web
counter
 

06_watchmen2_lg.jpg
The Unholy Pentaf*ck

Five Films We’ve Already Heard Too Much About / Dustin Rowles

Trade News | February 20, 2009 | Comments (35)


We’re not what most folks would call a fanboy movie site. We do have our fair share of geeks, and though I like to tussle their hair and give them wedgies, we’re pleased as hell to have them aboard (particularly given the number of geeks on staff, all of whom plan on beating the shit out of me at Pajiba-Bacon).

But the fanboy sites, which consist of four out of every five movie blogs, have got a nosebleed obsession with several of the high-profile blockbusters in the works. Here, as far as trade news goes, we usually limit our coverage of any movie to: The announcement, the casting, and the trailer. But, if you are a reader of Slashfilm or Firstshowing.net (and in the latter case, I’ll kindly ask you to pack your bags and turn in your credentials), then you’d be likely to receive near-daily news on the Unholy Pentafuck — five movies that seem to be in constant rotation. So, in order to keep our geeks happy, while limiting the collateral damage, I’m going to use one post each week or two to cover the Unholy Pentafuck. The Pentafuck will consists of the same five movies, until one is released, at which point we’ll replace it.

Currently, the Pentafuck consists of: Watchmen, Iron Man 2, Star Trek, Terminator: Salvation and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Only those five films, and nothing else, will be discussed in the Unholy Pentafuck.

And so we start with Watchmen. There have already been any number of trailers, promos, featurettes, behind-the-scenes looks, and what have you devoted to the movie of late, most of which we’ve avoided for fear of overkilling the damn thing before it’s even had a chance in theaters. Twig, for instance, sent me this video (via Wired) on how they recreated the comic book world on film.

Otherwise, in this week’s Watchmen news, it looks as though Zack Snyder is planning to release a director’s cut into theaters in July, that is assuming the original version does well enough to warrant it. The director’s cut will be three hours, and to be honest, I can’t think of a three-hour film I’ve ever been enthusiastic about seeing, especially after having already seen a two-hour-and-forty-five minute version. Three hours, huh? It better be one hell of a great movie to deserve that, and I’m skeptical. I expect it’ll be good, but not great.

Next up: Linda Hamilton is purportedly in negotiations to come back and do some voiceover work for Terminator: Salvation. She hasn’t seen the final script yet (they’re still writing it), but assuming it’s decent, Hamilton will step in and doing the introductory voiceover for the flick. I’m all right with that. Remember that woman’s abs in T2?

As for Iron Man 2? For about a month now, the rumors about Mickey Rourke joining the pic as Crimson Dynamo have vacillated. On some days, he’s in negotiations, while on others, he’s passed on the project. It’s hard to tell where that’s at (though it seems to be leaning against his participation), although it does appear that Emily Blunt will not be able to fulfill the role of Black Widow, due to scheduling conflicts. I heard that Eliza Dushku wanted the role, but right now, it looks like Scarlett Johansson (*cough cough hairball cough*) is the leading contender for the part.

There’s nothing much going on with Star Trek this week, although I did accidentally see Tyler Perry on Jimmy Kimmel the other night, which reminded me that he has a part in the movie, which again made me question J.J. Abram’s casting decisions. Chris Pine as Kirk? And Tyler Perry? What gives, JJ?

And all the news w/r/t Revenge of the Fallen this week has been about merchandising and new Transformer toys, and I can’t be bothered, except to note that Burger King will get the fast-food promotion rights. Yay! I didn’t realize a Whopper could be even less appetizing.









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance



The Top 25 Active Directors | Stripes Review









Comments

Who the fuck is doing the casting for Iron Man 2, and where do they live?

Scarlett Johansson my ass.

Posted by: Nadha at February 20, 2009 11:31 AM

Ohhhh. I was talking about the version with the interstitial Black Freighter scenes put back in the other day but it seemed to only be a home video version Snyder was planning on. I wonder if that'll be the same as the "director's cut". That'd be nice, like when the extended "Lord of the Rings" versions got a few weeks in theaters (yes, I went and saw the extended "Two Towers" [or, Fangorn 2: On The Move] before "King" opened and was jolly well chuffed about it! Almost as chuffed as the BALLS stoned hobbits)

I'm also excited about the "motion comic" dvd. That shit's like five hours. Kinda like....watching an audiobook. Weird but....yeah, I wanna try it!

Now stop bugging me! Houseguest cleaning going on!

Posted by: Jay at February 20, 2009 11:37 AM

*runs into Jay's house, knocks some things over, runs out :) *

Linda Hamilton makes me feel bad. Like if I think about her in a not-so-wholesome way, she will break something on my body. I still happily do it, but it still freaks me out a little.

Posted by: Vermillion at February 20, 2009 11:52 AM

Does the Whopper turn into an evil robot? If so, before or after you eat it?

Posted by: Brian at February 20, 2009 11:52 AM

Jay

Apparently, according to the latest thing I heard, there will be two separate director's cuts. One is the one Dustin mentions above, the 3 hour 10 min version. There will be a second cut with "Tales of the Black Freighter" that will be 3 hours 25 minutes.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at February 20, 2009 11:55 AM

Does the Whopper turn into an evil robot? If so, before or after you eat it?

The Whopper definitely turns into something evil after you eat it.

Posted by: branded at February 20, 2009 12:01 PM

I should have just waited and sent this instead.

"Isn't this by the guy who did 300?"
"So I guess there's going to be a lot of SLOOOOOW MOOOOTIONNN!!!!"

Posted by: twig at February 20, 2009 12:17 PM

I hope Watchmen is a great film; I truly do.

But does anyone else get the feeling that all these different cuts, extras, bonus footage, etc., are going to turn out to be little more than financial damage control by way of taking as many repeated purchases as possible from the hardcore Watchmen nerds?

Posted by: DarthCorleone at February 20, 2009 12:17 PM

I think there's no question that the various different versions/cuts are a money grab. I mean, sure, they do allow for the director's "vision" to be released, but they are also released to generate cash. I don't think that these different Watchmen versions are unique in that way.

If the movie ends up being great, I will likely buy all the various versions. I don't buy that many DVDs. Maybe three or four, tops, a year.

As for all of the "extras" and what not, I think they really do fit in with the spirit of the comic. The graphic novel is packed with all sorts of "extras" of its own. Just reading the comic alone and skipping the "extras" doesn't provide the entire picture.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at February 20, 2009 12:53 PM

There seems to be an easy joke here about Linda Hamilton doing the voiceocer and just yelling obscenities, a la Christian Bale. Could be kinda funny actually....

Posted by: Odnon at February 20, 2009 12:56 PM

No. Geeks like having a bunch of stuff to watch and buy. Sure, they like to bitch about it too, but I'm still disappointed that all that really came out of Star Wars' 30th anniversary was a book. A great book but....no new documentary? No theatrical runs? Where's my STUFF??

"Watchmen" is providing a shit ton of stuff. Oh, I'm sure it's not entirely magnanimous, but I still get a sense of the filmmakers geeking out themselves, including making the period newscasts. I dunno, there's just a sense of "isn't it great we're getting to do this?" that hasn't made me feel sour. The movie itself still has to deliver, but the way there has been pretty fun.

Posted by: Jay at February 20, 2009 1:02 PM

They couldn't get Emily Blunt, so they took Scarlett Johansson?! HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE?!?! It's like...oops, Johnny Depp is busy, call [the asswipe in High School Musical, I swear I can't remember his name]. AAAAAAAAH! I loved Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona, but The Boobs' presence was just too distracting especially in scenes with Cruz. Talk about acting circles around someone. Yeesh. I hope Woody at least got a woody from it.

Posted by: Joker at February 20, 2009 1:26 PM

...Tyler Perry on Jimmy Kimmel the other night, which reminded me that he has a part in the movie...

Because when I watch Star Trek, I have always thought to myself, "You know what this needs? More barbeque".

Posted by: admin at February 20, 2009 1:41 PM

I have never heard of anything as ridiculous as the Watchmen digital motion comic shit thing. Is it for the jock crowd to whom reading is for queers but are dumb enough to think that it doesn't count as reading if you're not physically turning pages? Geeks who condemn the written word as too low-res for consumption? Amputees? I never would've thought making a movie from a comic could produce so much shrapnel.

Posted by: James at February 20, 2009 1:55 PM

What is with the red arrows in the Ozymandias picture above? Is this a dig at the movie? Cause the one thing that has been unarguably proven, is that nipples have no place on a super suit. Plus in adding a cape, this outfit becomes a double fail. Calling Edna Mode!

Posted by: ed newman at February 20, 2009 2:25 PM

What, you didn't watch that show where the guy would do charcoal drawings of scenes from a book while he read it aloud? It was great! He'd always end it on a cliffhanger though.

I don't think it's anti-reading, just an interesting idea. Well, to me anyway.

Ozymandias has a cape in the comic.

Posted by: Jay at February 20, 2009 2:54 PM

Jay that show was awesome. I also liked the one where they acted out the story with silhouette & shadow puppets.

Posted by: admin at February 20, 2009 2:58 PM

I have a confession, I bought the graphic novel two months ago and have yet to read it. It sits on my nightstand as we speak.

It scares me.

Posted by: admin at February 20, 2009 3:00 PM

Houseguest cleaning going on!

I like to clean my houseguests too.

Posted by: stipe42 at February 20, 2009 3:08 PM

Godfather 2 is a little over three hours. But it's the fucking Godfather, so it's allowed to be as long as it fucking wants.

Posted by: Lucas at February 20, 2009 3:08 PM

I just know few will agree with me but Dances With Wolves was also three hours and my attention never wavered.

Posted by: ed newman at February 20, 2009 3:20 PM

Yeah, I have no doubt that the guys doing all the internet Easter eggs are having a lot of fun and genuinely love Watchmen.

I'm just imagining these immense Watchmen bargain bins months from now, and the bulk of America will be wondering: "What was that Watchmen thing all about again?" I had no idea what Watchmen was a year ago, and I'm a fairly big nerd - not a monumental nerd, but certainly a respectable one. I wonder how much of the general moviegoing audience is chomping at the bit for this one; are there that many 300 fans that the name "300" will be enough to bring them all back?

At this point I consider myself a Watchmen fan, but whether I'll be compelled to buy the super-duper-extras-DVD with the "Black Freighter" video game, Rorschach mask, stuffed intergalactic squid (he needs your love because he was cut from the movie!), and Dr. Manhattan condom included remains to be seen.

This negative vision could be wrong, of course.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at February 20, 2009 4:16 PM

Sorry - there were spoilers for the comic in that last post.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at February 20, 2009 4:19 PM

I wonder how much of the general moviegoing audience is chomping at the bit for this one; are there that many 300 fans that the name "300" will be enough to bring them all back?

I have thought about that a bit. I don't see the movie being a huge commercial success. I just don't. It will be too long for some. The ads I have seen don't tell you all that much about the movie and are sort of confusing. I am not sure if someone who had never heard of "Watchmen" would be compelled to go see the movie based on those ads.

I don't think, for example, that it will really come close at all to "300"'s final box office number. The comic (and the movie most likely) just isn't as accessible. 300 was about 300 bad ass dudes kicking a whole lot of ass. Simple, straight forward fun.

As for the all the internet Easter eggs, they are really only there for the hardcore geeks. I don't think they'll generate any excitement or much interest for the "general movie going public."

While considered a very important, if not the "greatest ever", graphic novel, I don't think it's quite as popular as some think. Since the marketing machine of the film began churning about a year ago, I have heard many people say they had no clue about the comic.

All that being said, I could really give a flying fuck if it's a commercial success. Sure, I'd like to be, because that would mean more quality "serious" movies about comics that aren't pure Marvel/DC would be made, but really, there isn't going to be a sequel. So, there's no pressure there.

In fact, I really don't care if 95% of the fanboys hate it. So long as I like, that's all I really care about. I think different things in the book are important to different people. Some people will go off the rails because "x" thing was changed or "x" thing was cut out, while others wont mind. Some people wont be able to get over the fact that there was no squid, for example. I like the squid. Always have, but it really isn't that super important. It's a mechanism to drive home a larger theme. You can replace it and still retain the broader message.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at February 20, 2009 4:39 PM

Oh fer fuck's sake. They're only talking about going LANY with the long version?

This conditional release better have some conditional tiering, bitch!

Posted by: Jay at February 20, 2009 4:58 PM

All I know is the Watchmen ads are fucking EVERYWHERE in L.A. Holy fuck balls. There are like, billboard right next to each other hovering over a row of bus shelters that all have posters in them. Bleh. Over it, but totally thinking the movie will at least be interesting.

Posted by: whatBENwatches at February 20, 2009 5:43 PM

Fortunately, I haven't even heard of those sites until today, my membership is intact. I really want Watchmen to be good and faithful, Alan Moore deserves something good based off his works. After League of Extraordinary Gentleman, the guy deserves it.

Posted by: George at February 20, 2009 7:27 PM

I consider myself to be heavily geekified, but I must admit to a consistent decline in my desire to spend money at my local Regal Cinema over the past few years. Two-double-aught-five was the last year I spent any significant time with my ass in a stadium seat with my feet propped up on the railing which separates the main group of seats from the neck-strain section.
Hence, the only film in the above list in which I have any measurable curiosity, these days, is Star Trek, and, while I am optimistic, I am equally trepidatious of the final result.
I have pretty much no investment in the comic world these days -- despite being an avid collector of a couple of titles when I was a wee lad -- so Watchmen has only just begun to spark my interest; if only because of the stir it is causing in my brethren who are better attuned to the comic cosmos than I.
Lost interest in the Terminator franchise with III -- the only interesting part being when the Terminator inflated her boobs.
But I do admit to having hopes that the series can be Baled out; that he's gonna fuckin' breathe some fuckin' life back into this bitch; that he'll be the fuckin' answer!!
Iron Man 2... 'K. Next decent franchise to be brought low by sequelitis ad nauseum.
Transformers... LOLwut?

Posted by: Rykker at February 20, 2009 9:01 PM

What, no 'Avatar?' I thought Cameron's Chinese Democracy would be getting a lot of play in geek circles.

Posted by: stryker1121 at February 21, 2009 1:35 AM

I am uncertain about My Chemical Romance's cover of "Desolation Row" (I'm not a Dylan Fan, but I do love that album) though. I guess it's sped up in order to not make it nine minutes long. However, if they included the rewrite of "The Comedians" that Elvis did for Roy Orbison I'd forgive it all.

Posted by: Jay at February 21, 2009 6:51 AM

moviegoers? Dont forget to check more hollywood related stories at ---richromances.com--- where celebs and beautiful people are chatting overthere.

Posted by: la at February 21, 2009 9:33 AM

Testing the apparent comment lockdown/glitch

Posted by: Jay at February 21, 2009 10:23 AM

What do yoU have against the "u"? Why do yoU choose the "u" to hide with a *, hUh? It's like yoU think "u" and "u" alone makes "fuck" obscene. "U" is a beaUtiful letter and makes a beaUtiful soUnd, not like the harsh abruptness of the "k" or the sinister hiss of the "f." Why can't it be "penta*uck" or "pentafuc*," huh? What are yoU, some kind of anti-vowelite?

*u** yoU, *u**i* *o**e*, yoU consonant elitist bastard.

Posted by: bucdaddy at February 21, 2009 11:54 AM

Just remember stryker1121, just like Chinese Democracy, nobody gives a shit about Avatar.

Posted by: George at February 22, 2009 1:02 AM

Concerned about a three hour movie! Two words: Seven Samurai

Posted by: mr. West at February 22, 2009 1:32 PM