Wait, Daytime Television Still Exists? CBS Renews Entire Daytime Lineup for Next Year
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Wait, Daytime Television Still Exists? CBS Renews Entire Daytime Lineup for Next Year

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trade News | January 30, 2013 | Comments ()


The summer between high school and college, I worked at Office Max, dandy yellow name badge and all. It was an experience. I heard No Doubt's Don't Speak and Third Eye Blind's Semi-Charmed Life at least once per hour for three straight months. Once a guy bought four executive sized office chairs, had us carry them out to the parking lot, and fully expected us to tie them all to the top of his Miata.

But by far the most surreal experience was the television in the break room. For some reason the television itself only got one channel, and any time day or night the only thing that ever seemed to be on was Montel Williams. So the entire summer I ate lunch while watching Montel Williams. That represents almost the entirety of all the daytime television I have watched in my entire life. So when I read the headline that CBS has renewed its entire daytime schedule for next season, I mostly just wonder what the hell is being broadcast during the day.

So here's the list of all of the television shows that CBS just renewed in their daytime lineup, along with my guess as to what the show is about:

"The Bold and the Beautiful" -- These adjectives are usually used in conjunction with shampoos and conditioners, so I assume that this is a show about a hair salon.

"The Talk" -- I assume this is a reality show that features parents telling their children about sex.

"The Price is Right" -- Barney's dad has to make a living, yo.

"Let's Make a Deal" -- Doctor Phil convinces homeless men to fight to the death in exchange for cocaine.

"The Young and the Restless" -- A documentary series about insomniac babies and their desperately sleep deprived parents.

(source: THR)

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Kballs

    Wait, Let's Make a Deal is back? Did I know that? Is Wayne Brady hosting? OK, maybe I knew that.

  • Drake

    I didn't know it either, till I was home christmas and my parents had it on. There was a gay couple dressed as milk and cookies who were winning big and kissing after each win. The zip-fast camera switching was amusing.

  • God Of Bal-Sagoth

    If those were the actual plots of these shows, I would quit my job RIGHT NOW and spend the rest of my daytime hours in front of the television.

  • John G.

    For your audio waterboarding experience:

    ""I want something else, to get me through this
    Semi charmed kinda life, baby, baby
    I want something else, I'm not listening when you say good-bye

  • TK

    I heard No Doubt’s Don’t Speak and Third Eye Blind’sSemi-Charmed Life at least once per hour for three straight months.

    This... this explains so much.

  • lilianna28

    I read the first line and freaked out a tiny bit and then relaxed. Don't go spilling OMX secrets now... :)

  • Dragonchild

    The commercials are more insightful than the shows, on a meta level. You can definitely see the marketers playing to stereotypes, and everything is done at absolute lowest cost.

  • There's the part of me that doesn't care about any of this then there's the part of me that is sort of a little in love with Aisha Tyler and so, good for her (although she would be so much better served if someone would just open up an hour on late night once a week for a tv version of her Girl on Guy podcast).

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