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December 5, 2008 | Comments ()

By TK Burton | Industry | December 5, 2008 |


Oh, you worthless motherfuckers. You festering piles of vomitous ass-fluid. You suck Satan’s cock in hell. You go and you suck Satan’s cock IN HELL.

You know how much I love this movie. How much I love John Carpenter in general. It’s a near-perfect B-movie. Sure, it’s not necessarily “good.” But for what it is, it’s genius. It’s got comedy, action, scathing social satire, and boobs. But still you’re gonna remake They Live. AND DON’T YOU ACT LIKE YOU’RE NOT GONNA FUCK IT UP, YOU MANGY SONS OF GOATFUCKING WHORES! You’re gonna fuck it up. Listing John Carpenter as a producer doesn’t mean a fucking thing. I can already see you making the cast younger and cuter and stupider and I am going to drive to Hollywood and tear a hole in your scumfucking chest cavities with my teeth and bathe in the filthy goo inside.

You bastards. You motherfucking bastards.

You do this to us on a Friday no less.

Oh, lookie. You’re working on a remake of The Thing as well. It’s only one of Carpenter’s best films. What a splendid idea. I hope your dick grows spikes and fucks you in your own ass.

Remake Hell Strikes Again / TK

Industry | December 5, 2008 | Comments ()




TK Burton is the Editorial Director. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.


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