Pajiba

Question: Will Helen Mirren be reprising her role?

"So, what does shit look like in 3D? "

Go to a zoo with a major primates exhibit featuring glass windows. Wait until there's a lull in the crowds. Find the alpha male. Squish your moobs against the glass and make obscene gestures and noises while falating a giant banana. Repeat until apeshit is hurled against the the glass with the fury of a Cy Young fireballer. Profit.

It will still be less offensive than viewing "Caligula". It will also award you a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo (who knew?) All the shit without the mess.

The WORST part about Caligula is that it has Helen Mirren, Peter O'Toole, Malcolm MacDowell, John Gielgud, source material by Gore Vidal, AND every act of sexual deviance and decadence you can imagine, and it STILL manages to be an unsexy, incomprehensible mess. SO many chances to awesome - great actors, what should have been a great subject, and failing that, at least gratuitous sex . . . and yet, it fails on every possible level. It even fails at being fun camp - there is no joy in watching it even to witness its badness. It is the most joyless, miserable filmwatching experience you can imagine.

SO OF COURSE they will redo it in 3D. The apocalypse is nigh, folks.

*"to BE awesome." Though I kind of like how the verb form "to awesome" sounds. I awesome, you awesome, he/she/it awesomes....

3-D porn sounds like one of the worst ideas ever.

I remember being involved in a discussion of the worst movies the group had ever seen--the utterest wastes of time we'd ever been subjected to...and I brought up Caligula.

I wrote something like, "This movie's not just a train wreck--it's more like a circus train wreck."

People, I know you all think you've seen bad movies. If you haven't seen Caligula you do not know how BAD bad can be. Don't miss it.

I am somewhat curious now, PussyToTheWood!. I think I'm gonna have to track down an unedited copy and experience the badness for myself.

, ...who says the SO wouldn't join in? I'm sure we could have a virtual swinger's party just the two of us.

Caligula is the worst porno of all time, except for the Sarah Silverman/Jimmy Kimmel sex tape.

"revisit an abandoned project about a Roman emperor that was ruined by Americans"

Which Roman emperor was ruined by Americans? hee hee

I feel like Cassandra here! Have we not warned you enough???

Heed not the siren song of Caligula! She sings you to your doom!

(seriously, I cannot stress enough how bad-bad this "film" is. It's not good-bad, it's not fun-bad, it's not "won't this make a great story" bad. It's the cinematic equivalent of intentionally rubbing ocular herpes into your eyes - it causes a painful burning sensation and its effects last a lifetime. You have been warned).

avb, you might wanna get rid of that lost boys mess also.

Caligula is so bad that when they played it at a midnight showing some (ok, many) years ago in Chicago, my friends and I walked out of the theater about halfway through. Not because we were shocked by anything we saw (and let me tell you, I was one NAIVE little teenager) but because we were so bored we didn't want to fall asleep.
When I got home my mom asked me what movie we all went to see. I told her and her first words word, 'God, most boring porno EVER'.

ok, can we all agree that caligula was unmemorable despite the debauchery.

and second, Helen Mirren should be in most films, not only is she an amazing actress, but she is one of cinemas most amazing women to see naked and hungry. Shadowboxer anyone?

AvB you always brighten my afternoons! I bet you would be like the best friend ever. If you ever move to New Brunswick we should totally hang out.

Oh, actually the Canada New Brunswick AvB, so you'd have to do a little more work still. Offer stands though, if you make it here.

When porn does go 3D, does that mean they too are going to have gimmicky camera shots to remind you that it is indeed in 3D?

I've been thinking about the different things past 3D movie have literally throw into the audiences faces, but as God as might witness if they have a giant schlong point and splooge onto the masses, I think you might see a drop in the audience attendance. If we wanted to be humiliated with a massive chonson, we'd pay someone extra in private. Yes, these are the kind of thoughts that enter my head when the lights go out.

People watch porn for various motivations, but for some reason I just don't think 3D, CGI, THX or Dolby Surround are any of them.

Isn't 3D porn called "sex?"

Now 4D porn! That's where the money is! You enter the theatre, clean up your cum, buy some popcorn, choose a seat, stretch your legs during intermission, take out your member, the film starts, you hang your head in shame, reach climax, and then it's over. All at once forever.

*sigh* I beleive I can flyyyyyyy....

actually the Canada New Brunswick

Oooohhhhh. I was all like, "There's another Jersey Pajiban?! Awesome! We shall take over the world!!" and now I'm a little disappointed. *sigh* Oh, well.

True story: I first saw Caligula in 10th grade. In history class. My professor showed it to us. Un-edited. I grew up in Hawaii, which is probably why my public school education was so fuckin' awesome.