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February 27, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | February 27, 2009 |

Hi. This is news about Twi … , oh do shut up, spambot.

So, we all knew that, once the first Twilight movie became the biggest vampire movie of all time, that there’d be plenty of sequels. Stephenie Meyer, after all, can crap those books out in her stool (seriously: She eats Bram Stoker’s Dracula, a few copies of those Valley High books, some glitter, and a fiber bar, and 12 hours later: Voila!). What we already know is that the second movie is currently in production; Chris Weitz is directing it, after Catherine Hardwicke got booted from the director’s chair because she was difficult. Typical woman — full of ideas and thoughts! So infuriating.

However, because the producers of Twilight want to milk the ever-loving shit out of this cow, they’ve decided to move the third movie into production before the second movie has completed post-production. In other words, there are going to be two sets of hands on those teets for a while. And, well, Chris Weitz can’t be expected to milk it with his toes, so Summit Entertainment is searching for a director for the third movie. Among the “select” list of possibilities? Drew Barrymore.

And why not, really? She’s directed one movie that no one has seen yet, but whether she’s talented or not is really beside the question. We’re talking about a Twilight movie here. Close-up. Fangs. Cry. Run. Close-up. Anguish. It doesn’t take a goddamn genius to direct a Twilight movie, and Barrymore would at least put a female back in the director’s chair.

In other sequel news — oh, like you didn’t expect this. They’re already developing a sequel to the remake of Friday the 13th, although the producers are saying that it won’t be a sequel, as much as a “follow-up.” (Umm. Yeah. That’s what a sequel is, jackasses.) It will not, however, be a remake of one of the earlier sequels.

I cannot be bothered to care.

Also, Friday the 13th News. NEWS! / Dustin Rowles

Industry | February 27, 2009 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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