This Television News Has Given Me Violent Convulsions. Please Join Me in a Seizure!
Why? Because, according to THR, they're seeking to reboot, remake, reinvent, and/or bastardize Heathers, the seminal 1988 teen comedy, as a television series.
How f**king dare you, Bravo. Are you pulling my dick? Heathers? What is your damage? Is this just a spoke in Bravo's menstrual cycle? What is the upchuck factor on that?
Worse yet, they're changing it from Heathers to Ashleys. How very.
In the updated take, Heathers picks up 20 years later, with Veronica (Ryder's character) returning home to Sherwood with her teenage daughter, who must contend with the next generation of mean girls: the Ashleys: the daughters of the surviving Heathers.
Well, f*ck me gently with a chainsaw. What-a-cruel-world-let's-toss-ourselves-in-the-abyss type of idea.