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Watch This Awesome Mashup of Horror Movie Cliches ... Oh Wait. This Is an Actual Movie Trailer?

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | September 13, 2012 | Comments ()


mama-5.jpeg

I love Jessica Chastain, who by my unofficial count was in ALL the movies last year. Here, she's the lead in Mama, a horror movie "presented" by Guillermo del Toro. While I don't have the official count on the number of films that have been "Presented" by Guillermo del Toro, I can say with absolute certainty that almost none of them have been good. It seems that del Toro is more interested in putting his names on movies than actually making them these days, which is fine because he's got a great name. It sounds like a bullfighter's name! But he's not helping the reputation of that name by taking a few thousand dollars and sticking his name on every horror movie that comes down the deformed poop chute of the horror movie genre.

Mama is a Canadian horror drama film, directed by Andres Muschietti from a screenplay by Muschetti, his Barbara Muschetti and Neil Cross ("Luther"). It's about a couple faced with the challenge of raising their young nieces after discovering them in the woods, where they had been lost for five years.

I don't know what's going on in the trailer, but that light fixture is apparently the root of all evil. I hope for the sake of all the people involved that the actual movie is better than the trailer.




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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Jeez Rowles...just when I thought you had gotten over your auto-hatred of anything horror. This trailer doesn't make it look like the BEST movie ever, but certainly not nearly as bad as you describe above. Of course, I probably should have stopped reading at the heavily loaded phrase "deformed poop chute of the horror movie genre."

  • Nadine

    I went and found the wikipedia page for the whole thing and that just raises even more questions.

  • Anna von Beav

    Creepy children are creepy.

  • Coming soon: Girl With Stringy Hair Does Spiderwalk! You could display a poster of that in any theater from 1998 through current and it would apply to some movie that was playing every few months.

  • Who has a worse track record for movies they've "presented" or exec produced, Tarantino or Del Toro? T has Switchblade Sisters and Sonatine, and even some big ones like Hero and Hostel. But Hell Ride goes a long way towards making up for those.

    On Guillermo's side, there's Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, which I kinda liked. But that shouldn't count because he actually wrote it, didn't just lend his name to it.

  • i really liked don't be afraid of the dark and was surprised at how soundly everyone has thrashed it

  • Jezzer

    I liked it too. It was a dark, creepy fairy tale, and everyone involved acquitted themselves well. Arguably the worst thing you can say about it is that it wasted Guy Pearce. I think it caught so much flak because people wanted it to be worse than it was, because Katie Holmes.

  • this looks intriguing, and i trust Del Toro's vouch. also, i think, often "presents" means more than that he liked it, and he certainly doesn't need a paycheck to present things, that was a silly suggestion. i always have the feeling dustin doesnt like horror movies in the first place, he should farm the horror work to one of his underlings.

  • I am such a sucker for horror shorts. As soon as I saw that this is based on one, of course I looked it up.

    I'll watch this.

    Here's the short: https://www.youtube.com/watch?...

  • Wormer

    Why did I watch?? WHYYYYYYY?

  • Kfone

    The movie is based on the Award-winning, scary-as-fuck, short film of the same name. Guillermo del Toro was instrumental in helping the feature length film get made.

  • Nat Kittyface

    Seconding scary as fuck short. I had a hard time sleeping after that goddamn short film, it hit several of my personal freak-out buttons. Now I'm having flashbacks. Excuse me while I go hide under the covers and put on some nonthreatening Disney movies to carry me into sleep.

  • PDamian

    I'll see it. It's hard to tell the worth of a horror movie from the trailer. But it's Jessica Chastain and Nicolas Wa -- Cos -- shit, it's Jaime mothafuckin Lannister, so I'll see it.

  • Jezzer

    This doesn't look bad at all. Silly Dustin.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Apart from the bad CGI, you're right.

  • Jezzer

    Meh. I've grown resigned to the presence of CGI. As long as it doesn't sink to Syfy levels of badness, I'm good.

  • littlealbatross

    So what I'm getting from that trailer is they were not actually alone for five years in the woods. Also the little one only looks six. Meaning that the eight year old sister took care of an infant, in the woods, "alone" (alone with a ghostly thing of badness)....sure, because that makes sense. Those kids would not have starved or froze to death. Oh and look- they even 'regressed back to a primitive state- look at the body decoration and the walk (because apparently the older one never saw or learned how Hominids walk)'. The anthropologist in me is having a conniption. But then kids only look six, eight, and twelve to me, so I guess I'll let it go.

  • googergieger

    I'd call racist on the bull fighter name, but I have a Mexican soap opera star name.

  • luckypete

    My Mexican/ Spanish must be rusty, because I don't ever remember googergieger spoken in the language :-)

  • googergieger

    The g is silent.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Why? Doesn't his name essentially translate to "Guillermo of the Bull"?

  • googergieger

    Listen up Colin Quinn, I don't care if you use your fancy google translate to learn how to speak Mexican. Nobody ruins my clearly failed bit on how my awful name is awful.

    Fun flashback of the day. Back in my middle school days I was chastised when I once called the Mexican language "Mexican" and not "Spanish". At which point I pointed out, "who the fuck is going to know more about it? Me or you?". I was then sent to the principal's office. The teacher and the school said it was because of the cussing and disrespect, but I'm pretty sure it was because I made the teacher look stupid. Also some sort of racism was involved in that eighty five percent Mexican school.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Who the fuck is Colin Quinn?

    And I didn't even need to use Google Translate. I used my meager knowledge of romanic languages. *grumble*

  • BWeaves

    Is it bad that I thought he was a Taco restaurant? Oh, that's Del Taco, (nevermind).

  • JenVegas

    nope nope nope. a) looks awful. b) now that i am a mom i am apparently a pussy when it comes to horror movies about little kids. i just have no stomach for them anymore. which is a shame because i used to find them terribly amusing in their overall terribleness. like i even had to turn off insidious 15 minutes in because i couldn't take the whole bad things happen to cute little boys shit that was happening. damn maternal hormones. sigh.

  • hasshole

    The Orphan was fantastic, Dustin.

  • BendinIntheWind

    I'm guessing you mean "The Orphanage" ("Orphan" was about the creepy little adopted girl who starts killing people). And as far as I can recall, del Toro was executive producer on that one, meaning he actually had a reasonably strong hand in it. "Presented by" just means he digs the movie and is using own name recognition to try and bring more attention to it and get it to a wider audience.

    But you're not wrong - "The Orphanage" is easily one of my favorite movies of the past few years.

  • I am also a huge fan of 'The Orphanage', but Del Toro isn't just being a presumptuous cheerleader for 'Mama'--he produced it, too.

  • BendinIntheWind

    Ah, didn't realize he was producing as well. Consider my optimism rising.

  • John G.

    Is that Jaime Lannister?

  • Forbiddendonut

    I do believe it is.

  • BendinIntheWind

    Yup!

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