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November 6, 2008 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | November 6, 2008 |

The Farrelly Brothers news is coming fast and furious, which is a spectacularly unfortunate happening here on the Paj. Why? The Farrelly Brothers are buttholes. That’s why. After announcing last week that they were making a film about a farting dog starring a musical trio formed from the flesh of a perfect ass, The Jonas Brothers, they’ve announced this week that they are kick-starting their production of a Three Stooges movie into high gear. They’ve even got an official release date and everything: November 20, 2009, up against Robert Downey, Jrs.’ Sherlock Holmes film. Man, that’s going to be a fun weekend to assign reviews. Not it.

Hell. How many people under the age of 25 even know who the Three Stooges are? I admit that I liked them moderately when I was 9, and only then because they made my father laugh and laughter is contagious. But then again, my father wasn’t a very bright man, bless his gay little heart. And his comedy threshold was spectacularly low. Like every other father born during Eisenhower’s administration, he thought it was funny to blame gas on other people.

For those unfamiliar, the Stooges were a three-man vaudeville act, with various iterations (mostly Moe, Larry, and Curly, and then later Shemp) that starred in 190 shorts and about 20 feature-length films in the early-to-mid 20th century, all of which were strikingly similar: They abused one another. They hit, gouged, and bit each other ad nauseum to the infinite glee of movie audiences. I have no idea what was funny about them. There was nothing approaching a plot in their films, but they were nevertheless strangely amusing.

Here’s a taste:

The Farrelly Brothers will never, ever manage to duplicate it. In part, because there aren’t any comedic actors capable of that level of physical humor. They’ll no doubt cast Ben Stiller, probably as Moe. Perhaps Jack Black or Dan Fogler as Curly. And Seth Rogen as Larry. But also in part because the Three Stooges are remake-proof. It’s like remaking To Kill a Mockingbird. You just don’t do it. OK.

Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk / Dustin Rowles

Industry | November 6, 2008 |

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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