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Twilight News. Twilight News. TWILIGHT NEWS!


Also, Friday the 13th News. NEWS! / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | February 27, 2009 | Comments (26)

Hi. This is news about Twi … , oh do shut up, spambot.

So, we all knew that, once the first Twilight movie became the biggest vampire movie of all time, that there’d be plenty of sequels. Stephenie Meyer, after all, can crap those books out in her stool (seriously: She eats Bram Stoker’s Dracula, a few copies of those Valley High books, some glitter, and a fiber bar, and 12 hours later: Voila!). What we already know is that the second movie is currently in production; Chris Weitz is directing it, after Catherine Hardwicke got booted from the director’s chair because she was difficult. Typical woman — full of ideas and thoughts! So infuriating.

However, because the producers of Twilight want to milk the ever-loving shit out of this cow, they’ve decided to move the third movie into production before the second movie has completed post-production. In other words, there are going to be two sets of hands on those teets for a while. And, well, Chris Weitz can’t be expected to milk it with his toes, so Summit Entertainment is searching for a director for the third movie. Among the “select” list of possibilities? Drew Barrymore.

And why not, really? She’s directed one movie that no one has seen yet, but whether she’s talented or not is really beside the question. We’re talking about a Twilight movie here. Close-up. Fangs. Cry. Run. Close-up. Anguish. It doesn’t take a goddamn genius to direct a Twilight movie, and Barrymore would at least put a female back in the director’s chair.

In other sequel news — oh, like you didn’t expect this. They’re already developing a sequel to the remake of Friday the 13th, although the producers are saying that it won’t be a sequel, as much as a “follow-up.” (Umm. Yeah. That’s what a sequel is, jackasses.) It will not, however, be a remake of one of the earlier sequels.

I cannot be bothered to care.


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Comments

WTF is wrong with Drew Barrymore's face????

Posted by: Patti at February 27, 2009 11:19 AM

Why is Drew's face photoshopped into a triangle alien shape? Or is that the true shape of her face without photoshop?

Posted by: Dangle McGee at February 27, 2009 11:21 AM

Squeeeeee!!!!! Twilight!!!!!
As everyone knows, vampires also love rieces pieces, so it's nice to see Barrymore finally coming full circle.
And also, "yes you can!" milk a cow with your toes but it makes it hard to get out of the way when she decides to take a shat on your head.

Posted by: hersheygirl at February 27, 2009 11:27 AM

Oh, and no more remake news unless someone is remaking American Pie with Disney stars. I mean, it's been ten years people! Why isn't this movie getting "rebooted"?!? Zac Efron as Stifler y'all, come ON!

Posted by: Dangle McGee at February 27, 2009 11:28 AM

Barrymore would be perfect for Twilight III: The Shittening. If her skill in directing comes anywhere close to her acting skills we're in for a spectacular midden heap of fail.

Posted by: admin at February 27, 2009 11:28 AM

Drew is scaring me. She looks...sinister.

And I hate everyone. Again. Not that Twilight Part Tres was going to be good regardless, but just the concept of roping Drew into this because they could give less of a shit about how it turns out...grrrrrrrrrrrr...........

Posted by: tt_marie at February 27, 2009 11:29 AM

It will not, however, be a remake of one of the earlier sequels.
Damnit! I want psychic children fighting Jason in Manhattan on the way to hell and back. Bullshit!

Posted by: Robert at February 27, 2009 11:35 AM

I think I might be the only person who remembers-fondly-the Sweet Valley High TV show. Whenever I see Brittany Daniel in anything, all I can think is ELIZABETH WAKEFIELD! Which is stupid, since she played Jessica, but either way, it was a big shock to find out that a Wakefield twin was born with a penis and now bangs a serial killer in Philadelphia.

Posted by: Sabrina at February 27, 2009 11:37 AM

Zac Efron as Stifler y'all, come ON!

Psssh, are you kidding? He would totally be the pussy who gazes lovingly into his girlfriend's eyes as they sweetly copulate underneath a blanket. Either that or the girlfriend.

Posted by: Sabrina at February 27, 2009 11:42 AM

They're already developing a sequel to the remake of Friday the 13th...

I can't wait until they start pilfering my home movies for remakes and sequels. jM's Intervention 2: Back in the Habit!

Posted by: jM at February 27, 2009 11:54 AM

They should totally reboot the lord of the ring movies. That shit was long!

Posted by: guiltypartner at February 27, 2009 12:06 PM

They should totally reboot the lord of the ring movies. That shit was long!

Posted by: guiltypartner at February 27, 2009 12:09 PM

Zac Efron as Stifler y'all, come ON!

-Dangle McGee

Psssh, are you kidding? He would totally be the pussy who gazes lovingly into his girlfriend's eyes as they sweetly copulate underneath a blanket. Either that or the girlfriend.

-Sabrina

Are you kidding Sabrina, Zac Efron would make the perfect Stifler, because he has to be one of the douchiest guys on the planet. Plus, Dane Cook is too old by now to play Stifler.

It would be the most brilliant casting decision for a shitty movie since Keanu Reeves was cast to play a soulless alien in The Day The Earth Stood Still.

Posted by: George at February 27, 2009 12:13 PM

seriously: She eats Bram Stoker's Dracula, a few copies of those Valley High books, some glitter, and a fiber bar, and 12 hours later: Voila!

FOR THE FUCKING WIN! I've never seen a more accurate description of the "Sparkley Emo Vampire Fag Boy Action GO!" saga! Though to be fair, she ate some Jane Austen and some Shakespeare too.

Posted by: Mike R. at February 27, 2009 12:15 PM

Wanna join a hot and heated forum that discusses the truth about these big stars?
____Tallloving C om____ has lots of sports fans there! besides, it's hot models, milfs, sexy chick s and handsome young men and chicks mingle club!!LOL checka!!

Posted by: owenlove at February 27, 2009 12:20 PM

Zac Efron as Stifler y'all, come ON! -Me

Psssh, are you kidding? He would totally be the pussy who gazes lovingly into his girlfriend's eyes as they sweetly copulate underneath a blanket. Either that or the girlfriend. - Sabrina

That's exactly what everyone would think which is why Efron as Stifler is perfect! Another in a long line of castings meant to distract from troublesome non-hetero rumors. Make Efron the guy that's all about motorboatin' some poon!

Posted by: Dangle McGee at February 27, 2009 12:45 PM

Doncha mean BRAN Stoker's Dracula?

Posted by: frumpiefox at February 27, 2009 1:05 PM

Drew looks like her face melted into Rumer Willis's chin. I do not approve.

Posted by: Lainey at February 27, 2009 1:11 PM

That's Drew Barrymore? You're LYING.

Anyway, I've come to realize that I laughed so hard, and had so much making fun of Twilight that I CANNOT wait for the sequels. Seriously, my fiance and I were screaming laughter SO HARD (that one line "I don't know how to live without youuu!" just about killed us) that it scared my mom so bad she had to come into my room and check on us, only to find us crying and red in the face, laughing ourselves into a near coma. So, seriously, bring on 3, 4 sequels of that shit. I hear they get progressively more ridiculous, so I. CAN. NOT. WAIT.

Posted by: figgy at February 27, 2009 1:34 PM

figgy, I'm with you, I laughed so hard watching it I now have abs, which is kinda nice. Seriously people that movie is, hands down, hilarious. I havent laughed so hard at involuntary comedy since KickBoxer.

Posted by: rio at February 27, 2009 1:41 PM

Maybe they can merge this with the Eddie Murphy Richard Pryor biopic and just call it "Toilet". Because that's where I'll be.

Posted by: Odnon at February 27, 2009 1:44 PM

Are you kidding Sabrina, Zac Efron would make the perfect Stifler, because he has to be one of the douchiest guys on the planet.

Dude's engaged to his girlfriend of 3 years and generally doesn't act like a spoiled asshole, how is he a giant douche? Now, going against type I can understand, Dangle McGee. But "motorboatin' some poon" sounds... uncomfortable. And anatomically improbable.

Posted by: Sabrina at February 27, 2009 5:07 PM

And is it just my imagination, or is Drew Barrymore doing a more than passable impression of Celine Dion in that photo?

Posted by: Odnon at February 27, 2009 6:18 PM

In the remake of American Pie, Zac Efron will be the pie. He'll have to slap-fight one of the Jonas brothers for the honor.

Posted by: Heywood J. at February 28, 2009 3:22 PM

Apparently they basically brushed half her fucking jaw away. I love how photoshop can turn celebrities into entirely different people. Once I become a pro at digital design I'm so starting up a site that just rips on shit like Barrymore's picture. It's bad enough that celebrities are already at some impossible standard of beauty but the fact that they get photoshopped all to hell just speaks volumes of how imaginary "true beauty" on the outside really is.

Posted by: Trollin' at February 28, 2009 5:13 PM

I really love all the characters of the movie the actress and actor,and I bought all the books and read them all.My doughther,My son and I addicted and watch three times a day.Could you imagined I read all this four books to know what happened for them.I liked all the actor and actress hope you will never changes them for your next movie.otherwise will never the same.We loved everyone They so beautiful and looked terrific.

Posted by: katrina Rose at March 7, 2009 5:24 AM