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I Like to Play With Things a While Before Annihilation.

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (33)

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We’re somewhat late to the dance on this one, but I couldn’t pass it up. The 1980 Flash Gordon is one of the dumbest science fiction films ever made. It’s also one of my absolute favorites. Seriously, it’s what I call a plan-changer. One of those movies that if I’m flipping channels and it’s on, I will fucking rearrange my schedule for it. I find it strangely fascinating. Also, the outfits make me giggle uncontrollably, which is not something that happens often.

For those of you who have been living under a fucking rock that was buried in a hole that was covered by another rock, Flash Gordon is an ex-athlete (originally a polo player in the ’40s strip, updated to be an ex-football player in the 1980 film) who is rocketed into space to the planet Mongo, where he does battle with Ming the Merciless, Mongo’s ruler. There are dudes with wings (featuring Brian Blessed roaring “DIVE” in a moment that you truly have to witness to understand its sheer awesomeness) and random beautiful women and Timothy Dalton and the greatest dialogue ever written… ever and mad scientists and Queen did the soundtrack and I feel dizzy.

Also, when Dustin asked me to cover this, he said: “Flash Gordon. He’s the fast one, right?” Hand to God.

Anyway, that was all my long-winded way of telling you about Breck Eisner’s in-development Flash Gordon movie. Eisner is unfortunately currently best known for directing the McConaughey/Cruz monstrosity, Sahara, but I’m willing to give him a mulligan on it if next week’s The Crazies ends up good. What makes the story interesting is that Eisner is apparently a huge fan and he’s “been pursuing (the project) for years to try and get made,” according to Cinema Blend.

What’s particularly of interest is that Eisner apparently wants to make the film a deadly serious one, devoid of any of the camp that was rampant in the 1980 film and be a bit more loyal in tone to the older strips and serials, which were campy, but not that campy (there was also a series that was briefly on the Sci-Fi Channel, but it was so bad that even the fucking Sci-Fi Channel is embarrassed by it). Which is good news. There’s something to be said for directors who really love a project, I suppose.

In any event, we’re still a ways away from seeing Eisner’s Flash Gordon on the big screen, despite names being tossed around already to play the titular Gordon (Sam Worthington rumor has been dispelled, but of course there’s a Sam Worthington rumor about every project these days). But it could make for a pretty great tentpole flick if it’s given the right amount of love and quality writing — and budget. You don’t skimp on the budget for Flash Gordon.

I mean, he’s the Defender of the Universe, for fuck’s sake.

(H/T Cinemablend)









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Comments

Flash! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! He'll save every one of us!

Had to be the first on that one. FTW!

Posted by: ASterisk at February 19, 2010 9:58 AM

Gordon's remake is ALIVE?!

They'll need to fit a Max von Sydow cameo in there somewhere, not to mention you-know-who.

Posted by: branded at February 19, 2010 10:06 AM

What an absolutely fucking brilliant movie. Tonights party just got themed!

Posted by: bob at February 19, 2010 10:07 AM

ASterisk beat me to it.

I loves me some Queen.

Posted by: , at February 19, 2010 10:10 AM

This movie practically defined my adolescent sexual fantasies. And dialogue so bad it's gone around to good on the other side. I mean it's Buckaroo Banzai good:

Prince Barin: I've changed.
Princess Aura: I've changed, too.
Zarkov: [Successfully picks the electronic door lock] A-ha! I knew it was one of the prime numbers of the Zenith series. I haven't changed.

In fact there should be an award -- call it the "Banzai" for movies of hidden genius under a thick layer of extreme camp.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at February 19, 2010 10:22 AM

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I have the same feelings towards the original as TK. If it's on, I'm watching it. Intellectually, I understand that it is not a good movie. In my soul, it's an awesome movie. I must have worn out 2 or 3 VHS copies of this as a kid.

It's good for so many intangible reasons. It makes me feel a certain way, and it's not just nostalgia. It's as accessible now for 33 year old logar as it was for kid logar, defender of the universe. I knew it was campy, even at that tender age, but that just added to it's charm.

On one hand, a "more serious" remake will probably take out everything I hold dear about the OG, but might make for a entertaining movie on it's own. Or it might take out everything that was good, and take a huge shit on my memory of the original.

What I'd really like to see is Tim Burton's take on it.

Posted by: logar at February 19, 2010 10:22 AM

I actually did see that in the theatre wit my Big Sis.

Posted by: Magiel at February 19, 2010 10:23 AM

Sorry, with!

Posted by: Magiel at February 19, 2010 10:23 AM

Bbbbut...the original Flash serials were chock-full of camp. I definitely think they were that campy. They were made for kids, something to watch before the Saturday matinee. I don't see how you could return to the "original" spirit of Flash Gordon without wholly embracing the melodrama. Now, the '80s version did have a lot of wink-winking at the audience that's not part of the serials. We've been inundated with that for a long time now, especially in kid-friendly movies, so I hope that's what he means by staying more in line with the original spirit.

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow did a really good job with getting the right mix of camp -- I thought it was incredibly faithful to the spirit of the old serials -- but it didn't get great reviews or make a lot of money.

Posted by: Wednesday at February 19, 2010 10:25 AM

When TK's right, he's damn right. I've loved it since I was in the theater five years old.

Posted by: Jay at February 19, 2010 10:28 AM

Oh how I love the image of TK giggling uncontrollably!

Posted by: tamatha at February 19, 2010 10:34 AM

Wheeee! Love this movie, used to watch it with my best friend and my sister over and over when I was a kid. Which means that if they screw up this remake/re-imagining I will cut a bitch.

Posted by: Katers at February 19, 2010 11:00 AM

Yeah, but when are they remaking "Flesh Gordon"?

"Nobodoy burns MY ass and gets away with it, Gordon!"

Brilliant!

Posted by: UncleJR at February 19, 2010 11:10 AM

BUT WILL IT HAVE BRIAN BLESSED? WILL IT?

Because if the answer is no....fuck off and no thank you.

Posted by: figgy at February 19, 2010 11:42 AM

Intellectually, I understand that it is not a good movie. In my soul, it's an awesome movie.

EXACTLY.

(Why don't I have this on DVD, again??)

Excuse me. I need to visit Amazon. No reason.

Posted by: Anna von Murderpuppet at February 19, 2010 11:46 AM

*puts Flash Gordon on Netflix queue.*

Posted by: figgy at February 19, 2010 11:49 AM

Great, now netflix is going to be overwhelmed with requests for this, and there'll be the dreaded "short wait" note.

Has there ever been (sorry Thunderdome...you're close, but...) a better "man-to-man, to-the-death combat contest" than Flash and Barin fighting it out in the sky on that oscillating and randomly spiked platform while Voltan watches and roars with enjoyment??

Posted by: Jacktrade at February 19, 2010 12:02 PM

Flesh Gordon 2: The Quest for Princess Viagra.
Flesh Gordon 2: DIVE!! into my ass

Thinking about this, I'd cast Matt Damon as Flash, and Afleck as Dr. Zarkov. Boom.

Maybe Michael Emerson as Ming. Amanda Seyfried as the princess. Dale=Christina Hendricks.

Posted by: logar at February 19, 2010 12:08 PM

What you really need to watch is a double feature of:

Flash Gordon: The Original Buster Crabbe version.

followed immediately by:

Flesh Gordon: The soft core porno version.

It's a fun MST3K evening with lots of porny deja vu.

Posted by: BWeaves at February 19, 2010 12:10 PM

Love love LOVE this movie! :)

Posted by: Chickaboom at February 19, 2010 12:52 PM

If you really want to see a good version of Flash Gordon, I would highly recommend the animated version produced by Filmation in the late 1970's.

It was great. It had all the characters, all the villains, rotoscoping both action and lasers, a decent symphony soundtrack and it was very faithful to the Alex Raymond comic.

There were actually TWO versions produced. The first was a feature length movie called; "Flash Gordon: The Greatest Adventure of All". In it our heroes discover Ming & Mongo after uncovering they were helping the Nazis by trading them technology. That version was closest to the movie serials. Unfortunately they still have not released this to home video (tape or DVD) but you can view it on various websites.

The other version was the same cartooning, but in this one the story takes place in present day. The first season was a 16 part serialized story arc, and it benefits from a well developed story and characters- This one works best for me (and IS on DVD). The second season was a short lived kiddie-fied batch of 15 minute adventures that I would avoid like VD.

I hope those in charge look to this incarnation of Flash Gordon for their cinematic treatment, because I believe it could the best translation of the material. Still, I would be a liar if I didn't admit that the 1980 version has a special place both in my heart and on my shelf. I think I'll pop in the soundtrack, I feel John Deacon's bass-line coming on.

Posted by: bleujayone at February 19, 2010 12:52 PM

P.S. It always cracked me up that there was an actor called Topol, largely because "Topol, the smoker's tooth polish" was HUGE in the 80s.

Posted by: Anna von Murderpuppet at February 19, 2010 1:05 PM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE! DAMN YOU HOLLYWOOD, DAMN YOU!!

You just know they're gonna try to make this movie all "serious" and "not one long line of unintentional comedy".

I my version.

Flash: Mark Sanchez. The ACTUAL quarterback of the New York Jets. SAN-CHIZE!
Dale: Jackie Burkhart. Because she's purrdy, and because Melody Anderson was REALLY Jewish. Keepin' it Hebrew.
Aura: ScarJo. Because why not? I just want some boobs to look at.
Barin: Fassbender Fassbender. He's dashing!
Ming: MEL MOTHERFUCKIN GIBSON. He gets to keep that weird Don Quixote goatee, and we keep the set constantly stocked with potato knishes, kosher hot dogs and Manischewitz for obvious reasons.

And the key role of Prince Vultan goes to the greatest coach in the history of the NFL, Sexy Rexy Ryan. He's crazy enough, fat enough, and more charismatic than Jesus at a fish dinner. DIVE!

And you can bet your ass we're keeping the original soundtrack...

Posted by: D-Day at February 19, 2010 1:52 PM

"No, Klytus, not...the BOREWORMS!"

This better not suck.

Posted by: GreenMyEyes at February 19, 2010 1:57 PM

There really was actually a Flesh Gordon 2 that was so appallingly bad it made celibacy look good.

Also it seemed like a lot of ILM got their start with Flesh Gordon's special effects including Phil Tippett and Dennis Muren. The commentary on the DVD is definitely worth listening to, as it covers the history of porn production in Southern California.

Posted by: Adam C at February 19, 2010 2:17 PM

Dispatch War Rocket and Ajax to bring back this remake's body!

Flash - (Camp + Queen + BRIAN BLESSED) = Failure.

Posted by: Aislinn at February 19, 2010 3:18 PM

I will completely root for a new flash gordon movie with hopes that it is as mind blowingly awesome as i had remembered the 80's version being when i saw it as a kid. when i first signed up for netflix it was the first thing i put in my queue... obviously my childhood memory had shined it up just a tad. but it was still a treat. any movie with a queen soundtrack can't lose. its a guaranteed one thumb up just on that alone.
i've encountered that "he's the fast one, right?" many a time... which always sends two signals from my brain out immediately. one to strike this offender and the other to hold back said strike... occasionally.
the flash is actually my favorite DC character and one time he was actually singing the flash gordon theme in his head while he went about dispensing scarlet justice

and there is a pretty sweet live performance of a snippet of it by tenacious d
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4wYFTymp4E

Posted by: protoformX at February 19, 2010 10:57 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNf9rEPoc8Q&feature=related

How could you change that? Between this and Princes of the Universe, I know not which songs rocks the cosmos harder. If you beamed these two songs out into space, they would blow the minds of any sentient lifeform that they would come into contact with. Chemical reactions would multiply into hundredfold complex organisms, birthing pure and original genetic codes imprinted with the instinctive belief in the temple of ROCK!

New galaxies would form from the wake of harmonic energy trailing behind, withering ancient stars reborn in fiery, helium-splitting nuclear reactions.

The laws of quantum mechanics bending to the sonic vibrato pulsed forth by the muse of Spacetime itself -- Forever Freddie Mercury.

Posted by: D-Day at February 19, 2010 11:41 PM

Planet Mongo? As in Mongoloid?!

Posted by: Arthur Dent at February 19, 2010 11:44 PM

Posted by: D-Day at February 19, 2010 11:41 PM
---
This.

Posted by: , at February 20, 2010 2:15 AM

Yes, I saw this in theaters. MULTIPLE times.

Yes, I own the DVD.

Yes, I know it's cheesy, corny and not good.

No, I will not apologize for liking it.

If Eisner gives me all the fun and awesomeness of Flash, it'll be great.

And if Brian Blessed isn't in this thing, then yes, I will choke a bitch.

Posted by: Fredo at February 20, 2010 2:21 AM

It's just a repeat of what's been said before, but good lord: The Queen soundtrack and Brian Blessed. That's your movie right there.


I'm going to do some self-horn-tooting and mention that "The Hero" that played over the end credits of "Flash Gordon" was one of my choices for the "Best End Credit Song" thing that was on here a couple of weeks ago. The track ends in a huge explosion, for God's sakes.


Go check out Blessed's Wiki entry: He's not only over the top in some productions; it seems he's over the top in real life too. Manly man.


Also, the "Flash Gordon" pinball machine that was released when this movie was in theaters was the holy grail at the skating rink way back when.

Posted by: Robert Sims at February 20, 2010 4:06 AM

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/extra/video/p0060830

From the BBC:

"Starting on Thursday 26th November, a new online comedy series starring Brian Blessed. Henry VIII did not die - he is alive and well, and living in a suburban semi with his long-suffering sixth wife Catherine Parr. Henry has embraced modern technology and lives his life online - insulting the King of France on Facebook, surfing for honeys, and blocking the Pope on Twitter. New episodes released each week."

SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE!

Posted by: D-Day at February 20, 2010 11:22 AM