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This Is Why Hollywood Deserves To Be Devoured By Rabid Lampreys: Tom Cruise Confirmed For One Shot

By TK | Posted Under Trade News | Comments (25)

tom-cruise1.jpg

The thing is, crazy Xenu-worshipping and robot-bride aside, I actually like Tom Cruise. And yet for me, this will go down as one of the worst casting decisions ever.

We talked a few weeks ago about how Tom Cruise was, bizarrely, circling the adaptation of Lee Child’s novel, One Shot. And now it’s confirmed that Cruise will play the part of Jack Reacher, the hardnosed, grizzled, utterly badass ex-military policeman who shiftlessly wanders the country, getting into adventures and beating the ever-living fuck out of everyone who gets in his way.

Reacher, by the way, is listed in the novels as 6’5” and 250 pounds.

And we’ve got Tom fucking Cruise playing the part. It’s not that I have a problem seeing Tom Cruise in an action movie — I like 2/3 of the Mission: Impossible movies enough to enjoy him when he’s cast properly. He’s great in Minority Report, too. He’s just so utterly, unbelievably wrong for this film it’s fucking mindboggling.

This is one of those instances where we truly see what a mentally deficient, brain-raping baby Huey that Hollywood is. Producers don’t give a fuck about source material, they don’t give a fuck about readers, they don’t give a fuck, period. They’ll just take something and adapt it because it’s popular, but then they’ll promptly soak the book in kerosene, set it on fire, and force it down the throat of a random hobo. Whatever that hobo shits out? That’s what we’re getting. This is like the botched adaptation of The Dresden Files on a multimillion dollar scale.

The truth is, this may well be a good movie. It’s directed by Christopher McQuarrie, and that’s good, I suppose. But no matter what happens, this will never be a good movie about Jack Reacher, because the size and physical presence of Reacher is so integral to the character. It makes you ask - just make a different goddamn movie and have Cruise star in it. Because I assume they’re making One Shot because they want to capitalize on the books’ popularity. But if that’s the case, why cast midget-boy? People who know the books are going to be baffled. I sure as hell am. Not to mention en-fucking-raged.

In short, to quote Public Enemy, “fuck Hollywood, man.”

(via Slashfilm)









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Comments

i wonder if this size issue will addressed in the future using Avatar CGI and Underworld leg extension.

i hear you but seriously, how many "6’5” and 250 pounds" guys you know dat can actually act and bring in the attention and money needed to justify its original cost in the first place?

i wanna say Alexander Skarsgård but he's still lacking by an inch and as for international name recognition......I dun think TruBlood is dat popular. Vampire Diaries, maybe.

Posted by: haplo at July 18, 2011 9:09 AM

Because of the handful of people in Hollywood with that kind of size, Hemsworth is busy and they'd never allow Ving Rhames or Michael Clark Duncan to headline a major production. Maybe Will Smith could do it, but he's otherwise occupied by watching his children devour all of time and space.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 18, 2011 9:11 AM

I'm glad someone else was as disappointed with the adaptation of The Dresden Files as I was...

Posted by: Heather at July 18, 2011 9:14 AM

The hell you say! I am not even a little amused by these shenanigans. Jack Reacher? Tom Cruise? Really? I mean.. it's just.. ah, fuck it. I'm going back to bed.

Posted by: Reba at July 18, 2011 9:26 AM

Oh, what the hell. Just cast Peter Dinklage. He'd be awesome. Just do some creative "Hagrid with Harry / Gandalf with the hobbits" style trick photo shots and you're all done.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 18, 2011 10:06 AM

" utterly badass ex-military policeman who shiftlessly wanders the country, getting into adventures and beating the ever-living fuck out of everyone who gets in his way."

Just, off the top of my head:

The Rock aka "Dwayne Johnson"
Statham
Thomas Jane
Schwarzenegger
Willis
Lungren

all more believable than Cruise for this.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 18, 2011 10:19 AM

I think it's pretty obvious TK has been reading the new Tale of Fire and Ice book since all of his recent posts have mentioned lampreys.

Posted by: aroorda at July 18, 2011 10:26 AM

I tend to picture Josh Holloway or Thomas Jane in the role. Now if I just had studio backing or clout or any kind of relevance in the industry...

Posted by: Bates at July 18, 2011 10:43 AM

I'm not as upset about this casting choice as Reba because I don't know the books, but I am very tired and I have a cold. May I go back to bed too?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 18, 2011 10:46 AM

To be fair, Cruise did rock the Casbah like Matt Damon's Bourne in Collateral. Granted, it did take a good hour of two-in-the-chest-one-in-the-head moments before it was actually believable.

Posted by: RobP at July 18, 2011 11:10 AM

How close would it have to be? My first thought was Eric Bana. He's 6'2" though. However...if he got to Troy size he could easily fit the role.

On a related note: I'm going to start the Jack Reacher series soon for the Cannonball.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at July 18, 2011 11:37 AM

Joe Manganiello (True Blood) is 6'5"

Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at July 18, 2011 11:43 AM

Burn, Hollywood, burn.

Posted by: , at July 18, 2011 12:42 PM

I would rather them cast an unknown for this part, this is a role that could really make someone's career. I think all of the Reacher books have been optioned for movies. I don't really care if the guy is exactly 6'5" and 250 lbs, but I can imagine that if they really tried, they could come up with something a little closer than Tom Cruise. I am disgusted. And baffled. And en-fucking-raged.

Posted by: Laura at July 18, 2011 12:46 PM

Reacher's size is a huge part of who he is. He never feels threatened. It never enters his mind that he might lose, even if he is unarmed and facing six men with guns. Cruise is a good actor, but he'll never be able to sell that.

I also don't get why they picked One Shot out of all the Reacher books. A lot less action than most.

I'd have gone with The Killing Floor or Echo Burning.

Posted by: The Mutt at July 18, 2011 1:28 PM

Reacher's size is a huge part of who he is. He never feels threatened. It never enters his mind that he might lose, even if he is unarmed and facing six men with guns. Cruise is a good actor, but he'll never be able to sell that.

ok, i'll join the upset camp now.

Posted by: haplo at July 18, 2011 1:59 PM

idris elba is only 6'2", but I think the point is that it is difficult to make cruise seem physically imposing (unlike elba). without that visual, the story has to strain. maybe they will offer some solution. (they will not.)

Posted by: hattie at July 18, 2011 2:04 PM

Thank you Hattie! "Physically imposing" is an excellent term that I was really trying to think of for my previous post! There is no way Cruise is physically imposing enough to capture the Reacher character.

Posted by: Laura at July 18, 2011 2:07 PM

"Jack Reacher, the hardnosed, grizzled, utterly badass ex-military policeman who shiftlessly wanders the country, getting into adventures and beating the ever-living fuck out of everyone who gets in his way."

I find it very difficult to give a shit who they cast in this innovative, original role.

Posted by: RudeMorgue at July 18, 2011 2:08 PM

God damn you, Cruise. God damn you to hell.

I'm very fond of this series and I'm already getting pissed off at the potential crapfest this is going to be.

Cameron Diaz would make a better Reacher than this dwarf.

Posted by: snapnhiss at July 18, 2011 5:10 PM

I can swear I read this same article back in 1993 when he was cast as a 6 foot tall, blonde vampire from France - and subsequently acted the shit out of that movie.

Posted by: quoipourquoi at July 18, 2011 5:17 PM

"I can swear I read this same article back in 1993 when he was cast as a 6 foot tall, blonde vampire from France - and subsequently acted the shit out of that movie."

^Bravo!!!!!!!

Posted by: Still Cathy After All These Years at July 18, 2011 5:50 PM

Yes, you're right... he was very good at acting effete.

Posted by: snapnhiss at July 18, 2011 6:19 PM

Physically that role cries out for Dwayne Johnson. At this point I think Cruise is deliberately going after roles like this in some kind of freakish denial of his age.

It's true, he is impressively in shape for how old he is, and he clearly attempts in earnest to fill his action roles (I actually thought he was fantastic in Collateral, but that was more of a mental character than a physical one).

And good lord yes, Dresden files just let me staring at the screen mumbling "what was that?" for minutes afterwards. I mean Bob...come on seriously, I was ok with him not being a skull, but it was a complete whiff in terms of the character as well.

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at July 18, 2011 6:34 PM

Wait. The Dresden Files came out on film? I would be upset at my lack of awareness, but after reading the comments about it I'm grateful. Ignorance really can be pretty blissful at times.

I'm gonna go do some research about this "Reacher" character. The things you miss...

Posted by: Four Eyes at July 19, 2011 2:12 AM