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"True Blood's" Joe Manganiello Shaves His Beard and Now He's Only Better Looking than 98 Percent of America

By Dustin Rowles | Trade News | September 6, 2013 | Comments ()


joe-manganiello-600x450 (1).jpg

Tough break, Joe. I’m sure you thought it was a great idea when you took the clippers to your beard, wondering what it must look like beneath that perfectly unruly facial hear. We’ve all been there, man. One day you’re just like, “Man, I bet I’d look five years younger if I shaved off this grey-flecked beard. The ladies need to know that I’m only 36, instead of 40.” And it does have magically de-aging effects. Unfortunately, it also puts a dent in your sex appeal, eh, kiddo?

We’ve all been there, Joe. You must be feeling really silly this morning. You can no longer say that you’re better looking than 99 percent of Americans. Now, you’re only better looking than 98 percent of men in the United States. How doe it feel to be in the 2 percent, Joe? Say hello to Josh Holloway and that guy from “Hawaii Five-O.”

Such a shame. You’re going to have to try a little harder to get laid now, and by that, I mean: You may have to unbuckle your own belt before your date removes your pants.

How far you have fallen.







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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • malechai

    Aaaaaiiieeeeee!!!! Putitbackputitbackputitback!!!!!

  • St

    Grey beard is gone. I wonder for how long. It does age him. Grey beard and grey hair ages every man. I remember just how much younger Alec Baldwin was looking when he lost wight and died his grey hair to color on 30 Rock. Jack was actually hot.

  • Looks like he could play a young Bruce Campbell in a bio-pic with the clean shave.

  • Case Crum

    Finally! I think it's an improvement, but I do like my men to be clean shaven with short hair. I never really cared for scruffy dudes or dudes with long hair.

  • autw

    Say it ain't so, Joe! He needs to bring back the scruff. Like, yesterday.

  • e jerry powell

    GRIFFIN DUNNE!

    (with tits.)

  • Sean

    Some botox too I see.

  • thepants

    He's playing Stanley in a production of A Streetcar Named Desire. I'm thinking that's the reason for the shave.

  • Mrs. Julien

    He's playing Stanley. He's playing Stanley. Is this like that time the Winnipeg theatre festival got Keanu Reeves to play Hamlet and the only way to get tickets was to buy them for entire series?

  • TriedTru

    Bring back the scruff! What the hell is this clean-shaven hell I am forced to gaze upon? UGH!

  • F'mal DeHyde

    He's a spectacular specimen of manhood and although I usually dislike beards, I like him with one... however he really does come across as sort of a himbo.

  • Homestar

    I don't know who this person is, but he looks much less ridiculous without the stupid hair and scraggly beard. That's not even a beard, really; he probably just didn't shave for a week and it happened.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    You write these things as if he's not capable of regrowing that in about 3 days.

    I've never much paid attention to him, since I don't want True Blood, but my free morning newspaper had a pic of him, and I was trying to figure out if that was salt and pepper on his sideburns, and it is...and I'm sold either way.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    I dreamed of this man last night. It was a really, really good dream. What I'm saying is, I will still climb him like a tree and build a fort in his pants.

  • mb

    Alright. I can make do with this. I'll just have to rework my "lonely young lumberjack" fantasies into "sadistic middle-aged professor" fantasies.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Oh. Yes. I think my imagination is now set for the day. Thank you.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Well Joe, if the look you were going for was "smarmy Republican Senate candidate" - umm, congratulations?

  • Leelee

    I saw the link to this article while I was browsing my FB feed on my phone, and all that was on my screen was the comment: "Devastating. True Blood's Joe Manganiello..." I immediately thought he had died, tapped the link, and nearly screamed on the bus as my internet connection failed.

    The next ten minutes until I got to a wifi connection were SO TENSE. What with that and Sarah Silverman's dog, Pajiba is putting me through the wringer.

  • Nope. There's something about this guy's face that puts me off so HARD. Nevermind how amazing a body he has (and it *is* amazing) his face is just...punchable. I can't even understand why. But...yeah. Beard or no beard, I can't deal with that face.

  • Prunella

    I dunno. He still looks like a big douche bag to me. He may have all the requisites that could add up to something attractive, but that oily
    veneer of smarm just puts me off my oats. So yeah, I'm totally with you on his punchability.

  • Mrs. Julien

    He looks very, "Don't speak"...

  • Sherry

    Which guy from Hawaii Five-O? I'm trying to remember anyone with a beard...

  • habshockeygrl

    maybe we can glue it all back on or something....please...

  • Mrs. Julien

    It's hair. It will grow.

  • Legally Insignificant

    This is a two-parter. 1. I'm in the same boat as Ben, babyface without a beard and aged with a beard. 2. Who falls into the 2% post-beard/1% during beard that is more attractive than Joe Manganiello? I can't think of anyone.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Yeah, I'm going to have to paraphrase classic internet misogynists on this one: Beard or GTFO, Joe.

  • Ben

    I am salt and peppering in my beard already, I'm only 30. I am cursed though. Either I looked aged with a beard or I look like a baby face without it. That said, "He who shaves his beard for a woman, deserves neither".

  • Princess Betty

    I thought salt and peppering in my beard was the new moist lions. I was very confused for a moment. I'm fine now.

  • PDamian

    He looks like Bill Campbell's little brother, the one who followed his brother to Hollywood and tried to break into the biz, but gave up after a handful of commercials for Ace Hardware, went back to school, and became a CPA.

  • Mrs. Julien

    ...and then you see his torso and realise that you've never seen a CPA who looks like that.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I'm sensing....that this man does something to you, Mrs. J?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Yes and no. He's two-dimensionally attractive. Big, beautiful body, but with a strong whiff of vapidity that almost overwhelms the pulchritude, i.e. he's aesthetically-pleasing, but he's never made my Pajiba 5.

  • Wednesday

    I must be the only one who sees this as an improvement. You can see that strong jawline now.

    I never bought a ticket to the "Beards are Sexy" train, though. They just give me sympathetic itching.

  • NateMan

    See, I've heard that itchy beard thing from a ton of people who don't have one. The only time my beard's ever been itchy is if I get sunburned beneath it or am wicked sweaty from working outside, and the latter is only in extreme circumstances. The way I see it is if your head\body hair isn't itchy, why would a beard be?

    I do have a problem with overly dry skin underneath it, however, and need to oil on occasion to keep nasty dandruff at bay.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Mr. Julien, who grows a simply magnificent beard, finds it very itchy. I just find it unbelievably sexy, especially when viewed aerially, as it were. [fans self] Tragically, he didn't keep a beard when it was lush and the colour of dark roast coffee beans with hints of red, and now that it is salt and pepper he won't grow it because he'll look "old". What a waste. A wife can dream.

  • NateMan

    Ha, my wife loves my beard and would kill me if I ever shaved, though I do keep it close-cropped. And I kinda like the white that's coming in early (being a copper-colored redhead I appear to be skipping past gray entirely). We'll see if I still feel that way if I'm white by 35.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    That is both a lovely sentiment and the kind of thing that in reverse sounds wrong ("My husband would kill me if I ever cut my long hair"). So it's lucky that it's what you both want.

  • NateMan

    Agreed, it's an awkward phrasing. And fortunately, I think my wife looks hot with long or short hair (though long hair is always preferable). Just not bald. There's plenty of women who look attractive bald. She's definitely not one of them.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Mr. Julien is 46, so I think I'll be waiting for a while. He did grow it specifically to be Obi Wan Kenobi for Halloween one year. I'd post a picture, but I'm pretty sure he'd be peeved if I did.

  • Wednesday

    Ah, but my head DOES get itchy if I'm hot or sweaty. And I hate that feeling, so imagining it on my face makes it seem extra-unpleasant.

    Plus it's itchy for any partner who wants to kiss that face. The only reason I never bitched about my ex-husband's mustache was because he looked about 12 years old without it.

  • mairimba

    Now he looks like dumb Brad again. (sadface)

  • Helo

    As one who is eternally damned to a life without facial hair, courtesy of my grandmother being chinese and all... I'm ok with Alcide being taken down a notch.

  • Ruthie O

    Wow. He went from the guy who lingers in sexy dreams, whose piercing gaze could charm the pants off of anyone-- man or woman-- to a hotter than average TV dad.

  • NateMan

    Yep, once you grow a manly beard you should keep it forever. You're never going to like what you find beneath it - as I learned to my extreme displeasure the two times I slipped with the trimmers and ended up having to shave the whole thing. I've been smooth-cheeked for a sum of 2 weeks since I graduated high school 16yrs ago, and with luck I never will be again.

  • Mrs. Julien

    At the risk of sounding like a dudebro, his appeal is largely from the neck down.

  • Teerace20

    The haircut and the lack of facial hair...I'm out. And what I once would have done...Sorry Joe, I know you're devastated.

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