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Three Stooges Movie | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Two Stooges Make a Movie About Three

Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | November 6, 2008 | Comments (24)

The Farrelly Brothers news is coming fast and furious, which is a spectacularly unfortunate happening here on the Paj. Why? The Farrelly Brothers are buttholes. That’s why. After announcing last week that they were making a film about a farting dog starring a musical trio formed from the flesh of a perfect ass, The Jonas Brothers, they’ve announced this week that they are kick-starting their production of a Three Stooges movie into high gear. They’ve even got an official release date and everything: November 20, 2009, up against Robert Downey, Jrs.’ Sherlock Holmes film. Man, that’s going to be a fun weekend to assign reviews. Not it.

Hell. How many people under the age of 25 even know who the Three Stooges are? I admit that I liked them moderately when I was 9, and only then because they made my father laugh and laughter is contagious. But then again, my father wasn’t a very bright man, bless his gay little heart. And his comedy threshold was spectacularly low. Like every other father born during Eisenhower’s administration, he thought it was funny to blame gas on other people.

For those unfamiliar, the Stooges were a three-man vaudeville act, with various iterations (mostly Moe, Larry, and Curly, and then later Shemp) that starred in 190 shorts and about 20 feature-length films in the early-to-mid 20th century, all of which were strikingly similar: They abused one another. They hit, gouged, and bit each other ad nauseum to the infinite glee of movie audiences. I have no idea what was funny about them. There was nothing approaching a plot in their films, but they were nevertheless strangely amusing.

Here’s a taste:

The Farrelly Brothers will never, ever manage to duplicate it. In part, because there aren’t any comedic actors capable of that level of physical humor. They’ll no doubt cast Ben Stiller, probably as Moe. Perhaps Jack Black or Dan Fogler as Curly. And Seth Rogen as Larry. But also in part because the Three Stooges are remake-proof. It’s like remaking To Kill a Mockingbird. You just don’t do it. OK.


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Comments

You do realize you just jinxed To Kill a Mockingbird, right?

Also, you added a "How" to the title.

Posted by: lizzieborden at November 6, 2008 11:28 AM

Wasn't there already a TV movie staring Vic Mackey as Curley?

Never saw it. Won't see this either.

My buddies and were just discussing last night how rare it is for great comedic filmmakers to produce funny films for more than about 5 years before they lose it. Farrely Brothers, Reitman, and Zanucks come to mind. Mel Brooks is a notable exception. We'll see about Apatow.

Posted by: Ed Newman at November 6, 2008 11:31 AM

Let's cast a shitty remake of "To Kill a Mockingbird"! It would be the perfect, corny post-Obama Hollywood move.

Okay, I must admit that I *did* watch "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" last night, but it's only because I started it a few weeks ago b/c I was embarrassed for never having seen it.

Posted by: samantha t at November 6, 2008 11:37 AM

Pshhaw. Shemp was never a stooge. OBVIOUSLY. He was a plant by the government to infiltrate the stooges. That's why he sucked.

This could break my soul.

Posted by: Captain Steve at November 6, 2008 11:48 AM

I'm pretty sure Shemp was the original third stooge. Curly is just the most popular. And if I remember correctly, Curly Joe replaced Curly (Scooby Doo Meets The Three Stooges anyone?)

La da deeee la da dee

Posted by: JH at November 6, 2008 12:02 PM

That's who replaced Curly? Wow, when I watched that episode I thought Curly Joe was a Scooby joke. Really, between Scooby and the Smurfs, I figured all the writers were wasted, and what can you expect from someone higher than Jesus?

Posted by: Captain Steve at November 6, 2008 12:06 PM

As a continuation of yesterday's diversion, my brother called me Shemp for several years while I was in grade school and jr. high. He never had any real reasoning behind it, except that he thought it was a funny name to call his kid sister...

Posted by: kizzer at November 6, 2008 12:11 PM

No no no, Joe Besser FTW!

Actually, I don't have any favorites. I felt slightly alienated by a Mike Nelson essay on how the Stooges are simply a guy thing that can't be explained or understood, but it still IS. But Mike, I said, the Stooges say nothing to me about my life! I fly the Marx flag.

So a Stooges movie would be just be an extra layer of disinterest (which I suppose is fortunate in that I'm not dreading the mangling of something precious to me), but now I've gone and had "The Curly Shuffle" pop back into my head.

G'head. Look up the video and remember it too. Remember how much it was on TV (those of you d'un certain age). Remember the pain.

Quick, someone get me Rufus T. Firefly's cabinet meeting!

Posted by: Jay at November 6, 2008 12:17 PM

How many people know who they are under the age of 25? What kind of question is that?

I don't know anyone that I come in contact with who does not know who the Three Stooges are (judging by their reactions to my blatant ripping off of their physical schtick and one liners to gracefully get out of tough situations), and I work part time at the local high school. You know, where they think Chicago is an old movie because it totally came out before they were in High School?

Posted by: Robert at November 6, 2008 1:00 PM

rumor here in chicago is that they are holding "American Idol" style casting auditions for the role of ...uh, Curly maybe. I forget which, but one of them might be an unknown...cue shitty "reality" show in 5, 4, 3...

Posted by: Jen Vegas at November 6, 2008 1:22 PM

Thanks a fucking bunch, Rowles. Not only is my productivity for the day shot because I'm going to be youtubing Stooges all day but you bring word that some dumb shmucks are going to be laying a big heaping Cleveland Steamer on my beloved Stooges?

Bless her heart, Ma Helmet introduced us brothers Helmet to the Stooges when we were wee. It takes a brave woman to give 3 young lads that kind of exemplary abuse and mayhem. She was never the same after that...

Posted by: lordhelmet at November 6, 2008 1:48 PM

Larry is really the underappreciated Stooge. He was like the Keith Richards of Stooges.
"Hey Moe, I'm on the heroin again."
"You gotta get ya blood clean you mook!" *Bonk*
"Aww Zuckums"

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 6, 2008 1:49 PM

My daughter is 23 and I made sure she was well-educated in the classics -- Stooges, Marx Bros., Looney Toons, Python. She's remarkably well-adjusted, considering ...

I came up with the theory that the guys vs. girls thing was because the Stooges represent a family:

Father/hardline authority figure = Moe

Mother/male feminine side = Larry

Baby = Curly

Guys, of course, identify with Moe, handing out the abuse. Girls identify with Larry, the frequent target of the abuse. Babies don't identify with anybody cause they're fuckin' BABIES! They don't even know what "identify" means! They couldn't identify themselves in a fuckin' MIRROR ...

Oh, sorry. Well, that's my theory and I'm stickin' to it. Ah, don't like it, eh? Pick two ...

On a side note, there's a band in my town with a song called "Why, I Oughta ..."

Posted by: bucdaddy at November 6, 2008 2:18 PM

butthole.
!

Posted by: delurker at November 6, 2008 2:23 PM

I was always confused as to who the 3 Stooges were because there seemed to be way more than three of them.

Per Wikipedia:

The Three Stooges act originally featured Moe Howard (born Harry [Moshe] Moses Horwitz), brother Shemp Howard (born [Shmuel] Samuel Horwitz), and longtime friend Larry Fine (born Louis [Levi] Feinberg). Shemp was later replaced by brother Curly Howard (born Jerome Lester [Yehudah-Leib] Horwitz) in 1933. When Curly suffered a debilitating stroke in 1946, Shemp rejoined the act. After Shemp's death in 1955, he was replaced by bald-headed comedian Joe Besser, after the use of stuntman Joe Palma to record several "Shemp" shorts after his death. Eventually Joe "Curly-Joe" DeRita (born Joseph Wardell) would replace him. After Larry suffered a serious stroke in 1970 he was unable to continue performing. Emil Sitka, a longtime actor in Stooge comedies, was contracted to replace Larry--but no film was ever made with him in the role, although publicity photographs exist of him with his hair combed similarly to Larry's posing with Moe and Curly-Joe. However, Larry's paralyzing stroke in 1970 effectively marked the end of the act. He died in January 1975. Moe died of cancer a few months later.

Posted by: BWeaves at November 6, 2008 2:29 PM

Bucdaddy, for such a service, your daughters owe you such gratitude that you should never want for a cold beer in your hand, foot or shoulder rub after a hard day's golf, and permanent control of the remote control in your favourite chair, with neverending steak, ribs, pizza, and megaburgers always ready. Hail, father of perfection!

(psst - find me on FB)

Posted by: lordhelmet at November 6, 2008 2:32 PM

I knew about this movie months ago.... I know someone who's a producer. Before the Farrelly Brothers were scheduled to direct, Tom Cruise was in talks to play one of the brothers. So BOO-YA!

Posted by: Ariel at November 6, 2008 4:46 PM

Awww, fuck. Next thing you know, it's going to be Tom Cruise as Moe, Minime as Curly, and motherfucking douchewad Carrot Top as Larry. At this point, a giant maw will open up in the middle of the U.S. and the goddamn Jonas brothers will rise up as Hell's triumvirate, laughing because this broke the last fucking seal.

Posted by: Captain Steve at November 6, 2008 7:13 PM

As part of the under 25 set, I'm proud to say that I know who they are (my Dad bought a box set when we first got a DVD player, I'm unsure why he chose that to showcase DVDs' superiority to VHS). Also didn't Curly die of a stroke possibly caused by being hit over the head too much? You just don't see that kind of commitment out of modern actors.

Posted by: Chugga at November 6, 2008 7:57 PM

lordhelmet,

"DaughterS" as in plural?

Um ... You must know something I don't. Now I have to investigate facebook.

Posted by: bucdaddy at November 6, 2008 10:08 PM

Heh heh. Shemp. I forgot that's where the Bruce Campbell/Sam Raimi term "shemping" came from.

Posted by: Alexandra at November 6, 2008 11:34 PM

lordhelmet,

I bopped over there and, meh, I already spend 2/3 of my day here, I don't have the time to try to figure out who's who among 820something friends, unless ... is there something special about you? Do I know you in nonPajibalife or something? Geez, I only know, like, three other people on earth that I'm not directly related to, so if you're one of them drop a hint, dammit ...

Posted by: bucdaddy at November 7, 2008 12:02 AM

johnnysalami.net is the right to play curley a great comic who looks like curley

Posted by: johnnysalami at December 8, 2008 6:04 PM

There Were 6 Stooges all together. Moe,Larry,Curly,Shemp,Curly Joe and Joe Besser.

Posted by: Phil Wright at February 18, 2009 2:59 PM





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