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Kilmer Still Crazy; Christopher Walken as Ozzy?
No One Else Does / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | September 11, 2008 | Comments (27)

ChristopherWalkenadsfasdf.jpgVal Kilmer is too goddamn cool for school. The man likes to stare at buffaloes. Cause he likes the way they look. He owns two. One of them is named James Brown. Because it likes to spin around in circles. I’m not making this up. Ask Klosterman. Kilmer likes buffalo because he’s part Cherokee. And Cherokee Indians used to live inside bison. His words. Not mine. Val Kilmer also writes bad poetry. He was the Ice Man. He was Jim Morrison. He was Doc Holiday. He was Batman. He’s the new voice of Knight Rider.

He’s also certifiable.

I wish we were friends.

Anyway, he’s signed on to an indie flick, Experiment, which takes advantage of Kilmer’s special brand of crazy. He will play a former university professor who locks six hostages in a Turkish bath house to prove to them the effects of global warming. I am totally not making that up. Eric Roberts also co-stars as one of the hostages. Eric Roberts, for those unfamiliar, is Julia Roberts’ brother. He’s also batshit. Should be an interesting film.

I’m just glad that Kilmer is getting roles again. Fun Fact: He’s set to star in as many as 16 films over the next two years, including Dirt, where he’s rumored to play David Lee Roth in a Motley Crue biopic. And you know what’s even better: Christopher Walken is rumored to play Ozzy Osbourne.

That would be the greatest movie. Ever.

For giggles, here’s the best music video of all time.


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Comments

(in Walken voice) You know, I got off the stage... and there were bats EVERYwhere... so I, you know, bit OFF one of the heads and said 'SHAROOOOON, there's a fucking BAT in me'mouth' you know. And she came over and said "That's crazy... get your fucking ass in the shower and some fucking clorox in your mouth." I cancelled THE tour and took the first plane. Home. So, you know, that's how 'Mama I'm coming home' was born.

Oh, I could totally see this happening.

Posted by: Sofía at September 11, 2008 9:23 AM

I can't believe I'm agreeing with you - but that really is the damned coolest video. Walken is old school smooth.
When he was younger, Kilmer was the prettiest pretty boy. You know who else needs to be in that movie? Alec Baldwin. Imagine a steam room with Kilmer, Roberts and Baldwin - talk about batshit crazy...

Posted by: Cindy at September 11, 2008 9:28 AM

It's hard to get that across in just text. Well done.

If you've not seen:
http://www.imcooked.com/view_video.php?viewkey=5ff68e3e25b9114205d4

I wish this was three hours long. So relaxing, especially with the stove light and the overcast sky.

Posted by: Jay at September 11, 2008 9:30 AM

Also, the young people don't know who Eric Roberts is.

"Uh....The Coca Cola Kid?.......The Eighth Doctor's Master?....No?" I should've said "The Pope of Greenwich Village" in retrospect. All the kids know that one.

Posted by: Jay at September 11, 2008 9:33 AM

I showed that video to my kids a few months ago and they thought I was crazy. However, they have recently developed a fever for more cowbell.

Posted by: wsapnin at September 11, 2008 9:44 AM

I just posted that video on my facebook yesterday. You guys are totally stalking me, aren't you?
I never noticed the Dune reference at 2:04, though. Walk without rythym and you won't attract the worm!

Posted by: AdaHaze at September 11, 2008 10:04 AM

Oh my God. My roommates have both read Dirt and treat it as a Holy Text. At one point, Ozzy is out of heroin so he pisses on the sidewalk than slurps it up. Slurps. THAN he tries to get Nikki Sixx to do it and when he finally pees, Ozzy pushes him out of the way to drink more. This is before or after he snorted a line of ants...

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at September 11, 2008 10:11 AM

In this clip it's at 2:14.

Posted by: AdaHaze at September 11, 2008 10:12 AM

People used to tell me I was crazy for thinking he was sexy.

Posted by: eliza at September 11, 2008 10:31 AM

you forgot Val Kilmer was Madmartigan.

Posted by: s. pisaster at September 11, 2008 10:45 AM

You know who else needs to be in that movie? Alec Baldwin. Imagine a steam room with Kilmer, Roberts and Baldwin - talk about batshit crazy...

Cindy I will see your Baldwin and raise you a BUSEY!!!

Posted by: Amanda47 at September 11, 2008 10:45 AM

I still haven't read it (don't know why) but my friend quickly adopted Mick Mars' "crying titty baby".

Posted by: Jay at September 11, 2008 11:18 AM

I see your Busey and raise you Randy Quaid. I'd watch a video of Quaid, Busey, Kilmer, Baldwin and Walken just talking -- just sitting around talking about socks or the fucking Aristocrats or whatever.

Priceless. And that cowbell thing is completely played, but it still makes me laugh every time I hear "don't fear the reaper".

Posted by: hater from siloam springs at September 11, 2008 11:26 AM

I see your Busey and raise you Randy Quaid.

What, no room for (mugshot) Nick Nolte?

Posted by: Sofía at September 11, 2008 11:30 AM

I'm going to join the game and ante up with a Crispin Glover.

Posted by: Julie at September 11, 2008 12:01 PM

That black & white pic is vintage Walken, just perfect. Let's not forget Val Kilmer was also Nick (something my dad thought of while shaving) Rivers. Can we add Charlie Sheen to the crazy room (for a juvenile, formerly drug-addled, nut job totally lacking in dignity with a perfect straight face)?

Posted by: lordhelmet at September 11, 2008 12:37 PM

We need a crazy bitch in the room. Just one crazy bitch. Maybe Kim Basinger? That would put Alec over the edge though.

Posted by: Cindy at September 11, 2008 12:51 PM

Tom Cruise may be the wrong kind of crazy for this game, but as for bitches, um Roseanne Barr or Courtney Love could just sit in the corner and blog about their conversations.

Posted by: jamiepants at September 11, 2008 1:16 PM

Courtney Love or Juliette Lewis could be the love interest for Roberts'.

Posted by: Amanda47 at September 11, 2008 1:36 PM

Rumor has it that Mr. Kilmer wants to run for Governor of New Mexico in 2010. If Terminator can do it, then the goddamn Batman can too!

Posted by: Captainmndapnda at September 11, 2008 1:51 PM

Al Franken just won the Democratic nomination for the Minnesota senate.

Posted by: Cindy at September 11, 2008 2:23 PM

We need a crazy bitch in the room. Just one crazy bitch.

Posted by: Cindy

I think we should put God's favorite daughter. She who came from a galaxy far away to teach us mere mortals about love in its different forms. The one woman who made Courtney Love say "man, bitch is unstable!" yet at the same time can bring people from both sexes to think she might be a good life partner and mother. She who roams the countryside in a bra and calls herself Celestia. She who wrote a book "Call Me Crazy" and for once we all listened.

That's right. It's Anne Heche, bitch.

Posted by: Sofía at September 11, 2008 5:43 PM

I see your Busey and raise you Randy Quaid.

What, no room for (mugshot) Nick Nolte?

I'm going to join the game and ante up with a Crispin Glover.

I see you all forgot about Joaquin Phoenix.

And if you want a crazy bitch I am sure Juliette Lewis is available and still crazy.

Posted by: greer at September 11, 2008 6:55 PM

Ooh, good choice Sofia. She can't figure out if she's coming or going.

Posted by: Cindy at September 11, 2008 7:52 PM

So, basically, he's exactly like his character in Real Genius? Only less genius-y?

Posted by: Elfrieda at September 12, 2008 6:00 AM

Dammit. Just pretend the HTML tags worked, 'kay? It's 6 a.m., so almost my bedtime . . .

Posted by: Elfrieda at September 12, 2008 6:03 AM

Crispin Glover and Juliette Lewis star as the grown result of Daryl Hannah and Farrah Fawcett's in vitro love.

Posted by: Protoguy at September 16, 2008 8:47 PM