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Boring Just Got Slightly Less Boring

Movies! On The Weather Channel! / TK

Trade News | October 21, 2009 | Comments (22)

Well, I guess this is one way to make the world’s most boring channel slightly more interesting. Apparently, The Weather Channel is going to start showing movies. The series will be called “The Weather Presents…” and they’re going to feature weather-themed films. First on the docket is the Wolfgang Peterson-directed George Clooney/Mark Wahlberg film, The Perfect Storm, a somewhat entertaining, but overall disappointing film about the massive storm fronts that collided on Gloucester, MA and wrecked everything. How you can make a movie starring Clooney, Wahlberg, Diane Lane, John C. Reilly and William Fichtner be that dull is still a goddamn mystery to me, but that’s a debate for another time.

Regardless, every Friday night starting in November, if you’re really bored, you can now tune into The Weather Channel and watch nature wreak fake havoc. Don’t know how long this will last, since, honestly, how many weather-related films are there? Twister? White Squall? Um… yeah, that’s all I got. Apparently, the next two films will be Misery and Deep Blue Sea. What? Look, just because there happens to be a storm somewhere during the movie, does not make it weather-related. The Weather Channel is fucking cheating, goddammit.

Whatever. I hate the weather channel. I turn it on every morning to see what it’s like outside, and the next thing I know 20 minutes have gone by and I still haven’t changed the channel and I’ve got that annoying, fucked up music in my head. Half the time, it’s not even the fucking weather in my area. WHY AM I WATCHING THE WEATHER IN FUCKING DESHLER, NEBRASKA? The Weather Channel is like incredibly boring heroin. It’s goddamn creepy. I firmly believe that The Weather Channel is broadcasting some sort of mind control wave that takes advantage of your sleep-deprived brain. First they started featuring Lewis Black, and now it’s movies. I’m telling you right now: The Weather Channel is beginning its quiet bid for complete mind control of the human race. They are an evil empire bent on world domination. So when you find yourself mindlessly watching information about the barometric pressure systems in Texarkana, don’t come crying to me.

I fucking warned you.


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Comments

Darling Hubby can watch the Weather Channel for HOURS. He'll be so disappointed if they interrupt the weather with a movie. If he wanted to watch a movie, he'd change the channel.

I still can't figure out what's so addicting about it, either.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 21, 2009 11:04 AM

TK, Jeebuspus, you need to get more sleep, man. Try watching the Weather Channel, puts me right out. But not like the Golf Channel does. That's nembutal right there.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at October 21, 2009 11:06 AM

I don't recall Matt Damon being in the movie is it possible you mean Mark Walhberg?

Posted by: blacksred at October 21, 2009 11:07 AM

lol...really? I found a place that many players are hoo king up with h ot mo dels, seems the club called: __Tallconnect Co M___, do you hear this before?

Posted by: clark at October 21, 2009 11:15 AM

Hey Weather Channel! Where's my Local On The Eights?!?! I will gut some bitches if you don't bring that shit back! FUCK YOU, YA GODDAMNED FASCISTS!!!

Posted by: Kballs at October 21, 2009 11:24 AM

If I'm staying in a motel with my dogs for an agility trial or a dog show, whenever we need to leave them in their crates in the room, we turn on The Weather Channel for background noise. It helps them ignore noises coming from the hall or other rooms, which in turn keeps *them* quiet so they don't annoy other guests. Everyone I know does this...and it's always TWC we choose.

I personally think that "On The Eights" music puts them in some sort of trance.

Posted by: Wednesday at October 21, 2009 11:25 AM

What's with the header graphic? I didn't know they were making "2 Girls, 1 Cup reaction video - MUST WATCH!" as a feature film.

Posted by: Doctor Controversy at October 21, 2009 11:33 AM

My MIL will turn the tv on to TWC and mute it. Then she'll turn on the stereo and mute it. Then she'll sit down with a magazine and fall asleep. No joke.

Does TWC still broadcast storm documentaries? Those were always fascinating.

Posted by: elsie at October 21, 2009 11:50 AM

I still can't figure out what's so addicting about it, either.

It just is, mm'kaay?

I mean, Obviously, your husband is a man of impeccable taste, since he married you (that was a sincere compliment, by the way, not sarcasm), so maybe he might also have a sense of what's good on the TV?
You may not understand the appeal, but it's there, regardless. If it weren't, then there wouldn't be so many of us weather afficianados obsessively tuned-in for more than the "weather on the eights."

Posted by: The Bajingo Kid at October 21, 2009 12:16 PM

Elsie: this may be a silly questions but why is she turning on and then muting the stereo? Can she only sleep when she knows she is sufficiently wasting electricity for no good purpose?

Posted by: TylerDFC at October 21, 2009 12:19 PM

And hush-up, Techno-Viking. You're cool, and all, but you feel the pull.
Weather systems over Deshler, NE are the fucking Bomb, and there's a part of you that knows it.

Posted by: The Bajingo Kid at October 21, 2009 12:26 PM

The above rants (of mine) aside, I think TWC is diluted enough, as is, without adding a Friday Movie Night, with questionable films, into the mix.

Bad move, TWC; bad move.

I agree in part with all y'all crazy folk!

Posted by: The Bajingo Kid at October 21, 2009 12:32 PM

I hated that movie so motherfucking much. Hated. It. I got all friggin' invested in the gaddamn thing to find out THEY ALL FUCKING DIE?! Not a single fecking one of them lives?! FUCK YOU, MOVIE. I want my 2 hours back. Also, my mom laughed at me and said, "You didn't know that? It's based on a true story! In which they all died!" I was like, "Shut up, MOM!" Then I kicked her. That's what this movie does to you: It makes you kick your mom. And a puppy.

Also, I stopped watching the weather channel about the time that I found that every single time I turned it on, I was watching friggin' Storm Chasers or some variation thereof. How many times can I watch people driving around trying to get killed by a tornado and going, "Oooh, that was a close one!"? Not many.

I hate this whole news. And I blame you for bringing it to me, TK. Now I'm going to kick *your* mom.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at October 21, 2009 12:36 PM

Be my guest, AvB. Or at least, feel free to try. Just know this - my mom can hit a nine year old in the head with a shoe from 50 feet - without breaking stride. She has a grip that can turn from gentle caress to Indian sunburn in under 3.7 seconds. Her stare makes statues piss themselves. I guess what I'm saying is, my mom is a lovely, adorable woman, and if you cross her she will fuck you up.

Posted by: TK at October 21, 2009 12:53 PM

TylerDFC: I have no idea why she does it. What really gets me is that sometimes she forgets that the stereo is on and it stays on for days. I learned a long time ago not to touch the stuff in her house, so I can't go and turn it off when she's not looking. She may have a reason (in her own mind) for why it's on and me turning it off is a no- no. I have to add the disclaimer, though, that she's really not as crazy or mean or controlling as I'm making her sound. I love her to death.

Posted by: elsie at October 21, 2009 12:54 PM

See? Miss AvB knows. Ain't she the kickinest?

Like, my cat was all, "whuzzat? y'hear all those thousands o' dumbass puppies cryin' out? Happy Daay, Oh, Ha.ppee DAY! Ah,yeah, mwreow!
Aw, Hellz yewroow!... and Mamma done got it, too!
Done serves ya right, forgettin' to feed me this mornin'... Whuuuuzuuuup! Hey, while all y'all be writhin' around on the flo', with ya broke-ass hips, I'ma go shit inna bath-tub. Dumbasses!"

Posted by: The Bajingo Kid at October 21, 2009 1:02 PM

The Weather presents 'Day After Tomorrow.'

Again.

Posted by: jon29 at October 21, 2009 3:08 PM

The Weather Channel and Lifetime should team up and make movies of the week - Valerie Bertinelli (sp?) escapes an abusive husband just before getting caught in a tornado that sweeps her over the ocean until she lands bedgraggled and tattered on an island inhabited only by Rachel Weisz and Monicca Belluci who like to frolic...wait somehow I got Cinemax in there. Eh, still a plan.

Posted by: mrcreosote at October 21, 2009 5:12 PM

My father loves TWC. And its music. And he watches the specialty programs they air - like "When Weather Made History" or whatever. So I'm sure he will enjoy this news.

Did you know that you can buy cds of TWC music? I know because Dad has them on his Christmas list. I'm starting to think it's time for him to retire, maybe take it easy.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at October 21, 2009 6:13 PM

My Mom and her sisters could watch TWC all day. They have their favorite anchors (Vivian Brown! so classy), the anchors they hate (That Danielle Steele is such a tramp!), and haven't quite decided if TWC hottie Jim Cantore has reached total douche status.
These movies better pause every ten minutes for "your local on the 8's" or she'll never be able to plan out her Saturdays.

Posted by: Empress of All the Russias at October 21, 2009 8:10 PM

So ... they're going to show "The Wizard of Oz"? Who has a problem with that?

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at October 22, 2009 1:54 AM

Who cares!!! My boyfriend also agrees with me. He is 10 years older than me, lol. We met online at age-gap club -- http://AgelessOnly.COM/. Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

Posted by: Helen at October 23, 2009 1:48 AM





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