There Will Be A Smurfs 2 And I Just Can't, OK? I Can't.
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There Will Be A Smurfs 2 And I Just Can't, OK? I. Just. Can't.

By TK | Trade News | September 25, 2012 | Comments ()


There will be a Smurfs 2. NPH will return, instead of acknowledging that this was his Garfield and quietly escaping with his dignity.

Here is the plot, courtesy of Wild About Movies:

The Smurfs team up with their human friends to rescue Smurfette, who has been kidnapped by Gargamel since she knows a secret spell that can turn the evil sorcerer's newest creation - creatures called the Naughties - into real Smurfs.
The Wild side: In this sequel to the hybrid live action/animated family blockbuster comedy The Smurfs, the evil wizard Gargamel creates a couple of mischievous Smurf-like creatures called the Naughties that he hopes will let him harness the all-powerful, magical Smurf-essence. But when he discovers that only a real Smurf can give him what he wants -- and only a secret spell that Smurfette knows can turn the Naughties into real Smurfs -- Gargamel kidnaps Smurfette and brings her to Paris, where he has been winning the adoration of millions as the world's greatest sorcerer. It's up to Papa, Clumsy, Grouchy, and Vanity to return to our world, reunite with their human friends Patrick and Grace Winslow, and rescue her! Will Smurfette, who has always felt different from the other Smurfs, find a new connection with the Naughties Vexy and Hackus - or will the Smurfs convince her that their love for her is True Blue?

That's it. There is no surprise good news or anything. No jokes. I have nothing funny or amusing for you. There is no God, or Santa Claus, or Festivus. The universe is dark and awful and only suffering is in our future. Nothing you do matters. No one likes you. There is nothing but the cold blackness of a Hollywood executive's soul. And another Smurfs movie. I'm sure the Yogi Bear sequel is around the corner. By all means, continue staggering through your meaningless existence and pretending that life has some sort of purpose, ignoring all the signs to the contrary.

Here, to make this post as miserably complete as possible, is four minutes and thirty-two seconds of people getting kicked in the balls. Maybe it'll help somehow.

I hate you all.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • I like how half of the frats in the banner image decided it would be hilarious to dress up as Cool Guy Smurf.

  • The Other Agent Johnson

    I believe it's actually the Washington Nationals.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I thought it was the Patriots.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Believe it or not, that video made me completely forget about the smurfs. People getting hit in the junk will never not be funny.

  • Mrcreosote

    I'm looking forward to the Smurf porn parody more than this. Actually I'm looking forward to the Smurf snuff film more than this.
    How did they not cast Nic Cage as Papa Smurf? Better than letting him be Johnny Blaze again.

  • The fact that all the smurf wannabes in the picture above are all wearing crocs is just so appropriate.

  • Can you imagine the truckloads of cash they're offering NPH for doing this? I can. Mmmm. Cash.

  • Three_nineteen

    Well, NPH does have a family to support, so I can forgive him for this if I never ever have to see it. Plus apparently he gets a free trip to Paris.

    Smurfette and the Naughties is porn, right? They stole this plot from a porn movie?

  • tamatha_uhmelmahaye

    So, what I hear you saying is that I should just eat all the junk food and sweets I want, because it just doesn't matter anyway. Oh, and I can stop getting up ridiculously early in an effort to introduce exercise into my life.

  • Guest

    'Will Smurfette, who has always felt different from the other Smurfs, find a new connection with the Naughties Vexy and Hackus - or will the Smurfs convince her that their love for her is True Blue?'
    What is this sentence?! WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?!

  • zeke_the_pig

    Thanks, Disqus, for deciding that I was a Guest.
    Still makes more sense than that sentence.

  • Groundloop

    Ugh. I work for a small TV production company whose shows are distributed worldwide. I just overhead a conversation between a senior story editor and one of the directors, and they were talking about how much they love Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

    We are fucking doomed people.

  • Snath

    My coworkers were talking about that the other day. SHE'S SO FUNNY AND CUTE AND HOMAHGAH LOOK AT HER.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    This is karma catching up with you, TK. I'm sending your son a copy of it as soon as it's released on Dvd. He'll LOVE it and want to watch it with you every. single. day. Don't mess with Canada!

  • googergieger

    "Don't mess with Canada!"

    Worst. Bumper. Sticker. Ever.


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