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Wait, What? Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem Smooched at the Oscars and ABC Cut It? Those Dandies!

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (40)

brolinbardemdance.jpg

Before I present the full-size image of Brolin and Bardem’s man-on-man love at the Oscars, I find that it’s helpful to preface something cool with something miserable, which will then be wiped away from your mind by the cool thing. So, here’s what I want you to forget within the next 45 seconds:

Disney is making a movie based on its theme park ride, Jungle Cruise, and Tom Hanks and Tim Allen have agreed to team together again to voice whatever characters need to be voiced in a goddamn movie about a goddamn theme park ride. (Deadline)

Now, as for that kiss: ABC, in all its infinite wisdom, decided to take advantage of their seven-second delay during the Oscar telecast and, when Bardem and Brolin came out to present in matching white suits and performed an awkward dance which ended with lips touching, the network decided to cut away to a reaction shot of Penelope Cruz for seven seconds. And while it’s a shame we didn’t get to see these men show their love for one another, it does retroactively explain why Penelope Cruz looked so giddy.

Wouldn’t you?

BrolinBardemKi.jpg

You’ve forgotten all about that Jungle Cruise nonsense, haven’t you?

(After Elton via Movieline)









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Comments

Am I the only person who until now thought Javier Bardem was about 6'3"? In all of his movies he seems really tall, but now I see him barely taller than Josh Brolin who is a wee man to begin with.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 3, 2011 11:04 AM

PaddyDog, I'm with you. That's the one thing that actually surprised me about The Oscars this year. Javier is actually a wee tiny man! Who knew?!

Posted by: JenVegas at March 3, 2011 11:06 AM

Now all we need is Bardem smooching Jeffrey Dean Morgan and then watch the universe fold in on itself.

Posted by: zeke the pig at March 3, 2011 11:09 AM

Ewwwwwwwwwww Penelope Cruz ewwwwwwwwwww.

Posted by: , at March 3, 2011 11:19 AM

I've always known Bardem was wee, and sadly, it's detracted from his hotness.

Posted by: Mel C. at March 3, 2011 11:31 AM

*drool*

Posted by: Anna von Beav at March 3, 2011 11:38 AM

Also, what is all this "wee" talk?! According to IMDb, Brolin is 5'10 1/2" and Bardem is 6'. How is that "wee"?

Unless you're all giants and I didn't know....

Posted by: Anna von Beav at March 3, 2011 11:41 AM

I like The Jungle Cruise, asshole.

Posted by: Jay at March 3, 2011 11:42 AM

javier is like 6' according to IMDB and Brolin's like 5'10 how is that wee?

Posted by: hoover19 at March 3, 2011 11:46 AM

jinx to the above!

Posted by: hoover19 at March 3, 2011 11:46 AM

Methinks they might be exaggerating a bit. Both of them seemed about 5'6" at the Oscars.

Posted by: elizabeth at March 3, 2011 11:49 AM

Who cares how tall they are?

girlfapgirlfapgirlfapgirlfapgirlfapgirlfapgirlfapgirlfap

Posted by: Skyler Durden at March 3, 2011 11:53 AM

ABC sucks.

Just think: maybe if they had let the television audience see this they could siphoned off a decent portion of the negative Franco talk in favor of buzz over this kiss. There's no question it would have had people talking; instead ABC is left looking like uptight bigots.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at March 3, 2011 11:53 AM

Funny, there was definitely no delay up here in Canada (we got Melissa Leo's f-bomb live in all its glory), but I think they still cut away from the smooching, because I don't remember it at all. Weird!

Posted by: b at March 3, 2011 11:54 AM

"seemed 5'6"" in comparison to what?

Also according to IMDb, PCruz is 5'6", which would make sense with regard to pictures of her and Bardem together.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at March 3, 2011 11:59 AM

I care not that Javier is wee.

I am wee and he is wee and Josh is wee and we are all together.

Wee wee wee all the way home, baby. All. the. way. home.

Posted by: klingonfree at March 3, 2011 12:02 PM

I like The Jungle Cruise, asshole.

Fantastic. I like the rides, too, but that doesn't mean I want to have Randy Quaid and Paul Giamatti provide voice work for a movie based on the Carousel of Progress.

Posted by: branded at March 3, 2011 12:07 PM

But, sir, that's not my point!

Dustin hates joy and fun!

(which one would play Grandpa in the bathtub?)

Posted by: Jay at March 3, 2011 12:13 PM

I'm 5'3". I've met Josh Brolin. He's maybe 5'7".

Posted by: Sammie at March 3, 2011 12:16 PM

I was wondering why they were wearing matching, fugly white jackets and ties to present (Javier Bardem, at least, wore a black jacket and tie the rest of the evening). WHY would they cut this? I am willing to bet cash money they would have kept a girl/girl kiss in, and if they would have cut them BOTH, what a bunch of hateful assholes they are. Franco can cross-dress for "laughs," but once you bring physical affection into it it's offensive? GAH. I hate people.

Posted by: Edith at March 3, 2011 12:16 PM

Just as, based on the odds, a Pajiba reader is more than likely to be female, chances are your favorite celebrity needs both a step ladder to reach tall shelves and a regular-sized adult to accompany him/her onto the Ferris wheel.


But, sir, that's not my point! Dustin hates joy and fun!

That sound you hear is an "Amen!" from the comics congregation.

Posted by: branded at March 3, 2011 12:27 PM

Amen.

(But, hey, we do have SLW and TK to pick up the slack.)

Posted by: RobP at March 3, 2011 12:31 PM

Damn it, y'all had to throw Jeffrey Dean Morgan into the mix, and now I'm not going to be at all productive today. I may as well just give up. Next thing you know, there's going to be visions of dirty dirty dirty group mansex line dancing through my brain.

Posted by: Jerry at March 3, 2011 12:40 PM

All the wee men for me and klingonfree, especially if anyone 6' and under is wee...

Posted by: the bees knees at March 3, 2011 12:55 PM

What you have been failing to take into your considerations of Bardem's height is that he is about 40% noggin.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 3, 2011 12:56 PM

IMDB adds about 4 inches to every actor. It seems to be some kind of IMDB rule. I've seen them list Tom Cruise at 5'11". I think the agents submit the entries.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 3, 2011 1:12 PM

That...that is fucked up, ABC. If two chicks had kissed, I have no doubt you would've shown it, with flying colors and glitter. Also, weren't these supposed to be the "cool and hip" Oscars? What's hipper than sexual ambiguity! COME ON!

Posted by: figgy at March 3, 2011 1:14 PM

Bisexuality is so HEP!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at March 3, 2011 1:16 PM

Well, I was kind of kidding, but I swear it took me forever to realize Ryan Seacrest was actually standing on something and these actors were not 4'11". As each one would approach, I thought, "i had no idea he was that small!" Ryan Seacrest is miniature.

Posted by: elizabeth at March 3, 2011 1:25 PM

So, wait. How tall are Colin Firth and Jeff Bridges? I don't think they're tiny, and IMDb says they're both about 6'1" also (though apparently IMDb has been known to lie). But in this picture, they both look to be around the same height as Bardem; IMDB lists James Franco as 5'9" and Jesse Eisenberg at 5'8". So taking perspective into consideration, that seems around correct.

Sorry. I know I am kind of obsessing about this. And I do realize that many "big" stars are actually tiny. I just don't think all of them are *that* tiny. Also, I'm a little OCD today. I'VE BEEN MOVING FOR GODDAMN EVER AND I'M TIRED. so tired.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at March 3, 2011 2:01 PM

When I saw them standing next to each other, I thought, "Damn, those two guys are very, very manly! But something is missing...". Now I know what was missing. Mmmmm....Josh and Javier love....

I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: Lee at March 3, 2011 2:40 PM

Anna Von Beav:

That picture would put Firth and Bridges at about the same height, but Bardem is standing in the considerably to the front so the perspective is off. If he were actually as tall as they are, he would be towering over them in that picture.

Posted by: PaddyDog at March 3, 2011 3:00 PM

@branded- you got me started!

It could be much worse you know:

Its a small world, The Movie with Fran Dresser and that scientology chick who plays Bart Simpson;

Escape from Space Mountain, The Movie with Shatner and Seth Greene

Captain Eo, The Movie, with Latoya and Britney.

Posted by: JuiceinLA at March 3, 2011 3:18 PM

Yes, Yes, Hot men kissing. Victorian network editing. I'd like to point out that Pirates of the Caribbean was based on the exceedingly lame classic Disney theme park ride, and that franchise worked out pretty well, I would say.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at March 3, 2011 3:41 PM

Generally, the actors I've met have been short. So the ones known to be short are actually damn near microscopic.

Posted by: Drake at March 3, 2011 3:59 PM

I'd like to point out that Pirates of the Caribbean was based on the exceedingly lame classic Disney theme park ride, and that franchise worked out pretty well, I would say.

"Based"? How loosely are we defining that word? They certainly share the same name.

Posted by: branded at March 3, 2011 5:33 PM

I'm tired of these tiny little twerps "looking taller than they actually are", taking work away from legitimately tall actors like me. It's bad enough I can only get work as "the big galoot", and now I have to worry about these nubbins taking work away from me? Stick to playing Napoleon, and let me have my niche you unfairly handsome cock blockers, before I light your stilts on fire.

Posted by: Odnon at March 3, 2011 7:39 PM

I see the appeal of Fox, and can't really fault her for some of her comments (Michael Bay is a sexist asshole who makes hot chicks wash his car in bikinis as an audition? Nooooo!). But she suffers from the same thing that bugs me about Heigl: she may acknowledge that she is involved in projects she doesn't like, but it is never HER fault. She never takes responsibility for her decisions. She signed the contract, took the big honkin' check, and now wants to act like she had no choice? If she is going to make bad films, then either suck it up or stop. You can't whine about your treatment, then go back for more of the same.

It may be a case of latent jealousy or overexposure on the part of some, but I think some of her detractors feel the same way.

And I like McGowan (and not just down in my pants*). Maybe not as Red Sonja, but then again, I can't think of anyone who could play the part.

This is more a general statement: I am still mystified that people seem to only refer to the horrible Red Sonja movie as the reason behind the new film. You guys do know that she has a fairly long history in novels and comic books right? The whole "created by Robert E Howard" thing, didn't strike you guys as a good enough reason fro a new movie? It has to be a remake of the last one?

Posted by: cosplay costumes at March 3, 2011 7:55 PM

Aaaaaaaaaw.
So cute.

*Bunk*

Posted by: Magiel at March 4, 2011 11:04 AM

Cosplay Costume, I do not think this tread means what you think it does. Unless you are returning to the original concept of something sucking and then following it up with something awesome to ease the suck away and then in that case . . . well, you still owe us something awesome.

Posted by: Nurse EagerBeaverBaby at March 7, 2011 2:29 PM