web counter
 

What The F*ck, Rachel?

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (37)

Rachel_Mcadams_1301.jpg

Oh, Rachel McAdams. You’re so goddamn pretty, and despite being Canadian, you seem like a very nice person. You’ve been in some exceptional movies — Sherlock Holmes, The Time Traveler’s Wife, The Wedding Crashers — so much so that I can even forgive you for The Notebook. You’re clearly a talented actress, and men would fight wars because of those dimples.

So it is with the utmost love and affection that I must ask you: what in the shit-chomping monkey fuck are you doing in a movie like The Vow?

Synopsis:

newlywed New Mexico couple (Rachel McAdams, Channing Tatum) who get in a car crash. The wife is in a coma, where her husband takes care of her.

When she awakes with no memory of her husband and he attempts to win her heart again. Speedman will play McAdams’ former fiancé with whom the amnesiac McAdams starts to find romance.

It has the putrid stench of The Notebook 2.0 smeared all over it. What’s worse, her suitors are played by Scott Speedman (in talks), of Underworld and xXx: State Of The Union infamy, and Channing Tatum (Supercross, Step Up), two actors so wooden that redwoods look at them and go, “damn, that’s some fuckin’ wood right there.”

And anyone who brings up Speedman in “Felicity” gets a bowling ball in the face.

(source: Dark Horizons)









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

← Torchwood Series 4 Details | Except Sometimes He Doesn't | Confirmed: There Will Be No "Machete" Sequels Because No One Will See the First "Machete" →









Comments

FUCK YOU, TK. NO, I mean that. FUCK YOU. Scott Speedman is wonder and beauty.

Posted by: jamiepants at August 19, 2010 10:34 AM

For whatever reason, whenver I hear the name "Scott Speedman", I always think of "Jeff Speakman" aka The Perfect Weapon.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at August 19, 2010 10:35 AM

Rachel, you son of a bitch.

Posted by: sars at August 19, 2010 10:46 AM

I'm not sure I'd say Sherlock Holmes or Wedding Crashers were exceptional movies. They weren't awful, but exceptional? Nah. And she wasn't the main focus in either of them. Can't speak to Time Traveler's Wife because the whole basis of the story puts me off.

If I have to summon up good will for McAdams it would be for Mean Girls, although I also liked her in Slings and Arrows. And that's not enough good will to offset Nicholas Sparks, so this doesn't bother me OR surprise me.

Posted by: Wednesday at August 19, 2010 10:47 AM

The dimples are nice, the lips are even better. Her body is immaculate. Her voice is like the dulcet tones of an angel singing Ah-wreath-rah. With a bit of a mousy squeak, sure -- that's what makes it so adorable. But it's her eyes that will always and forever get me. I get lost in them every time. If I see a billboard of her on the highway, I have to shut my eyes 'lest I get distracted and create a 50-car pile up. Those eyes, not like a doll's eyes. Perfect.

Posted by: RobP at August 19, 2010 10:49 AM

Channing Tatum?

Damn you, Roll Fizzlebeef! Why the hell does Blast Hardcheese keep getting roles with women I would love more sweetly down by the fire?

I mean really. What kind of box office clout does Punch Sideiron bring?

Posted by: D-Day at August 19, 2010 10:50 AM

A bowling ball caution?

From the man who used to threaten us daily with zombie hordes ripping our heads from our bodies and then being fed to various succubi of the underworld?

Must all my heroes turn out to have clay feet?

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 19, 2010 10:51 AM

Just trying to mix it up, Paddy.

Posted by: TK at August 19, 2010 10:52 AM

AHAHAHA! This is what you get for that goddamn Fockers trailer, TK. Next up, Mandy Moore starring in 3D Movie from the brain sharts that brought you every other stupid Movie Movie that drove you to kill a transient. Reach out and touch that!

Posted by: jM at August 19, 2010 10:58 AM

No offense, but on what planet is The Time Traveler's Wife an exceptional movie? An exceptional novel, certainly, but the movie was a fetid pile of mediocrity that I have all but forgotten. They completely missed the spirit of the book and made what your own colleague here at Pajiba described as "listless moist-toilette horseshit", as I recall. Not to mention the shoddy script, Eric "blank stare Bana", the bungled ending, and terrible direction.

(I'm still mad about that movie a whole year later!)

Posted by: writ at August 19, 2010 11:00 AM

I mean really. What kind of box office clout does Punch Sideiron bring?

Big McLargehuge isn't necessarily a draw on his own. If you pair McAdams with someone like Crunch Buttsteak here, there's some limited viability. Realistically, dumb action vehicles like G.I. Joe and the upcoming The Eagle are the best place for Brick Hardmeat.

Posted by: branded at August 19, 2010 11:02 AM

@ D-Day
They put their faith in Blast Hardcheese.
"Aw, she's presenting like a mandrill."
@ sars
Now, now, I'm sure her folks were married when they conceived her. Therefore, we must refer to a time honored tradition.

FUCKING BIOTCH!!!!!!!

Posted by: Kahntahmp at August 19, 2010 11:07 AM

Step off, RobP, Dustin turned you gay for JGL yesterday, remember?

She's MINE.

Posted by: Rykker at August 19, 2010 11:14 AM

@Forbiddendonut
For whatever reason, whenver I hear the name "Scott Speedman", I always think of "Jeff Speakman" aka The Perfect Weapon.

I thought I was the only one...I loved that movie as a kid. I doubt it would hold up if I saw it now.

Posted by: JustKidding at August 19, 2010 11:18 AM

Sure, it had a cheesy martial arts flick plot, but Speakman was no slouch in the Kenpo arena, especially in that movie.

Posted by: Rykker at August 19, 2010 11:25 AM

Oh if only Gosling would now also do something "tragic" and I'd get to laugh over their graves.

Posted by: Jay at August 19, 2010 11:37 AM

In the header pic, she looks like the Joker got to her.

Posted by: t at August 19, 2010 11:46 AM

What’s worse, her suitors are played by

What's ACTUALLY worse in the grammar and syntax of that description. My god.

The wife is in a coma, where her husband takes care of her.
When she awakes with no memory of her husband and he attempts to win her heart again.

MY GOD.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at August 19, 2010 11:54 AM

Sounds like Regarding Henry + While You Were Sleeping.

Posted by: John W at August 19, 2010 11:59 AM

Bob Johnson!
...no, wait...

Posted by: Jim Doggie at August 19, 2010 12:08 PM

I read the script for this movie last month and it is EXACTLY what you'd expect. Shit.

Except they changed the location to Chicago.

Posted by: lindsaco at August 19, 2010 1:11 PM

And what's wrong with Underworld, I ask? That was a fantastic movie! Kate Beckinsale should've gotten an Oscar for that pout! No one else, and I mean NO ONE, can spend 90 min without closing their mouth even once. So you shut up about Underworld.

Posted by: Joker at August 19, 2010 1:21 PM

I agree with Wednesday. How can you be surprised at her bad choice of roles when her career thus far is littered with bad-to-mediocre choices? I LOVE McAdams, I do, but I hardly ever see her movies because they largely are shite. And she's ALWAYS being paired up with bland leading men. As far as I'm concerned, this latest movie is par for the course.

Posted by: jimbob at August 19, 2010 1:29 PM

What's ACTUALLY worse in the grammar and syntax of that description. My god.
Posted by: Anna von Beav

You didn't insert a spelling mistake in that to make a point, did you?

Posted by: Brenton at August 19, 2010 1:31 PM

mst3k references make me smiles times. although i'd argue tatum is miscast as duke latpress. there's a scene in dear john where he puts on a surprisingly decent acting hat.

Posted by: BillowingBackpacks at August 19, 2010 1:41 PM

I've slept since then, Rykker. Besides, she came in to my life right around the time Slings and Arrows started and Starz happened to be airing episodes in the States. So...

I SAW HER FIRST!

Posted by: RobP at August 19, 2010 1:55 PM

And speaking of Rachel McAdams' eyes... Red Eye was a pretty fun, claustrophobic thriller. C'mon!

Posted by: RobP at August 19, 2010 1:56 PM

She's a cutie and neither of those guys hurts my eyes and I can't work up the rage. And probably will enjoy it on cable.

But I did laugh til the tears came reading "two of the most actors so wooden that redwoods look at them and go, 'damn, that’s some fuckin’ wood right there.'" So thank you for that. :)

Posted by: Chickaboom at August 19, 2010 2:09 PM

"And she's ALWAYS being paired up with bland leading men."

Unless, of course, you include Cillian Murphy in "Red Eye" in that lineup.

Posted by: samantha t at August 19, 2010 2:14 PM

I entered this thread fully intending to be the first person to make a Slings & Arrows reference. Y'all beat me to it.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at August 19, 2010 2:14 PM

Why is The Time Traveler's Wife listed among her exceptional movies? They showed it an a transatlantic flight and I thought it was so boring and miscast (Eric Bana?!) I couldn't even bring myself to watch it all the way through. On a plane. I watched The Day After Tomorrow and that fuckin' Garfield movie on planes.

Posted by: sheshakes at August 19, 2010 2:17 PM

You lost all credibility after listing The Time Traveler's Wife, Wedding Crashers and Sherlock Holmes as "exceptional" movies. The best of that bunch is Wedding Crashers, and I think calling it exceptional is a stretch at best.

That being said, I agree that Channing Tatum sucks. I don't even see why people find him attractive. Speedman is not a terrible actor, not a great one. I do wish Rachel could finds movies to be in that are as good as she is, so on that we agree.

Posted by: Katie at August 19, 2010 2:53 PM

God damn, she is gorgeous. Those eyes. I would do unforgivable things for Rachel McAdams.

Posted by: A-schaef at August 19, 2010 5:31 PM

As shitty an adaptation as The Time Traveler's Wife was, it starred my #1 Freebie and my #1 Girl Crush. And he was shirtless and naked a lot, and she was gorgeous and wore pretty clothes and smiled a lot and they made a cute couple. So I liked it. I'm a sucker for the pretty.

Posted by: figgy at August 19, 2010 5:42 PM

Have any of you seen 'My Life Without Me'? Scott Speedman is really good in that! Great, subtle little movie.

Posted by: LDubs at August 19, 2010 5:44 PM

i wouldn't kick speedman out of bed for eating crackers; that's about all i can say about him. i guess i wouldn't kick mcadams either except she's not my type (i.e. female--not that there's anything wrong with being a female! i'd totally hit that if i was into girls; pow! (or should i say bang?))

Posted by: splinter at August 19, 2010 6:16 PM

Really, TK? You're calling The Time Traveller's Wife an exceptional movie? Fuck, man, I thought you were cool. I would rather watch every season of Felicity featuring Scott Speedman's brilliant acting than be subjected to that monstrous pile again. Bring on the bowling ball...

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 19, 2010 9:39 PM