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Tired of All Those Metrosexual Superheroes? Conan the Barbarian Has Arrived. Come Getcha Some, Funboys

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (23)

conan_jason_momoa.jpg

It’s been the summer of superheroes. Captain American with his red, white and blue shield and his genetically modified ab structure arrives this weekend, that fly-boy Green Lantern has come and gone, those pretty boys of the X-Men are rough and tumbling in your fantasies, and even Thor, with all his pectoral muscles, was kind of a softie.

You know who’s not a softie? Conan the Barbarian slash Conan the motherf*cking Destroyer. He doesn’t need a shield or a hammer or a goddamn green ring. He has bare hands, bare hands that can rip off your f*cking heads, and teeth which he will use to severe the tendons in your legs. Conan does not take your shit. Conan will lay waste to your shit. He will crumple your shield, shove that green ring up your ass, and build a cottage made of human remains with that hammer.

Don’t believe me? Check out this clip from the movie, set to be released in August. The opening minute left me a little hesitant, with Ron Perlman all gee willickers and that swell-y holiday score, but by the end of this clip, trust me, you will be sold. You will forsake all your piddly-ass superheroes and bow to the raw primal bone-ripping power of Conan. Blood will be spilled.









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Comments

"What is best in life?"

"To kill your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women."

"Ah! That is good!"

And this movie ... just might be.

Posted by: The Wanderer at July 21, 2011 10:33 AM

I sent this clip to TK a couple days ago since he'd done most of the Conan posting. Since he let it lay, I assume he simply choked on the awesome sauce.

Posted by: SLW at July 21, 2011 10:36 AM

The more I see, the more I like. Yes, this was vintage Conan!

Posted by: Fredo at July 21, 2011 10:39 AM

OK, alright then, but who would win in a fight between...

I'm sorry. I'll see myself out.

I SAID I'M SORRY.

Posted by: Caspar at July 21, 2011 10:49 AM

Um, are those eggs covered in chicken shit? Because he might be able to kill a bunch of highly trained warriors, but he's going to die of e coli before the week is out.

I'm overthinking this, aren't I?

Posted by: BWeaves at July 21, 2011 11:01 AM

"I'm overthinking this, aren't I?"

Considering it's a Conan film, yes.

Posted by: Matt at July 21, 2011 11:07 AM

Shit, Rowles, that WAS cool.

But lay off Cap. He can't help his perfect abdominals. It was the will of SCIENCE.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at July 21, 2011 11:36 AM

Hell yes. That just raised my hopes for this significantly. The rest of the movie had better live up to that scene or I will be greatly disappointed.

Posted by: Paultera at July 21, 2011 11:40 AM

DID HE JUST KICK A DUDE'S ARM OFF HIS BODY HOLY CRAP I CRINGED AND WANTED MORE

Posted by: Sefa at July 21, 2011 11:53 AM

OK, that was considerably better than I expected. That little kid sure has a good glower going on there.

My expectations for this movie have just risen.

Posted by: foolsage at July 21, 2011 11:55 AM

"Conan does not take your shit. Conan will lay waste to your shit."

I just want to see Moma go bat shit cray-cray on some motherfuckers, and as he climbs his sky high heap of mutilated carcasses, he opens up his mouth and says "Nononononono! Nobody messes with the Conan." Only Rosie Perez does the voice over.

Posted by: beet salad at July 21, 2011 11:56 AM

Wait... he broke the egg though, right?

But seriously though, that kid does a hell of a Jason Momoa impression.
(it's all in the smirk)

Posted by: scott at July 21, 2011 12:05 PM

BWeaves: Dude. Those are speckled bird eggs.

Anyway. This movie is starting to look cooler and cooler.

Posted by: Thijs at July 21, 2011 12:22 PM

I called it when I first heard of it: awesome.
And it thrills my black little heart to see you all coming around.

Posted by: Odnon at July 21, 2011 12:29 PM

OMFG! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.....

I wonder if I can get tickets for this @ Alamo yet.

Posted by: NateS1973 at July 21, 2011 12:50 PM

Hmmmmm....I'll grudgingly see it. Pretty sure I will regret it.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 21, 2011 1:06 PM

Oh, Crom, no, he has a snowbank! Ahhhhhhh.

Yep. Loving it.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at July 21, 2011 1:46 PM

Hey, remember back when Dustin HATED Jason Momoa when he was first casted?

Like here: http://www.pajiba.com/trade_news/jason-momoa-cast-as-conan-the-barbarian-.php

And now he's explicitly contrasted to pretty boys? Yeesh.

Posted by: Zack at July 21, 2011 6:19 PM

"Um, are those eggs covered in chicken shit?"

Nope: they're raven eggs, they're usually pale and mottled.

Posted by: Taranaich at July 21, 2011 9:15 PM

While I still doubt Jason Momoa's ability to play Conan, this clip was distilled Man.

Young Conan just metaphorically made the hail-mary touchdown in the final minutes of the big game, finally earning the approval of his doubtful and judgemental Coach who only grudgingly gave him a chance on the field at the last minute.

Now I suppose he bangs the prom queen and heads off to a big name university with a full scholarship.

Either that, or for an encore he punches out Kahless, sucker punches Batman and then hits a butterfly so hard with an axe that the quantum ripples in space time cause an adolescent Napoleon to explode like Krakatoa.

Posted by: Uncommoner at July 21, 2011 10:53 PM

Effective, remorseless, unapologetic violence?!? How long have we waited for just a taste of this type of movie? If it does live up to the clip...we will be most fortunate.

Posted by: Pete at July 21, 2011 11:26 PM

Sorry to play the party pooper, but this is still directed by that fuck responsible for Pathfinder.

Don't get your hopes up.

Posted by: FabMax at July 22, 2011 9:10 AM

I would watch Jason Momoa read the fucking phone book. With OR without his shirt on.

Posted by: Az at July 23, 2011 4:31 PM