The Universe Hates You: Grab Bag Edition
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The Universe Hates You: Grab Bag Edition

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trade News | August 29, 2012 | Comments ()


When I put on my trade-news-writing helmet (it has horns and goggles, y'all), I typically open a half dozen different trade news sites and putz around until I find something that either makes me happy enough to write about, or angry enough to write about. This morning found three paroxysm inducing bits all in a row, one after another, on the top of SlashFilm.

And so, the only good news you're getting this morning is your coffee. And if the trade news is any indication, a pigeon with necrotic bowels probably landed a depth charge in the cup while your back was turned.

Warner Brothers isn't even letting The Dark Knight Rises catch its breath before starting the rumor mill churning about a reboot of Batman. While Warner has not quite decided on an actual release date for the next entry in the franchise, they have made it clear that in light of The Avengers making more money than anyone except Cameron ever has, they are releasing a Justice League film and they are doing it as fast as they possibly can. The release schedule is looking like this: Zack Snyder's Man of Steel, followed shortly thereafter by The Justice League (which will introduce the new Batman), and then followed by a new Batman film. Because Man of Steel already has a release date of next summer, my rumor-generating senses are guessing that Justice League will be summer 2014, followed by a new Batman film in 2015.

Come on Warner, at least let us smoke a post-Nolan cigarette before you hustle another director in the door.

(source: SlashFilm)

Second, there is a Lego movie.

I'll just let that sink in for a moment.

Here's the plot summary from SlashFilm:

LEGO follows Emmet, an ordinary, rules-following, perfectly average LEGO minifigure who is mistakenly identified as the most extraordinary person and the key to saving the world. He is drafted into a fellowship of strangers on an epic quest to stop an evil tyrant, a journey for which Emmet is hopelessly and hilariously underprepared.

Yes, there is a Lego film. And it is using up part of the lives of Will Arnett, Elizabeth Banks, Chris Pratt and Morgan Freeman.

I'm just going to leave the idea of this film's existence for you to ponder, sans comment.

(source: SlashFilm)

Finally, Eddie Murphy is shopping around a Beverly Hills Cop television series with Shawn Ryan (creator of "The Shield"). Murphy will guest star occasionally as the chief of police and father of the protagonist. Because nothing says raunchy '80s R-rated comedy like network television.

No word yet on whether Gerald Ford will make a guest appearance.

(source: SlashFilm)

That coffee does taste a little grainy, doesn't it?

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • RudeMorgue

    Anything that helps me forget The Dark Knight Rises will be welcome.

  • Dragonchild

    Oh, c'mon, the climax was classic! How the two forces charged at each other in the streets, the quick transition from shootout to running brawl, fists flying, until they practically spill out into the Warner Bros. film lot.

    . . . wait, I was talking about "Blazing Saddles".

  • Aaron Anthony

    DC seems to be missing the point on what made the Avengers so successful. First a series of solid and entertaining films (well except for the Hulk) introducing the characters and generating more interest. That way when the movie combining the characters comes out we are excited bc we have seen each of them do well on their own. If they had tossed Avengers out right after the first IronMan it would not have done nearly as well. So with this schedule the only character we know for Justice League is Superman (unless they use RR for Green Lantern again, but why). We will have a new Batman just a few short years after Nolan's and without a film to help introduce us to the new version. Plus whomever else they choose for the League will be a new entity to us in terms of how they look on the big screen and whether they have the right actor (Aquaman, Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter, Hawkman, whatever).

  • Green Lantern

    Aaron - I can't agree enough. The formula of "You, get a decent actor and put him in a costume. You! Get another decent actor and put him in a costume. You! Get some special effects people to simulate their powers. You! Figure out what their powers are supposed to be! (doesn't one of 'em swing or somethin'?) You! Film it! You! Get a script and write it around what that other guy is filming!"

    "Whaddya mean we bombed eight weeks later? C'man guys, we got Flying Capeman, right? Isn't he the best of these guys??"

    It just sounds like a recipe for failure already...and a dismal Justice League movie might end my comic hobby for good.

    No, I'm serious. Some of this "New 52" stuff of DC's has been REALLY hard to get/stay excited about.

  • Aaron Anthony

    Exactly. Also what the Avengers had going for it was that even though they had some successful movies and big names the characters themselves are not as well known to the general populace as Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, etc. They didn't toss in Spiderman or some X-Men to get some "big name" hero in there....and Justice League characters just seems like its going to lead to scene stealing. Another smart thing Marvel did was weave ancillary characters through all the existing films and had the "main" heroes appear at some point or were referenced in all the other films so that when they came together it made sense. So Nick Fury in all the films, Agent Coulson in IronMan and Thor, Black Widow in IronMan 2, Hawkeye in Thor, Tony Stark showing up in Hulk, Howard Stark in Cap. America, Cap's shield in IronMan 2, and Coulson referencing Stark in Thor (if I missed one forgive me) all meant for a cohesive story rather than just slapping all the heroes together without any frame of reference. That is what this Justice League film will lack: none of the Batman films ever referenced any other DC character and same for the previous Superman movies as far as I know, the horrendous Green Lantern movie didn't make any other references, Wonder Woman hasn't been seen by audiences in decades and same for Flash, never for Hawkman, Aquaman, or Martian Manhunter (excluding the cartoons, comics, etc.), and unless Man of Steel slaps together a bunch of last minute references to all these characters, which would be terrible by the way, we will have no frame of reference for all these characters existing in the same film universe.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Let me guess...there will be one black Lego figure, and two women Lego figures - one will be sassy and/or evil, and the other one will end up being a Lego-love interest - and there will be lots and lots of little yellow Lego guys with various forms of painted on facial hair. Probably a Lego dog, too.

  • Mr_Zito

    What happened with Legos, they used to be simple. Oh come on, I know you
    know what I’m talking about, Legos were simple. Something happened out
    here while I was inside. Harry Potter Legos, Star Wars Legos,
    complicated kits, tiny little blocks. I mean I’m not saying its bad I
    just wanna know what happened.

  • Green Lantern


    Marketing happened.

  • DeistBrawler

    TDKR left the film open for a reboot with JGL. I just hope they go the Nightwing route instead of Batman, but they'll likely go with Batman for the name. I think the problem with a Justice League movie is that there are too many big names. That's a bonus for the Avengers. With the exception of Iron Man the Thor, Captain America, and Hulk films all grossed about the same. Putting Superman and Batman on the same screen is asking for scene stealing.

  • Green Lantern

    There is no reason, except to kowtow for the moviegoing masses, that "Justice League" would have to have anything to do with Nolan's Batman films. The 'Batman' character in Justice League has (nearly) always been Bruce Wayne, and should remain so. Anything else is both stupid and confusing. Start fresh, start new, start over.

    (P.S. Superman rules)

  • Pinky McLadybits

    Plus, Superman fucking sucks.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Unless he's being an asshole. Can we get a Superdickery movie? That'd be much more fun. For everyone but Jimmy Olsen that is.

  • AudioSuede

    Ugh, Eddie Murphy can't even revive his classic franchises without playing a father character. Everything he does now is for or about his kids!

    Except Norbit. That was for no one.

  • psemophile

    That LEGO film could actually end up being great.
    The guys who gave us Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs are on it.

  • WG

    Are we going to ignore that "Lego" comes to us from the minds behind "Clone High," "21 Jump Street" and "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs"? I say that they've earned the benefit of the doubt at this point.

  • Socrates_Johnson

    Yes, there is a Lego film. And it is using up part of the lives of Will Arnett, Elizabeth Banks, Chris Pratt and Morgan Freeman.

    As well as the plot of "The Life of Brian."

  • Joe Grunenwald

    Don't forget Lord of the Rings! I'm sure that was how it was pitched.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    I think that the Lego movie should be more of a heist/mystery. Meet Brick Blockingford. A no nonsense private eye that tragically lost one of his pips in Afghanistan while serving his country. He's been tasked by Squarelette Twopeice, a woman with all right angles, to retrieve the missing block from her Star Wars Death Star model kit. Brick isn't so sure about Squarelettes story though and his investigation reveals a trail of missing torsos, mixed build kits and damaged human feet. Will brick unravel the mystery of the missing block. There's always a missing block. DAMN YOU FUCKING MISSING BLOCK!

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