So I just read this morning that Time Warner Cable is apparently having a bloodbath fight with Viacom and unless they work something out today, starting tomorrow morning, Time Warner Cable will no longer be carrying any of Viacom’s 19 cable channels. That includes the various Nickelodeons, VH1s, and MTVs, among others. And it includes Comedy Central.
If I am not able to have my “Daily Show” and “Colbert” next Monday, there will be fucking hell to pay. Hell. to. pay.
Time Warner, I don’t care what fees Viacom is asking for — considering how much you assrape us customers for, you can fucking afford it and still make your god damn profits. You are seven kinds of fucked. Don’t make it eight. Make this shit right.
Haven't we seen this kind of pissing match a dozen times before in as many years--every time some contract comes up for renewal between a content provider and a cable service?
One side always airs some dire threat about how the other side is going to take your Matlock away, or whatever. It's a bargaining ploy, nothing more.
This does not mean that I don't hate the shit out of Time Warner, though. Viacom as well, come to that.
Posted by: Jerce at December 31, 2008 10:10 AM
Yeah, among the many tertiary issues that will likely change to some degree under a new administration is that we may get an FCC that cares about things like, oh I don't know, consumer rights and abusive media monopolies, instead of obsessing over the occasional exposed nipple.
The Bush Administration: Your local feudal overlord may assrape your liberties, but by God we'll protect you from having to ponder gay marriage or see Janet Jackson's wrinkly aureola.
Posted by: rikkitikkitavi at December 31, 2008 10:19 AM
While I would in no way, shape or form miss any MTV/VH1 channel - in fact, I would say "good riddance - Comedy Central would be a bit of a blow. But I could live without any new South Parks.
However, I do have to back Time Warner Cable for their fortitude not to cave into the NFL Network and their ridiculous demands. Even as the NFL slapped more games on Thursday nights for their own Network's benefit, TWC still has not added the station.
With that in mind, I could easily see TWC dropping Viacom's channels. And if they would cut us subscribers a break due to that, fine. But I bet my "locked in" rate stays locked in no matter how many channels are added or dropped.
Posted by: B-Unit at December 31, 2008 10:23 AM
I friggin' hate cable. All-day marathon of Monk, two all-day marathons of House, a twenty-four hour celebration of Elf. Here's Dangerous Minds every other day, twice a day for two weeks. Catch the last hour of Spiderman 2? No problem - it's on two more times after that. VH1 will show the same show two hours after it just aired it, but should you no be around? Don't sweat it - it'll be on again at midnight, one, two and three o'clock. Bravo's got a weekend full of Top Chef, and you can watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy back-to-back-to-back-to-back.
I call bullshit. At least, at the very least, mix the shit up a bit. There's a virtual shitheap of movies available - how about having a little goddam diversity? I'm about a director's cut of 40 Year Old Virgin away from canceling the shit...
Posted by: Skitz at December 31, 2008 10:29 AM
This is the first time I've ever been thankful that we were forced to switch from TWC to Comcast.
Now if my fucking On Demand would only fucking work for the first time in four fucking days, I might be happier with Comcast. But they fucking suck. Long and fucking hard.
Fuck.
Posted by: Snath at December 31, 2008 10:30 AM
When I lived in Miami I had Direct t.v. and I was happy as a pig in shit. But when I moved to Austin I got Time bullshittin Warner, and now these fuckers are going to lose Comedy Central and the only reason I watch it is because of Stephen Colbert, I'm going back to Direct t.v., my wife was telling me for the longest we should go back.
Posted by: Pookie at December 31, 2008 10:32 AM
Same thing happened with DishNet about a year back, it's a negotiating ploy, just make your voice heard.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 31, 2008 10:33 AM
Dangerous Minds
"Been spending most our life in a gangsta's paradise..."
I have DirecTV. The whole "No tv during really bad weather" kinda bites, but overall, I love it.
My frickin' internet is through Comcast. I HATE Comcast. My internet works at some random intervals as determined by a tank of manatees somewhere in Florida. ATT will not give me a frickin' DSL line either, because "Not enough people on your street have requested it".
Don't get me started on how much I despise Comcast.
Posted by: Melody at December 31, 2008 10:41 AM
Just in case anyone hasn't seen it, Barnes & Noble is selling tote bags with Stephen Colbert on them! My knitting bag is now full of truthiness and wikiality.
Posted by: Blakemas! at December 31, 2008 10:46 AM
Here's to you, Verizon FiOS.
*Raises glass, tosses it back*
What? It's New Years Eve, and a snow storm to boot. Of course I'm drinking at work.
Yeah, we had DirecTV once upon a time. Except for that lose-reception-in-a-high-wind problem, they were pretty much aces.
However, I have to be fair: TW's service here (South TX) has been quite good. But if they actually do deprive me of Stewart and Colbert, I b'leeve I will switch me back to some DirecTV.
Posted by: Jerce at December 31, 2008 10:49 AM
This is a serious problem.
Up at school, I have Time Warner cable (students get it for free in the dorms and on-campus apartments). When I am sick or depressed (both happen with unfortunate regularity), the only thing that I am capable of doing is watching five episodes of CSI in a row on Spike, or watching an entire season of 'A shot at love' on VH1 (I think. It's either VH1 or MTV, and both of them are at stake).
I worry for my mental health should I be deprived of either opportunity. If this goes through, and there is news of a bloody massacre at a small liberal arts college upstate New York... that will be me.
Posted by: That Girl at December 31, 2008 10:53 AM
Dirty fightin' goin' on...according to Ms. Finke,
"Viacom also placed full-page advertisement...featuring protests by its media programming characters, including Dora the Explorer who is shown crying because she is being taken away from her fans." [emphasis mine]
This is actually kinda fun.
Posted by: Jerce at December 31, 2008 10:57 AM
yeah, I don't miss cable one iota. I have DirecTV and absolutely love it. In two years, it's only gone out once due to weather. I'm a huge football fan, so NFL Network is pretty important. But, my god--I would be shitting a marbleized turd if someone threatened to take away my Jon Stewart.
Posted by: HJ at December 31, 2008 11:00 AM
There's always Hulu/Comedy Central's website.
Posted by: Carrie at December 31, 2008 11:04 AM
Uh-oh. Accident McGee is drinking at work... Please keep away from letter openers, staplers, thumb tacks, scissors, paper shredders, desk drawers, soup, ummm, you know what? Maybe you should just sit quietly in your chair until it's time to go home? I'm concerned for your safety and that of your poor co-workers....
Happy New Year, TK!
I can live without MTV and most of the other channels, but Comedy Central is my weekend background noise (and The Daily Show is my happy place!) and if there's no VH1 then how will I know what Flavor Flav and Brett Michaels and all of the sundry whores and whackadoos are up to? How? Don't you judge me!
And to the lovely ladies of Paheeba commenting over on my fb, I FREAKING LOVE YOU ALL! It's killing me that I can read it through gmail, but can't comment. Thanks for the laughs, gals!
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 31, 2008 11:08 AM
..and I figure I'm just about four more beers away before I start Samueljacksoning threads MOTHERFUCKERS!
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 31, 2008 11:11 AM
Hmmm...I don't have a working TV--not even rabbit ears--but I watch everything on-line. I'm extremely devoted to The Daily Show and the Colbert Report, for instance. I adore Hulu--all the content minus all but three of the commercials plus viewer comments on the bottom plus webisodes and occasional interviews or deleted scenes. Plus, I have a computer at work and don't have a TV there. It's perfect for me but I realize that I have this question: does viewership on Hulu count toward a show's numbers? Does my rabid devotion get communicated to Comedy Central? How do the numbers work on something like that?
Posted by: eppendork at December 31, 2008 11:12 AM
I worry for my mental health should I be deprived of either opportunity.
If you're regularly watching "A Penicillin Shot at Love," you should be worried about the current state of your mental health, not the future. That's like having a gangrenous foot, and not letting a doctor take a bone saw to it. Sure you may limp for a while, but you can get a prosthetic foot/replacement show that sure as hell won't kill you and make your skin fall off.
(Personal resolution for 2009: work on similes)
Posted by: branded at December 31, 2008 11:14 AM
Just in case anyone hasn't seen it, Barnes & Noble is selling tote bags with Stephen Colbert on them! My knitting bag is now full of truthiness and wikiality.
I bought one of those a few months ago! He hangs in my kitchen and keeps me safe from bears.
Posted by: Julie at December 31, 2008 11:19 AM
And to the lovely ladies of Paheeba commenting over on my fb, I FREAKING LOVE YOU ALL! It's killing me that I can read it through gmail, but can't comment. Thanks for the laughs, gals!
Lainey just loves it when we discuss how tight we are. You're such a dude. :p
Posted by: Julie at December 31, 2008 11:21 AM
"Lainey just loves it when we discuss how tight we are. ..."
*head explodes*
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 31, 2008 11:28 AM
I recommend everyone switch to DirecTV if only b/c I got to watch Friday Night Lights before everyone else.
Posted by: jmurae at December 31, 2008 11:34 AM
Of course I'm drinking at work.
Just one of the many reasons we *heart* TK.
Stupid work computer! I want to read Lainey's fb! Dammit! That's it, I'm quitting my job so I can sit online all day on fb & Pajiba. From my lovely new cardboard box.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 31, 2008 11:34 AM
You're not missing much AvB, we're talking about tight pussies and mac and cheese.
Posted by: Julie at December 31, 2008 11:43 AM
"Lainey just loves it when we discuss how tight we are. ..."
*pick tongue up off floor*
Uh, well, uhm, shit, well, uh....
Posted by: Xtreme at December 31, 2008 11:44 AM
What? It's New Years Eve, and a snow storm to boot. Of course I'm drinking at work.
TK, you are awesome. Good stuff, right?
Lainey, you forgot to remove the tape dispenser.
Posted by: Melody at December 31, 2008 11:49 AM
Yeah, funny part is, it has NOTHING to do with me. They're just launching into their own lascivious, filthy whorish ways...and I LOVE them for it!
PS: While on the subject of Slim's head exploding (not even gonna' go for the easy joke there. Not gonna' do it. Nope. I'm too classy with a k!)- can any of you do a split ACROSS THE ENTIRE FLOOR?? I just wanted to close '08 out with a bang. (again, not gonna' go for the easy joke there.)
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 31, 2008 12:01 PM
Man, I feel bad for all the folks that have shit cable/satellite. I have this SureWest Fiber Optic service and it is AWESOME. About $100/month and I get the tits TV package, high speed internet and my phone service. The service is killer and I don't even have to pay some douchehound my first born son to come out and fix it if it breaks.
I will take the SureWest cock out of my mouth now, thank you.
Posted by: IsiahaTripod at December 31, 2008 12:04 PM
Branded, in my right mind I avoid that drek like the plague. It's only when I'm sick that I function on the necessary level. It keeps the lowest bits of brain functioning on a mental simmer until I'm feeling better.
Besides, I still understand it's a trainwreck when I'm laid flat with mono. My friends have instructions to carry out a mercy killing if I ever lose sight of that fact.
Posted by: That Girl at December 31, 2008 12:04 PM
Seems as though someone has been doing their Kegel exercises.
Posted by: Pookie at December 31, 2008 12:26 PM
Besides, I still understand it's a trainwreck when I'm laid flat with mono. My friends have instructions to carry out a mercy killing if I ever lose sight of that fact.
I really like the idea of having a pull-the-feeding-tube clause in place for shitty television. Right about the time I say something like, "hey honey, thank God 'According to Jim' ended up with the better Belushi brother!" I should get a frying pan to the frontal lobe.
Posted by: branded at December 31, 2008 12:31 PM
Time Warner lost NBC for several weeks here in Austin. They eventually caved and reached an agreement, but by that time, we had switched to AT&T U-verse. We love it. It kicks Time Warner's butt, and bundling cable, internet and phone, we are saving over $100/mo for the same features (for MORE features) over what we had before.
Investigate your options. I wouldn't want to be a stockholder in TWC these days. You can't be the devil for years and expect good things to keep coming to you forever.
My two cents.
Posted by: Darlened at December 31, 2008 12:39 PM
"Lainey just loves it when we discuss how tight we are. ..."
*head explodes*
Posted by BarbadoSlim at December 31, 2008 11:28 AM
Dude, they're just discussing how frugal they are. Right, ladies? Nothing lascivious going on here, no sirree...
*curses self for missing salacious opportunity*
Posted by: Che Grovera at December 31, 2008 12:53 PM
...my wife was telling me for the longest we should go back.
Posted by: Pookie at December 31, 2008 10:32 AM
Pookie...wife...
*head explodes*
Posted by: Che Grovera at December 31, 2008 12:56 PM
"...my wife was telling me for the longest we should go back."
I was under the impression that once you go Pookie, you never go back.
Posted by: firedmyass at December 31, 2008 1:12 PM
I hate Time Warner and they just got over that bullshit thing with NBC. I had to go to a freaking movie theater to watch The Office (if I was feeling rich and didn't want to watch it online the next day. I have weird priorities.)
I should just ditch cable anyway. Between Hulu and Netflix, I don't really need it.
And hold on, Pookie lives in Austin? That explains a lot of the screaming I've been hearing at night.
This is straight up bullshit. As much as I pay for my cable... hell to the no. If this happens, I'm headed right over to DirectTV.
I've been calling the number all morning, but all "circuits are busy". I love that folks are jamming their phone lines. Feel free to join me. 800-762-3786.
Posted by: ciji at December 31, 2008 2:11 PM
There's also a cable company, something-or-another Horizon(s) involved. I have Dish Network, and I think I've only lost signal once in bad weather. Maybe I'm just lucky.
Posted by: Nadha at December 31, 2008 2:55 PM
Sigh.
And of course nothing bad will happen when carriers start charging for different content on the Internet. Which is already the case on your phones, y'all.
Just wait until your cable / phone company decides to charge extra for Pajiba. Or a nickle for anything with the word "boobies" in it.
Of course the way to defeat that one is . . . give it away for free.
Che / Bierce '12
More free boobies for everyone!
Posted by: BierceAmbrose at December 31, 2008 3:25 PM
Good for TW for standing up to rate hikes. For endless repeats of Mad TV? I won't miss any of those channels.
Posted by: grumpyoldman at December 31, 2008 3:29 PM
I've read Viacom's press statement about their plans to pull the MTV/Nickelodeon/Comedy Central networks from the air if Time Warner Cable does not meet their demands for increased fees/revenue. Viacom's sense of corporate responsibility, trying to lay the blame on Time Warner Cable, is shameful and atrocious. They've stated that they expect cable customers to find TWC's resistance to your demands "outrageous." No, it is Viacom that I find outrageous. CHARGE THE ADVERTISERS MORE, not the viewer. The consumers and viewers of Viacom's shows are not commodities with whom they can trade on the value of their company. We should not be the ones who add value to Viacom's bottom line. Too bad if their sales margins are declining. I for one would rather loose their networks forever than have to pay a higher cable bill. If Viacom can't agree to TWC's terms... I say good riddance.
Posted by: FMS NYC at December 31, 2008 3:32 PM
If my baby girl doesn't get her Noggin in the morning Ima gonna have to kill some people.
Posted by: JP (now L.O.V.E.) at December 31, 2008 3:40 PM
Che / Bierce '12 More free boobies for everyone!
Posted by: BierceAmbrose at December 31, 2008 3:25 PM
Now that's a ticket I can get behind, BierceAmbrose! I'm all for more free boobies, too -- but where are you finding free ones today? The boobies in the Midwest are all buried under layers and layers of protective covering...nothing free here at all.
Posted by: Che Grovera at December 31, 2008 3:47 PM
Attention Pajiba Overlords: It would appear that your Shill/Plant Filter is malfunctioning (see FMS NYC). Please correct this deficit with all haste. Thank you.
Posted by: Jerce at December 31, 2008 4:07 PM
Listen. I ask for very little. I don't need a fancy car. I am not crazy about expensive jewelry or even expensive booze. I need my goddamn cable channels.
What's that you say? I have 100's of channels and nothing good is on? Well fuck you. I paid for those channels. Spike. BET. The fifth or sixth friggin un damn necessary ESPN Channel.
I. Do. Not. Care. I want them all. I want them now, or there will be hell to pay. I live in the great cold northeast and if I am going to be in semi-hibernation for the next 5 months I need to know that all of my options are completely wide open for my television viewing. You want me to read a book? I read when my tv is on. Okay?
Time Warner and Viacom better get it together.
Posted by: greer at December 31, 2008 4:09 PM
I was really pissed (like, havin' a stroke pissed) about this when I heard about it on the local morning newscast I was broadcasting this morning, but then, I calmed down (to below stroke levels) when I remembered that Time-Warner covers the other side of the Tri-County region; I'm on Comcast.
But, that don't mean Comcast won't follow-suit, if Time-Warner holds.
Fuckin' BUTTholes...
Posted by: Rykker at December 31, 2008 4:46 PM
and, yes, I am slightly retarded.
(I blame the childhood CP, and somewhat lean adulthood socializing. I'd label myself one o' them-there 'Twatwaffles,' if'n I was totally without charm (which'n I ain't; bu'cha gotta get to know me, to know that, and I ain't done such a great job o' fraternizin' 'round these parts, as o' yet) -- plus, I'm kinna drubnk at the moment; jus' tryin' to fit in to the Pajiban mold...)
Posted by: Rykker at December 31, 2008 5:05 PM
That's okay Rykker...
*holds Rykker's hair back*
Posted by: greer at December 31, 2008 5:44 PM
Yeah, South Park needs to end. It's one of the best shows ever created, but it's run its course and the really good episodes are rare now.
Posted by: Lucas at December 31, 2008 8:03 PM
This is the last freaking straw. I'm writing my landlord and begging them to drop my building's contract with Time Warner.
I cancelled the bastards' service in November because they screwed up my bill and I couldn't talk to the correct person to fix it. At. All. I first got transferred to billing, who then said, "well, you didn't pay part of your bill (because it wasn't a service I had with them--of course I'm not going to pay that crap!), so you're going to have to talk to collections." Collections then proceeds to say, "well, this is a billing error, so you're going to have to speak to billing!" Back at billing, they can't touch anything because collections has frozen my account, and then collections proceeds to tell me that they can't correct billing issues. Back and forth, back and forth.
Half the time, billing or collections would transfer me to a line that hung up in my ear or went to some other kind of dead end (the wrong department or an answering machine that would NEVER call you back).
I finally asked one of the little turds if there was anyone who was over both billing AND collections who could correct my issue all at once. There isn't! Well, there isn't according to every idiot from Time Warner I spoke with. No, there wasn't a physical office where I could complain about either department's epic fail, either. Their office in my town would just put me on the phone with someone I've probably already spoken with from the same inept departments. Apparently billing and collections are two separate (possibly outsourced?) entities--what kind of retarded company does this to its customer service department?
Oh, and don't get me started about their promises of 24-hour customer service, either. Basic help with your box and on demand type stuff is 24-hour. The people I needed to talk to were NEVER there outside of my busy hours of the day. I don't want to skip school or a meeting or whatever to talk to you bastards. I want to chew you out when I get home, and when I have time. Just like I expected when I went with a company that advertises 24-hour customer service, damn it!
Dealing with their damn phone system would drive anyone nuts. Pardon the master's thesis on epic fails, but I hope they're the next company to fail, and I hope the feds fart in their general direction if they ask for a bailout. Now they've taken away channels, some of which (COLBERT!!!) are people's (read: my) only reason for signing up for cable in the first place? It's the cable company's responsibility to get their negotiating done BEFORE the shit hits the fan, and it's their responsibility to deliver the channels that customers signed up for. This blackout nonsense is absolutely irresponsible, and I hope it blows up in their face.
As the original post said, for the assraping they charge for their services, and for their complete lack of adequate customer service, they can certainly afford to pay Viacom whatever the fuck Viacom's demanding. They sure as hell aren't spending a cent of it improving their customer service.
BTW, if you're in an apartment building that has a proprietary contract with TWC, I'd love you to join me in writing in to your owner to drop the contract. They have a monopoly on a lot of the buildings where I live and I'm certain that's why they charge so damn much for so damn little. They know you have to go with them no matter what. Bastards!
Posted by: Death to TWC at January 1, 2009 5:56 PM
Death to TWC, that was awesome. I love a good rant. I have Charter, and as annoying as they are, they must be worlds better than TWC.
Posted by: rlr260 at January 1, 2009 6:28 PM
You people still pay for TV? Daily Show/ Colbert Report in their entirety w/limited commercials: hulu.com.
Fuck Time Warner. Dump them. Perfect excuse now. Otherwise, you're just whining.
Posted by: Marc at January 2, 2009 11:46 AM
Video ads popping up after each page view? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
Haven't we seen this kind of pissing match a dozen times before in as many years--every time some contract comes up for renewal between a content provider and a cable service?
One side always airs some dire threat about how the other side is going to take your Matlock away, or whatever. It's a bargaining ploy, nothing more.
This does not mean that I don't hate the shit out of Time Warner, though. Viacom as well, come to that.