Pajiba

Movie: eh.

Header image: Rowr!

Yeah, but you'd shop the hell out of that WalMart, Slim.

I'd agrue that Shirley MacLaine is a big name.

I hate, loathe, despise, and smite Ashton Kutcher.

Yeah Shirley is a big name, at least to us.

Biel can act.

Posted by: twig at May 12, 2009 11:37 AM

-----------------------------------------

Really? In what alternative universe?

Really? In what alternative universe?

I saw The Illusionist which was no Prestige but at no point did I have to fight not to bleed from the eyes the way I did watching every single scene with The Alba in Sin City.

All she had to do there was be pretty, doe-eyed and topless and she couldn't even do that right.

It's Like The Watchmen

HA HA, very funny, motherfucker!

Your mother got a wooden leg with a kickstand, motherfucker!

Didn't this movie come out a while ago? I think it was called Love Actually.

Roberts is an army officer on leave from Iraq on a flight to L.A. Cooper, on the same flight, is a gay man whose lover is a closeted football player.

Umm...what? This is a joke, right? Did they just throw darts at notecards on the wall to pick this plot, like the tabloid newspaper editor in "Blankman"?

Biel is a publicist unlucky in love (is there any other kind?) who has no date on Valentine’s Day.

Right, I'm sure Jessica Biel is on match.com at this very moment looking for a date. Because if there's one thing guys HATE, it is beautiful young women with perfect asses and supple breasts. I'm glad Hollywood has finally figured this out.

"How many of us ladies caught He's Just Not That Into You?" For claiming to be so goddamn progressive and hip, why is this post directed at the "ladies?" I watch the Military channel more often than Lifetime.

Just for the record, the only two people that I know went to go see the last "chick flick," the Ghosts of Girlfriend's Past, were GUYS. Hetero guys, at that.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it, Dustin.

Oh, but don't you see, Optimus? It wasn't 'ridiculous', because Alba is whiter than the driven snow. This is why she throws a fit whenever someone comes within a ten-mile radius of the idea that 'Alba' is not, in fact, a Danish name. Unless there's a province called 'Danish, Mexico', of which I have not yet been informed. Aw, I think she thinks she's in an all-white cast, shucks-darn! If people figure it out, it is going to be terrible for the property values.

Hayworth says, 'Thanks'.

I'm pretty tired of the romantic trope that dictates that a person cannot know his/her heart's truest desires until he/she was decimated the lives of all in his/her wake. Don't applaud the efforts, start punching. Start punching with guns.

There's a movie coming out called THE PROPOSAL? I will hollow out the reproducing parts of all who land before me with a rusty spoon, because you NEED this.

Oh, well. Just more crap that I don't have to pay to watch. Nothing to see here.

I love how they just pack these things with the blandest, most mediocre actresses they can find. Jessica Alba? REALLY? Couldn't think of a more boring actress--oh, right, Jessica Biel.

How come none of the ladies have homolicious storylines? I'm all for Mr. Cooper playing a gay guy (although, what are the odds he'll actually interact much with his boyfriend on screen?), but as a half-gay lady I'd like to see some of the chicks in this movie getting their storylines all intwined, if you catch my drift. In the end it doesn't matter, because I don't watch romcoms anyway...but I've given myself some very pleasant imagery to get me through the work day. (I'm talkin' bout Shirley and Julia, of course.)

This is a "Love Boat" episode, isn't it?

Anne sure is pretty in that picture.

They should make it a horror movie instead. Market it as a romcom and then pull a switch halfway through the movie without any warning whatsoever. Once the buzz hit, they'd get the horror and the romcom audiences. They'd make a killing.

Market it as a romcom and then pull a switch halfway through the movie without any warning whatsoever.

You mean they'd make Audition? Yes, that will fuck you up.

Unfortunately, the surprise would never get past the trailers. I think it's some law that all movies must come pre-spoilered these days.

*sigh* Bradley Cooper, why do you do this to me?

I also have to go on a little mini-rant on how it's movies like this that make people automatically assume that all romantic comedies are crap. Some do actually exist that are witty and charming and sweet, with actual good acting, but noooooo. Matthew McConaughey just keeps making his garbage ones, thus tainting the entire genre. And then, of course, women can't be taken seriously as film lovers if they admit they enjoy them unironically. That's so fucking retarded.

I refuse to acknowledge the existence of these films.

...speaking of romantic comedies, you wouldn't happen to know if "Bitch Slap" is out on DVD yet, would you? My boys and I want to get drunk (and possibly high) and watch the hell out of it. One of them has a terrible habit of yelling "Titties!" randomly in the worst places, e.g. in the restaurant at work.

twig>> Yeah, I know. It'd just be nice if it were possible in this day and age to pull a Marion-Crane-Psycho level of surprise on the audience.

I haven't watched Audition yet because someone ruined the surprise for me.

No, you're thinking of "Watchmen".