most irritating presence in literally every project in which she participates. I want to smack her all the time. Also, she absolutely does not look like this anymore, and has, in fact, morphed into Carol Channing. Thanks, A. Rod.
This is just a random line from the trailer. She's clearly pregnant, and has been for a couple months now. The stick no longer plays a part. If someone is inquiring about her stick test, that person is a fucking moron. Also, I'm just mad at Anna Kendrick. You're supposed to move away from the Twilight lowest common denominator. Not feed into it.
Aw, that's very sweet. Tender. Her whole storyline is about changing her husband/boyfriend into a perfect partner/daddy, and it's one of those that's really cruel and horrible, but we're supposed to root for because in the end she was right all along and he's going to be better for it! Life lessons! Cured by the power of lady!
You know, if they weren't apparently making this plotline so out-of-control cartoonish (see the opening of the trailer) I would totally see this movie. Pregnancy is hard and gross and stressful and frustrating and weird and wonderful and, yes, magical, and it would be great if a movie could capture that. But, instead, we get nothing but movies featuring two minutes of puking followed by 90 minutes of cuntiness against some sadsack idiot who completely neglects the needs of the pregnant one, but we are still supposed to pity his plight. That's bullshit.
SERIOUSLY? They couldn't make her even resemble a pregnant woman? Fuck you, Brooklyn Decker. *eats fourth Snicker bar of the day*