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Cause I'm the Unknown Stuntman that Makes Eastwood Look So Fine

Tangentially Related Theme Song Lyric! / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | July 6, 2009 | Comments (18)

Jesus. I have almost no recollection of the 1982 cop drama, “T.J. Hooker,” except that I’m guessing — with the Shat involved — that there was a great deal of unintentional comedy. Also, Heather Locklear and her wavy-ass feathery hair, back when she was the poor woman’s Heather Thomas. But, you know, it was a show in the 80s with a title, and therefore it’s ripe for the big-screen treatment.

Chuck Russell, who directed The Scorpion King and Eraser is up for the director’s chair. Brent Maddock and S.S. Wilson, who wrote Wild Wild West and the upcoming Short Circuit remake, are on board to write the script, so you know we’re talking about quality here — big mechanical spider quality. No word on casting, but the story — which is expected to be a comedy — centers around the relationship between the title character and his father. Slashfilm insightfully suggested that the story would give William Shatner a chance to return as the father, with an as-yet-unknown comedic actor to fill the title character’s role. I actually welcome just about any opportunity to see Shatner, especially post Mad Cow. He’s marbles these days. I dig that.

I wonder how close “B.J. and the Bear” is to the big screen? Or a Facts of Life movie. Or hell, Martin Lawrence could put on a female fat suit and star in a Gimme a Break film. Or hell, speaking of Heather Thomas, where’s our Fall Guy remake?

And speaking of which, how good was that “Fall Guy” theme song? They don’t make ‘em like Lee Majors anymore. And they don’t make bikinis like the ones that Heather Thomas wore, either. Good God All Fucking Mighty.



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Comments

"Heather Locklear and her wavy-ass feathery hair, back when she was the poor woman’s Heather Thomas..."


Sir, it isn't often that I don't think you are a complete paTak but this time you have spoken truth. Heather Thomas was THE hottest piece of ass during that time. Locklear had NOTHING on her.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 6, 2009 7:44 PM

Heather Locklear still looks mighty damn fine NOW tho. Compare her to someone who wasn't much to look at in the first place and has aged badly since, becoming little more than a slash mouth.

That's right, I'm talking Julia Roberts.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 6, 2009 7:54 PM

With all of these remakes under development, I'd like to vote for Nacho Libre to be remade as a comedy.

Posted by: laredo at July 6, 2009 8:07 PM

Wow, what a generationally alienating post.

Haw haw!

And yes, there's always been something a little...harsh about Locklear. Thomas is friendlier.

But who gets the Zmed role? WHO???

Posted by: Jay at July 6, 2009 8:47 PM

When I was 13 I used to think I would be dead by 38--man how I wish that would have come true. And,instead of remaking BJ and the Bear they should just skip that high-quality offering and go directly for My Two Dads (or whatever the hell it was called).

Posted by: Marifer71 at July 6, 2009 9:18 PM

Zmed=Baruchel

Posted by: laredo at July 6, 2009 9:48 PM

Not bad, laredo, not bad!

Posted by: Jay at July 6, 2009 9:52 PM

And all these years I thought Heather Thomas was the poor gal's Heather Locklear. Learn something new everyday. Thank you Mr. Rowles.

Posted by: Mr. West at July 6, 2009 11:07 PM

I'm a youngin' so I don't really know the difference between shows like "T.J. Hooker," "B.J. and the Bear," and "Smokey and the Bandit" from personal experience. They end up as a big jumble of words in my head, like "Smokey and the Bear" or "B.J. and the Hooker."

Posted by: Geetch at July 6, 2009 11:18 PM

When will we know they've hit bottom? I'll say: "Pink Lady and Jeff."

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 7, 2009 1:07 AM

Maddock and Wilson also wrote Tremors, goddamnit! Give them *some* credit...

Posted by: Grafty at July 7, 2009 4:24 AM

That's right, I'm talking Julia Roberts.

Ahhhh *smelling burning flesh,* fantastic.

Ya know who still looks good?

Jodie Foster (42) and Michelle Pfeiffer (51) at 27 what I wouldn't give for an hour with either of them.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at July 7, 2009 5:16 AM

There is no replacing the Zmed. Let's Bowl!

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 7, 2009 7:51 AM

Heather Thomas did look mighty fine, but Locklear was doing two shows at once: TJH and Dynasty. FWIW.

So, if they do a remake, does this mean that late in the movie, today's version of James Darren will show up?

And I know there's a joke to be made about who/what is going to play Shatner's rug, but I can't find it.

Posted by: Louise at July 7, 2009 7:59 AM

What Mr. DeistBrawler said.


There is no replacing the Zmed. Let's Bowl!

Now haven't you gone and made my day?

Posted by: Jay at July 7, 2009 9:42 AM

Shatner's rug can only be played by the Trekkie Monster from "Avenue Q".

Posted by: jthomas666 at July 7, 2009 9:46 AM

I see nobody's voting for Chris Pine to play Hooker.

I just don't think anyone could play Hooker without doing a Shat impersonation. Especially if this is supposed to be a comedy.

Hooker: In My Pants

Posted by: BWeaves at July 7, 2009 11:00 AM

p.s. HOOKER'S A GOOD COP!

Posted by: Jay at July 7, 2009 3:56 PM





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