Three Musketeers: The Video-Game Movie?
And Other Headlines from the World of Movies /
Dustin Rowles
Trade News | September 2, 2009 | Comments (20)
More evidence that God doesn’t exist? Paul W.S. Anderson, the tiny addled brain behind Mortal Kombat and Resident Evil is inexplicably bringing back the Three Musketeers. Again. He’s apparently unaware that Stephen Herek’s 1993 version can never be topped: Keifer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, Chris O’Donnell, and Oliver Platt? That right there, folks, was a cinematic experience! Who needs an enema? That movie could flush any man’s bowels.
Anyway, Anderson thinks he can breathe new life into a tired old franchise that no one gives a shit about by making it into a 3D movie. And here I thought Anderson only did video-game movies? Perhaps someone will have to first turn the Three Musketeers into a video game before he can properly adapt it. And then proceed to massacre that adaptation. Circle of life.
Anderson’s version will apparently be “rich in eye-popping action, romance and adventure.” And it will also be modernized, yet still set in the appropriate era. I’m not sure how he plans to do that, but I suspect it will look something like “A Knight’s Tale,, only much, much worse.
Andrew Davies (Bridget Jones Diary) is set to pen the script along with Anderson.
In much better news, Stephen Frears (The Grifters, High Fidelity) has decided to adapt Posy Simmonds’ acclaimed graphic novel Tamara Drewe for the big screen. More importantly, it will star Gemma Arterton, who you may know as Quantum of Solace’s Strawberry Fields or the woman that is featured prominently in many a man’s nighttime fantasies. She will play Drewe, a sexy flirt who returns to her small country village and stirs up dark passions among the locals. Dominic Cooper, Roger Allam, Luke Evans, Bill Camp and Tamsin Greig will also star.
Meanwhile, that fat fuck over at AICN is reporting that Marvel is considering converting Iron Man 2 into 3D. In other words, this is not news. Also, a bad idea. 3D is still a gimmick, mostly for horror movies and kiddie films, and converting something into 3D that was filmed in 2D doesn’t look that great, and Marvel is not dumb enough to risk fucking up a good thing. It looks great for CGI films, but it still looks a little cheesy in live-action movies.
Finally, here’s a nice little featurette for Wes Anderson’s Fantastic Mr. Fox, narrated by Jason Schwartzman. The most fascinating thing about it is the revelation that the voice work was done, not in a sound studio, but on location. At a farm. And the actors, actually, seemed to duplicate the character’s movements. All of which is to say: That might be a more interesting film to watch.
Comments
Posted by: George at September 2, 2009 11:37 AM
Fuck 3D, man. What, it's not bad enough that I have to sell bone marrow to pay for a damn popcorn, now I have to pay an extra 5 bucks for a ticket, and I have to wear glasses that make me look like the worlds biggest dipshit while talentless actors eye fuck me to death?
A line needs to be drawn somewhere, and unless you're planning on making a total cinematic abortion (My Bloody Valentine 3D), 3D contributes nothing but expen- sive popcorn filled vomit cluttering seat isles, and a visual medium for the fucking Jonas Brothers to ejaculate all over the audience with a fire-hose.