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There's Nothing Left for Me to Do But Drink My Own Pee

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (23)



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It’s been a while since we’ve had a Two Truths and a Lie — the lie in the last one was a David Duchovny/Gillian Anderson detective comedy. The truths were the possibility of a Barton Fink sequel down the line, and the fact that Diablo Cody is adapting Sweet Valley High for the big screen. Forty-eight percent chose the Fink sequel, but it’s hardly fair to count that against anyone — the Coens were undoubtedly serious about it, but they expect to wait for probably another decade to do it, when John Turturro is old enough to play the part they have in mind.

Today’s Two Truths and a Lie — the fastest growing sensation on the world wide web — is a little more straightforward. But let’s first get the sponsor announcement out of the way: Today we’re sponsored by Brahma Beer. It’s refreshingly simple!

Now, on to the game! I will describe three projects currently in development. Two are true. One is a lie. You try to identify which is the made-up project:

A) Five years after the original made $88 million at the box office, Jennifer Aniston and Ben Stiller are re-teaming for a sequel to Along Came Polly. Predictably, the sequel concerns a buttoned-down husband and his free-spirit wife as they grapple with raising twins.

B) Mark Burnett, the producer behind “Survivor” and a slew of other reality shows, has put into development a reality-show version of “Fantasy Island.” The late ’70s/early ’80s show was about Mr. Roarke, a man who made island visitors’ dreams come true. In the reality version, 12 contestants will vie for an opportunity to be a real-life Mr. (or Mrs.) Roarke.

C) Director David Dobkin (Wedding Crashers, Fred Claus) has signed on to develop a sequel for the Chevy Chase classic, National Lampoon’s Vacation. The sequel will follow Rusty Griswold, the son of Clark, who now has his own family and decides to take a cross-country trip. Chase and Beverly D’Angelo may appear as grandparents in the pic.










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Comments

They already made a sequel to NL's Vacation, and it was called Christmas Vacation.

Posted by: commanderfunky at October 7, 2009 11:39 AM

I hope it's the Vacation sequel, when you've hit to "Direct to DVD" Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure, there's nothing left to scrape. If you said "reboot," I'd have probably believed you.

Posted by: George at October 7, 2009 11:43 AM

They already made a sequel to NL's Vacation, and it was called Christmas Vacation.

Actually, it was called European Vacation.

Posted by: pissant at October 7, 2009 11:52 AM

I would love it if Anthony Michael Hall played Papa Rusty. Sadly I think the truth is B, eck!

Posted by: Angelmonster at October 7, 2009 12:06 PM

I hope the lie is Along Came Dharma and Greg.

Posted by: becks at October 7, 2009 12:19 PM

They already made a sequel to NL's Vacation, and it was called Christmas Vacation.

Actually, it was called European Vacation.

And then it was called Vegas Vacation.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at October 7, 2009 12:25 PM

I read about the Fantasy Island reality thing so I know that one's true. Along Came Polly 2 sounds like Meet the Parents 3. I went with that one. But they all sound dreadful.

Posted by: TylerDFC at October 7, 2009 12:27 PM

Wow, I can't imagine a list of 3 things I might care less about. But for fun, we'll try:

1. Kim Kardashian getting ass implants
2. Pamela Anderson receives an award for most conscientious resident of the trailer park
3. Roman Polanski being ass raped by by a rabid polar bear.

Actually I have to take back #3. I'd be interested in seeing that happen. Hell, I'd even drug the fucking bear.

Posted by: Xtreme at October 7, 2009 12:29 PM

All of those sound horribly, painfully plausible. I went with "A" but in all honesty I have no idea.

Posted by: Another Kate at October 7, 2009 12:31 PM

Okay, I forgot about European Vacation, but Christmas Vacation definitely came before Vegas Vacation.

What a clusterfuck.

Posted by: commanderfunky at October 7, 2009 12:39 PM

Sadly, I had already seen this tag:
http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/mark-burnett-and-sony-reviving-fantasy-island-as-reality-series-9687.php

So, by process of elimination.....I'm PRAYING #1 is the lie.

Posted by: dammitjanet at October 7, 2009 12:53 PM

Fantasy Island: The Reality Show is real. Burnett's been tossing that line out for years and it seems to finally be a go.

I picked A only because I hope to never see Ben Stiller on another film marquee for the rest of my life.

Posted by: Robert at October 7, 2009 12:56 PM

Please let A be a figment of your imagination. I can't take it.

Posted by: Cindy at October 7, 2009 12:58 PM

I'll take Door #3: Nobody could possibly care about another Vacation sequel at this point. As for the other two entries, nothing Stiller does surprises me, nor does the ongoing stupidity of reality TV. (Also, I think it's kind of spoiler-y for other commenters to 'reveal' they saw a news story on such-and-such project online. The fun of this exercise is in the guessing, if you know a project's real, please keep it to yourself.)

Posted by: stryker1121 at October 7, 2009 1:10 PM

I'm voting and rooting for the "Polly" reboot to be bullshit. That movie was a can of crap and don't we have enough of that already? Plus less Aniston = more happy JDW. Crawl away already with the miniscule shred of dignity that you have left, you vapid tabloid seeking douchestress.

Posted by: John Denver's Wingman at October 7, 2009 1:37 PM

Thanks to Stacey and PL, I have the answer!!!

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!! SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!

http://www.cinematical.com/2009/10/07/vacation-franchise-reboot

Posted by: dammitjanet at October 7, 2009 1:41 PM

Read about the last two, so the first one is complete bull. It's sad that I can't even pick out a good piece of news here. Seriously, fuck this clown.

Posted by: DoctorControversy at October 7, 2009 2:41 PM

HAHAHAHA!!! I see what you did there, Doctor C!!

Posted by: dammitjanet at October 7, 2009 3:09 PM

I like snoballs. That is all.

Posted by: mrcreosote at October 7, 2009 3:59 PM

Yeah Ms. Janet, I guess you can tell I saw Zombieland last night. =P

SPOILER

Just when I thought I couldn't love Bill Murray more. ESPECIALLY after that bit tagged onto the end of the credits.

Posted by: Doctor Controversy at October 7, 2009 4:01 PM

Can't they all be lies?

...please...

Posted by: Jerce at October 7, 2009 6:53 PM

All three are shit balls retarded enough to be true, and that makes me sad.

Posted by: androstarr at October 8, 2009 11:43 AM

"B" involves violating the physics of space and time, so obviously some development dweeb who couldn't pass sophmore HS "earth science for poets and jocks" has greenlit this.

"C" would involve Chevy Chase not being a total douche-nozzle long enough to do the cameo and pick up a check. That can't happen either, so obviously, someone is counting on it.

By elimination, the lie must be "A". Please, Godtopus, let it be A.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at October 8, 2009 1:34 PM


















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