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July 22, 2008 |

By Daniel Carlson | Industry | July 22, 2008 |

I apologize in advance for the fact that I’m composing this round-up while watching TV, by which I mean I’m letting cable vomit up whatever it wants while I sit here and let it wash over my floor. For instance, did you know that Famke Janssen once guest starred on “Star Trek: The Next Generation”? I mean, it’s a predictably stupid episode, but come on. Famke Janssen!

Speaking of TV, Michael Vartan and David Cross are going to play “bitter tire store rivals,” according to THR, in a comedy called Demoted. Vartan will play a cool guy, Cross will play a nerd, and oh will the hijinks ensue when Cross gets a promotion and takes his years of anger out on Vartan. We all know Cross is a gifted comedian — I just blue myself thinking about all his classic bits — but can Vartan even be funny? I don’t mean like blooper reel on the last disc of “Alias” funny; I mean full-on hilarious. Is that possible? I don’t know. And I’m not sure that Demoted is even the place to find out: It’s going to be directed by J.B. Rogers, “best known” for American Pie 2, from a script by Dan Callahan, whose previous claim to fame was his turn as Jazz Club Musician in Spider-Man 3. Godspeed, felllas.

OK, this I have to share: There’s a really bad sci-fi show on called “Jeremiah,” and it stars Luke Perry and Malcolm-Jamal Warner. I know that sounds like a completely made-up show, something you would create in Balderdash, but I shit thee not. It’s real. It’s set in some kind of postapocalyptic near-future; honestly, it’s too bad to spend much effort deciphering. But get this: The villain in this episode is a cult leader played by Jason Priestley. I’ll give you a minute to pick up the scattered pieces of the mind I just blew.

Moving on: Tobey Maguire is set to star in Universal’s The Crusaders, which is actually not a comic book adaptation. It’s a drama about the 1954 Brown v. Board of Education case, and Maguire will play Jack Greenberg, a young lawyer on the side of the NAACP. In a weird bit of reunion, the film will be directed by Gary Ross, who helmed Pleasantville, and written by Danny Strong, who had a bit role in that movie, as well.

Well, shit: Autumn lost out on MTV’s “Legally Blonde: The Search for the Next Elle Woods.” She totally had the better voice.

And everything else isn’t worth talking about. At all. You wanna hear about IFC Films’ Ping-Pong Playa? Didn’t think so.

First up in this morning’s trailer watch is the teaser for Watchmen that went out attached to The Dark Knight; I’m including it here for the few of you who live overseas or else just didn’t make it to the theater over the weekend. Director Zack Snyder (300) is still in love with that whole everything-suddenly-goes-slo-mo thing, it appears. The film’s look is definitely right, but of course, nothing could match the psychological complexity and narrative urgency of the graphic novel, which is one of the best ever written. Anyway, here you go:

Here’s the clip for How to Lose Friends & Alienate People. I’m not sure that Simon Pegg can save it:

Daniel Carlson is the managing editor of Pajiba and a low-level employee at a Hollywood industry magazine. You can visit his blog, Slowly Going Bald.


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