Pajiba

Harsh but fair.

Amen.

There oughta be a law....

Here, I'll add to the curses: may they have an insanely itchy crotch every single day for the rest of their lives and may they live to be 104.*

*For women, this curse would involve itching so intense that they invent the Vagina Rake and for men, this curse would cause them to actually scratch their junk right OFF.

I adore this movie, and I'm not a huge John Carpenter fan. I could watch the fight scene over and over again.

But I don't put this on the fire-up-the-Murdertank scale of atrocity. It was a good movie, an entertaining movie -- but not a sacred movie. Sure, the remake will almost certainly suck, but we'll still have the original to enjoy, and nobody's going to make me watch the remake. It'll likely just fade away into laughable obscurity like so many other shitty remakes.

*Calculon style* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

who in the fucking WORLD will ever be able to do only things and then run out of the rubbery confectionary required to do one of them implying that he will compensate by doing an ass load of the other thing?!?!?!

WHo will EVER be as perfect in that role as Roddy?! HIS NICKNAME IS ROWDY!!NO ONE IS ROWDY ANY MORE!!! Who's it gonna be, AntiSocial Ashton Kutcher?!
YOU TAKE DAISIES AND YOU DO THIS!?!?!?!?!?!

Okay. That Settles it. Pajibans?! which one of you did it!? which one of you killed the dog or relative or car of some all powerful Hollywood exec!?

because this is punishment and i KNOW i didnt do it.

So make yourself known.
its the only way to stop this madness

Time for another Horrendous Picture...remember how they were going to do a Red Dawn remake?! Well, couple that with a They Live remake and I give you this...

Summer Dump Picture: "Code Name: Drain Snake" - Scheduled for an August 2012 release

As the war in Iraq rages on, and ineffectual politicians promise "change" and "hope", one man fights the good fight here at home...Samuel Wurtzelbacher, aka Joe the Plumber (himself). Armed with his plunger, a .45, and his bad assed physique, he's gonna show the world that his colors don't run.

When terrorists seize Washington D.C. as predicted by Sean Hannity (himself), Sean then starts "The Conservative Underground". Armed to the teeth with faulty intel, their own staunchly conservative beliefs, and folksy downhome wisdom, they activate their best operative. Joe the Plumber, aka "Drain Snake", sets off to Washington with his fellow gun toting, kick assed Republican sidekick...Sarah Palin (herself).

Together, they storm a capital overrun by terrorists and gays in an effort to rescue Senator John McCain (himself, courtesy of the Jim Henson Creature Shop) from brainwashed Hollywood celebrities, minorities, and other undesirables. Culminating in a showdown with President Barack Obama (Denzel Washington) at the top of the Washington Monument, Drain Snake is gonna share the wealth...OF PAIN!

(Please Note: Since the Obama Victory, we've been debating whether to dump this picture DTV or if we should just release it to "limited markets" comprised of Red States. This will be a point of order at the next staff meeting. Also, if reshoots are to be done in order to change the picture's admittedly unrealistic ending, we're going to need to give the Henson Creature Shop at least five weeks worth of prep time. The arms on the McCain animatronic aren't working properly.)

Robert , i hope you Kitty-punched that bitch for such blasphemy !!!

You suck Satan's cock in hell. You go and you suck Satan's cock IN HELL.

I am going to drive to Hollywood and tear a hole in your scumfucking chest cavities with my teeth and bathe in the filthy goo inside.

I hope your dick grows spikes and fucks you in your own ass.

And this is why I *heart* TK. I couldn't have said it any better myself. This is the worst idea of my life.

Robert's first two points said it best.

I wish I could muster the outrage for this one, I really do, but the remake apathy has gotten to me. The linked article also includes news of remakes of Romancing the Stone and Arthur.

Imagine if there was an announced remake of Big Trouble in Little China? We'd have to sedate TK and put him in a home. In my case, I have a neat scotch and a bottle of sleeping pills waiting.

The Thing remake is bad news, but let's face it, Hollywood remakes horror and horror-sci fi at least every 20 years, good or bad. Invasion of the Body Snatchers has been remade 3 times for Christ's sake, so it was inevitable. They Live is much more disturbing. There is no possible reason to remake it. The stars aligned for the original, and those conditions can't be replicated. But I just don't have the energy anymore to fight. They are storming EVERY FUCKING WALL.

Just remake Gone With The Wind, the Wizard of Oz, The Godfather. Just get it over with. Nothing is sacred.

Why? Seriously why? i just watched this 2 weeks ago on demand and i was effing stoked. The alley fight has to be one of the BEST goddamn fight scenes in cinema history. I am completely serious. Put it up against the big fight in iThe Quiet Man, Any Which Way You Can, any Chuck Norris movie, anything with Van Damme and it fucking holds water. It may be the best ever. It's just visceral and angry and it's probably the closest thing to a real street fight on film.

And a remake of The Thing?!!?! You think you can do it better Hollywood? i watch this movie at LEAST once a month. Rob Bottin's FX are still legit as all get out and look better than half the shit that get's green-screened nowadays. And this movie does something that horror movies these days don't do. It's scares you. I watch it now and STILL get creeped out. Thanks Hollywood. Thanks for raping my memories and sodomizing me with you big WB-schmegma-covered stinkfist.

I hope whomever directs this movie crashed into a gas truck. I'm gonna go back in time, find you as a baby and roll you over in your sleep so you die a fucking crib death.

Kayanne, you and Admin are shining examples of what Horrendous Pictures stands for. (Oh, and while you're here, do you have any idea who we'd have to romance to become the "Official Studio" of Pajiba? I'm not sure if we should go the direct route to Mr. Rowles, or if we need to throw it open to a vox populi vote.)

Not only is the studio going to cover your rehab, but it will also pay for the drugs and alcohol to put you there. Consider it as grease on the wheels as you star in Firelight, you're gonna need it to get through shooting.

Fun story: My best friend once told me that Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo drank heavily while shooting Super Mario Bros., so they could make it through the day. This not only furthers my respect for both of those gentlemen, but makes me wonder what Dennis Hopper did to get through the days.

TK, I do hate being a pessimist in these situations, and I feel as you do about that movie. However, the inevitability of the spread of remakeorrhea (the rampant STD that causes ill-conceived remakes) scares me.

My impending summary execution is dully noted. I only ask that you stay away from the face, as I haven't chosen between casket or cremation.

Yes, sansho1, that is exactly what I very confusingly said.

Everyone buy one pack of bubblegum (because I've boycotted being out of bubblegum), and keep it in your pocket at all times. Do not chew it, as I have also boycotted that. If someone makes fun of you for carrying around a pack of gum all the time but not chewing it, do not kick their ass, as that is also boycotted.

That is all.

Ohh, you haven't even begun to comprehend the flow of Yoohoo ass that Hollywood is about to unleash upon us. Here's just a taste of the poo sandwhich with poo dressing and poo brownie their about to serve up:

The Creature from the Black Lagoon
Arthur (with Russell "that douche from the MTV awards" Brand)
Romancing the Stone
Soylent Green (only has a chance of they rewrite it to say "Soylent Green is Hollywood Exec's!")
Captain Blood (I think only Dustin is old enough to remember this one. Was it in color, Dustin?)

Mike R. I have consulted the Ouija board and spoken with someone named "Bob". He advises that we should lobby the overlords as a whole. We shall bring excessive amounts liquor of various types and perhaps a lady of the night or two. High class ones, like $50-$100 an hour high class. Also, puppies for the ladies. By puppies I mean man whores of the RDJ variety. We all know who really runs this show and lets Dustin out to play.

Kayanne while I have faith in your abilities to navigate the downward spiral, I have to insist on a handler. As such I will have to be with you at all times to ensure the Paps have every opportunity to photograph you in your drug and alcohol fueled fuckardedness.

It will be monumental. We shall make Britney look like a good mother and roll model and Amy Winehouse will appear to be Mother fucking Theresa by comparison.

If they remake Big Trouble I'm getting my hands on a nuke. Don't ask how or where, I know people. O.k. I don't know people. But I do know Eskimos.

No sunglasses, Nadine, just their powers of Master Douchery to detect when someone isn't falling into line (to buy tickets).

STOP SAYING THAT!!!!

Urge... to pre-emptively mass murder... rising...

You dirty motherfucker!

*sniffles* admin that sounds beautiful.

As a kid in school they told me I could be whatever I wanted when I grew up. When I told my teacher I wanted to be a dirty trainwreck of a whore, she said it could never be. I thought that dream was lost forever until you... Excuse me, I'm getting choked up. I need to go driving around in a convertible with no pants and then buy a ton of shit from Kitson so compose myself.

Thank you sir, you are a scholar and a gentleman.

Wow I'm obnoxious today.

Sweet Jumping Jesus in Jodhpurs, they're planning on remaking Creature from the Black Lagoon? Holy shit, these people are fucking dseperate. That movie was one of the all-time great cheese movies, and even cheesier when it got the 3-d treatment. PLEASE, for the love of all that is unholy, leave the Gill-man alone!

Oh, and Captain Blood was in black and white. I've seen it on TCM a few times and still love the hell out of it. I don't ordniarily get mancrushes on any modern actor, but Errol Flynn makes my palms sweat.

And remaking "The Thing? Fuck YOU, Hollywood scumbubbles. I hope the Ghost of James Arness as the Giant Carrot comes up out of the grave and goes all zombie on your putrescent asses.

...Admin, are you daring me to dream this monster up? Really, are you really daring me to do this? Because I'll do it. I'm ready to go all Oppenheimer on this bitch! Just say the word!

Guys, please stop this!! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT DO!!

I'll be in the bunker. those willing are welcome to join me

But some one has to bring popcorn

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!!

Fucking puss-guzzling ass wipe uncreative Hollywood fucktards...

grrrr...

Poking a bee hive is the most fun the moment right before you get repeatedly stung in the eyes.

That being said... *clears throat*
I heard that Journey was voted the worst band of all time, Clemens is coming out of retirement to pitch for the Red Sox again, once Ted Kennedy can no longer serve Sarah Palin will be appointed to replace him, as a group all filmmakers have agreed to stop making zombie movies, and the remake of BTLC will star Dane Cook as Jack Burton and be written by Paul Haggis.

(the preceding views do not necessarily reflect the author's true opinions just his desire to bring about the apocalypse or at least a life insurance payout for his family)

EVERYONE WHO'S NOT ALREADY DEAD RUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!

*stares down coldly at branded's remains*

you brought this on your self

Guest spot on Supernatural, here I come!

I don't know, TK ... they could have made the original fight scene a little longer.

Maybe in the sequel they'll be able to push it past the 38 minute barrier ...

Fear is a mind killer and I completely agree. This is, excuse me, will unfortunatlly be just another example of a good, original, and sincere, though low-budget empowering narrative turned pretentious drivel used to push sudo-environmentalist, depopulation, economic collapse, ecological disaster, malthusian disaster bio/chem pandemic, NWO, martial law, end of the world, 2012, The Revelation, ect, and ect. Of Course with today's advanced and perfected indoctrination techniques used through Holywood most will never even see the real agenda while at the same beLIEving they have achieved some insight. "Fear mongering keeps them ignorant and profitable, they will always obey" WORNG. The Memes make the Zeitgeist which leads to a new paradigm which is inherent. We will choose life.